Unexpected Detours, part 6
They fell into a routine after those first nights on Hoth. Some nights Leia would join Han and Chewie for dinner and some mornings she would join them for breakfast, but rarely would she do both. He was sure that she was still trying to maintain some discretion and he also knew that she was surprisingly successful at it. The rebels on Hoth were a small, close-knit group, but they were also a busy one. There were rumours of a relationship between the smuggler and the princess, but there had always been rumours and none of them insinuated that the relationship was anywhere near the level that it was at currently. So Han let her keep their secret and tried not to let it bother him that she didn't want anyone to know about his new role in her life.
He cursed aloud as his finger brushed against the hot metal of the pan. He chased thoughts of Leia from his mind and focused instead on trying to make something edible out of their remaining foodstuffs and rations. He had been checking the outer perimeter with Luke when their conversation had turned to lunch. The kid had been eating cafeteria rations for weeks and Han had taken pity on him and invited him for dinner. He felt guilty that he had left his friend out of his dinner plans for so long, but when they had first arrived, Luke had been caught up in the comradery of the rogue squadron. Then Leia had begun to share his table and he knew that she wouldn't want him included in their quiet evenings. Even now, he was gambling in inviting Luke. But Leia had come for dinner three nights in a row and she was due to alter her routine - overdue actually, by her standards.
Now he was faced with the task of creating a meal that was actually better than the slop offered in the cafeteria with the meager supplies he had on hand. He was certain that the rebellion was in as dire need of supplies as he was and knew that he and Chewie would be making a supply run soon. He would've left days earlier on his own if he hadn't been busy with his newly acquired duties on base.
Luke and Chewie were already seated at the holochess table, engrossed in a game that Luke was winning, if the growls that he overheard were any indication.
"Hey, Chewie," he called to his partner. "Just give up and clear the game. Sounds like Luke has you beat and dinner's ready. Come on and give me a hand bringing everything in."
Luke laughed as Han entered laden with a steaming bowl, the corner of a drying cloth tucked into his waistband.
"Han, I never figured you for a cook, or a waiter."
"You learn a few tricks when you're on your own, kid, but I'm no waiter. Turn off that game so I can put this down. I can't stand to eat when those creatures are projected on my plate."
Luke hurried to do as Han asked while Chewie left to bring in the plates and glasses. The clink of dishware was followed by the sound of the outer door opening.
"Where in hells is he going? He knows that kru'aski is best when its hot."
Luke seemed about to answer when Chewie returned, followed closely by Leia. Han took in her expression and cursed himself for not looking for her more diligently earlier so he could warn her of Luke's invitation.
"Han, why didn't you mention that Leia was coming, too." Luke smiled, seeming genuinely happy to have an extra companion for their dinner. "We almost started without her."
"Well, she wasn't sure if she could make it, right your highness?" Han answered smoothly.
Leia, for all her skills at diplomacy, seemed at a loss so he continued: "When I mentioned to her that you were getting tired of that ghenk they pass off as food in the cafeteria and that you were joining me for a real meal, well, she got all jealous that I hadn't included her, so I did. You almost missed out, princess. Chewie doesn't usually leave any leftovers."
"I guess it's a good thing I wasn't detained any longer, captain, because I certainly didn't come here just for the company." Leia's tone was cold as she took a seat next to Luke.
If he wasn't sure before, Han knew now that she wouldn't forgive him easily for having caught her unawares. He then thought of all the ways that he could beg her forgiveness later that night and was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost didn't realize that he was the only one who hadn't begun to eat. Seating himself, he returned to their conversation. "So what kept you, Leia?"
For her part, Leia tried not to notice Luke's reaction to Han's use of her first name. She doubted that he had ever heard Han - or anyone for that matter - address her so casually. Well, anyone except for himself. He had always referred to her by her given name, without any formalities attached. Han rarely used her first name - well, at least before - but there was little hint of formality even when he did use her title. It was most likely that lack of ceremony that had enabled her to develop a more personal relationship with both men. Not that she could ever imagine a sexual relationship with Luke; she didn't believe that she could ever feel anything more than friendship for him. Of course, a few months ago, she might have had the same thoughts about Han. But even at that time, she would have recognized those thoughts for the lies that they were.
Focusing herself back on the conversation at hand, she answered Han's question. "Actually, Captain Solo, I was detained by General Rieekan. He asked me to pass on a request to you. He has made arrangements with a contact on Anobis Prime for a shipment of supplies and he was hoping that you and Chewbacca could bring them here." After a brief pause, she added: "For your usual fee, of course."
Chewie growled a response and, although Leia's grasp of his language remained rudimentary, she knew it to be an enthusiastic one. The Wookie had been grounded for too long.
"Anobis Prime, huh? That's not so bad. When does he want us to leave?"
"That's the other part of the message. He apologizes for the lack of notice, but he needs you to leave in the morning." Leia met Han's eyes and held his gaze for a moment before turning away and continuing, mindful of their audience. "There were some complications at first which delayed the final arrangements, but they have since been sorted out. We are in dire need of these supplies and can't afford to wait any longer."
"Well, princess, we're at your service. And tell the general not to worry about the short notice. We'll make up for it on his bill."
Leia had been so lost in her thoughts about Han's departure that she forget to take offence at his last comment. Fortunately, Luke took up the slack and began an animated discussion on the ethics of Han and Chewie accepting payment from the cash-strapped rebellion. The discussion faded rapidly though. Luke didn't have the verbal skills to cross words with Han and Leia failed to jump into the battle once it had begun. The conversation turned to a more neutral territory and the remainder of the dinner passed amiably. The night ended quickly after dinner with Han using the excuse of their early departure to politely evict their guests.
Luke walked Leia to her quarters and she lay in the darkness on the unfamiliar sheets. She tried not to think about the nights ahead, nights that she would spend alone in these same quarters. She tried not to dwell on how foreign the room felt to her and how at home she felt on the Falcon. It truly had become her home, the first 'home' for her in many years, even before the loss of Alderaan. Deciding that enough time had passed, she returned to her home for one last night.
The ramp was lowered, awaiting her arrival. At the top, his tall frame was silhouetted in the doorway and she struggled not to rush the last steps that brought her to him. His hand reached for hers from the shadows and then she was wrapped in his embrace. He held her tightly and she listened to his heartbeat, telling herself that her need to be held by him had nothing to do with her needing him. And later, in the afterglow of their tender lovemaking, when a few silent tears escaped in the quiet of the night, she told herself that those tears had nothing to do with her feelings for him. Two weeks later, eight days after he had been scheduled to return, when she lay awake in her foreign cot after sobbing until her tears had dried up, she told herself that her tears were only out of concern for him; concern that she would feel regardless of who had gone missing. It wasn't until the morning, when an urgent pounding had awakened her from her fitful slumber, and she was informed that he had just requested clearance to land. That morning, tears of joy streamed down her face and for the first time she owned the emotion behind her tears. For the first time, she admitted that she couldn't play the games any longer; the only player she stood to defeat was herself. That morning she owned all of her feelings for him: the despair and the joy, the desire and the pain, and the love and the need. And for the first time in her brief, but long life, she recognized the good feelings that came only if she allowed herself to feel the bad.
A/N: Sorry for the short update. I decided that a short update was better than no update at all. And the next part was working itself into a chapter all its own.
Please read and review. It's the least you can do since I was tempted to end at Han being eight days overdue, but changed my mind at the last minute. I just couldn't be that cruel.
Scarlet.