Merely the Brutal Truth

By Lady Catriona-Arre

Chapter Six

Authors Note: Are you proud? I'm drowning in assessments but I still finally updated. I know it's a little overdue. But I hope you lot enjoy it anyway.

Anyway to rehash what's happened since it been MONTHS since I've updated for you…

Oliver has discovered he has a crush on his best mate, Katie. Katie has abit of a fling with roger Davies, makes poor lil' ollie insanely jealous, Oliver accidentally makes up a girlfriend. The two dance around the subject for a bit until Oliver has a mini breakdown after seeing roger kiss Katie, and has his jellybeans confiscated by professor McGonagall. Katie and roger decide it isn't working and so Oliver is forced to admit that his "girlfriend" wasn't real in the first place. Katie kisses him on the cheek telling him that while he is a tool, she still loves him anyway. Oliver is still madly in love with her. And so… todays story begins

Brutal Truth XXX: Argh!

She stole my toast again this morning. I hadn't even taken a bite out of it this time. It was looking pretty scrumptious too. There was butter melted right to the edges, the strawberry jam was spread just right. I'd cut it into perfect triangles, I should take out a culinary scholarship in France or something.

On second thoughts since toast and jelly-with-mints-and-sprinkles is all I can do, I might stay here and play quidditch instead.

Anyway Katie walks past drops the paper in front of me with the sport side up so I can see the quidditch scores and take sthe plate of toast from in front of me. Then Percy points out that we act like we're married. Percy isn't the most observant of people so it shocked me a little; it's the sort of thing Ange says repeatedly.

Angelina is a little too observant; she sees things that aren't there.

So the team spent the rest of breakfast and the day designing our wedding. Katie missed it though because she ran off to the library to finish her transfiguration essay. So I was there trying to enjoy toast slices number 3 through 12. And failing miserably since I really don't give a damn sideways about what particular shade of black my tux has to be, or how much Fred and George are going to ruin my reception. And then it dawned on me.

I didn't even know Katie's favourite flower was gardenia's and red roses. Or that she wants to go to Italy. Or that Craig Bellamy was Welsh. Or indeed who Craig Bellamy was in the first place.

I'm not sure I even see the connection but apparently it was important for Katie to run in and exclaim. "He's welsh, Craig Bellamy's welsh!" while I was spreading my thirteenth slice of toast. We all looked up bit didn't respond. How is one supposed to respond to that anyway.

"Merlin you twats, he plays for Liverpool" Katie stared at our blank faces and rolled her eyes. "Football"

Why do Muggles even bother with that? What's the point of playing with only one ball? And why does everyone seem to like Liverpool so much.

Brutal truth XXXI: She's insane.

I got to the tower this evening to find Katie sat down on the floor opposite the fat lady's portrait.

Katie had a Muggle newspaper spread on the floor open to the sports section. The top of the page had Premier league Legends written across it in large thick type. I still don't see her fascination with it.

Or why she has to make a spectacle of herself by sitting outside the portrait discussing Steven Gerrard's captaincy and Harry Kewell's groin injury with the fat lady. I'm not entirely sure I want her to be even thinking of Harry Kewell, let alone his groin. She's had a crush on him for a while. (A/N Harry Kewell is the man!)

A pretty big one too. Perhaps even bigger than the torch I carry for her.

On second thoughts….

That's not possible.

Brutal Truth XXXII: So maybe I don't know half as much about Katie as I thought I did.

Tonight, being a Friday night, with no game tomorrow, the team (minus harry, he had a detention from Snape) sat in the common room by the fire playing exploding snap. Very noisily I might add. Katie, Ange and the twins are all very competitive, they really got into it. We couldn't even here the snap exploding. Angelina won the game and thus the right to choose the next. It's an unwritten rule that's lasted for some three years since we began the quidditch team bonding nights.

Angelina handed each of us a pair of parchment and put us in to pairs. Fate obviously pays some attention to me since I was paired with Katie.

