Looking for Kana's Eyes, parts 7 - 12

This story was written online as part of the Kana: WAFFO! (Write A Fun Fanfic Online) project. Odd-numbered instalments were written by JPop4Life, and even-numbered instalments were written by Darkling.

7.

I'm looking over the things Bro gave me yesterday. It's ironic. I'm trying to read something about glasses. Wouldn't you question someone looking at a glasses catalog without glasses?

-sigh-

"Let's see..."

I've been looking at this for more than an hour. And I still don't feel any better about it.

"Full frames, half frames, no frames..."

I think about Sayuri-chan and how she was picked on for wearing glasses. I was picked on enough already, and I don't want that kind of attention anymore.

It's strange, though. I know my eyes haven't always been perfect but, when I really found out I needed glasses, I just seemed to be more and more helpless because of it.

-sigh-

I continue to flip through the pages.

"Hard contacts, soft contacts, colored contacts."

Contacts don't sound too bad. No one will notice I'm wearing them, and I'll be able to see.

"Hmmm..." My fingers stop on a page.

"Laser eye surgery, huh?"

I could have my eyes fixed and I won't need to bother with glasses or contacts.

I hop up and skip towards the bathroom, almost misjudging the distance. I step inside and look at myself in the mirror.

I'm pretty like this. I don't want to have four eyes.

I pull out a marker and draw two circles on the mirror. I line my eyes inside of them and stare at the image.

"I like the way I look and I'm not going to change it."

I clean my mirror and get ready for bed.

"I'll let Bro know this weekend I'm getting laser eye surgery."

Feeling better, I turn in for the night.

"Kana? Okaeri."

"Hi, Bro."

I walk inside, lightly embracing him.

"Are Mom and Dad at work again?" I say disappointedly.

"Well... no. They went out together just a little while ago."

Figures.

"Anyway, here."

"What's this?"

"I want to get laser eye surgery. Isn't that great? I didn't think there was such a thing, but you kno-"

"Kana?"

"Yes, Bro?"

"Didn't you read this?"

Oh, no...

"Read what?" With a shaky voice.

"You have to be at least 25 years old to get it. And there could be medical complications as well."

Well, crap...

-sigh-

"Back to square one, I guess."

"I'm sorry, Kana."

"Well... I could still get contacts. And then it still won't look like-"

I hastily stop short.

"Look like what?"

"Oh! Nothing, Bro."

He sighs, handing me back the page.

"Kana, why don't we go talk to someone." He gently places a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure we can find something right for you."

"Okay, Bro..."

Bro opens his arms and I meekly walk into them. He hugs me. It's comforting.

I don't want to have four eyes.

He releases me and leans in front of me.

"Hey, Kana."

"What?"

"Mmrmrrrnnnnn."

He makes a funny noise and pushes his cross-eyed face in front of mine. It causes me to fall, landing on my bottom.

"Hahahaha!" He laughs.

"That's not nice, Bro!"

"Haha... gomen. You don't have to worry, Kana. It's not that serious."

"Hrmph." I cross my arms and look away.

He continues to laugh at me sitting on the ground, at my expense.

8.

I notice them everywhere I go now. They never really registered with me before, but now it's as if I can't turn around without seeing one of them. People wearing glasses.

I can't help but turn my head and follow them for a moment as they walk past me. Schoolgirls chattering with their friends. Businessmen talking on their cell phones. Young women clinging to their boyfriends' arms. I stand in a bright haze as they drift and flow around me in slow motion.

What do I think when I look at these people? Would my opinion be any different if they weren't wearing glasses? Do their glasses make them look intelligent? Fashionable? Unfortunate? Are they happy walking around with these things on their faces that show that they're somehow... deficient?

"It's not their fault," I murmur to myself, sadly, as I turn and continue on my way down the street. "It's not... not my fault that my eyes are bad. And it would be silly not to wear glasses just out of... out of sheer vanity."

