What woke me up was the thunder that was echoing through the camp. It hadn't started raining yet, but I could only guess that the game was about to be paused. Then I remembered the game and everything that had happened at dinner flooded back to me. I groaned and looked at my clock; it was eight o'clock.

Like an idiot I jumped out of my warm sleeping bag and climbed down from my bunk. It was so cold that I could see my breath. My sweatshirt didn't make the chilling cold that had set in go away. I changed into sweatpants, put on chap-stick, and left the cabin. When I got outside it was even colder and the thunder was starting up again, so I put my hood up to keep from getting rained on, and placed my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt. I felt a plastic cord and remembered that I had Ethan's pump. I started running to the field. Since no one had woken me up, I was assuming that Ethan had just given himself a shot before the game and that someone at the table had told him that I had his pump. It didn't matter; I ran anyway.

I reached the mess hall and saw everyone flooding in. My eyes searched the crowd and finally found Meredith. She pulled me over to the side of the building where I had pulled Ethan over hours earlier. She looked around to make sure that no one else could hear us, and began whispering. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just a little upset." I whispered back.

"With Jenn?"

"No. Myself. For ever thinking that Ethan liked me like that." There was a silence between us, and I could hear the thunder rolling more frequently. The sound of various instruments warming up was also filling the silence.

"We're having an early rehearsal because Burke thinks it's going to rain. The game was put on pause until further notice."

"Who's winning?"

"Brendan's team. But we only got through three quarters of the game." A roll of thunder went off. "Maybe we should go inside." she laughed. I smiled and we started for the door to the hall just as it began to rain. "Ethan was looking for you." She glared imploringly at me, as though she wanted to know why.

"I have his pump." I took it from my pocket and wrapped the cord around it. Then I saw Ethan sitting in his seat as he warmed up with scales. I also saw that his white shirt was full of dirt and grass stains. I told Meredith I'd be at my seat in a few minutes. "Ethan!" I waved his pump in the air as he put his trumpet down and turned around.

"Thanks." And then there it was. The smile. I felt my knees give way a little bit, but blinked a few times, straightened my posture, and locked my knees. "I was looking for this." he joked.

"I'm guessing you took a shot before the game?"

"Uh." he answered hesitantly as he hooked his pump up again. "Not exactly." His face was kind of twisted, as though he knew he was being caught for doing something he shouldn't have.

"Ethan.." I started.

"It's not a big deal Julie. Besides, I couldn't risk having my sugar go low on the field."

"Are you juggling doses?"

"What?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're skipping doses, aren't you! That's why you didn't have your pump earlier on the field. That's why you're sugar was really high. I can't believe I didn't realize this before! You always wear it. Even when you're at swim practice!"

"Calm down. I'm not skipping doses. You'd know. All right?" His voice was barely a whisper. "I can handle myself." Ethan said calmly. "I know how to juggle it with sports. I am an athlete you know." There was twinge of annoyance in his voice as though he felt I was being over protective. He pressed a few buttons on his pump, clipped it on his pants, and looked at me. "You need to chill out. You've been acting funny ever since we got to band camp. Are you running a fever or something? You know how you get delirious when you have a fever."

Funny? I've been acting funny? And I definitely did not have a fever. I took a deep breath and paused for a moment when I saw that this was about to become another argument.

"Can we talk later? Alone?" My voice was quieter now.

"Yeah."

"Lossner, get in your seat." Jake yelled to me. Without talking back, I walked to my seat and took out my piccolo. The lights flickered. An 'ooohhh' went through the room. Brendan made his way to the front of the room and stood on a table to conduct.

"Star spangled banner. Horns up." he yelled as he put his arms up to conduct. The room went quiet and everyone put his instrument up. His arms started to move and the snare drum began its roll. The band followed in afterwards. When we finished he put his arms down and stepped down from the table. Jake made his way up onto the table to conduct the school song.

"Horns up." The band put their instruments up and sat ready to play. His hands went up, marking the beginning of the song, and just before the first note of the song, a beeping pattern started. Jake put his arms down in frustration. Varying instrument notes went over the band, the stopped. The beeping began to get louder as everyone looked around the room to see what was going on. Jake's eyes went right to the source. "Ethan." he said sternly. "You know the rule about cell phones. Give it to me."

"It's not my cell phone." Ethan said as he unclipped his pump from his pants and began to figure out why it was beeping. The beeping kept getting louder and louder until it was starting to become an annoying high pitched squeaking.

"It's his pump." Brendan said from the chair he was standing on next to the table Jake was on. Jake didn't know what to say. The band started talking loudly. Ethan got up and went to Director Burke, said something, and left the hall running. I wasn't worried. I figured his batteries were dying and that he had to replace them.

"Come on people. We have a game on Friday. Horns up." Jake yelled over the whispers. The band quieted and put the horns up. We went through the school song and then the half time show without much error. By the time we were done, Ethan was back. The thunder and shower had stopped, and the boys started chanting the word game. Director Burke shook his head, declaring that the field was way too muddy and that it was much too dark out. He made us run through pre-game as well as the half-time show and then let us have some time to hang out.

"Curfew is eleven thirty." Brendan yelled over the racket of instrument cases closing and talking. I pulled my piccolo apart and placed it gently in my case. I felt like someone was watching me and looked up. It Ethan.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Ethan said softly.

"Yeah."

"Something is going on, and I have a feeling that I know what it is." he looked down at his feet. "It's me. You and me."

"Well.." I started.

"I kind of like you." Ethan said without looking at me.

"I kind of like you too." My voice was barely audible.

"You know what this means though. If we go out." Now he was looking me in the eye.

"Yeah, I know." I looked at him.

"So maybe we shouldn't." His words hung in the air.

"This has to do with Lynn, doesn't it."

"No. This has nothing to do with Lynn. I never liked her, and I never will."

"Then why do you not want to go out with me?"

"Because once we start going out we can't go back. We can't just decide that stuff never happened." The tone in his voice rose.

"I really like you Ethan."

"I know. But are we sure this is what we want to do? I'm afraid."

"I can't make up your mind for you. If you don't want to go out, then that's fine with me. But that doesn't mean we've found a solution. It's going to be weird and awkward and everyone is going to have something to say about us and-" Ethan grabbed my head while I was in the middle of my sentence and kissed me gently. My mind stopped spinning, and for the first time in a long time, all the world around me was still. I felt safe and warm, and as though nothing could go wrong.