WAYS TO ANNOY RORAN!

A/N: OK, last chapter. I'm sorry, but there's no one else. I'm in such a good mood today, I don't even care about what GreekFire said! Plus I don't care that I got a chain letter that said if I didn't repost it, I will die in 3 days! I really hope that's not true...Anyway, please review!

1: Tell him that Katrina left him for Eragon.
2: Say 'Eragon obviously got the looks in the family.'
3: Ask him if he's jealous that Eragon got a dragon and he had nothing.
4: Teach the Ra zac to swim.
5: Lock him a room with Sloan.
6: Tell him the twins are still alive and they're coming after him.
7: Steal his hammer.
8: When he tells you about Katrina being kidnapped, quote Jack Sparrow and suggest 'keeping a closer watch on her, or perhaps just locking her up somewhere.'
9: Tell him Katrina's baby is really Eragon's, not his.
10: Talk about how Eragon is so good at everything and Roran isn't.
11: When he tries to kill you, stare behind him like this: x0x
12: When he demands to know what your starring at, scream 'THE RA ZAC ARE BEHIND YOU!' And when he turns around, hit him with a frying pan.
13: Refer to him as 'the unimportant one.'
14: Try to get him to get over Katrina.
15: Bring him strip clubs to him do so.
16: Have him go out with Arya and forget to tell him that Eragon loves her.
17: Tell him Sloan has hired someone to assassinate him and you know exactly who it is. Refuse to specify.
18: Have him date Nasuada. forget to tell him that Murtagh loves her.
19: Tell him you know where Katrina is. Send him to look at all the wrong places.
20: Get him sucked into the love triangle between Arya, Eragon, and Durza.

THREE WEEKS AFTER THIS HIT sat at a bar, somewhere in Alagesia, drinking rum. He was sitting there, banging his head against the wall, with a blue cat who was supposed to be Saphira, and starring at a picture of Arya and her new boyfriend.
Then Murtagh came in. The first thing Eragon noticed was that his hair was bleached blonde.
"Gimme anything, as long as it has way too much alcohol in it." He told the bar guy, sitting down next to Eragon.
"What's your problem?" Eragon asked dully, still hitting his head.
"Well, just today people keep calling me 'Galbatorix's hot little slave guy, someone stole Thorn and replaced it with a stupid cat, and someone dyed my freakin' hair blonde!" Murtagh said. "What about you? Why are you banging your head on the wall?"
"Ever since that stupid 'ways to annoy Eragon' fic got out, I've had 'save a dragon, ride a rider' stuck in my head!" Eragon said miserably.
"Ouch."
"Tell me about it."
Just then Arya and Durza came in. His hair was hot pink.
"I'm just saying, Durza, you shouldn't be spending so much time with Galbatorix! We should be together sometimes, too. It's not fair that you have to be with Galby all night." Arya said.
"Look, honey, Galby is my boss. I can't just say no, I have to do what he wants." Durza said, putting on chap stick. Just then, the sparkly sleeve of his shirt ripped on a nail. Arya gasped and grabbed his arm.
"What the hell is this?!" She demanded, pointing to a tattoo that said 'Durza and Galby 4-ever' that was on his arm.
"Uhhh, nothing, nothing." Durza said hastily. Arya started screaming at him.
"Wow, they're having a bad day, too." Said Eragon, watching Arya bitch slap Durza.
Murtagh was about to say something when Galby came in holding an Easter egg and wearing a clown wig.
" I have determined that this is not a dragon egg." He declared.
"Uh, what's up with the wig?" Murtagh asked him.
"Oh, that fic just made me think about being bald and I just decided to wear a wig. I found this one just sitting there on the subway, can you believe it?!" Galby asked happily.
"I think it looks great." Durza said.
"Kiss up." Said Orik, who had just come in and was not looking happy.
"Rough day?" Asked Galby.
"Of course it was! That fan fic has ruined my life!" Orik roared. "I still have 'short people' stuck in my head, and I just now got the pink hair dye out of my hair!"
"Hey, little buddy, you have to be this tall to come in here." The bar guy pointed to a sign.
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" Orik screamed, smashed his glass of beer against the wall, and stomped out.
Saphira came in and sat next to Eragon.
"She want's a whiskey sour (what ever THAT is)." Eragon told the guy.
"I hate humans!" Saphira growled.
"What happened?" Eragon asked nervously.
"200 hundred people demanded I turn their rocks into diamonds! I've been taking care of idiots and their rocks all flippin' day!" Saphira said angrily.
"Wow." Eragon said.
Saphira took a deep breath. "Eragon, we need to talk."
"What's up?"
"Well...you see...I...I'm leaving you for Thorn."
"WHAT?!?!"
"Yeah, Sorry about that." And Saphira flew away and was replaced by Angela.
"I can't believe it! Toads do exist!" She said.
BANG!
The doors to the bar flew open and a very drunk Roran came in. He pointed at Eragon.
"You (hic) you stole ma girlfriend, you girl friend stealer!" He slurred, coming up to Eragon.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Eragon demanded
"I read this!" Roran slammed something down on the table. It was 'ways to annoy Roran,' the printed version.
Eragon read it and looked up. "This doesn't prove anything!"
"A course it does! Don't it Mmm..Murry?" Roran asked Murtagh.
The glass of (insert your own alcoholic drink in there, I can't think of anymore) broke in Murtagh's hand. "That's-Not-My-Name." He growled.
"Sure it is! Your da guy wit the pink dragon, aren't you?" Roran asked.
"THORN ISN'T PINK!" Murtagh screamed.
"A course he is! Any-anyways, Eragon," Roran pulled out a glove and slapped Eragon with it. "I challenge y-you to a duel!"
"I am not going to fight you, Roran." Eragon said. Then Roran burst into tears.
"KATRINA WAS THE ONLY ONE I'LL EVER LOVE!" He sobbed. "WHY GOD? WHY!?!" Then he looked at Arya.
"Hhh-hey. You wanna go out some time?" He asked.

THE END!

END NOTES: OK, hope you guys like that chapter! I think it's funny. Please review:D