Another one walks past me - a middle-aged lady with greying hair up in a bun. Her glasses are perched neatly on the bridge of her nose. The lenses make her eyes look larger than they are. She returns my stare curiously for a moment as she walks past me. The glasses make her look motherly. Grown up.

I pause and look at my blurry reflection in a nearby window, trying to visualise a pair of glasses on my face. Who would I be, then? What image would I be presenting to the world?

"Who... do I want to be?" I mumble, looking down at my shoes. My reflection looks down as well, pale and wan in the tinted glass. It doesn't answer me.

9.

"Yeah... I don't get it."

"Hmm..."

She sits there in front of me, bouncing a finger off her chin.

"It's like she's scared about something," I say.

I'm at the hospital, talking to Miki. It's been over a year since I last saw her. She was wondering about Kana. She sort of freaked out when I wanted to talk to her about Kana, thinking something went wrong. But I've asked Miki's input as to why Kana is acting so strange about glasses.

"Glasses aren't that big of a deal. I mean, everyone has them now. They shouldn't be too much of hassle to take care of. So I don't see-"

"Taka."

"Yes, Miki?"

"It seems you don't quite know enough about women yet, huh?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well... a woman cares about the way she looks. She always wants to look beautiful in the eyes of loved ones and strangers. Kana is no different. No matter how much you tell them it doesn't matter how they look to you, it matters how much they look for you."

"But I mean, glasses aren't that-"

"It's true glasses have changed over the years. More people do have them and they come in a variety of styles. But not too long ago some people, especially young kids, were made fun of for having glasses. Kana may feel something from something she saw in the past or maybe... maybe she doesn't doesn't want them covering up her face."

"Hmmm... I think I get it."

Slowly but surely, Miki leans seductively towards me.

"Hey, Taka."

-gulp-

"Y-ye-yeah, Miki?"

Miki moves in closer. Closer to me. Her beautiful, never aging face and luscious body seem to draw me into her.

"There's something I've been meaning to show you."

She moves in, her face in front of mine, my body frozen from movement. Miki's face is no further away than my breath can reach.

…

…

…

"Ah, there."

"Huh?"

I look at Miki and she's holding out a finger upwards. She's holding a small bowl-shaped object there. I look at her eyes and see her purple eye, which I've always known, and a hazel eye.

"Miki? You wear contacts?"

"Yup... I've had them forever. Surprised, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, how was I supposed to know? You don't even have natural purple eyes like I thought."

"Haha. Well, when I was getting my eyes checked, I had just met Kana and saw her wonderful purple eyes. I wanted purple eyes too, so I got contacts that changed my eyes to purple just like Kana's. Then when I saw you and everyone else with purple eyes, it just made me want to keep them."

"I see. So have you ever worn glasses before?" I ask.

"I did, yes. But I didn't like them. Sometimes they would get bumped off, scratched or something. But I was made fun of when I was younger."

"I'm sorry, Miki."

"It's okay. I don't mind now. But that's when I moved to contacts."

"So do you think Kana would like contacts better than glasses?"

Miki sticks her finger in her eye. It looks dangerous, but she does it with ease, as if it was second nature.

"That depends on what Kana wants. She won't know till she tries. It will give her an experience in life."

"Well, she's always wanted to experience life. But I don't think this was one of those experiences."

"Experiences come as they please. That is the ultimate experience in life itself. But I'm sure Kana will find out that each experience is enjoyable in its own way."

"I sure hope so. Thank you, Miki."

"You're welcome, Taka."

10.

It's quiet in the bookstore, and I'm taking advantage of the lull to paste more pictures into my scrapbook.

I've started buying magazines recently - all kinds of magazines, on a variety of subjects. And then, in my spare time, I browse through them and I clip out pictures of people wearing glasses.

"There," I murmur, as I paste my most recent clipping into the book. It's an ad for a dietary fibre product that's supposed to keep you regular. A middle-aged woman is out in the middle of a meadow with a young boy running along next to her. She's wearing glasses.

