Chapter 7

"So I was thinking we will have a traditional ceremony. Simon, I think you would look absolutely darling in a black tuxedo, and, Gemma, I think...,Gemma, are you listening?"

I blinked, breaking my daze. "Yes, Mrs. Middleton."

I smiled at her, who continued on talking, and then smiled reassuringly at Simon, who gave me a quizzical expression.

While Mrs. Middleton rambled on, I returned to my daydream. I thought about Kartik and where he was right now. I thought about my mom and how she was doing. I thought about my dad and how he had improved with his addiction. And I thought about my brother, how I haven't seen him, since he got married to Mary.

Mary. She was beautiful, sure, but her IQ level was low, extremely low. She was rich, being the heiress to her family's fortune. I think that's why Tom fell in "love" with her in the first place.

Mrs. Middleton walked towards me, holding out her hand. "Come, Gemma. We need to get your sizes."

I took her hand, still consumed in my thoughts. Simon stood up with me. I was lead out of the room by Mrs. Middleton, without a glance back at Simon.

"Are you quite alright, Gemma? You have seen...distance lately." Simon and I were walking in the garden behind his house. I absolutely loved being back here, with all the bright colored flowers and little statues set up around the yard and the fountain in the middle. Then, I couldn't help but think that Kartik would share my appreciation of the garden, as well.

"I'm fine, Simon. Nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Absolutely."

"Good, I was starting to worry that you were having second thoughts." He laughed, totally oblivious to how right he was.

Later, that night, I went to the stables. I needed to get out of the house, since my grandmother wants to consently talk about my upcoming marriage to Simon, and my dad keeps staring skeptically at me. I walked around inside, pausing for a moment where Kartik and I usually talked. His stool was still there.

A distant dream came back to me. It was Christmas break my second year at Spence. To be closer to me, Kartik became my family's coachman. I often came down to the stables to talk to him, to see him.

One morning, the morning of Felicity's ball, he inquired about what we did at balls. I informed him that we just make small talk and, of course, dance. I instructed him how to dance properly, and we joked about. But then he grew serious and asked me to dance. I still recall the nervousness I felt as I took his hand, and he placed a hand incorrectly on my hip, then on my waist. He carefully spun me around and then, kissed me.

I cringe on how I messed up that moment, a moment I had longed to happen. I told him I didn't think of him as an Indian. I didn't mean it the way it sounded, but he took it offensively and left.

I passed by his old stable and walked up to a horse. A beautiful, brown horse with a coarse mane and big black eyes. I stroked his nose gently, and he seemed pleased by the sudden attention. I smiled by the way he closed his eyes, absorbing the moment. He was always a sweet horse, my favorite out of all of them.

Still stroking his nose, I started to talk softly to him, as if he could understand me. "You are lucky to be a horse. Not having to worry about society or marriage. Not having to hide your feelings to please others or because of responsibilty." I paused, saying the words I have never spoken outloud. "And not having to marry someone, even though you don't love them anymore."

A snapping of hay caused me to stop and lower my hand. I turned around slowly, half expecting to see my grandmother, ready to yell at me for petting a horse without gloves on. But who I saw brought greater despair than my grandmother ever did.

Simon.