My Soul Weeps
Chapter Two: Slowly Taking in the Pain

A/N: Much thanks to elebelly for her review! Since I'm on vacation for a few more weeks, it should take me maybe a day or two to update to the third chapter. I tried adding more characters to this one, let me know if I made them OOC or not, thanks. And to take away some confusion, this chapter is in Tifa's P.O.V.

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I just couldn't believe it...I can't...

AT ALL.

I just can't come to grips that Cloud is...is...

I can't even say it...

I don't want to feel the tears running down my face anymore, just from saying that word...the D word...or any other word that is related to it along with Cloud's name...

It's been a few days now since we all got the news...we met at Aerith's old church to get together and say our last few respects to Cloud. The water still flourishing in the middle of the church appeared as clean as when it first appeared when we were able to cure the people of Geostigma. We all gathered around it...Cid...Vincent...Yuffie...Nanaki...& Barret...Denzel & Marlene were being watched by Elmyra in North Corel...Barret didn't think it was a good idea for them to come, especially Denzel...he would just be crushed, with Cloud being a hero and almost like a father figure to him.

I couldn't hold in my tears that day...I bawled my entire heart out; it felt so horrible, I wished it was just a nightmare...and that at any second, I would wake up in my bed and I would find Cloud still alive, rushing out the door to do another delivery...

After all this time, I wish I had the chance to tell him...

...That I loved him.

We weren't able to do a real funeral, as Cloud's body was unable to be found. According to the reports given, he was buried deep underneath a terrible avalanche up near Icicle Inn. He had to go up there to deliver a package to one of our faithful customers. I remember hearing about it on the news, but the thought of Cloud being in there was a thought that never crossed my mind...after days of searching under many feet of snow, they were unable to find him, nor the other people who were living there, sadly trapped inside their homes left to die as well weeks later...God, I feel so sorry for them...

"Tifa! Ain't you gonna at least eat SOMETHIN?"

I quickly broke out of my deep thoughts after hearing Barret's voice across the table from me. We were in the dining room of 7th Heaven, which was situated next to the bar area. I turned my gaze over to his face which was full of frustration, and I don't blame him. I haven't eaten in days...I just can't find myself doing it. I feel so full of hurt and sorrow to take a bite to eat or even a sip of water.

"I just can't Barret..." I answered as I looked into his eyes, which were probably threatening me to eat now...or else. My mind was thinking 'or else', unfortunately. "I just can't..."

I heard him sigh as he continued to eat the rest of the food off of his plate along with Cid & Yuffie, who were at the table with me on the left and the right of me, respectively. Vincent and Nanaki had decided to return to their homes, leaving the four of us here. Yuffie decided to stay with me for a while, and I thank her a lot for that.

"Damn it, Tifa...you gotta eat somethin', or at least do some shit that will help you cheer up from what happened..." Cid added to Barret's words, and after he spoke he took a large gulp of tea from his tall glass.

"I don't like seein' you like this one bit Tif...It just isn't like you at all to be this down..." Yuffie's brown eyes looked the most concerned I had ever seen them, and she almost convinced me with her words, but it just wasn't enough. I just couldn't take it anymore and I stood up, almost knocking the full plate in front of me off of the table.

"I'm sorry guys, but I just need some time alone..."

God, I wish I could control my tears much better, but I could feel them escaping from my eyes once again as I ran away from the table and up the stairway to my place of refuge: my room.

Maybe if I just give myself some rest...I'll feel at least a LITTLE better...

I couldn't bare to look at the picture of Cloud and I from a few months ago sitting on my bookshelf. The two of us were standing in front of 7th Heaven while Yuffie volunteered to take the picture. To this day, I still wonder why she did that. But nonetheless, it was my favorite picture out of all of the other pictures hanging around my room, and thinking about that one picture of us makes me feel very uneasy. Without getting under the covers of my bed, I flopped onto it, landing in the middle, and wrapped my arms around my favorite, soft pillow. Just feeling my face on its warm, soft features made me fall asleep in an instant. However, my thoughts still ran rampant through my mind.

Why didn't I tell him...why didn't I at least show more of my feelings to him...I regret the both of us not being able to talk that much, with Cloud being away a lot and all...

With that said, my eyes fell closed one last time and I could feel my breathing become slower and slower, the sign that my body had drifted off to sleep.

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Tifa...

Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo?

Tifa, you there?

TI-FA! WAKE UP!

Huh? Where am I?

I sat up, shaking my head as I looked all around me, only to find that everything around me was white: above me, below me, to the sides of me...everything.

