Sometimes you breathe
All over my scar
And you always end up
Closer than close
That's when I give in
Out of all the original members of team seven, Sakura would have to say that Kakashi was the lamest duck when it came to ailments. Of course, anyone would look frail when compared to Naruto with his bizarrely fast healing patterns (a broken leg for Naruto, once set, would be as good as new by breakfast the next day), or Sasuke with his incredibly high tolerance for pain (he would view a katana through the chest as a mere flesh wound), and Sakura with her self-healing skills almost on par with Tsunade's. For all his brains and talent and speed, Kakashi's body was the one thing that often let him down the most. Sakura didn't know if he had naturally lower stamina than the rest of them, or if it had something to do with possessing a bloodline limit that didn't belong to him. Sakura didn't know of a single other person in the same boat as Kakashi, so she couldn't exactly compare his case to others.
And it wasn't just his physical stamina that suffered. When Kakashi fell ill, he fell hard. The last time he caught flu, he'd been admitted to hospital for nearly two weeks because he'd looked so sorry for himself, whereas someone like Naruto would have been able to carry on his missions as usual with only a mild sniffle. Sure, Kakashi always said he was fine, and that he was able to continue his work, but then he'd do something stupid like pass out in the middle of grocery shopping. Confining him to a hospital bed was more to force him to take it easy than anything else. If they let him go home, they all knew perfectly well that he would be brought in the next morning by neighbors who had found him unconscious in the stairwell.
But for however ill Kakashi got, he always bounced back to full strength like clockwork. Even when he was at death's door after a particularly savage mission, he would always steadily claw his way back to health again. He might take longer than the average person, but he always recovered, regardless of whether it was a common cold or overzealous use of the mangekyou sharingan.
Except Sakura had never known it to be this bad before…
The moment Tsunade had deemed her fit enough for discharge, she'd gone straight to the other end of the hospital to see Kakashi. Only he wasn't being particularly talkative due to the fact he was in a coma.
"I wouldn't really worry about it," Tsunade said, sounding so offhand and bored that Sakura was inclined to trust her. "You know perfectly well that this man won't do things by halves – plain sleep just isn't good enough for him. I estimate he'll wake up pretty soon, he's already showing signs of responsiveness. So I choose to see this as a more fortuitous situation. At least this way he won't be wandering off trying to discharge himself. He needs to relax and let himself heal."
Sakura peered closer at the sleeping man, noticing someone had wrapped a pristine white bandage around his head, covering his left eye. "What happened to the sharingan?" she asked her teacher.
"It's fine," Tsunade said dismissively. "The sharingan itself is as good as ever, but the optical nerve and some of the surrounding tissue was damaged. I daresay it won't have done his eyesight that much good even after I healed it. When he wakes up I plan to prohibit him from using the mangekyou again. Obviously he doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'moderation'. Poor Obito… I think he had more untapped potential than even Kakashi could ever handle."
"Obito?" Sakura frowned at her. "Who?"
Tsunade just smiled, pushing a blond lock away from her face. "You can stay if you want. Suna has no limits on visiting hours. But wouldn't she rather be back at the hotel enjoying room service?"
Sakura shook her head. "I'd rather stay with him until he's better. He's in this mess because of me… I feel indebted to him."
"Indebted?" Tsunade repeated with a private smirk. "Is that what kids are calling it these days?"
"What?" Sakura had no idea what that was supposed to mean.
Tsunade rolled her eyes at the girl. "I have genins to review. Summon me if he wakes up." With a fleetingly secretive smile, Tsunade waved her hand and strode out. Sakura watched her leave, utterly stupefied as to what her teacher could have been implying.
It had been a day since they had returned to Suna. Sakura had spent most of the night in a hospital bed of her own, being violently sick every few hours as the chakra-suppressing drug began to fade from her system. And while she was now very much in control of all her faculties once more, her head still had the occasional twinge of pain, and even the slightest change in expression could have the stitches along her scalp tugging unpleasantly.
However, she had been unable to think of no-one else besides Kakashi. Even as she had doubled over a clay basin, retching but unable to bring anything up, she had worried and fretted over how bad Kakashi's condition was. She had asked Tsunade how he was doing, but the older woman would always be infuriatingly vague. Now that Sakura was at his side, she had no intention of leaving it – not until she was certain that he was getting better.
He was certainly taking his time about it though, so Sakura felt free to put her feet up on the edge of his bed and turn on the television. The only shows on were mostly of wind country origin, and the humor was, sufficed to say, different than what she was used to. Eventually she grew bored trying to figure out the jokes and turned the television set off to sit in silence. It was a silence that consisted of the faint tinkling of the wind chime that hung in the open window, swinging softly in the breeze and the distant buzz of street-level activity and conversation. Within the room was the soft hum of electrical equipment, and (if she pulled her chair closer to Kakashi's bedside) the soft sounds of Kakashi's unnaturally deep breathing as he slept on, oblivious to her presence.
Heaving a sigh, she leant forward till her elbows rested on the mattress by his shoulder. "Please wake up soon," she pleaded softly, toying with his hair with her fingertips. "But don't hurry on my account. I'm finding this to be a vast improvement to your personality. This could be the longest you've ever gone without picking up an Icha Icha book."
Kakashi slept on blithely.
Moving to rest her chin on her forearm, Sakura began playing with the edge of Kakashi's mask. "I know you can probably hear me," she said conversationally. "Remember that time Neji-kun got that head injury last year? He was in a coma for nearly a whole two weeks and when he woke up he was claiming that he'd heard TenTen whispering her undying love for him at his bedside. Poor TenTen was so embarrassed. But don't worry… I won't be confessing my undying love for you. I think I already made a fool of myself by doing that the night before the exams anyway."
