Title: The apparel oft proclaims the man.

Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the dress that Orihime likes (it looks fantastically horrendous in my head).

Spoilers: Hints of the manga. If you blink, you'll miss them.

Summary: When planning a wedding, it's best to have a good strategy. And luckily, Rukia is an excellent strategist.

Before you read: It's official, this is now a series! If you want to follow chronologically, my other fic, "The Taming of the Shrew," would appear between the last chapter and this one.

When Ichigo and Rukia announced their engagement to his family, things went exactly as Rukia had expected. Yuzu went teary-eyed over her mother's engagement ring and asked to hear all the details. Karin tried to look uninterested, but told her brother she was glad he didn't "screw things up." And Isshin gave his son a congratulatory spinning kick to the face.

Yes, exactly as Rukia had expected.

As Ichigo and his father fought very loudly and violently over which one had proposed to their respective women in the most romantic way (Kurosaki men had a strange way of showing love), Karin, Yuzu and Rukia sat around the table to begin to plan the wedding. They discussed wedding dates and reserving things, and Yuzu offered to handle the food. Even though the Kurosaki wedding rituals seemed very foreign to her – Soul Society was, after all, a few centuries behind the times – Rukia felt she could count on the twins to help her come up with an effective strategy. And it didn't seem that hard, not even when Yuzu asked the oh, so innocent question that would quickly come to plague her.

"Who is going to be your maid-of-honor, Rukia-chan?"

"What's a maid-of-honor?"

After Karin and Yuzu explained to her what a maid-of-honor was ("So, she's not a servant?"), Rukia easily decided on Orihime. With all the mutual rescuing that had gone back and forth between the two, it seemed appropriate.

Orihime had been delighted when Rukia asked her, and had excitedly babbled something about laser-guided high-heels and rose bombs. Rukia took that to mean she was very, very happy to be a maid-of-honor.

Rukia congratulated herself on what a good choice Orihime was when she suggested that they, instead of spending a lot of money buying a wedding and bridesmaid dress, find dresses they both like and have Ishida make it. Yes, Rukia decided, Orihime was an excellent choice.

Of course, that was before she went dress shopping with Orihime.

It turns out that Orihime's fashion sense was as…unique…as her cooking. While Rukia had quickly settled on a simple white A-frame gown (after all, who knew when a hollow would attack? She might have to fight in this thing), Orihime had tried dress after dress, each one more poofy and flouncy than the next.

"What do you think of this one, Rukia-chan?" Orihime beamed at her, wearing the dress she had finally picked out.

"It's very…pink…" Rukia blinked. Orihime had selected a glittery pink dress with more bows and flounces than Soi Fong had ninjas. She had to give Orihime some credit, you would hardly notice the well-endowed woman's…um, top-story…in this dress. Of course, that was probably because the feathers on the rear really shifted your attention elsewhere.

Rukia madly searched for anything she could say to get rid of that horrible, pink dress and not hurt the other woman's feelings. Finally, she hit on something she vaguely remembered Yuzu mentioning when they had been holding their latest strategy…err, wedding-planning session.

"That's really nice, Orihime-chan," Rukia was very good at fake smiles, just ask Ichigo. "But we should let the bridesmaid also have a say on what dress she wears."

Orihime bought the suggestion, to Rukia's great relief. "That's a good idea, Rukia-chan. You and I make our choices, and all the women vote to see which one they prefer."

Ichigo sat by the river with Chad, Uryuu, and Renji. This was his "guy moment," as Rukia called it, a tradition since their high school days, and he was loathe to disturb it with girly wedding talk. But Rukia had asked him to discuss the wedding with Chad and Uryuu, and he wanted to make her happy.

Actually, she had threatened to smear him with hollow-bait and strand him in Hueco Muendo if he didn't talk to the other two men, but Ichigo liked his story better.

"So, Rukia said yes," Ichigo began, nonchalantly, watching the other men out of the corner of his eye.

Chad nodded slowly, Uryuu gave his ghost-smile, and Renji whooped and slapped him on the back. After the excitement died down, Ichigo turned towards Chad.

"I always figured you'd be my best man, if I ever got married." There, not too sentimental. He even through in an extra scowl, for an extra "I'm not a sappy romantic" measure.

Chad nodded.

Ichigo looked back up the riverbank, where the Quincy was sitting. "Rukia wants you to make her and Orihime's dresses."

Uryuu nodded, slightly less arrogant than usual. "I'm glad that Kuchiki-san appreciates my skills."

The men fell silent again, as was their norm, until Renji spoke up.

"Don't I get to do be part of the wedding?"

Rukia needed a bridesmaid who would help her vote down what she had decided to refer to as "the pink monstrosity." She took out her sketchbook and markers, to help herself think.

She drew a very top-heavy bunny dancing drunkenly through pink clouds.

Not Matsumoto. While she had grown closer to the older Shinigami during their assignment on earth, the woman had a little too much in common with Orihime, including fashion taste. Besides, Rukia didn't think she could afford the sake that would be required to keep Motsumoto happy and away from trying to corrupt Ichigo's sisters.

