The memories continued to wash over Remus as the rising wolf shook loose his last vestiges of self-control and emotional restraint.

That July so long ago, first at his parents' house, and later back at the Potters', had been spent in brushing fingertips and sharing secret smiles and stolen kisses when no one was looking. Remus was captivated to discover that he had only to look at or touch Sirius, and his scent would change to a sharp smell of animal desire.

Of course James, not being stupid, cottoned on very quickly to the fact that something was up. It only took him catching a couple of significant glances, and seeing them jump guiltily apart once when he entered a room, for him to figure it out.

"Oh, my God!" he had said, drop-jawed with shock. "You guys are into each other, aren't you?"

There had been some embarrassed coughing and nervous biting of lips, but in the end, James had been relatively accepting.

"Wow. Okay. Just - er - don't let my folks catch you, all right?"

As the August full moon had approached, Remus found it harder and harder to keep away from Sirius. He knew he would have to return home for that night; the Potters had no safe place to keep him, and James's parents were ignorant of his condition, in any case.

On the last afternoon before Remus's father was due to come collect him, they managed to find a private moment, while James ran an errand for his parents.

"Your eyes turn gold right before the full moon," Sirius had observed.

He was standing very close. Remus could smell him - could see the pulse leaping in his throat. Sirius wanted him. Badly. With a growl, Remus had pulled him close. The kiss was neither cautious nor innocent; it was hungry, demanding, passionate, and it shook both of them to the core.

The wolf had made Remus bold. His hands wandered over Sirius's body, at last coming to rest on the place where Sirius's trousers strained against his need. Sirius gasped against his mouth, and Remus drew back, searching his eyes, but did not remove his hand. Sirius's eyes were dilated and unfocussed with desire, his lips swollen from the kiss, parted and panting slightly. Remus thought he had never seen anything so beautiful.

Then the doorbell had rung, and they had jumped apart, Sirius ducking into the bathroom, and Remus into the bedroom to gather his things. He had departed moments later, and had not seen Sirius again until the Hogwarts Express took them back to school three weeks later.

The moment they boarded the train, Remus had realised that it was going to be difficult to keep their secret, surrounded by hundreds of nosy teenagers, and that not everyone would be as understanding about their new bond as James. He had sent a carefully-worded owl to Lily two weeks before, and received a reply filled with heartfelt joy at his new happiness, but Lily had been a rare creature.

Peter had to be told as well, eventually. He was not stupid, and when four boys share a room and two of them share a secret, before long they are all going to be in on it.

It had been easier to find private time, now that they were away from parents. They conspired to make time when James and Peter would be out of the room to enjoy the novelty of being able to lie down together, kissing and touching.

The September full moon had only been about a week into term, and Remus found it harder and harder to restrain himself as it approached. Sirius filled up his senses completely, and yet he wanted more.

They lay one afternoon on Remus's bed - James was at Quidditch practice, and Peter was out trying to talk Madeleine Yaxley into spending more time with him that year - pressed close together, breathing hard, hands under shirts, skin hot and sticky with sweat. Remus could tell that Sirius was as hard as he was. Sirius ground against Remus's thigh and moaned against his mouth. Remus had closed his eyes, willing himself into stillness, until Sirius gave a sharp cry and threw his head back, eyelids fluttering.

"Sorry," he had muttered, embarrassed, a moment later.

Remus had stared at him. "You looked amazing. Did you really just -?"

"Yeah," Sirius gave him a lopsided smile. "You just sort of do that to me."

Then Sirius's hands had gone to the flies of Remus's trousers, and Remus had held his breath as Sirius unlaced him, plunging a hand into his pants. For one moment, Remus had let it happen, losing himself in the sensation of Sirius's hand stroking his hard cock. Then he had pushed the other boy roughly away and run to their bathroom to finish himself off.

When he had emerged, Sirius had looked crushed. "Did I do it wrong?" he had asked, crestfallen.

"No, it was fine," Remus had said, not meeting his eyes. "Sorry."

"Don't you want me to touch you?"

Remus had cast him a longing look. "I'm just not ready to risk it," he had said regretfully.

"Risk what?"

"Losing control like that, " he said, settling himself back on the bed and taking Sirius's hands in his. "I don't want -"

"I do," Sirius had said. "God, Moony; you looked so amazing when I thought you were going to -"

Remus looked away. "I just don't think I can do this, Padfoot," he said miserably.

"Why not?" Sirius let go his hands and sat up, looking angry. "So you'd lose control for one bloody second of your life. So what? Can't you just let me -"

"No!" Remus growled. "Don't you get it, Sirius? If I lose control, it's not you that gains it. It's this thing that lives inside me."

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "Moony, you're not going to turn wolf if it's not the full moon."

"Maybe not," Remus had replied darkly. "But I might hurt you."

That conversation had not put Sirius off for more than a day or so. The night before the full moon, Remus had been in his bed, trying to be quiet as he took care of his own needs, when Sirius had climbed between the curtains and onto the bed, stark naked, wand in hand.

Remus had sat bolt upright. "What are you doing, Padfoot?" he hissed.

"I'm putting a silencing charm on your drapes," Sirius had said, touching a flame to the candle on the nightstand.

