Ok I apologise severely for such a long delay I am still alive! Firstly I got major writer's block and then a Dr Who story (work in progress) started and well its taken a while!

please read and review. Competetion with the chapter titles is still ongoing. They are all from something. Knowing what earns you a custom made story.

Italics are flashbacks.

Chapter 3: Hate It

Mal screws up the paper tightly in his hand, swears to himself and tosses it towards the bin.

He can hardly just write "Hey Kaylee I'm alive!" now can he? She would never believe it. Kaylee isn't stupid. She'd think it was a trap.

Finally he decides that cryptic is the way to go. He has to pique their curiosity enough that they want to meet him. Maybe River's constant psychobabble has rubbed off on him. He finally writes;

'Kaylee, mei mei. I don't want you to be alone anymore. I want you to see tranquillity, one last time.'

Simon leans his head back over the bowl as Inara pours the water over his hair.

"Thank you for doing this for me," he says politely, screwing up his eyes to keep water out of them.

"My pleasure. You were looking a little scruffy doctor."

He can tell she is smiling as she runs her hands over his head to smooth the water from his hair. She squeezes the last drips out and smoothes his hair down. Simon twitches slightly at the feel of her hands on him. Stop it, he tells himself, I know its been a while but don't think that about her.

Inara reaches over to her dresser for a pair of shiny silver scissors and carefully starts to trim his hair.

"Not too short, just tidy it up," Simon says opening his eyes and blinking.

"Oh of course. You have to keep up your bad boy image," she mocks gently.

There are a few minutes of silence.

"So are you leaving us?"

Simon flinches, and Inara is glad she took the scissors away from his head before she said that.

"I don't know," he finally mutters gloomily.

Inara moves round in front of him and snips carefully at his fringe. She purses her lips in a way that makes him feel like a chastised child. "Well you had better decide hadn't you?"

He closes his eyes and focuses on the soft snip snip of the scissors. "I have to go," he whispers.

"Why?"

"Kaylee. River doesn't need me anymore." He sighs. "Don't fit anymore. Oh, and Kaylee. Anyway I think the Captain is gonna space me anyway if I make Kaylee cry again." His eyes remain closed throughout. He can't face Inara and say all this.

She doesn't say a word and he cracks open one eye to see her expression. She has her lips pressed tightly together and finishes his hair in silence. He doesn't break it.

"All done," she says finally.

"Thank you," Simon says standing up. He pauses at the doorway to her shuttle. "I'm sorry," he says as he leaves.

"So mechanic huh?"

"Yeah," Kaylee rolls onto her stomach on the camp bed and looks over at Maddie. "Just know how machines work that's all."

Maddie grins from her bed in the gloom of her bedroom. "Well I wouldn't say no to travelling with those boys."

Kaylee snorts. "Not if you had to live with them. I've seen Jayne first thing in the mornin' and it ain't a pretty sight."

Maddie laughs. "But you got your pretty pilot and captain to look at instead."

Kaylee blinks. "Wash and Mal? Well Wash is married and Mal…I don't think of Mal like that. I'd be scared if that happened." She giggles. "Plus I'd have to pull his eyes away from our resident Companion and I think I'd lose." She laughs again. "But those two are sweethearts."

"But that doctor's pretty swai."

Kaylee suddenly goes quiet and Maddie realises that she's hit a nerve.

"I oh…sorry…were you..?"

"We were, then we weren't, then we were and now we're…I don't know." Kaylee sighs and hugs the pillow. "It's complicated."

Maddie smiles sympathetically. "You could always ask him to dance tomorrow night? The wedding party ma never got."

Kaylee shrugs. "Don't think Simon would dance with me. Oh well. Maybe one of your brother's will take pity on me."

Maddie snorts with mirth. "Goodnight Kaylee."

"Goodnight Maddie."

The next day dawns bright and sunny. Wash and Zoë take little Mal out to play in the large meadow behind the Cobb house. Simon sits on the porch and tries to keep out of everyone's way. There is talk of some big party in Jayne's honour or something that night. So the Cobb boys are hauling huge logs around and constructing a large bonfire. Some other town's people are stringing up lengths of coloured lanterns and banners. Simon stands and leans on the railing, and watches Wash and Mal. Mal is running about shrieking loudly, while Zoë and Wash chase him. Wash grabs hold of Zoë and she laughs and mock-fights to escape. Eventually Wash wrestles her into the grass and they lie there laughing.

Simon suppresses the wave of bitterness this causes him to feel, when River comes running out of the house.

"Simon chase me," she yells leaping down the steps and heading for the nearby cornfield.

