So it's been a week. I went home for a few days, I guess that is an excuse. Then I lost the ability to write, I guess that could be an excuse too.

Thoughts as I watch Grey's: A) I can't take baths anymore, B) Mark/Izzie might happen, C) Addek as SO cute, D)"Mark, the interns are not your slaves", HeHe, "What is wrong with the men in this hospital", INDEED, E) Callie is the brother the O'Malley's wish they had in George, F) WTF Addek is freaken adorable, Shonda has been playing me, G) And more Addek, fighting, but fighting works for me too, H) Oh George... aggressively snuggles, I) Kendy likes Frank, Kendy does not like Alex and Izzie mocking Frank, Kendy knows all, J) Oh George... K) Kendy thinks that Shonda has written/cast herself into a corner. Kendy thinks that Shonda is now realizing that she cast Addison to well, Kendy thinks that the chemistry is to hard to hide and Shonda is killing herself in the attempt. Kendy also thinks that Shonda made a mistake adding 2 new cast members because she is not able to develop them and maintain the rest of the show. Kendy thinks that Shonda should have listened to Kendy, L) Alex got burned, Kendy saw that coming, M) Callie is like an O'Malley superhero, N) Cristina is doing that whole, I have a heart thing again... O) And Bailey's CD is coming out a Christmas, P) I had a much better plan for those rings, Q) MY BATHS, throws up everywhere, Did she move somewhere with a better tub? That was not her bathtub, R) This show is barely worth my time.

Just read.

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Addison stared up at the dark ceiling. Her eyes didn't shift as Derek crawled in beside her.

"She's sleeping, hopefully for at least 4 hours," Derek smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek, "Night Love."

Addison continued to stare.

"I think," she said slowly, still considering her words as she spoke them, "I think I want to have sex."

Derek looked at her in surprise, "Okay," he agreed just as slowly.

Addison continued to stare up at the ceiling, "We haven't had sex since we had the baby. I think that we should. Have sex."

Derek's brow furrowed with curiously, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said slowly, finally turning her head to look at him.

"Then why are you so..."

"I'm just..." Addison cut him off, "I just need to have sex Derek. It doesn't have to be good, it just has to be sex."

"What?"

She went back to staring at the ceiling, "I don't even want you to touch me, I just want you to do me and get it over with."

"'Do' you?"

"Yes."

"And get it over with?"

"Yes."

He didn't even know what to say.

"I need 'Sexy Addy' back Derek," she rolled over onto her side, "So I need you to do me, and I need you to do me now."

"Add," he shook his head,"Please stop saying 'do me'."

XXXX

Let's talk about sex, baby

Let's talk about you and me

Let's talk about all the good things

And the bad things that may be

Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex

XXXX

He held her tightly against him. He was surprised by how much he'd missed her. He slept next to her every night but he had really missed being with her.

She trembled beneath him.

He paused and held her closer. That wasn't the kind of trembling he was expecting, "Addy?" he whispered. He tried to pull back to look her in the face, but she was clinging to him to tightly. "Honey? What's wrong?" He sat up, pulling her with him.

She was crying.

And he wanted to know why.

"It's okay," he soothed, "You weren't ready. That's fine..."

"No," she finally pulled away a bit, brushing tears out of her eyes, "It's not that. I am."

He brushed some hair out of her face and rubbed her back, "Addison, it's okay that your not. We can wait as long..."

"No. I am ready. It's just," she started crying anew, "You feel different."

Derek was taken aback, "Addy," he breathed, holding her even closer. He didn't know how to comfort her on this.

"I hate this," she sobbed, "I hate it. Everything has changed. Everything," tears streamed down her face as she leaned against Derek's chest, "We can't even make love the same."

Derek chuckled a bit, "Sweetheart, we are making love the same..."

"No," she exclaimed, "You feel different. You feel different. You feel different to me, so I must feel different to you," tears started falling faster, "It ruined me. I pushed an eight pound human being out of me and it ruined me. I was ripped apart and sewn back together. I have stretch marks that refuse to fade. I literally oozed post-baby grossness for weeks. We couldn't make love, and all we did is fight. I'm ruined and it's ruining us. And I thought that since now we could be together, so it would make the rest better. I just want to be us again for a few minutes and have some sex and I can't because I am all different. I'm fat and ugly and covered in stretch marks and scars and you feel different."

Derek held her calmly, rubbing her back as they sat in the middle of the bed, "You look gorgeous."

"Stop."

"You do, you always do," He kissed her forehead, "You just had a baby, of course things are different. You knew they would be."

Then the baby started to cry.

They sat motionless for a few moments.

