a/n..while i don't own any of the characters from the books, i do own micheal and francis, and mary dimmsdale. Enjoy!

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Chapter 5

Later that night, I sat in my room, alone. Ann and Felicity had left a few minutes ago. Their happiness of how well their evening went overshadowed my misery. Ann met up with her admirer, a young man by the name of Francis Corrington. They spent the evening together, while Felicity spent her's with Simon's old schoolmate, Micheal McKinsling.

While they swooned over their "loves" in the carriage, my thoughts were preoccupied by Kartik's return. I didn't want to bring attention to myself, so I informed neither of them of his sudden arrival. I didn't want to admit to myself that I still cared for him as deeply as ever, let alone say it outloud. I had to respect and uphold my responsibility to Simon.

Responsibility. What a wonderful way to think of a marriage.

I stood up from my bed, still reflecting on the evening and the dilemma I still have to face. I walked to my window and peered out over the yard. I lived with my grandma and my father, since my graduation from Spence. My brother moved out, after marrying Mary Dimmsdale.

Mary. That named instantly reminded me of my mother. My mother, whose real name was Mary Dowd. After a fire at Spence, though, people thought she was dead. And in a way, she was. My mother shed herself of the name and, later, married my father.

I remember the last time I saw my mother. It was in my first year at Spence, when I, along with Ann, Felicity and our old friend, Pippa, traveled into another dimension, known as the Realms. Eventually, I had to let my mother go, for if I didn't, she would become corrupted, like spirits do if they choose to remain in the realms. Just like Pippa.

Pippa. We haven't seen her, since our last visit to the realms. I shuddered at the memory of how we left her. She was completely changed. Her beauty turned into a hideous form, causing her to look more monstrous than anything else.

Last time we saw her, she was a full fledged inhabitant of the Winterlands, and she had no intention of leaving, crossing over, or even trying to remain friends with us.

I often think of the realms. Ann, Felicity and I haven't been in a while. Eight months to be exact. We got preoccupied with our lives, now that school was out of the way, that we haven't had time to go back. One night, however, I did visit the realms.

They were exactly how we left them, as magnificent and beautiful as ever. I saw my friends, Asha, Gorgon, and Philon, for an emergency meeting of the Order. I told them that Felicity, Ann, and I had agreed to give my power to the Order members in the Realms. I told them that we, Felicity, Ann and I, thought it be best to move on with our lifes, that we would visit the Realms every so often, but not enough to look over it. Of course, they fully accepted my wishes and graciously took the magic. I didn't, however, give them my cresent eye, in case we chose to reenter the Realms some day. Plus, it is one of the only things I have left of my mother.

I turned away from the window and started towards my bureau, undressing myself. I was down to my chemise, have shed myself of my corset, bloomers, and dress. I sat at my vainty table, undoing my hair. My red curls fell delicately to my shoulders. I had my hair trimmed slightly over Fee's, Ann's and my recent holiday. I rather like my shorten hair, for it was easier to control.

I started to brush out my tangles, when I heard a click. I stopped and turned towards the window, which was now open. I blinked, confused, and stood up, locking my window back. Shrugging it off as the wind blowing it open, I turned back around.

I gasped as I locked eyes with Kartik, who was now standing near my door.

"How..how did you get through my window? I thought I locked it."

He stepped closer to me. "There are ways."

I stood, my eyes widen. "You picked my lock?"

He nodded, and then, smiled.

I just shook my head and walked back to my vainty table. Ignoring him, I resumed brushing out my hair. I didn't bother covering myself up, for he has seen me in far less.

"I hear congratulations are in order." He said, as he crossed to my bed to sit on it.I stopped brushing my hair. "Yes."

"So, when is the big occasion?" he asked calmly. Amazing. Absolutely amazing how he could be so calm, given our past.

I put the brush down and turned to face him. "Don't you care?"

His smile faded to a look of sincerity. "Of course, I do. You know I do. But I decided that if he," he said the word so venomously, "is what you want, then," his voice then lowered, "I would have to accept it."

"He does make me happy. And we do fit together."

"So I've seen." he grumbled.

"But..."

"But?"

"I don't know, seeing you again tonight, caused me to..." I couldn't say what I was really feeling, but Kartik kept on prompting me.

"Yes?"

I stood up and crossed to the window. I rather look at the darkness than his face, as my heart's doubts were spoken. "Caused me to become confused. I love Simon, at least I thought I did. But seeing you again, brought back my feelings for you, feelings I thought I was rid of. You broke my heart that night, you know?"

"Yes, I know," he said lowly.

"So I thought, when I saw Simon again, that with you gone, I could give him another try. And I did. We have grown to care for each other very much."

I heard a shifting on my bed. "Glad to hear you were able to heal so quickly."

I sighed. He doesn't understand. "It is not like that. I loved you, I still do, but I didn't know if I ever would see you again. I had to move on, Kartik. I'm sorry."

I heard him stand up from my bed and walk towards me. "Don't be. I should be the one apologizing. It just, that night, I was confused. I was...I was scared. I thought the Rakshana were finally coming after me, that they would hurt you if I stayed."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can," I heard the smile in his voice, but that smile dropped when he said, "but I couldn't take that risk."

I turned. "I would've helped you. I wouldn't have run and left you."

"I know," he sounded wounded. I walked up to him and put my hand on his cheek, causing him to look up from the ground with his puppy dog eyes.

"Whatever happens, we can face it together." I tore my hand away. "Did they find you?"

"No, but it is only a matter of time."

I nodded. "Well, when they come, we'll fight them," I reached out to hold his hand, "together."

His fingers clasped mine, and he repeated, "Together."