Although, she hadn't been the only one to utter the words 'I love you'. She seemed to recall he'd said it to her in the same breath he'd told her to duck out of the way of the mangekyou sharingan. Understandably, a lot had been going on at the time and she hadn't been able to appreciate it's meaning. Now that she had the time, she found herself stumped.
"I wonder… did you mean it when you said you loved me?" she murmured, smoothing the backs of her fingers down the right side of his face and over his mask. "Or were you just…" Being whimsical? Being capricious? Acting? "If you meant it, don't do anything at all. If you didn't mean it, you can sit up right now and tell me so."
Much to her delight, Kakashi chose to do continue being comatose, which was obviously his way of saying he loved her to the ends of the earth and back! "Excellent!" she proclaimed happily.
But the thrill of her hollow victory was short-lived. Another sigh escaped her lips as she leaned further forward to examine his lax face. "Tsunade says you're not to use the mangekyou sharingan anymore," she said, wondering if she could psychologically imbed the idea on his subconscious mind. "If you keep using it, you'll start to go blind. And then you'll have to wear glasses." She thought about that for a moment. "Although… I suppose you would only go blind in one eye, so you'd have to wear a monocle instead. I think it would suit you, don't you? You're a 'monocle' kind of guy. Yeah, I can see you carrying it off."
Whether Kakashi agreed or not was unknown, but Sakura's stomach was beginning to rumble. She whispered an apology to the bed-ridden man and slipped out of the room to hunt down some food. After a few minutes she reappeared with a plateful of fruit – fruit being the only thing she'd recognized on the cafeteria menu that was edible. But the moment she stepped through the door and laid eyes on Kakashi, she gave a sigh of frustration.
He'd fallen out of bed.
"Oh, you silly man…" she admonished, setting down her plate on the floor before rushing over to him. By the way the blankets were wrapped around him, it seemed that he'd actually tried to stand up. Now he was just slumped unconscious on the floor with his IV drip tugging dangerously at his hand. "What am I going to do with you, Kakashi? If you make a habit out of that, they'll put restraints on you, ya know?"
At times like this, great strength was a wonderful thing. Under the influence of those chakra-suppressing drugs she would never have been able to lift him alone and set him back on the bed as she did then. She mothered him mercilessly, tucking in his blankets firmly around him and making sure the IV needle hadn't slipped out during his brief attempt at escape. She was just rearranging his hair in an eye-pleasing way over his bandages when the door opened.
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto looked surprised to see her. Sasuke, behind him, never looked surprised at anything.
"Hi," she waved at them cheerfully.
"We just went to check on you but the nurse said you'd been discharged," Naruto said, moving toward her. "Shouldn't you be resting? You looked really ill yesterday!" He ended this by pulling her into an enormous bear-hug.
"I feel fine! Really!" She patted him on the back to let him know she needed to breathe some time. "I just didn't want to leave Kakashi-sensei on his own."
"Is he ok?" Naruto asked worriedly, leaning over the unconscious man.
"He will be," she said. "Once he wakes up."
"What's wrong with him?" Sasuke asked from the doorway. He wouldn't dare come any closer than that, because doing so might imply that he was actually concerned about his former teacher. And that would never do.
"He's in a coma," Sakura told him. "But Tsunade reckons he's already waking."
Naruto frowned at Kakashi. "He doesn't look very 'waking' to me. Is he really in a coma?" He gave Kakashi's collar bone a firm prod of curiosity and nearly leapt a foot in the air when Kakashi's arm came up in a half-hearted attempt to push him away. "He is awake! Look!"
"Please don't poke the sick, Naruto," Sakura told him sharply. "He's not really awake. He's still suffering a light comatose."
"Or just incredible laziness," Sasuke retorted dryly.
"Always a possibility." Sakura shrugged. "But he'll wake up when he's ready to."
"Maybe if one of us made a really loud noise?" Naruto suggested thoughtfully.
Sasuke gave him a flat stare. "You are a true loss to the medical profession, you know that, right?"
Naruto ignored the put-down. "Maybe one of us should kiss him? That usually makes people in comas wake up."
"In movies," Sakura pointed out.
"It's worth a shot!" he protested.
"No, it isn't!" both Sakura and Sasuke chorused.
"Well, if you won't, I will." He began moving forward, only to be collared by Sakura and dragged back.
"You don't really care about that – you just want to see his face," she accused frostily.
From his guilty look, it seemed she'd hit the nail on the head. "Is that a crime?"
"That's called 'taking advantage'," she pointed out.
"A few weeks ago you wouldn't have minded," Naruto said with a pout. "You used to be just as eager as everyone else to see his face. Now that you've seen it, you want to keep it all to yourself and lord it over the rest of us."
That was part of the reason, true, but there was more to it than that. "Kakashi let me see his face willingly. I didn't violate his trust by exposing him while he was helpless. He's not comfortable with people seeing his face, Naruto. Come back and ask him when he's not in a coma."
"You're only saying that because you like him," Naruto argued.
Sakura momentarily spluttered, at a loss for words. It wasn't like she could deny it, as everyone else in the room was fully aware of her feelings. Instead she opted for a short, sharp, "So?"
Silence descended on the room as Sakura and Naruto attempted to outstare each other in a quiet battle for dominance. Eventually Sasuke broke it by moving forward and saying in an even voice, "What the idiot means to say, is that we know what's going on."
Sakura's intense gaze became hesitant and confused. "What?" she asked him.
"We know something is going on between you and him," Sasuke said simply.
"How he knew you were missing before anyone else did," Naruto supplied.
"And that Pakkun mentioned he looked more upset about your disappearance than he'd ever about anyone else's."