"I'll go get her," Derek sighed, sliding off the bed, "are you staying in bed or are you going to get up to feed her?"

"I'm..." Addison wiped the last of her tears, "Just give her a bottle."

Derek watched as Addison straightened the blankets and pulled them up to her shoulders.

He sighed again, and left the room.

XXXX

Derek walked groggily into the kitchen and stared, "What are you doing?"

"I have to go into the hospital for the morning."

"I thought that we were both going to have the day off."

"I've had most of the week off."

"But I didn't."

Addison shrugged.

Derek sighed.

Addison cuddled the baby against her one last time, smiling at her and giving her an eskimo kiss, "Have fun with daddy," she whispered softly, kissing her cheek. "I'll be back sometime after lunch," she said to Derek noncommittally.

Derek nodded and took the baby from her. He watched her walk to the door, "You know it's amazing."

Addison turned to look at him.

"We made her. Just by loving each other we made a human being. The most complicated thing on earth and we made one perfectly."

Addison tilted her head and gave him a small smile, "It's just biology Derek."

He shook his head and smiled back, "She's more then just biology."

XXXX

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd."

Addison smiled, "Good morning Pamela."

"Where is Jamesly this morning?"

Addison smiled at the pet name, "She is spending the day with her father."

"Oh," Pamela looked surprised, "I didn't know that there was a father."

Addison didn't look up, "That's normally how these things work."

"I meant, I didn't know he was involved."

"Well, we've been living together for well over a year, it would be hard for him to be uninvolved," she smiled to herself, once you got a handle on the grapevine it was easier to keep your personal life of it, "Could you run these to the lab please."

XXXX

"You could not do that before," Derek tilted his head and watched as Addison contorted into another yoga pose, "I would remember if you could do that."

"What are you doing here?" Addison continued to move, not breaking pace.

"Laying down," Derek collapsed onto the cot in the corner, "I need a nap."

"But what are you doing here. And where is Jameson?"

"I had to come in for an hour to sit in on a conference call. Adele has James," Derek rolled on his side and continued to watch her.

Addison finally stopped and reached for her shirt that was hanging over the back of the chair, "What?"

Derek just smiled, "Come over here," he patted the bed beside him.

"Why?"

Derek gave her a look, "Because I forgot my teddy bear and can't sleep," he smiled, "Just come over."

Addison pulled on her shirt and sat cross legged on the bed beside him.

"You think your not sexy. You're always sexy, you can't help it."

"Derek, I don't want to..."

"And you cried. You hardly ever cry," he smiled at her sadly, "And you never cry during sex."

Addison lowered her eyes.

"You're not happy are you?"

Addison shook her head, "I didn't think it would be so..."

"Hard?"

"Draining," she sighed, "I thought it would come easily to me, I'm the best. I didn't expect this much to change."

Derek reached for her hand.

"I thought it would be easy for me to adjust, I'm with babies all day, it's nothing new. I thought she would just fit perfectly into our lives and we wouldn't have the struggles that other parents have, cause I'm me," she looked at him, "and I didn't think it would come so easily to you, but not me."

"So we play off each others strengths," Derek said in a low voice, "You help me figure out how to get her dressed in under an hour and feed her without getting milk everywhere, I'll teach you a lullaby and how to block out those really high pitch cry's."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," He smiled at her.

They stayed as they were, Addison deep in thought, Derek running his fingers over her arm.

"And the other thing..."

"The sex thing?"

Derek nodded.

"It's not that I'm not ready."

"Addy, your not ready."

Addison sighed, "I want to make love to you again."

"I know," he teased, "It's the 'why' that concerns me. You don't have to prove anything Add."

"I just," she shook her head and scooted a little bit closer, "I'm tired of fighting with you."

"Sex isn't going to fix that."

She smirked, "But make up sex might," she smiled, "We'd have something to work towards."

"You think we are fighting instead of having sex?" Derek's hand continued to roam up and down her arm.

"I think we aren't making up because there's no point."

beep

Derek glanced down at his watch, "Sorry," he apologized, "I have to get back to my call."

She nodded.

"I won't always be this busy."

"I know, it's your busy season," she gave him a small smile, "I'm used to it."

"You're okay?"

She shrugged.

Derek climbed off the bed. As he put his hand on the doorknob he looked back, "Do you want one of your Christmas presents early?"

She glanced up at him and narrowed her eyes, "What is it?" she asked suspiciously.

"Do you want it now?"

She nodded.

He reached into his breast pocket and held out his hand. She obediently reached her own hand out and he dropped something into it.

She stared, "What is this?"

Derek shrugged.

"You bought me a Mercedes?"

"It's an SUV. It's the only one that had 4-wheel drive."

