RPF(me): Hola! Anyway, my cousin Rich and I don't own Sailor Moon.
Rich: Why the hell do they make us put up a disclaimer every freakin' time we post!
Leche: How the hell should I know?
RPF: Shut your asses, you two! If we don't, we will get locked up by scary brown men.
Rich: Ahhh! Scary brown men! runs away to go and eat Cheetos
Leche: sweatdrops Dumbass...
Chapter 2: Oprah's First Move: Sexy Brown Popscicles!
It was an emergency; people were being attacked in the local park. They ran about screaming as they were covered in a sticky substance. The people eventually fell one by one. Except one man was left standing. It appeared to be one of those little Mexican men that sold ice cream in the little white push carts, and rings the bell.
"It's HIM! He's one of Oprah's minions. You have to defeat him!" shouted Leche.
"What can I do? All I have is my beautiful looks" Rich replied.
"Raise your hand and shout out, Full Moon POWER! MOON ME!" belted out Leche.
A puzzled Rich shouted, "Full Moon POWER! MOON ME!"
A flash of light surround him and he appeared in front of a full moon. With a wink and a slap on the ass he transformed into the Sexy Soldier of the Moon.
"Stop right there! In the name of the Moon, I, Sexy Moon, will punish you in every sexy possible way!" Moon shouted.
"QUE?" answered the brown person that sold ice cream to white children.
"Don't act like you don't understand me. I know that you know English," Moon huffed.
"Que?" said the ice cream peddler.
Moon got angry and went for the attack, but the man was little and brown like Speedy Gonzales and was very quick. The man ran like he was running across the border. As he ran he threw ice cream the distract Moon. It worked as Moon stopped to pick up some popsicles, and ate them like a porn star.
The man stopped in his steps and stared at the skills Moon had with the popsicle. Amazed at the skills that Moon possessed the brown man became enchanted. Moon finished the popsicle then licked off the remaining sticky juices off his lips. It was one of Moon's 108 secret techniques of seduction.
"Wow, that was the best I ever had. Let me taste your popsicles later," Moon cheerily said.
The brown man was still spellbound by how a guy could eat a popsicle like that and not even break a sweat.
"Well it's about time you got that punishment!" Moon said as he pointed at Speedy.
A large whip fell into his hands, and with a flick of the wrist the brown man's pantalones flew off. The Mexican man just looked down, smiled licked his lips and started running towards Moon with his ice cream cart, ringing the bells in sexual fury.
Moon screamed at the tops of his lungs, because when a brown person comes at you it can never be good. Leche watched in horror as he was powerless to help. Leche remembered how he was once attacked when he was younger by a bunch of brown people who tried to milk him while he was sleeping. He tried to explained that male cows didn't have that kind of milk, but they wouldnt listen.
"I can't run anymore, that Mexican popsicle gave me the runs!" Moon cried out.
"Si, muy es bien. You want a taste of my other popsicle Sexy Moon?" he snarled out.
"I knew it! You do know English!" Moon shouted in his sexy fury.
Moon had it with all the lies and raised his hand to crack the whip at the dirty little brown hombre. All the clothes all flew off, he stood there naked, aroused and powerless.
"WHITE OUT! Moon Cleansing!" Moon shouted as a bucket of bleach fell in his hands.
He splashed the brown man with it and cleansed him. The man shouted, and in flash of light, he transformed into a white man in a business suit.
"Thanks Sexy Moon! You changed me back! I was getting sick of eating beans," the cracker said, jumping with joy.
As Rich was being thanked by the man, a large shadow watching disappeared, leaving an empty bucket of Church's Chicken behind.
That's all for now! Will Rich and Leche defeat Oprah and her minions? Where the hell are the other Sexy Soldiers? Whta is a sexy Asian man to do? Find out next time, on Sexy Soldiers!