"And why he actually offered us money to do something we were going to do anyway."
"And why the first place we find you after you've been given a clean bill of health is here, right at his bedside."
"And why your face is getting redder and redder the more we point it out."
Sakura pressed the cool back of her hand to a heated cheek and turned hastily away from the pair of boys, attempting to look as if she was examining the medical equipment. "You're both delusional," she said shortly.
"Something, is going on, Sakura-chan," Naruto implored. "You can tell us. We're your friends, aren't we?"
Of all the cheap tricks to pull on her… that had to be the lowest. He knew perfectly well that there was no question about the strength of their friendship, and he knew that pointing that out was a better interrogation technique than any torture method.
"There really isn't anything going on between us," she said in a low, honest tone. "I like him. I think I love him. And he knows it. That's all."
She looked back at the boys to see them trading skeptical glances. "And?" Naruto prompted.
"And what?" she asked tiredly.
"And his feelings for you?" Sasuke asked carefully.
From the way they were both watching her, it was clear they were equally anxious. They could dismiss her feelings as fleeting infatuations (even though there had been nothing 'fleeting' about any of her past infatuations to make them think this) but Kakashi's feelings? She could see that they didn't like this possible relationship. Putting herself in their shoes, she was sure she would feel the same. They were naturally jealous of any other male who threatened to take priority in her heart, but she could see they were concerned too. Concerned because Kakashi was older – old enough to know how to use a girl and toss her aside once he was bored with her. She knew because it concerned Sakura too. Part of her feared what would happen once he got over his temporary lust for her and found someone else (or some other book) to focus his attractions on. But it was far too late to stop loving him now.
"I'm not sure what his feelings are," she said slowly. "I just know that he probably likes me too."
"How much?" Naruto asked quickly.
'Enough to fuck me,' was an answer that teetered on the tip of her tongue. The interrogation was beginning to annoy her. She wanted them to back off by giving them the truth, even though she knew they probably wouldn't be able to handle it anyway. Instead she tried to spare them by saying, "I don't know." Because informing them that their teacher wanted to screw her silly was probably one of the few things left in this world that could make these two boys' tempers erupt in atomic proportions. They'd be smothering the poor man with his pillow before she'd finished her sentence.
"Well," Naruto began reluctantly, giving Kakashi a contemptuous look. "At least it's better than that Suna bastard."
Sasuke shrugged. "I don't really care one way or another."
Which was essentially their way of giving consent.
A faint smile touched Sakura's lips. "Was he really worried about me?"
"That's what Pakkun said," Naruto said with disinterest. "Kakashi hardly ever gets worried about anything. When he does, you know it's serious. For him to head out without any preparation… I mean, it's not that we weren't worried, but we at least took the time to get Tsunade in case you were injured and Gaara because he's the only one who could get us through the sandstorm, and then Hinata because she's the only reason we found you underground with her byakugan and then everyone was sort of inviting themselves along because they were worried about you."
"Temari said it would be bad for village relations if they let someone from Konoha get kidnapped on their watch," Sasuke explained dully. "It would look bad if it appeared they hadn't given your recovery their full effort and attention too. That's why so many ANBU invited themselves along. Pure politics."
"I appreciate it anyway," Sakura said graciously. "But if Kakashi hadn't gotten there when he had… I might be dead."
Naruto was still giving Kakashi a grudging look. He bent down to speak into the unconscious man's ear. "You may have saved her life, but if you make her cry you'll live to regret it."
Sakura clicked her tongue in annoyance and rolled her eyes. "Would you stop it?" she snapped, smacking him on the back. "He's lapsed into a coma for me! What does it take to get your approval?"
"We'd be happier if he was richer," Naruto said seriously.
"Less perverted," Sasuke added.
"A little younger."
"Not so fragile."
"But not so smart either."
"And he should be easier to beat up."
"And maybe have dimples?"
Sakura looked quickly at the floor and bit her tongue to keep from confessing that he did actually have dimples.
"But other than that," Naruto said, "He's not so bad. You could do worse. Much worse."
"Why did you look at me when you said that?" Sasuke barked.
"Oh, no reason," Naruto snapped back, giving him another significant look.
Sakura held up her hands. "No fighting in the hospital! Save it for the roof, guys."
They both cast her a vaguely guilty looks before Naruto immediately plucked up. "Oh – hey – Sakura-chan! We've having a celebration tonight for the results of the exams. Do you want to come?"
"You passed?" Sakura blinked in surprise at Sasuke.
The Uchiha simply shrugged.
"We don't know yet," Naruto explained. "We get the results tonight, but either way we plan to celebrate or commiserate with alcohol."
"I'll definitely come," she said happily. "Hopefully Kakashi will have woken up by then."
But as the day wore on and Naruto and Sasuke left in search of more interesting things to do than watch a sleeping man, it seemed that the probability of Kakashi waking up before tomorrow was growing slimmer. Despite his previous attempt to make a break for freedom by falling out of bed, he was perfectly still and unreachable. Occasionally a nurse dropped by to take down some notes before disappearing again, but it seemed his condition wasn't changing all that much.
"You really did it this time, I think," she said wearily, rubbing her eyes as she looked over him. "I'm actually considering confiscating your eye just to keep you from doing something this stupid in the future."
Finally she grew bored enough to turn on the television again to see if anything decent had come on since the last time she'd checked. She settled on a rather suspicious looking soap opera. Naturally, at least two characters were in comas of their own, but after five minutes one of them had already sprung out of bed, fresh as a daisy; a daisy suffering from amnesia.
"Are you taking notes?" she said, poking Kakashi's side. "Why can't you wake up that fast? But if you've forgotten who the hell I am, I'll put you straight back in a coma, ok?"
