(Hides from angry reviewers) Don't...kill...me...

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

A Day in the Life of Organization XIII

Chapter 2

Xigbar

Beep…beep…

A hand reached out from under the mess of blankets, picked up the alarm clock, and chucked it out the open window. And Xigbar didn't even get up.

"Hey Xigbar!"

The Freeshooter fell out of his bed at the sudden noise. Looking around, he saw Demyx in the doorway. Now, if it was any other member who had woken him up, he would have shot 'em in the head.

"Yeah dude?" Xigbar asked, getting up and walking over to his closet to get his cloak.

"Breakfast starts in five minutes! Everyone's already there," Demyx said, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Calm down, calm down!" Xigbar joked, patting Demyx on the back as they walked down the hall.

"Okay, but when are you gonna talk to Xemnas about our trip?" Demyx asked, still excited.

Xigbar smiled. "Don't worry, I'll talk to Mansex about it today."

They got to the dining room just in time. It was a normal breakfast, just like every other day. Axel and Larxene were arguing, Roxas was eating the Organization's sugar supply, and Luxord was making bets with Xaldin and Lexaeus.

"Pass the bacon," Xigbar said, "and the bread, cheese, eggs, and butter."

"Pig," Vexen muttered, giving him all the food.

"Why, thank you old timer," Xigbar said, smiling.

"Speak for yourself."

"Say we should play poker again tonight," Luxord said, looking up from his conversation.

"No! I mean, I'm busy…" Xemnas said, returning to his food.

"Busy with what? Calling therapists over for house calls?" Xigbar laughed at his own joke as some other members laughed as well.

"Ha, ha, ha. So funny Xigbar," Xemnas said, glaring at Xigbar for the whole breakfast.

Xigbar sat at his desk, twirling a pencil around as he was thinking. In front of him were a small stack of papers, "Evil Plans That Make Every Day Fun!" or, "Pranks That Drive The Organization Crazy Every Day!" He was currently trying to help the Organization's well known pranksters out a little by "burrowing" some of Larxene's undergarments.

A high pitch scream was heard from the hall, and the people with enough sanity (two or three people) locked themselves in their rooms to escape the furry of The Savage Nymph.

Xigbar quickly stuffed Larxene's undergarments into a box, along with the evil plans, and threw the box into his closet. Moments later, the door flew open revealing Larxene.

"Have you seen my cloths? I left them in the laundry room, and the next thing I know, they're gone," she said in a sweet voice, which quickly turned deadly. "And if I ever find out who took them, I'll have their head!" She slammed the door closed and moved onto the next room. Xigbar sighed, glad that she was gone.

A few minutes after she left, Roxas ran into the room, excited. "Quick, give them to me!" Xigbar grabbed the box, and stuffed it into the newest members hands. "Run for ye life!" Xigbar yelled, cracking up as Roxas ran out the door.

After he was done, he got up and went to Xemnas's room to talk to him about what he and Demyx planned. On the way he could have sworn he saw blood on the wall…

Upon arriving to Xemnas's room, he heard Saix and the Superior taking.

"Superior, what are we going to do about Axel and Roxas?"

"Why, what'd they do this time?"

"I saw Larxene chasing them, saying something about how she could show them something that could scar them for life."

"Stop them then."

"Yes sir."

Saix soon came out only to see Xigbar rolling on the ground from laughing so hard. He stood up and smile at Saix innocently as he walked away. Then he stepped into Xemnas's room.

"What?" Xemnas asked.

"Well…"

"So, you want to go to the beach?"

Xigbar nodded with a smile on his face.

"And you're going to take Demyx, Axel, and Roxas with you?"

Nod.

Xemnas sat back down in his chair. "Fine, you can go. But you are older then them, and what are you not supposed to do?"

"Don't give them any drugs, don't get Axel intoxicated, and don't let Demyx and Roxas get a hold of anything that contains sugar," Xigbar said, counting the points off on his fingers. "Oh yeah, and I'm not supposed to let Axel drive either, or Demyx and Roxas 'cause they're underage."

"Good," Xemnas said. "Now you can go."

In a spilt second, Xigbar was already out the door.

Axel, Demyx, and Roxas were in the living room, driving Larxene and Zexion crazy. A minute later, Xigbar slid to a halt in front of the entrance to the room, wearing only a pair of swim shorts and holding a surfboard over his shoulder. "To the hippie mobile boys!"