Ichigo's sisters…Karin would be fine. Her tomboyish nature would repel her from that dress like a vampire from garlic. But Yuzu was pretty girly, and would probably go along with Orihime's pink monster so not to hurt the older woman's feelings.

She toyed with the idea of Renji. He had wanted to be in the wedding party, but Rukia doubted she could get him in a dress, pink or otherwise. Or makeup. Though the picture she drew in her notebook of Renji in the pink monstrosity was pretty funny…

Definitely not Soi Fong. Too much anger and Rukia couldn't picture her waiting for a dress fitting.

Rukia drew little bubbly bears stabbing the pink monstrosity with big swords. The swords looked vaguely like Ichigo's zanpukto, and one of the bears was glaring. She then drew a few purple cats dancing around the death and destruction.

Cats! Yoruichi was perfect! She was graceful, calm, and best yet, would not be caught dead in the dress Orihime had picked out. And she used to pick on…err…play with Rukia's older brother when they were young, so she knew how to keep Byakuya out of her hair when he got the "scowly big brother" look.

The four men walked along the road, the Quincy and orange-haired Shinigami in the lead.

"Rukia now has a bridesmaid."

"I need to make another dress."

"I need another groomsman."

"…Fine."

Renji looked back and forth between the two a few times before he made the connection. "Hey, what about me?"

When Rukia proudly announced to Yuzu that she had picked out both her maid-of-honor and her bridesmaid, Yuzu congratulated her with a warm smile. And then asked if she had decided on someone for her flower girl.

Rukia froze. Flower girl?

Yuzu and Karin then sat her down and explained in great detail what a flower girl was: a junior member of the bridal party who would walk in front of her and scatter petals where Rukia would step.

Translated, she needed someone young and cute who could throw things really well.

Unfortunately for her, only one person she knew fit that description: Yachiru. Unfortunate in two ways. First, she would now have to invite Zaraki Kenpachi to the wedding, which also meant inviting the 11th division. While Yumichika didn't worry her (he at least was housebroken), Ikkaku and Kenpachi did. Maybe if she had Unohana as an usher, Kenpachi wouldn't challenge her fiancé to a duel. He did seem a little scared of the 4th division captain…

Second, and much more frightening, Yachiru liked pink and glitter. This would shift the dress choice for the bride's attendants back in favor of the sparkly pink monster Orihime had chosen.

Rukia would need another attendant.

Rukia winced as Tatsuki sent an opponent sailing across the dojo. While the woman had mellowed considerably since their high school days, she still had a vicious high-kick that she was determined to teach her students by beating it into them.

Another student moved up to challenge the teacher. He was pretty big, and Rukia figured he must be new, because he rushed Tatsuki in an attempt to overpower his smaller teacher.

Rukia watched with interest as the Tatsuki stepped aside while grabbing the teenager's wrist. Using his momentum to spin her opponent around, and adding a clothesline move with her other arm, she had the larger man flat on his back and stunned before he realized what happened.

Rukia so had to try that on Ichigo the next time he was being stupid.

The lesson wrapped up, and Tatsuki excused her students with respectful bows on both sides. A few limped away, Rukia noted with some amusement.

"If it isn't the future Mrs. Kurosaki," Tatsuki greeted her while toweling off. "Let's see the ring."

Rukia blushed, much to her own disgust. All this wedding stuff was making her soft. But, she did proudly hold out her hand to display Ichigo's mother's ring. The other woman hummed in appreciation.

"Tatsuki." Rukia said after the woman finished inspecting her ring. "You've known Ichigo for a long time, and I would be honored it if you would agree to be one of my bridesmaids."

"Let me guess, you need someone to prevent Orihime from choosing the dresses." Tatsuki's voice was amused.

"She wants to wear something that's pink and has feathers." Rukia shuddered. Hollows didn't scare her, but that dress gave her nightmares.

Tatsuki laughed, shaking her head at her friend's interesting taste. "Then I'll be happy to help you out."

"Oi, Renji," Ichigo threw a punch at the red-head during their weekly sparring match. "Rukia needs me to find another guy to match her girl group. Want to be one of my groomsmen?"

The punch connected against the side of Renji's face, much more solidly than usual. Ichigo had timed the question so that he could use the distraction to his advantage.

As Renji rubbed his sore jaw, he grinned goofily at Ichigo. "Really?"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head, looking slightly embarrassed. "Well, after Sado and Uryuu, I wouldn't want any other guy at my back."

Renji let out a whoop, and then lifted Ichigo up in an overly exuberant hug.

"Put me down, you tattooed freak!"

Writer's Notes: While Rukia would probably prefer a more traditional Asian wedding ceremony, I decided to make it a more Western ceremony because: 1) it's becoming more popular in Japan to have Western-style weddings, so I can imagine Ichigo's sisters and father pushing for this, 2) I'm more familiar with Western-style weddings, so it's easier to write, and 3) Western weddings are ridiculously overly elaborate, which means – more things can go wrong! And things going wrong means good comedy!

Let's just say, it's going to be a stressful eight months for Rukia.