The Marauder's Map
SNAPE
a/n OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH … SNAPE …!!
MOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can see the tension!!!
Peter went off to look for the rest of the Marauders, bringing the map with him. Unfortunately, he bumped into Snape on his way.
"So … Pettigrew …" Snape hissed. "What are you doing, scuttling around the castle without stupid Potter and Black, by yourself?"
Peter started to sweat. "Nothing …!" he squeaked nervously.
"What's that in your hand, freak?" he demanded, snatching it out of Pettigrew's grip.
"Uh … spare piece of parchment …" he muttered feverishly.
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he sneered. "I wasn't aware of the fact that you even knew what parchment was used for. So you'll excuse me for not believing you, Pettigrew."
Peter was frozen to the spot, unable to move in fear. Snape stalked off, his robes billowing everywhere.
Finally, his stomach gave a huge rumble, and he hurried off to his friends.
Snape went off into the Slytherin Common Room, and sat down on a couch, pondering over the paper.
What was it? Obviously not as Pettigrew had claimed – he couldn't tell a lie to save his life. But then, what was it?
"Reveal your secret!" Snape muttered, pointing his wand at it.
The parchment did nothing.
"Do as you are told, or I – Severus Snape – will throw you into the fire!"
Suddenly, a sentence appeared.
Mr Prongs would like to advise Mr Snape to be very cautious, or he might make the paper too oily to read.
Snape froze, looking shocked and angry.
Mr Padfoot would like to state that Mr Snape is an ugly git.
The Slytherin's fists were curled into balls.
Mr Moony would like to suggest that Mr Snape go into a mental institution.
Mr Wormtail advises Mr Snape to wash his hair for the first time in his life.
Mr Prongs agrees, and would like to ask why a stupid mongrel like Mr Snape can actually read.
Mr Padfoot understands completely, and would like to mention that Mr Snape has an IQ of less than zero.
Mr Moony solemnly agrees, and thinks that Mr Snape should slither away like a stupid snake would.
Mr Wormtail would even go so far as compare Mr Snape to a hog.
Mr Padfoot disagrees, for calling Mr Snape a hog is an insult to hogs. There is no word in the world to describe Mr Snape.
Mr Prongs does not concur. Mr Prongs would think that 'oily haired idiot' is suitable enough.
Mr Moony also disagrees. Mr Snape is a dim-witted troll with no sense, who also is an absolute troll-like dingbat.
Mr Wormtail must agree with all statements.
Mr Prongs might also add that Mr Snape is an ugly person with no heart.
Mr Padfoot might also add that Mr Snape is a filthy and stinky snail.
Mr Moony does not agree, because snails are eaten in various parts of the world, but if anyone ever did try to eat Mr Snape, they would probably have to die from poison from greasiness.
Mr Padfoot would like to add to Mr Moony's statement that anyone who would want to eat Mr Snape is probably in St. Mungo's and is unavailable to try.
Mr Prongs would like to congratulate anyone who would like to eat Mr Snape, because they will be doing a very daring and brave deed to the world – to sacrifice yourself for the lives of so many others! To whomever that will do that – I salute you!
Mr Wormtail would like to ask why Mr Snape is here.
Mr Moony might want to correct Mr Wormtail by stating that Mr Wormtail meant something along the lines of 'there must have been a mistake – no one in the world could make such an ugly specimen!'
Mr Padfoot feels extremely sorry for whoever are Mr Snape's parents. However, Mr Padfoot has the strange feeling that Mr Snape's parents are probably as stupid and dim-witted as Mr Snape himself, so he suddenly does not feel at all sorry.
Mr Prongs hopes Mr Snape will not have any children because Mr Prongs does not think he can bear the sight of so many ugly little brat-faced Snapes running around.
Mr Moony begs Mr Prongs to stop the description of Mr Snape's children or Mr Moony might have nightmares.
Mr Wormtail can even picture a little Snape-like girl throwing rocks at an innocent and pretty-looking little girl.
Mr Prongs feels deeply sorry for the little girl in Mr Wormtail's mind. Mr Prongs might even add that he does not feel sorry for the marks, he is sorry because it will mean one of Mr Snape's descendants have greased the poor girl.
Mr Padfoot also begs to stop describing Mr Snape's disgusting little children.
Mr Moony agrees, and would like to state that Mr Snape's nose is very large.
Mr Prongs welcomes the change of topic, and would like to state that mostly all the time, bits of snot is visible.
Mr Padfoot applauds Mr Prongs's disgusting observance, and would like to add that it covers half of his face. Mr Padfoot would like to tell Mr Snape that the reason why Mr Snape has no friends, girlfriends or boyfriends is because he is too oily.
Mr Wormtail would like to point out that oil is good for the skin, but does agree that the oil on Mr Snape's body is probably poisonous.
Mr Padfoot is surprised that anyone can read what he writes because his abnormally large and oily nose must touch the paper since it is too big!
Mr Prongs would suggest that Mr Snape cut his nose off.
Mr Moony agrees, and though it might seem strange, it would certainly look much nicer.
Mr Wormtail cannot picture Mr Snape without his large nose because his nose is probably his trademark.
Mr Padfoot agrees, but if his nose wasn't, it would be his disgustingly oily hair … or maybe perhaps his grey underwear he wears day after day.
At this, Snape stopped reading. How did this Mr Padfoot know about his underwear? It was true he wore them day after day … but it didn't really matter did it? It wasn't like he was someone who would always throw them down on the dirt and stamp on them.
Mr Prongs would like to ask Mr Padfoot to not mention Mr Snape's underwear because it is probably covered in moss and cockroach droppings.
Mr Wormtail would like to state that if Mr Wormtail could have a wish; it would be to see Mr Snape covered in cockroach droppings.
Mr Padfoot would like to add to Mr Wormtail's statement. Mr Padfoot would also like to take a photo of Mr Snape in cockroach droppings, and send it to the newspaper.
Mr Prongs would like to suggest perhaps The Daily Prophet? That would be one newspaper that will do justice to the world if the photo is sent.
Mr Moony would like to suggest that the subject of cockroaches be discontinued, as thinking up an image of Mr Snape covered with cockroaches is making Mr Moony sick.
Mr Padfoot would like to ridicule Mr Snape much more.
Mr Prongs agrees.
Mr Moony must disagree, and though Mr Snape is a stupid and oily git, Mr Moony is certain Mr Snape has gotten the message.
Mr Wormtail would like to bid Mr Snape a bad day, and wash his hair, the slimeball.
With that, the words disappeared off the parchment. Snape was grinding his teeth. Who were the stupid fools who insulted him like that?
Standing up, Snape gritted his teeth, and stalked off to Filch's office.
haha, I'm betting you can guess what will happen next! review?? -puppy eyes