Her eyes were beginning to get hot and dry as exhaustion crept up on her. She was still getting over her awful night of fever and vomiting, and worrying over Kakashi was probably wearing her even thinner, if not turning her prematurely gray. But she didn't realize quite how tired she was until she felt a hand on her shoulder and jolted upright in her seat. "I'm awake," she said quickly, if a little unconvincingly.
A kindly looking young nurse smiled down at her. "You've been here all day. Maybe you should go home and get some rest? Me and Aki will keep an eye on him."
Sakura peered across at the second nurse in the room and wondered why she hadn't heard either of them enter. "Ok…" She might as well catch some sleep before the party the boys were planning to have. Stiffly, she stood and smiled as she brushed her hand over Kakashi's limp one. "Get better soon," she ordered. "I'll be back tomorrow."
It was with heavily mixed feelings that Sakura made her way through the hospital. Half of her wanted to stay and make sure she was there the very moment he woke up so she wouldn't miss a thing. The other half of her knew perfectly well that it made no difference whether she sat with him or not, and that since her hotel bed was about twenty percent softer than her bed in Konoha, it would be a shame to waste a single opportunity to wallow on it.
Of course, the whole problem would be solved if Kakashi just woke up. But even as she cursed him for being so selfish as to lie around unconscious all day and suck up her time, she was worried too. Not just a little, but a lot. Because Sakura was a medic, and as a medic she knew that there was a chance Kakashi might never wake up.
And that was just too painful to…
Ooh – chocolate!
A quick detour was in order the moment she spotted a well-stocked vending machine with some of her favorite sweets inside. Unfortunately, the few ryo coins in her pocket wouldn't actually fit the slot, no matter how hard she tried to force it through. Suna machines simply didn't take Konoha change, leaving Sakura to stare forlornly at her desired candy bar.
Well… there was nobody looking. Sakura took a quick scan of the empty corridor and discreetly reached up to the top of the machine to haul it diagonal to the wall. After a few brisk shakes, the chocolate and sweets began to rain down into the tray.
Heck, it was the least Suna could do for her after all the trauma she'd been put through in the last twenty-four hours. She was just putting the machine back in its place and crouching to scoop up her numerous prizes when she heard running.
"Haruno-san!"
Guiltily, she started and looked up. "What?" she asked. "I was just-"
"It's the White-Fang's son – you need to come quickly!"
"I – uh – what?" Sakura waved a candy bar at the anxious nurse. "I'm sorry, but I don't work here. I'm not allowed to practice medicine on-"
"No, miss." The nurse shook her head as she nervously beckoned to Sakura. "It's your friend – Hatake Kakashi? We need you."
Sakura dropped her chocolate with a clatter, instantly wide awake and terrified. "What's happened?" She didn't wait around for an answer as she immediately hurtled past the nurse and back up the stairs. Her heart was pounding harder than necessary, and she skidded around so many corners it was a wonder she didn't send anyone flying. Two possibilities were running through her head: either Kakashi had woken up, or he'd just taken a turn for the worse.
Sakura was a natural optimist, but at that moment she didn't have time to reassure herself…
She slammed through the doors to Kakashi's ward, out of breath and looking around wildly for the problem. There was the nurse, Aki, standing beside Kakashi's bed looking flustered and annoyed but Kakashi himself looked the same as ever. His readouts on the machines were all normal, as they had been when she'd left.
"What's wrong?" Sakura asked, coming forward to take a closer look. "The nurse said there was trouble."
"Yes," the flustered nurse said irritably. "It's him. He's the trouble."
Here she gave Kakashi a venomous look, but all Sakura could see was a peacefully sleeping man who sort of resembled an angel. What possible trouble could a man in a coma cause?
But then… it was Kakashi.
"A few moments after you left he started getting agitated," the nurse explained, pushing her brown locks back into place beneath her cap. "Tried to pull out his IV and get up. He's strong too, it's not like I could hold him either. Of course, the moment you come in he calms down like a lamb. Sneaky little…" The nurse composed herself. "Do you mind staying a bit longer while we sort out some restraints for him? He'll hurt himself if he insists on moving about so much."
"He gets agitated?" Sakura repeated.
"Mm." The nurse tucked a slightly disheveled blanket more tightly around Kakashi, as if attempting to pin him to the bed. "He knows where he is and he doesn't like it. If you could just stay a little while to make him behave…?"
"Of course," Sakura said unthinkingly, reaching out to take Kakashi's unresponsive hand. Unlike the nurse, Sakura's heart went out to him. It couldn't be much fun in that bed. "It's not his fault. He spends most of his life in hospital, you see. He's probably acquired an aversion."
"I'll just go get the restraints."
"No!" Sakura said quickly. "Don't bother, it's not worth it. I'll just stick around."
The nurse gave her a strange look. "Are you sure?"
"I don't think he wants to be alone, that's all," Sakura said softly.
"Eh," hummed the nurse, apparently uncaring. "As you wish." She wasn't going to protest too much if Sakura took some work off her shoulders.
The moment she left, Sakura whirled on Kakashi. "You're a nuisance!"
She imagined his comatose silence held a slightly sheepish edge.
"If you wanted company, you should have just told me so," she admonished with a softening resolve as she squeezed his hand tightly. "But I'm here now."
Kakashi seemed content to sleep on. His breathing remained deep and even and his face, or what she could see of it, was lax and tranquil. Giving into temptation, since they were alone after all, she inched his mask down till it slid beneath his chin and beheld all of him.
Ah… she'd never get tired of that face.