She stared at him.

"I got you navy, but you can have what ever colour you want."

"That's a very expensive car Derek."

"Why? Do you want two?" He teased.

"Derek..."

"I have to go," he leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss on her lips.

"Bye," she said quietly.

"Bye," he gave her a small smile, "Sexy Addy."

XXXX

Addison walked through the front door, and paused. The house was completely silent. She walked silently through the living room, squinting against the sun pouring through the windows. The door to the nursery was slightly ajar, and she pushed it open silently and walked immediately to the crib.

She leaned on the side and rested her hand on the baby's tummy. She watched her sleep for a moment, and finally gave in and picked her up.

"Hey baby girl," she whispered. The baby mewed softly, protesting her disturbed sleep. "Shhhh," she soothed, sitting in the rocking chair and cradling the baby in her arms. She rocked back and forth long after Jameson had fallen back to sleep.

XXXX

A time later she entered the bedroom. The curtains were drawn against the late afternoon sun giving the room a golden tint and making it feel slightly stuffy. She walked directly to the bathroom, ignoring the TV turned to the Weather Channel and Derek propped on the bed, she presumed asleep.

She turned the shower on as hot as it would get and started to undress. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, steam already starting to obstruct her view.

He bought her a car. He bought her a car and gave it to her 10 days early because he was trying to make her smile. He was trying. She was the one that was screwed up, and he was trying to fix it the only way that he knew how.

But she didn't need a Mercedes SUV, just like she hadn't needed a Brownstone.

Her throat suddenly felt very dry.

She grabbed a cotton chemise from the back of the door and slipped it over her head; she reentered the bedroom intending to get a glass of water from the kitchen, but paused at the end of the bed.

He'd bought her a Mercedes.

She sat down next to him, easing the remote out of his hand and turning off the TV. She slipped her hand into his and rested the other on his stomach, rubbing small circles through the fabric of his t-shirt.

She didn't need a Mercedes, she needed him.

She leaned forward to kiss him, a short distance since he was propped against the pillows almost sitting up. She continued to press light kisses to his lips until she felt his fingers tighten around hers and his other hand finding her arm, trailing up and down it. She pressed her lips harder against his, keeping them there until she could sense he wanted more. Then she pulled away.

"I don't need a Mercedes," she whispered.

"I didn't buy you a Mercedes," he smiled and pulled her back towards him, kissing her insistently, and ignoring her slight reservations as he gently drew her to his chest eased her leg across him.

She pulled away, pushing her hands against his chest trying to put distance between them.

His hands went instantly to her knees, holding them tightly against his sides and forcing her to remain where she was, "I bought you a safe, reliable, durable family car so that nothing happens to you or our baby."

She became very still, staring at his chest.

Derek sank back slightly against his pillows, running his hands up and down her bare legs and back up to her hips and wondering what she was thinking about that was making her brow furrow like that.

Finally she looked up and locked eye's with him, reaching out she cupped his jaw in her hands and kissed him softly. Derek groaned as she raised herself up on her knees forcing him to tilt his head back and causing the kiss to deepen, his fingers tightening on her hips as her hands trailed down his chest.

She continued to kiss him, distracting him completely from her own hands which were slowly easing his sweatpants off his hips. Her lips twitched slyly against his.

He dragged his hands up the back of her thighs and up to her waist. He was completely gone, he didn't know or care what she was doing. He smiled as she kissed him lightly a few times before pulling away. They both exhaled sharply as she sank down against him.

"Sexy Addy?" he questioned holding her hand in his and kissing her palm.

She gave him a small smile, "Ya, Sexy Addy."

XXXX

Debbie's Blog

We are running out of people in this pool. I have no idea who that father of baby Shepherd is. According to Pamela it's someone that Dr. Shepherd has been living with for over a year. That eliminates all our best guesses. I really thought that it was Mark Sloan. He is back all the time with Izzie Steevens, and they have history.

But we now know for sure that it isn't her ex-husband. Not only is there no way they are living together, but the baby spent the day with her father, and I saw Derek Shepherd here myself without the bundle of joy.

We are pretty much back to square one.

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Ugh, this is a mess. They are a mess, the show is a mess. Everything is messy.

Time for a PSA: People, there are not enough good Addek fics. I see no reason to stop writing. The great thing about fics is that it is fairly easy to get them back together. Actually, I would encourage you to write something that takes them awhile to get back together, it's more fun that way. And for those of you that are writing good fic's, please ignore this message. But the rest of you... I will chase you with pitchforks.

Review, You know how I get, I threaten not to update 'til I have 100 OR I make VooDoo dolls. It's up to you.

Not to be redundant but, Review.