Tifa, do you remember me?

The voice swirling around in my head echoed throughout my mind as I looked upward, answering the voice with my mind.

Aerith...

I knew that voice from anywhere...it was Aerith, but...where is her voice coming from? Looking from side to side, I couldn't find a trace of her for miles, if the concept of miles even existed here. Standing up, I almost felt dizzy; the thought of walking somewhere could end up confusing myself as there seemed to be no markers or anything to help me retrace my steps. I soon realized there was no point anyway, since it was only a dream...I think?

Aerith...show yourself...where are you?

Turn around Tifa!

I turned around, and sure enough, Aerith stood behind me about a few yards away with her usual close-lipped smile, her hands folded behind her back as she started walking toward my direction. Standing only a few feet away from me, Aerith's face became more serious as she eerily sensed that I was about to bombard her with questions.

What are you doing here? Where am I? Why am I here?

First, I'm here to help you -

With WHAT?

Tifa, let me finish...I'm here to help you relax...as of right now, you're in a deep sleep but also in something similar to what is known as a coma...you've been in one for almost a day now so far. Cid, Yuffie, & Barret left after you fell asleep, they do not know you're still here in your room.

My God...

You're here because I want to show you someone...okay, it's safe to come out now!

Materializing out of thin air, a familiar muscular figure began to suddenly form in front of my eyes; the result of all of the pieces of his body coming together almost caused my knees to buckle. My eyes and mouth were left wide open in awe. The man's familiar glowing gaze coming from his eyes absolutely captivated me. He began to walk toward me, looking at Aerith at a second before passing her to come up to me.

"Cloud..." That was the only word I could let loose from my nervous lips at that moment, as I didn't think that I would ever see him again. "Oh my God..."

"Tifa...Aerith was able to give me the chance to see you again..." His hand gently caressed my face, a gentle flush beginning to flood my face with heat. I smiled for a second, very grateful to see Cloud's handsome face once again. I could almost feel my knees weaken once again, my body almost hypnotized by Cloud's touch.

"Cloud..."

"I felt so terrible...not being able to talk to you again."

Cloud...remember what I told you...

Cloud nodded at Aerith after she had spoken to him. Aerith stood behind Cloud with her arms crossed, moving her eyes back and forth between the two of us talking. His eyes' focus returned back to mine, serving as a distraction to his lips inching toward mine. For a minute, the feeling of our mouths embracing felt so real and full of passion and I wrapped my left arm around his waist. Without telling my free hand, I could sense it pressing gently against his muscular chest.

Wait a minute...

I suddenly pulled my lips away from his and backed a few feet away, as the high his kiss gave me began to sink back down and away from my heart. Cloud's eyes widened slightly with surprise, but he was able to keep his composure. I could sense that I had threw him off a little bit, but I had to get a few things off of my chest while I was still here...before I woke up from my "coma".

"Cloud...how come you never showed me these feelings before?"

"..."

"Cloud!"

"...To be honest, I was still harboring feelings for Aerith..."

"Cloud..."

"...And I didn't know how to deal with those feelings...but about a month ago, I realized that...even though I loved Aerith, I had more feelings for...you..."

I could sense that Cloud was speaking the truth, and I couldn't hold it inside any longer. I threw my arms around him, burying my head in his chest, letting all of my frustrations, joy, & anger flow out of my body through my tears.

I know that I'm only in a coma...but I wish this feeling could last forever...

"Cloud, please...don't leave me again, ever..."

"I won't Tifa," I could feel his hand running through my hair, and I was glad he was able to bear my cries. I closed my eyes, almost forgetting that what I had said would never come true. "I won't."

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Opening my eyes, the feeling of Cloud's body disappeared, as did Aerith's figure standing behind him. Turning from side to side, I realized that I was alone. All I could see was white once again and the dizziness returned to my body.

"Aerith!?!"

You rang Tifa?

Aerith suddenly appeared right beside me with a burst of light flashing brightly for a second, then disappeared as quickly as it came. Giving me her trademark smile, she stood as if waiting for me to speak. So, I did.

"What's going on? Where did Cloud go?" I asked, wiping the last few tears left from under my eyes with the back of my hands.

"I only gave you that vision to see if your feelings for Cloud were really true...I didn't doubt you for a second, but I had to make sure before I tell you this..." Aerith paused for a minute, her face more serious than I had ever seen it appear before. "In that vision, what took place is what would have happened if Cloud had actually appeared in your dream...that is, if he was...actually dead."

"Wh...what? You mean that...?"

"Yes...Cloud is still alive."