Even when he was as vastly ill as he was now, he was beautiful. If those nurses had taken a moment to peek at his face, they wouldn't have been able to conjure a bad word against him. He was a little ashen, true, and his left eye was covered by a thick wad of bandages, but his features were just as strong and attractive as ever. His lips, pale, dry and perfect still looked deliciously tempting, and Sakura found herself staring them as she considered Naruto's earlier proposal.
"You're probably going to kill me for this, but…"
Sakura bent down and pressed her lips to his. It was her sixth kiss in total, and yet again it was different from all the others. This time it was doubtful if Kakashi was even aware of it, and the feel of his pliant, indifferent mouth beneath hers felt odd. Still… it was comforting to know he wouldn't and couldn't pull away and crush her feelings.
In a perfect world, this would be the part where he stirred and began kissing her back and asking where he was and if she was an angel. But apparently that really did only ever happen in movies or in soap operas like the one she'd watched earlier. In reality, Kakashi slept on and the kiss felt empty.
Pulling back a little, Sakura pouted at him. "I've no idea if you felt that. But I'm very grateful for what you did for me back there. So maybe if you wake up I can thank you more properly…? Oh – no! Not like that – I just meant with, like, a kiss or something! Nothing… nothing rude or anything. I-I'm just going to shut up now and pray you didn't hear that…"
She hastily pulled his mask back up and sank into the soft chair at his bedside with a low sigh, tired and frustrated and frayed around the edges. Laying her head against Kakashi's mattress, she reached for his hand, more to comfort herself than for him. It was much larger and stronger in comparison to her own. The tips of his fingers were blunt and square where hers were slim and tapered, and hard, dry calluses lined his palm from years of handling weapons while hers were still relatively soft and smooth.
Sakura didn't like her hands. She wished they were more like Ino's – delicate and slim and unmistakably female. Instead they were practical and strong with weak nails that broke right down to the bed should she dared to do anything remotely active with them. But next to Kakashi's, her hand looked good. It looked like it belonged.
A yawn tore from her mouth before she could stop it and she blinked sleepy moisture out of her eyes. "I'm not going to sleep," she told Kakashi. "I'm just… resting my eyes for a moment" She broke off with another yawn and shut her eyes.
Within seconds she was as deeply asleep as he was.
Matsura may have been sucked off the face of the planet quite literally, but in her dreams he was still an ever-present entity. Always there; his shadow lingering even when he wasn't physically present. Her dream must have shifted at least five times, but she could still feel him at the edges of her peripheral vision. But at least he wasn't the only one in her dreams. Wherever Matsura's presence was felt, Kakashi was there too, acting like a barrier between her and that monster, because no one could touch her when Kakashi was with her.
And then he was gone.
Sakura jolted awake to a dark room, her throat sore from snoring and an embarrassing puddle of drool on her arm where her head had been resting. Before she'd even fully woken up, her hand was reaching out, searching for Kakashi's, but all she found was a cold, empty bed missing its blanket.
That blanket, it seemed, had been draped over her shoulders at some point.
Shrugging it off, Sakura stood and looked around the room in disbelief. The IV needle was lying on the bed, still attached to the drip, along with the sticky bandage that had pinned it to Kakashi's hand. The cupboard that had been storing his clothes was open and empty.
"I don't believe it…" she whispered. The bastard had just got up and left.
It took Sakura all of twenty seconds to storm out of the corner and collar the nearest nurse. "Where's he gone?" she demanded.
"W-Who?" The nurse stammered.
"Hatake Kakashi! He's gone!"
"I'm not sure what… who?"
Sakura released the unhelpful nurse and stormed off in search of someone who would know what had happened. She spotted such a person in the form of Tsunade, heading toward her down the corridor. Before Sakura could open her mouth and demand an explanation, Tsunade cut her off. "Ah – Sakura! I am utterly lost. You don't know where the cafeteria is do you?"
"No, shishou," Sakura said quickly. "Do you know where Kakashi-sensei is?"
"Kakashi?" A despairing look passed over the hokage's face. "Apparently he discharged himself about an hour ago while I was busy trying to find the restroom. These Suna medics are useless. They just let him walk out."
"So he's awake?" Sakura breathed.
"I presume so," Tsunade nodded. "I'd go find him and wring his neck myself if I wasn't so tied down. Do me a favor? Next time you see him, kick him for me. And then make sure he's alright. It was a relatively low-level coma, but he was still seriously ill. Impress that upon him."
Sakura nodded numbly.
"Now go home and have a shower. You need it."
"Yes, shishou," Sakura said thickly.
There was a certain degree of injustice and anger swelling inside her as Sakura plodded her way back to the hotel. Partly because one teacher had just implied she was looking and/or smelling a little rough, and partly because her other teacher had simply walked off without a single word of thanks. She'd spent the whole day at his bedside worrying and fretting over the worst-case scenario, sitting there with him when she could have been back in her hotel gorging on room service. The least he could have done upon waking was let her know that he was alright. But no… he'd just gotten dressed and discharged himself.
The anger only intensified as she reached the hotel, and as she made her way up to her room it became clearer that every door she passed through was being slammed progressively harder in her wake. By the time she stomped into her small bathroom, it was a wonder she hadn't ripped any doors off their hinges. She positively tore her clothes off and threw them in a mangled pile on the floor and stepped under the spray of the shower without testing the water – and then leapt straight back out with a squeak as she was hit by scalding heat. It only served to drive her temper even further toward the edge.
"Bastard…" she muttered bitterly, if not a little brokenly as she scrubbed at her skin with a new kind of savagery. Knots of blood and sand caught in her hair, making her hiss in pain every time her stitches were pulled. Irritatingly her eyes stung, and she couldn't be sure all the moisture on her face was from the showerhead.