The object of the game was to list the attributes of your partner's perfect spouse.

This is what I got for Katie…

Ethnicity: Australian… she is in LOVE with Harry Kewell. (Funny how the only Australian I know the name of is a muggle football player)

Eye colour: green?

Hair colour: dark brown

Height (roughly): six foot (that's supposed to be like a magical height or something? Its always six foot, six foot, six foot, hah…losers I'm six foot three!)

Favourite sport: football.

Creative or analytical: Katie's creative so I suppose she would want someone creative too.

And the corrections

Ethnicity: Australian…

Scottish, Oliver you idiot, I have been obsessed with your accent since Merlin knows when. Though you know if Harry Kewell's available.

Eye colour: green?

Brown. You should know that

Hair colour: dark brown

That's 1 out of five so far

Height (roughly): six foot

le sigh 6'3 or 6'4

Favourite sport: football

Quidditch I like football, but how many nice fit tall gorgeous wizards' do you know who even know it exists?

Creative or analytical: creative.

Ever heard of opposites attract? Someone a little creative's nice but oliba. Seriously, did you even think about this?

Two out of five. I'm felling a little depressed.

Since she knows everything I like in a girl. She got full marks. For knowing them and practising them. I don't think she knows she practises them though.

That's a bit of a mental puzzle.

I'm as in love with her as always.

Brutal Truth XXXIII: and I'm still discovering things.

Katie wants to learn Gaelic. I found out from Angelina at lunch time. She made an impromptu decision to continue planning my wedding to Katie (which will never happen at the rate things are going now.) and Katie wants me to propose in Gaelic. Of course for that to do any good she has to understand Gaelic.

I know how to speak Gaelic. Why would she never mention this? She could have known how to speak it by now. I don't mind teaching her to speak Gaelic.

Hold on.

Katie wants me to propose in Gaelic?

Me.

ME.

Me?

Brutal truth XXXV: I hate the game 'truth and detail.'

Ever heard of truth and dare? Well truth and detail was an cowardly invention of alicia's to stop being dared to kiss George. Fred mentioned that we haven't played it in years in the change rooms after practise today. There I was having a nice lovely warm, beautiful, warm and soapy shower trying my absolute best to drown out the sound of George and Fred playing verbal volleyball across the room. Out of the blue, Fred yells at me "hey Woodsiekins, truth and detail, you dreamt of getting Katie naked last night"

Now truth and detail in the eyes of the girls is an innocent game, gives them something to giggle and gossip about and they let you go on eating your icecream. With the lads, its pretty much all out murder. You have to truthfully answer the question to their satisfaction or you have to do three tasks to atone for it, chosen by the initiator. Sort of like Hercules, except he actually committed a crime. I was an innocent bystander, trying to have a shower.

I yelled "no".

Thus I am indebted to the twins for 3 tasks lasting no more than a week and nothing illegal.

See you in the next life.

Brutal truth XXXVI: dying, a lot faster than I'd like to be.

Task 1: find out what colour underwear each of the girls' is wearing. Make sure they know that you know.

I am screwed. I have until tomorrow evening to complete it. I'm going to be brutalised.

Either by Fred and George or by the girls either way I'm doomed. Not even merlin could help me out of this one.

You know who couldn't save me.

Katie could.

Brutal Truth XXXVII: she is a LEGEND

Pretty good plan on my own part too if I do say so myself. I told Katie what had happened and she explained it to Alicia and Angelina and all three told me the colour of their underwear. Alicia was wearing light pink, Angelina blue and Katie… well red, with a quaffle and broom stick on them, and it says speedy across the bum. Apparently they're her lucky knickers.

What am I supposed to think about that?

Probably not what I am thinking. I don't want to know what task two is.

A/N: part seven is on its way all. Christmas break is in three weeks and I'm going to get all festive and update pretty much everything because I won't have any assessments for SIX WEEKS!!!!! Booya! Look forward to!

ooh ooh i forgot to mention it up there, but did you notice i changed my name????

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE review!!!!