Axel, Demyx, and Roxas jumped up, grabbed a bunch of beach stuff, and ran after the Freeshooter.

"Finally," Larxene muttered as she and Zexion pulled out their earplugs.

Outside, the four were chucking things into Xigbar's "hippie" . Including an umbrella, some chairs, four surfboards, a blanket, and a bunch of other junk they needed at the beach. They got into their seats, Xigbar in the drivers seat with Axel in the passenger seat. Demyx and Roxas were sitting in the only two seats in the back of the car.

"So, are we going to stick to the plan?" Axel asked, opening up a bottle of coke.

"Yup," Xigbar said, "Everyone know what to do?"

They all nodded.

A few minutes later, they were driving over the speed limit and had successfully made a cop pull them over. As the cop was on one side of the van, Demyx and Roxas silently crept out on the other side, unnoticed by the cop.

The cop came over to Xigbar's window and looked in. "Do you realize that you're 100 miles over the speed limit?"

"No," Xigbar replied, pointing to the speed meter. "It's busted."

The cop (oh what the hell, I'll call him Bob) eyed them both. Meanwhile, Demyx and Roxas had snuck over to Bob's car as he interrogated Xigbar and Axel. The car doors were unlocked, so they got in.

"Great, he took the keys with him," Demyx said, getting into the passenger seat as Roxas got into the drivers seat.

"That's okay, there's more than one way to start a car," Roxas smirked as he began fiddling with some wires. Demyx gulped and buckled up, fearing what would happen if Roxas started driving.

Back with Xigbar and Axel, Bob was looking at Xigbar's drivers license. "Well, it looks legal enough…"

"Of course it's legal!" Xigbar said dramatically as Axel laughed under his breath. "Do I look like the kind of person to forge?"

"Uh huh," Bob said, not paying attention as he looked at Axel. "Where's yours?"

Axel shrugged. "Don't have one."

"Why?"

"Confiscated."

Bob eyed them again. "Well, I better be goi-, my car!"

Sure enough, his car had zoomed past, with Roxas driving.

"…I'm not supposed to let Demyx and Roxas drive, 'cause they're underage…"

"Damn, that's the third car this week that's been hotwired, and it's only Monday!" he yelled, running after that car as Xigbar and Axel high-fived each other, laughing. "Mission accomplished!"

Half and hour later, they reached a deserted part of the beach. When they got out, they saw that the cop car had gotten stuck between some huge rocks, and because it was low tide, the water hadn't covered it yet.

"Dude, what happened?" Xigbar asked Demyx, who was on the shore, watching a sugar high Roxas laying on top of the car, singing.

"Well," Demyx started, "He hotwired the car, then lost his mind. Then, he drove it into those rocks."

"Have you two seen the cop?" Axel asked.

Demyx shock his head. "Nope. Probably gave up about halfway."

Xigbar crossed his arms over his chest. "Enough cit-chat. We're at the beach! Let's have some fun!"

A few minutes later, after Axel had successfully pulled Roxas off the car, they started unloading the "hippie" mobile. Roxas had dug a hole and buried Axel in it. So now only his head was visible as Roxas went in the water to surf.

Meanwhile, Xigbar and Demyx were sitting around, eating some watermelons.

"Hey Xigbar," Demyx started, "What were you like when you were a kid?"

Xigbar spit some seeds out before replying. "I was a spoiled brat. But I was a smart little ass."

"Is that how you lost your eye?"

"Pretty much."

"Hey granddad, they ain't no more bullets in this - AH, MY FUCKIN' EYE!"

"Yeah, me and my granddad were hunting chocobos, but I ended up shooting my eye out."

"You were smarter then that, right? You were that guy's apprentice…"

"Yeah, Master Ansem…"

"If we mix this very dangerous chemical with this flammable one, then it will successfully make…crack!"

"Oh man, Even was always so pissed when he saw me in his lab. He always yelled at me for being so stupid sometimes."

"But weren't you all brilliant scientists?"

"You see the on/off switch at the side of my head? My brain sometimes stops working." Xigbar reached into the cooler and brought out a bottle. "Hey Axel, catch!" He threw the bottle to Axel, but sinse Axel's head was the only thing sticking out of the sand, the bottle hit him instead and knocked him out.