Through the hiss of water and steam there came a faint banging. Curiously, Sakura turned off the water and listened.
Someone was at her door.
"Oh, brilliant…" she sighed, hastily tumbling back into her room, simultaneously trying to dry herself off with a towel, find some clothes, and call out, "Hang on!"
She pulled on her black skirt and red vest only, unable to immediately locate any underwear that wasn't packed away at the bottom of her suitcase under the bed. But it would be enough to answer the door and tell whoever was on the other side to go to hell.
With a towel still draped over her hair, she finally opened the door.
"Oh…" she said, staring dumbly. "Takkun?"
"Sakura-chan," he began brightly, and it was then that she noticed the rose in his hand. "I've been worried about you! I heard you were kidnapped."
"It happens," she said awkwardly.
"Are you ok?" he asked.
"I'm fine." She kept her responses short and cagey, hoping he'd get the idea that she'd gone off him. Apparently nearly being stabbed by a chop stick for getting too fresh hadn't made much of an impression.
But Takkun wasn't the sharpest kunai in the holster. When he suddenly got down on one knee, Sakura nearly reeled back in alarm. "What are you doing?" she asked incredulously.
"Sakura-chan, I'd be very much obliged if you stayed in Suna and became my girlfriend," he said, holding out the rose. "What do you say?"
Sakura could only stare in bewilderment. "What?"
"We can get engaged if you like?"
"But… I can't," she said, gesturing back at her room. "I'm in the middle of my shower."
"Sakura-chan, I think I love you. I've never felt this much for any other girl but you! Please say you'll stay?"
"Um…" Suitably disturbed, Sakura looked behind her. "You don't really know me, Takkun."
He didn't seem to care. "I don't care. I feel like my soul has recognized yours and I've never been so sure of anything in my whole life."
Sakura sighed. "Goodnight, Takkun." You're an idiot.
She promptly shut the door in his face and went back to towel-drying her hair. Takkun continued to knock at the door. "Just give me a chance!" she heard him call.
"No, thanks!" she called back. "Please go away!"
"Sakura-chan, I just want to talk."
She decided to ignore him, hoping that her lack of response would eventually drive the point home to him that she wasn't interested. However, the longer she ignored him, the long he knocked. It quickly became clear that Takkun had a skull thick enough to rival Naruto's.
After another loud series of knocks she finally threw her towel down in annoyance and went to the window. He was still knocking as she hauled it open and slipped out onto the fire escape outside. Sakura simply shook her head and padded over to the next window to see if Naruto or Sasuke were there to offer her shelter and perhaps chase off her persistent Romeo – something they were awfully accomplished at. But their rooms were dark and it seemed they were already out celebrating (or commiserating).
Nevertheless, Ino's room was two floors down, which was plenty far enough away from Takkun.
The metal grating felt chilly against her feet as she descended the rickety set of stairs to the level beneath, but the set of stairs leading to Ino's floor was on the other side of the building, meaning she'd have to pass every window on this level to get to it. At least it was dark, so the chances of being spotted were slim.
Most of the rooms were dark and empty. As she carefully sneaked her way past the first lit up window, she spotted a girl inside who looked like she'd just had a shower of her own and was now painting her nails.
She was halfway to the other side when she passed a window that made her come to a complete halt.
It was Kakashi's room.
At least, she assumed it was Kakashi's room, since there appeared to be an bright orange volume of Icha Icha lying on the bed. She recalled the morning he'd traveled in the elevator with her – he'd entered from this floor, so it was likely that this really was his room, even though she couldn't see the man in question.
But wasn't this prying? Perhaps it was best to just move along and find Ino's room? What if he was in the shower himself? What if he was about to emerge in nothing but his towel? What if he emerged in nothing?
That settled it. Sakura was staying.
She didn't have to wait long to see movement. Kakashi did emerge from the bathroom, but much to her disappointment (relief, she told herself) he was fully dressed in his uniform, sans his green vest and black jacket, with his mask down and a toothbrush in his mouth. Instinctively, Sakura froze, knowing the cover of darkness would hide her from sight and he would only see her if she made any sudden movements.
Anxiously she watched him for any sign of ailment. He seemed to be moving slower than usual, as stooped to pick something out of his pack behind his bed, but without getting close enough to examine him properly, it was hard to tell if there was anything seriously wrong with him. He disappeared into the bathroom for another minute or so, and when he emerged his mask was back in place. He slumped into a sitting position on the edge of his bed, facing away from her with his chin poised on a fist.
He looked the quintessential image of a 'thinking' man.
Gathering her nerve, Sakura tapped on the window. She watched as Kakashi's heard turned slowly and he regarded her over his right shoulder with his lone dark eye. It seemed darker than usual, and he appeared to have a smudge of black beneath it, signifying a weariness she could only guess at.
Stiffly he got to his feet and moved toward the window. He stopped a foot away, shoved his hands into his pockets and gave her a faint nod. "Can I help you?" he asked, his voice muffled by the glass.
A more considerate person would have opened the window and invited her in. "Can I come inside?" she asked, wrapping her arms around herself to let him know it wasn't all that warm.
"Mmmm…" He dragged out the sound, as if uncertain. "No. Why?"
"It's cold and I want to talk to you." Actually, she wanted to shout at him and maybe slap him, but he would never let her inside if he knew that. But perhaps he was already wise to her tactics and that was why he was playing hard to get.
"You should try the door," he said, nodding to it. "Marvelous inventions."
She shifted uncomfortably on the fire escape as a gust of wind blew her wet hair around her face. "Why are you being funny with me? You do remember me don't you? I'm Sakura. I was your student-"
"I know who you are, Sakura," he said, his flat tone penetrating the window pane as easily as his incredulous gaze.
