Author's Note: Thank you MagicallyYours and Imzadi for sending such great reviews! As you can see, they have encouraged me to write the next chapter rather soon. Enjoy, and don't forget to review! wink xoxox AnnaChase
Dear Baby, 31st of December 1977
It's 11 o'clock, New Year's Eve, and this morning, ironically, my watch stopped ticking. After all those other things that have been taken away from me, like freedom, love and family, I now also no longer have notion of time. There are no windows here, so I'll only be able to know approximately what time it is when Daniel comes to bring me a meal or takes me upstairs. This bothers me. Before, when I was frightened or just had nothing to do in my empty cell I'd lay down on my mattress in the corner and listen to the soothing sound of my watch ticking. I won't hear that anymore now. Of course I could ask Daniel to bring me a new one, or get him to replace the battery, but I'm not able to ask him anything. To be honest, I'm hardly able to look at your father now. I feel so humiliated, and naïve, and I wonder, why couldn't I have been more mature, or wise, or own any other characteristic that would have made me see your father's true colours before it was too late? I can't turn back time, and I can't stop time either. There's nothing to be done about how naïve I was now, I'm dealing with the consequences for the rest of my life. The rest of my life, as a part of these consequences, is only less than 3 more months, unfortunately. His words have always sounded sincere and honest, and his kisses felt true and full of love. The nights we made love were great too. He'd make me feel the happiest girl on earth, and he'd whisper things in my ear that made me blush. To me these nights resembled heaven, and perhaps they did, but not the way I then thought. You are heavenly, my darling, and you're the one good thing Daniel has given to me. I still haven't decided whether he was just such a good actor, making me believe his promising words, or was a part of these feelings I'd swear came from both of us real? Was I the chosen one, to bring you into this world? Or did they find out about your potential when you were already inside of me? If the latter is true, did Daniel really love me, and if he did how could he so suddenly change the warm colours of his heart to something so ice cold? I cannot understand any of these things, and I probably never will, so I will just stick with my first theory; Daniel has always used me in order to create you. I should not keep pondering over other possibilities, for they will always remain a mystery to me.
I spent Christmas with Joe and Charlie, the new guard. After Nicholas Wolfram & Hart certainly made sure to put the most heartless ones in front of my cell, for Charlie seems even grumpier than Joe. Perhaps he is just scared to end up like Nicholas, I can't blame him for it. Anyhow, I didn't have a lot of company during Christmas, so I started thinking of a name for you. The doctor has indeed confirmed my suspicions that you are a girl, so I don't have to think of any boys names. I doubt I'll be able to name you, but I can only hope that Daniel will once read these letters and not only feel guilt over his deeds, but perhaps also like one of the names I have in mind. There are so many different kinds of names; short names like mine, long names, classical names, biblical names, or noun-names like hippie-parents often use. I have once even met a girl named Ice! I do want you to have a special name, but I'd rather give you a slightly more normal name than "Ice" or "Cinnamon". Not that I don't find these names pretty, but I doubt you would like to be named after an ice cube or a herb. I've been thinking of Celeste, that means heavenly, and that to me you are. Another name I very much like is Melody. I've always loved music, and when I played the piano, which I have done for over 10 years, I seemed to be in a different world. I want you to have a meaningful name, that will tell people immediately about your beautiful character you no doubt will have. Charlotte, Emily, Isabelle, or perhaps something simple but charming like Anne. You can tell I have not yet made a decision, but I will. I promise you in my next letter you will have a name. I'm not sure if you will carry the name I am going to pick for you, but at least in my heart you will. In my heart, wherever it will go to after my death, you will live. Always.
Your loving mother