"River…River wait I don't think you should run in your con…" he trails off as she disappears and heads after her. He sprints towards the corn and follows her into the field. He has to batter the stalks away from his face as they try to whip at him. He curses to himself as a bit flicks him in the eyes. He swipes it away.

"River!" he yells.

All he hears is a giggle to his left. He swerves that direction and stumbles out at the far edge of the field. He comes out onto a grassy area, on a bank next to a tree whose roots rise up out of the ground in twisted arcs.

Kaylee is laying on her back on a patch of the short grass; her hand-me-down from Ellen Cobb pink gingham frock is hitched up so her legs are going brown in the sun. There are freckles appearing on her nose. She has her eyes closed.

River is nowhere to be seen. Simon coughs gently to alert her to his presence.

Kaylee opens her eyes and sits up. "Oh," she says. "Hi."

"Hi, have you seen River?"

She shakes her head and lies back down, wiggles a little to get comfortable and shuts her eyes again.

"What you doing?" Simon asks awkwardly.

"Sunbathing. Keeping clear of the loudness and mayhem. Nice haircut by the way." She says all this without moving.

"Oh. Thanks. Inara did it for me. My mother said I was getting scruffy."

"River mentioned you were calling her. Well sit down if you're going to and stop hovering." Part of her desperately wants him to stay, the other part is screaming at him to leave.

Simon sits down on the bank and they remain in silence for a long time. He starts to fiddle with a long strand of grass between his fingers. He stares at her and watches her breasts rise and fall with each breath. He forces his eyes away. He just wants to kiss her. But he has nothing to offer her. He is going to leave. He has to; it'll be better for everyone that way. But he can't resist tracing her body with his eyes and recalling her skin under his fingers and kissing those pink lips and letting her sleep against him. Waking up to her kisses, her eyes…he bites his lip and pushes the thoughts away. I'm leaving. I am. Its better for us all that way.

After about twenty minutes of just sitting in the sun, Kaylee stirs and sits up. "We'd better go back."

All she wants to do is take his hand as they both stand and push back through the corn. But she can't. Simon isn't the same man who said he loved her during that terrible escape, through smoke and screaming. She's not sure she knows him anymore. I've got to be strong. It'll be better this way.

"What was Jayne like when he was little?"

Lisa Cobb sets the slab of cake down in front of River and settles herself into another chair, and smiles fondly. "He was a tearaway. But a good boy at heart. Hell of a tracker. He was bringing home hares for dinner when he was six." There is pride in her voice.

River smiles at her, picking up the slice of cake.

Lisa sighs lightly. "But he's too much like his daddy."

"How?"

"Likes to keep moving. Thinks the moss will grow on his boots if he don't keep walking. Went runnin' for the stars. Just like his daddy. Left us behind. But he means well. He thought that this dustball wasn't good enough for us."

River nods. "Think living on Tanulia was the longest he'd stayed settled for a long time."

"Yeah well we both know he only stayed because of you and your brother…"

"What?"

"He felt he owed you. Couldn't leave the two of you to fend for yourselves. He has got a soft centre my son, despite what he might pretend to the contrary."

"What you women gossiping about now?" Jayne stomps into the kitchen and frowns at River and his mother looking too cosy.

"Nothing dear," they say together and then share a smile.

Jayne looks worried for a moment then snags what is left of River's cake. He mumbles round a mouthful of crumbs. "Jus' so long as it weren't 'bout me."

"Do you ever think about the future?"

Zoë sets Wash's plate down in front of him. "Why do you ask that husband?"

He watches her as she sits opposite him, then shrugs. "Well do you?"

She shakes her head. "Not really. Not anymore."

"Why not?" he presses with his mouth full of protein.

"A luxury I lost a long time ago," she states matter of factly.

"But I want to plan my life with you!" Wash's sudden outburst surprises her. "And your live for this week attitude isn't helping!"

She puts her mug down on the table firmly then rubs a hand across her pregnant belly. "We planned this," she says quietly.

"And what else have we planned? Nothing. I'm going space crazy. We gonna die here on the Dinosaur with fat grandchildren?" Wash sighs dramatically. "I love you and I love this ship. But I want some assurances."

Zoë looks evenly at him.

"Is it because of Him? Dying…"

Zoë shoves herself to her feet. Her eyes flashing darkly, and Wash realises he's gone too far. "It's because of there. Hera. I listened to those men make plans. Plans for when we won, plans for going home, dreams in the wind. Not one of those plans came to anything. Every one of those men and women are dead. Planning got them no where."

Wash opens his mouth to retort but she is already out of the door. He sighs again. I'll blame space fever, he decides.