If he'd had amnesia she might have been able to forgive him. If not… "Let me in Kakashi. I'm going to catch a cold."
"Don't you have a room of your own?" he pointed out.
"Yes, but there's a rather irritating boy banging on my door who refuses to go away."
"Ah. The brunette turned out to be a mistake, did he?"
She bit her cheek to keep from retorting that she could have figured that out for herself without his meddling. "Let me in, or I smash the window."
He stared at her, as if assessing whether or not she would make good on her threat. Apparently he wasn't willing to take chances, and reached out to pull the window open. Sakura pulled herself inside and immediately reveled in how much warmer it was than the fire escape. But no sooner had she landed on her feet than Kakashi caught her elbow and began steering her toward the door. "I'm sure you can hide from the brunette in Ino's room, so-"
She jerked her arm out of his reach. "Forget it," she snapped. "I came here to ask you something."
Kakashi peered at her reluctantly. "Which is?"
"What the hell do you think you're doing walking out of hospital like that?!" she barked, watching him lean back slightly. "You were seriously ill! You don't just get up and walk off like that without getting checked out by a doctor! What if there was lasting damage? What if there were complications? You should be in a hospital bed still!"
"Why?" He pointed at the hotel bed. "This one's comfier."
"And the least you could have done was wake me," she snarled. "I was so worried about you. I swear – half my hair came out in the shower because of you! But you just left me there in hospital like you didn't care."
Kakashi looked away from her.
Sakura's eyes narrowed. "Or didn't you care?"
"I left because I felt ok. There was no reason to stick around," he explained, still not looking at her. "I was tired and I wanted to sleep somewhere that didn't smell like bleach. Now is that all you wanted to know? Because if it is, you can go on your merry way now."
She almost felt inclined to slam her way out of his room in spite, but she couldn't choose spite over her duty. "I can't," she said bluntly. "Tsunade-shishou ordered me to check you over."
"Did she now?" The way he said made it sound more like a statement than a query.
"She also told me to kick you," Sakura said. "So which would you prefer?"
He sighed. "A check over will be fine."
Sakura jabbed a finger at his bed. "Sit."
Kakashi moved past her unhurriedly and took the seat she indicated. As she stepped forward to stand between his knees and run the tips of her fingers in a non-nonsense fashion up the sides of his masked throat, he looked as if he was wishing he'd picked the 'kicking' option. Sakura ignored his unenthusiastic expression and went about checking his pulse. It was a little faster than usual, but hardly anything to worry about, and certainly not unexpected in his condition.
"Take off your mask and say 'ah'," she ordered.
"Is it necessary?" he asked.
"If I say it is, yes."
Another sigh and a slow tug of his hand brought his mask down around his throat. When he opened his mouth in a small pathetic 'ah', she gave his bandaged eye a hard poke that made his mouth drop open in a louder, wider, "Argh!"
"Seems ok," she said dismissively, pressing her fingers against the bare skin of his freshly exposed neck. "Do you feel hot at all?"
His eye remained firmly fixed on something off to the side. "A little," he said stiffly. "Your hands are cold."
"Suck it up," she breezed. "Any hallucinations? Bright lights? Black spots?"
"No."
"Do you remember everything? Your name, your country, your village, and so on?"
"Yes."
"Who's our Hokage?"
"The Sandaime – don't look at me like that, it was a joke. I am fine."
Sakura's teeth ground together. "Does this hurt?" she asked, pressing along the back of his neck.
"No."
She pressed against the back of his head. "Here?"
"No."
"Any headaches?"
"No."
"Does this hurt?" she pressed against his scarred cheek and noticed a flinch.
"No," he replied stubbornly.
"What about this?" She poked his eye again.
"Ow – yes, stop that." He batted her hand away.
"Can I have a look at your sharingan?" she asked.
"You're the medic," he answered with a shrug.
Sakura nodded and began peeling the bandage away. Beneath it, a small patch of gauze covered his eye and as Sakura plucked it away she noticed there were a few specs of blood on it. Looking at the eye itself she noticed it looked a little raw, but otherwise ok, as if he'd simply been rubbing it too hard. The sharingan blinked at her shoulder, squinting in the light.
"How's your vision?" she asked, genuinely concerned.
Kakashi closed one eye and then the other, as if comparing the two eyes. "It's definitely weaker. I may have to wear a monocle after all."
Sakura's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"
He shook his head. "Just this dream I had…"
Sakura would have laughed and told him the truth behind that dream if she hadn't been so annoyed with him. Instead she grunted and pressed the clean side of the gauze back over his eye. "We'll keep this on a bit longer so it won't fall out," she told him as she wrapped the bandage back around his head.
"That's comforting," he murmured.
Sakura shrugged. "You'll live either way."
"I hate to say 'I told you so', but-"
"You love to say 'I told you so'."
"-I did tell you so."
Sakura tucked the bandage back into place and planted her hands on her hips to regard him stonily. He was still refusing to meet her eyes. She knew that for Kakashi this was not a sign of shyness or timidity. It was introversion and delicate hinting that he didn't want her around.
Which was somewhat at odds with his subconscious behavior earlier.
He was trying to ignore her, even as she stood directly before him with her knees slightly bumping his. His gaze was fixed resolutely on the window, and she knew that he wouldn't speak or look at her unless he had to, or unless it was inviting her to leave.
Two could play the game. She could go along with it, pretend he didn't exist and that she didn't love him, and that there was no attraction between them whatsoever. But she didn't want that. For a brief moment in that cold tunnel when he'd held her in his arms with no hesitation or compunction, it had been the most wonderful moment in her life. Even if it had only been for a second, it had been unhindered, reciprocated affection. Something she'd never had before. Now that she'd tasted it… it was difficult to go back to pretending.
