Well, here we are, day three in the Big Brother house, and already tensions are mounting between Tommy and Carl.

"I say the 1986 Banshee is better!"

"And I say the 90's model would kick it's ass!"

"What the hell? That doesn't even make sense! And what's so great about the new Banshee? I get to stare at your ugly face all day? Cars have roofs for a reason prick!"

"New? Newsflash, Vercetti, it aint new. It's been around for fifteen years."

"The '86 Banshee is a classic!"

"It's a pile of crap!"

Claude looked on in dismay as they continued to argue. I wish Lazlow was still here, he thought. That was funny.

Instead, Lazlow had set up cameras throughout the house, so he could observe their behaviour from the safety and comfort of his crappy flat in the Red Light District, Portland. The door burst open. Lazlow threw himself behind a table. In walked Toni Cipriani, armed with a gun and an evil grin. Both were able to scare the living hell out of Lazlow.

"It's time for you to pay up Lazlow," he said, holding an empty sack.

"Toni. . .I-"

"Toni? How did you know my name was Toni?"

Oh, God, not this again. "Okay, listen To- Sir. Um. . ." Lazlow thought for a minute. How would you like to star in Liberty City's Big Brother show? I bet your mama would be proud of you."

"Mama?" said Toni, almost ready to cry. He looked at the monitor. Hey, I know these guys, he thought. They all betrayed The Leone family name. This could be my chance to whack em. Make Joey proud, make mama proud, make papa proud. He held his hand to his heart. "Lazlow, you got a deal."

Meanwhile, Carl had been plotting his revenge on Claude. That mute would be sorry he crossed me, thought CJ, as he doodled a rough sketch of himself soaking Claude with a water balloon. He laughed out loud.

He turned the page over, and began an outline for his plan. He held the pencil awkwardly, his tongue hanging out with concentration, as he wrote down what he would do, step by step.

As he did this, Tommy spoke to Claude.

"So, don't talk much, do ya?"

Claude shook his head.

"You wanna tell me why?"

Claude shook his head again.

"You're impossible, you know that?"

Claude smiled. They both turned to look at Carl, who was lying on the floor drawing and laughing to himself.

"He's an idiot isn't he."

Claude nodded, and threw his shoe at CJ.

They laughed.

Carl continued with his plan, muttering death threats to himself and saying how they would all be sorry when he finished.

That night, it was time.

Carl hid behind the sofa, and unfolded his plan sheet. "Boy, Claude is gonna be sorry," he snickered.

He ducked down, out of view, when he saw Claude walking through from the kitchen. Claude was about to walk past. A quick double check of the plan sheet in case he had forgotten. Perfect.

Holding back laughter, Carl extended his leg.

Claude tripped up.

Carl laughed loudly and childishly as Claude knelt on the floor. He turned to see Tommy walking towards him. Carl watched Tommy with interest.

Tommy pointed upwards, and while Carl was distracted, pushed him backwards, over Claude.

Claude stepped on CJ again as he and Tommy left the room, leaving CJ humiliated, confused, and desperately trying to find what the hell Tommy had been pointing to.

6:15 pm. Time for the contestants to attempt today's challenge, to win their next meal.

"Hey," said Carl, to the speaker Lazlow's voice was emanating from. "Didn't you say there would be booze?"

Carl, you don't have to talk to the speaker. I can hear you. And I'm afraid I don't have the money to buy booze right now, so you will just have to make do with Microwavable TV Dinners.

"Damn."

"So what do we have to do?" asked Tommy.

Today's challenge will be a no holds barred, every man for himself game of. . .Musical Chairs!"

CJ's face brightened. "I love this game!"

In the middle of the floor, is one chair. When the music stops, the first person to sit in the chair can have the meal. Are we ready?

The men nod. Lazlow puts on a copy of "One Step Forward" by the Desert Rose Band, and the men - excluding CJ who paraded around the chair in time to the music - stepped slowly in circles, clearly depressed by the country music.

The record stopped, and the contestants scrambled for the chair. The chair was pushed into the kitchen and Tommy and CJ chased after it. Tommy beckoned CJ to sit down, but pulled away the chair at the last second and sat down himself.

When he returned to the dining area, he noticed the plate was empty.

Claude burped.

Um. . .The winner: Claude! Again.

For the second night in a row, Tommy and CJ went to sleep hungry. Tommy wanted his revenge.

He fumbled in the darkness, and got a glass of water. He walked back through the pitch darkness to the room, located Claude's hand, and put it in the water. Then returned to sleep.

A/N: Sorry, I tried, I tried to let CJ get his revenge, but it just doesn't work. He's too dumb, I think. All he's good for is waving a gun around, and letting people boss him around.

So sorry to any CJ fans, I'll try and give him a better role later, the next chapter should be interesting.