I've started sensing a pattern. I've gotten lots of clippings from magazines targeted at older readers - ones that cover political or business issues, for example. There are lots of photos of politicians and executives and academics. But I can go through an entire fashion magazine and not find a single picture of anyone wearing glasses.

The message seems to be this: beautiful people don't wear glasses.

Slowly, I flip through the pages of my scrapbook. Parents wearing glasses. Scientists wearing glasses. Retired couples wearing glasses.

It doesn't matter what style or colour the glasses are. People my age just aren't shown wearing them. There has to be a reason for that, right?

Of course there is. Young people don't wear glasses. Or at least, not young people who want to be popular and attractive.

And I... I want-

The door to the bookstore swings open, and I look up with a start, automatically flipping the scrapbook closed with my right hand. "Good afternoon, and wel-" I start, then break off, feeling a smile spreading across my face. "Bro!"

11.

"Hey, Kana," he says.

He approaches me at the counter, smiling as well.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

At that moment I look down under my right hand, realizing that there could only be one reason why Bro has come to see me. It makes me frown for a second, but I catch it at the last moment.

"Well... I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Nothing..."

Are we going to...

"Why do you ask?"

"Let's schedule an eye appointment then. You don't have to worry. I'll come with you."

"Oh..." I sulkily reply.

Why do I have to get glasses? Why do my eyes have to be bad? Why does it have to be me?

I'm caught off guard by Bro's embrace. He calmly speaks to me, stroking my hair.

"It's not so bad, Kana," he says. "There are more people than you know that need help for their eyes."

I slowly nod my head.

"You know, Miki has to wear contacts."

"Miki wears contacts?" I ask, surprised.

"Yup... I just saw her the other day and she showed them to me."

"I didn't know."

"Neither did I. Did you also know purple isn't her natural eye color? She actually had hazel eyes until she met you."

"Until... she met me?"

"Yeah... She liked the way your eyes looked, so she got contacts that did that for her as well."

So Miki needed help for her eyes as well.

I look down at the scrapbook, thinking about all of the images I saw.

Miki still looks beautiful with her contacts... Then maybe I can still be pretty with contacts, too...

I draw away from Bro and look into his eyes as he looks into mine.

...I'm sure he'll think I'm pretty still.

12.

It's exciting.

I'm lying in the bathtub, wisps of steam rising all around me from the surface of the hot water. My hair is bundled up in a towel above my head, freshly shampooed. My knees are drawn up slightly, forming an arch. They're shaking a bit.

I'm glad that Bro visited today. It takes me forever to make decisions, and I would have kept putting it off. It's not a big deal, is it - having an eye exam? And it just means that I can get my contact lenses sooner.

Contact lenses. I had no idea Miki wore them. And what Bro said... Is that true? Can people really change the colour of their eyes? And did... did Miki really change hers to match... mine?

Impulsively, I climb out of the bathtub. Still dripping wet, I walk over to the mirror and wipe a small patch clear with the palm of my hand.

I lean closer.

No-one I know has violet eyes, except Bro. Even Miki's eyes aren't the same shade as mine - they're more of a deep maroon. I always wondered about that; I'd never seen eyes that colour either. I guess it's because her contacts deepen the real colour of her eyes.

Hazel. I don't understand why she wanted to change her eye colour. Hazel is so pretty. It's so much more... normal than my-

No. I close my eyes, fighting back the memories that suddenly start surging back to the surface of my mind. Children laughing at me. Mocking me for being different. Just because my eyes weren't the same colour as theirs. Any excuse...

"No..." I whisper, softly, but it's too late. As I open my eyes, I feel the tears trickling down my cheek. It hurts. It hurts.

I don't have to be different anymore.

The thought comes out of the blue, surprising me. I lean forward again, examining my violet irises. They don't have to stay that way. I can change.

I can change...