"You're a very silly man," she said, in a low, hollow voice that seemed to make the silence of his room turn a shade quieter. Sakura felt like she was speaking forbidden words, but she was tired of pretending now. Kakashi said nothing. He made no visible reaction, but that just proved that they both knew what she meant. "I thought after the way you saved me we would be friends again. Now you're back to avoiding me, even when I'm standing right in front of you. You can't even look at me."
Kakashi's only response was to inhale deeply and let it out in a sigh as his fingers rubbed idly across his lips as if in deep thought. His gaze still remained locked on the window.
"Are you that ashamed of me?"
"Now who's being silly?" he said distantly.
"Are you ashamed?" she whispered. "You said you wanted me when you… and you… with your… um… but obviously there's something about me that you find repulsive."
Kakashi stood up suddenly, forcing her to step back. "I bet your brunette has gotten bored and wandered back to his burrow now. Perhaps you should go check?" He started towards the door, but Sakura caught the back of his vest in her fist.
"Kakashi," she said quickly, before her courage ran out on her again as it did far too frequently when she faced this man. "Whatever it is you want from me… I want it too."
He turned, breaking her grip and fixed his gaze directly on hers. "How can you possibly want what I want when you don't even know what it is that I want?" he demanded, though he sounded more exasperated than angry.
Sakura blinked rapidly, trying hard to dissect and make sense of his words.
He shook his head and looked tired again. "Sakura, you are seventeen years old. You have no idea what you want."
He might as well have just come right out and said "You're too young and stupid to love." And while sometimes she could freely admit that she was young and stupid, she had never been uncertain about what she wanted or who she loved. Kakashi had no right to presume otherwise.
"So it really is just about my age? And my inexperience?" she ground out, hands furling into trembling fists at her sides. "You don't want me because I'm not old and jaded like you? Because I'm still a virgin?"
His silence was all the affirmation she needed.
"Well, what's it going to take?" she demanded. "Would you accept me if I went off and had a few meaningless flings and lost this 'innocent, naïve virgin' image you have of me? But clearly that isn't what you want, otherwise why the hell did you pay Naruto and Sasuke to mess up my date with Takkun?"
"So you figured it out?" There wasn't an ounce of guilt written anywhere on that face.
"You don't have to figure too hard when Naruto's involved," she told him pointedly. "But do you get what I'm saying? If this is all just about my virginity, you're going to have to accept that if you won't take it, it'll just have to be someone else."
The expression he had then wasn't quite the 'I've just been stabbed in the gut' look, but it was something similar. It was more of a 'Holy shit, my student just offered me her virginity' flinch. But he recovered quickly. "You're oversimplifying things," he said bluntly.
"I wouldn't have to if you'd just come out and tell me what the problem is!" she exploded.
"You know what the problem is."
"Oh, yes, I think I do!" she snapped. "Perhaps what this really boils down to, is that you don't trust me! You think I'm just some stupid teenage girl who moons over the flavor of the week like Ino! You don't believe I'm capable of love! You don't even believe me when I say I love you! Even though, never once in my life have I ever claimed to love someone without truly meaning it!"
He looked at her closely. "Are those drugs gone from your system yet? You seem to be acting a little… irrational. Perhaps you're not quite in your right mind?"
"Damn you!" Sakura gave him a hard shove. "I suppose I must be out of my mind to like you!" she seethed, reaching down to grab Icha Icha off the bed and hurl it at his chest. "You and your perverted books and your dimples and your stupid, stupid inability to say what you mean! Stop looking at the floor! You see – you don't even have the guts to face me! You're afraid of your own student! Although maybe that's what you like about it? Would you be interested if I was older, or someone else's student? You keep acting like you're afraid to violate this gap between us… but I think in reality, it's exactly what turns you on. You really are just a pervert."
It was too far. She knew it was. The moment the words were said, she knew she'd overstepped the vague, indistinct line between them that was getting vaguer and harder to see every day, but at this point she was getting desperate to get any kind of rise out of him. She didn't quite expect the sudden lash of anger though. There was a rage in his eyes that she'd sometimes seen him grace on enemies, and had always been glad that she'd never been on the receiving end. Now she stumbled back as he strode toward her, the back of her knees hitting the edge of the bed. Kakashi caught her by the arms before she could fall.
"Don't you dare say things like that," he said, in one of the most angry and dangerous tones she'd ever heard him use. He didn't need to raise his voice at all to get his venom across. "You have no idea what you've put me through."
"If I don't, it's because you won't tell me," she said, feeling infinitely smaller than she had a few moments ago as her anger and resolve fled in the face of his. But in some way she liked it. She liked his power and how controlled he was, even when he was as angry as this. She liked the way his gaze wandered over her face and settled on her lips, and the way his fingers tightened against her arms when she licked them automatically. She could feel the tension rolling off of him like in the elevator, only this time he seemed so much closer to the breaking point. More than ever she wanted to see him lose that tenacious hold he seemed to have on his control. Heck, at this point a small breeze might make him lose it.
Abruptly, Kakashi released her arms and stepped back, leaving Sakura to overbalance and fall back onto the bed with a squeak. All too aware of her lack of underwear, she quickly clamped her legs together and pressed her skirt down that was threatening to ride up. Kakashi's sharp eye saw her immediate awkwardness and frowned, confused. "What?" he demanded sharply.
Sakura didn't know quite what to say. And when Sakura didn't know quite what to say, she usually resorted to telling the truth. "I-I'm not wearing any panties…"
TBC