Then he had crawled up the bed, between Remus's splayed thighs, and without hesitating, had taken Remus's aching cock in his mouth.

"Wh-what -?" Remus had gasped.

"Hush," Sirius murmured, releasing him for a moment. "You need this."

Bursts of light, colour, and sensation had spiraled through his brain at the sight and feel of Sirius's mouth serving him like that. But it wasn't right. He had pushed Sirius away once more.

"No, Padfoot!" he had implored. "Please! I need -"

But Sirius was not to be put off easily this time. He looked up into Remus's eyes.

"What do you need? Tell me, Moony. Please."

Remus's voice was choked as he gasped out, "God! I need -"

Sirius raised himself then, bringing his face close to Remus's, and kissed him softly on the mouth.

"Let me be what you need, Moony," he murmured.

He had not been able to say it, looking into Sirius's eyes. His eyes fluttered closed and he shivered, then whispered his confession.

"God, Padfoot! I need to fuck you. Right now."

There was a moment of stillness. He opened his eyes, and found Sirius still gazing at him. He saw the shiver run down his spine.

"So what are you waiting for?" Sirius had said.

With a moan half despair and half surrender, Remus had shoved him down, face-first, onto the bed, pushing his thighs apart and falling on top of him. Sirius hadn't protested or struggled, but Remus smelled the sharp reek of fear mixed with his desire as he pressed his hardness against Sirius's tender opening. He paused, groping under him, until his hand wrapped around Sirius's hard cock. Sirius moaned, pressing against his palm.

"Last chance," Remus had growled, shaking with the effort of restraint. "Do you want this?"

"Yes!" Sirius had hissed between clenched teeth.

Remus hadn't been gentle - couldn't be, so close to the moon - and Sirius had given a strangled yelp of pain and shock as he entered him. He thrust hard, his movements quick and sharp and relentless, but he kept a steady rhythm with his hand on Sirius's cock, and after a moment, Sirius began making different noises, thrusting back to meet him. Then he had jerked and shaken and cried out, spilling hot over Remus's hand, and with a cry of triumph and exultation, Remus had thrust hard into him one last time, his climax echoing in his bones.

They had collapse on the bed, stunned and gasping, hearts pounding. As soon as he felt able to move, Remus pulled out of Sirius and rolled over to look down at him. Sirius didn't move. Remus thought he smelled blood. It made him dizzy.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius had breathed at last.

Remus had reached out a tentative hand, brushing his sweat-soaked hair back from his face. "Are you okay, Padfoot?" he asked softly.

There was a pause. Then, "I think so."

Remus buried his face in the pillow. "I'm so sorry, Padfoot!" he cried. "Did I - Did it hurt a lot?"

He had peeked shyly into Sirius's eyes, their faces inches apart.

"Yeah," Sirius had admitted reluctantly. "But it - felt good, too. Are you all right, Moony?"

A helpless laugh burst from Remus's lips. "Am I all right? God! Yes, I'm fine, apart from thinking that I've maybe damaged you."

"I'm fine, too," Sirius assured him. "Just a bit sore. It was still amazing. Did you like it?"

Remus closed his eyes, reliving the moment in his mind. "The way you looked - how you felt - the sounds you were making - 'like' doesn't cover it. Not by a lot." His eyes opened again. "You're incredible, Padfoot."

Sirius grinned at that. "You too, Moony. I know it's a few days early, but - happy birthday."

That made Remus laugh again. "Thanks, Padfoot. But I don't think there's anything you could say to make me believe you actually enjoyed that."

Then Sirius's lips were on his, his body pressed close against him.

After a moment, he drew back just far enough to murmur, "What if I said, 'do it again'?"

And now, almost twenty years later, Remus stood staring at the bed that had seen many such days and nights, eyes unfocussed. The wolf was already prowling his thoughts, his instincts more animal than human.

Where is he? Damn that man, will he not show himself?!

Just remembering the passion they had shared had brought him to a point of painful arousal. If Sirius were here now - well, what he wanted to do with the man need not involve trust.

He sniffed the air. Yes, Sirius had been here recently. Unconsciously, he growled deep in his throat. His hand went to his pocket, clutching the tiny carved dog. He could summon Sirius with that lock of hair. He could do all manner of things to the man with it. Any second now, he would draw his wand and summon him, he decided. If only this damnable tingling in his neck would stop long enough for him to focus!

He fumbled for his wand, but it dropped to the floor with a clatter. Damn! Why were his hands so clumsy? Picking it up again, he took the carved dog from his pocket. He pointed the wand at the dog, and stood for a moment, holding one in each hand, trying to remember a spell - any spell. He shook his head, once, twice, trying to clear it.

And then he stood perfectly still. There it was. That sound. Footsteps. Footsteps on the creaking wooden floorboards of the rooms downstairs. Another sniff of the air around him confirmed exactly who it was.

The wolf won out. Instinct took over, and in a heartbeat Remus was out of the room and flying down the stairs, knocking Sirius to the floor and crouching over him, growling. For one satisfied moment, he registered a flash of fear in Sirius's gray eyes, and then he was looking into the pale eyes of the great black dog who growled right back at him. And then he was Remus Lupin no more.