"Opps," Xigbar said. "Wasn't supposed to do that until after he got drunk…"

Demyx gave Xigbar a weird look, then went back to eating as Roxas continued falling off his surfboard.

After Axel had woken up, dug himself out of the hole, and drank the bottle that knocked him out in the first place, he ran across the beach stark naked, hollering like a moron.

"…don't get Axel intoxicated…"

Xigbar laughed to himself nervously, realizing that he had done two of the things that Xemnas said he shouldn't do.

The other two boys were surfing; Demyx was trying to teach Roxas how to stay on his board long enough to catch a decent wave. Too bad Roxas was too high on sugar to be able to stay on the board straight.

Xigbar looked over to the cop car, which was about to be covered with water any minute as the high tide approached. He was bored enough, maybe he could look through the car for some stuff to sell off on ebay…?

Shrugging, he went over to the back of the car and tried opening the trunk. Axel came over, drunk, asking what he was the doing.

"I'm going to open this thing so we could snag some stuff. Say Demyx, when does high tide get here?" Xigbar asked as the two boys came up to them.

"Half an hour," Demyx asked. "Why?"

"We're going to snag some stuff out of this car."

"B-But, won't be get in trouble?"

"What Bob don't know can't kill 'em," Xigbar said as he took out his gun and shot at the lock. It blew off and Axel opened the car door. What they saw made them gasp.

"Porn magazines, video tapes of something that will probably make me sick, and…a bra!?" Roxas quickly threw it away.

Axel started looking through the magazines, also taking some and stuffing them into his pockets. "Good god! This cop is a pervert!" Xigbar yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "Come on guys, it's getting late and we need to get home before Xemnas throws a fit."

They packed up and made their way over to the car. Axel got there first, and sat in the drivers seat.

"…Oh yeah, and I'm not supposed to let Axel drive either…" The words rang in Xigbar's mind, but he didn't hear them as they all got into the car.

Roxas and Demyx sat in the two back seats, with Roxas smiling in a wicked way as he pulled out a bag of sugar and two spoons. Handing one spoon to Demyx, Roxas opened the bag and started eating.

"…Don't let Demyx and Roxas get a hold of anything that contains sugar…"

Meanwhile, Axel started driving and Xigbar climbed up on top of the car. "I'm king of the world!" Xigbar yelled as the sugar started to sink into the boys. Roxas blasted the music and Demyx held onto the seat for dear life as Axel sped through the streets.

Getting Axel to stop was a piece of cake. Conveniently, he drove into a ditch, making Xigbar's job a whole lot easier. Roxas and Demyx had fallen asleep, so Axel was Xigbar's only problem.

As he wobbled around outside of the car (really drunk) Xigbar had knocked him upside the head with a brick and tossed him in the back of the van. Now all he had to do was get the car out of the ditch…

They got home at around eleven, also seeing Xemnas outside. He had either came outside to get some fresh air or to get into his car to get some aspirin at the nearest pharmacy. Turns out he was heading toward them.

"You're home late," Xemnas said, standing at the back of the car with Xigbar.

"Well, you see…we lost track of time…but we had so much fun!" Xigbar yelled. Sugar-high boys, drunk men, stealing a cop's car, and finding porn magazines in the same car. Fun, ain't it?

Xemnas just stared at the man. "Where are they?"

Xigbar opened the back door, revealing an unconscious Axel, on the ground, snoring.

Xemnas looked at the man and then turned back to Xigbar. "He got drunk didn't he?"

"Drunk? No, no, no! He just…yeah he got drunk,"

"And where are Number IX and XIII?"

"They're sleeping like the angels they are."

"You let them have sugar didn't you?"

"What makes you say that?"

Xemnas picked up a random candy wrapper from the car's floor and shoved it in Xigbar's face.

The gun loving man sighed. "Fine, fine! You win. I did all the things you told me not to do! Expect give them drugs. Are you happy now?"

"Very," Xemnas said, smiling as a pissed off Luxord appeared behind The Superior, putting a large bag of munny into the man's hand, then disappearing afterward.

Xigbar's mouth was almost touching the ground. "Y-You were betting on me? Wait, this has to do with the therapist crack from this morning, right?"

Xemnas smiled. "Yes, now if you would be so kind, please take these three to there rooms. Goodnight, Number II." With that, he walked back into the castle, leaving an angry Freeshooter to carry the three unconscious Nobodies back into the castle.

I haven't updated this since...July!? I hate writer's block...