A Million People
Crowds of students filed out of the doors and onto the quad outside Williams College. The crisp winter air was alive with the sound of chatter and laughter as they enjoyed the early December snow. Despite the cold chill in the air, the sun shone down brightly, casting a golden glow over the campus.
Another sunny day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Grissom stood silently in the centre of the chaos, watching as life went on around him. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was surrounded by something other than the finality of death.
The scene that surrounded him was something akin to that which one would normally see on the front of a Christmas card. It was peace, youth, and happiness at it's finest.
May be surrounded by
A million people, I
Still feel all alone
Just wanna come home
Oh I miss you, you know
So why did he feel so empty?
And I've been keeping all the letters
That I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you?
It had been three weeks since he'd left Las Vegas behind. Since he'd left Sara behind. He'd written to her every day since he'd been out there, the letters somehow making him feel closer to her. He didn't send them however, choosing instead to keep them locked in a drawer in his hotel room.
I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
He knew he'd done the right thing by taking a break from the lab. If he hadn't have gone when he did he would have completely burned out.
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
I've got to go home
He was becoming a bad supervisor, even a bad CSI. He found himself unable to concentrate on cases, suffering from headaches, and snapping at his team.
Let me go home
I'm just too far
From where you are
I've wanna come home
But worse of all he was becoming a bad partner. He knew he was taking the brunt of his stress out on Sara. And what hurt him the most was that every time he snapped, every time he acted like the world's biggest jerk, she would just stand there and take it. It was this knowledge that ultimately led to his decision to take the job at Williams College. He remembered all too well the day his mind was made up.
His head felt as though a jackhammer was drilling through the front of his skull. Every beat of his heart pounded in his ears and the intense urge to vomit rolled over him in waves.
Lying back on the sofa in his town house he closed his eyes, his brow knitting tightly as he rubbed his temples to try and ease the pain.
That was how Sara found him.
The slam of the door as she entered was like a sledgehammer crashing down onto his skull and he winced in pain. She realised her mistake immediately.
Speaking softly, she approached him, "Gil, honey are you ok?"
"Do I look ok to you?" He snapped harshly.
A flash of hurt crossed her face but as quickly as it had come, it vanished, replaced by an understanding and loving smile. She leaned down and kissed him softly on the forehead before heading toward the kitchen.
A few moments later, she returned, carrying a glass of water and two pills in her hand.
"Here, take these."
"I'm fine!" He replied curtly.
"Gil, you're not fine. The pills will help you. Please take them."
"Dammit I said I'm fine!" He hadn't intended to yell so loud, nor had he intended to knock the glass of water forcefully out of her hands, shattering it all over the tiled floor. But whether he had intended it or not, he had in fact done it.
His actions shocked him back to reality and he glanced at Sara. His heart broke when he saw that she had shrunk back, away from him, with an expression that could only be described as terror on her face.
How could he be so stupid?!
She had opened up to him and told him about her family. He had finally understood why domestic violence cases rattled her so much. And he had sworn with every fibre of his being that he would make sure she never had to feel afraid of him.
That promise had been broken in less than a second.
She stared at him now with fear in her eyes, frozen to the spot.
"Sara…honey I'm……" He started to reach for her and cursed himself when she backed away from him. Lowering his hands and his head he shamefully spoke, "I'm sorry."
Before he could look up at her he heard the slamming of the door and the distinct sound of an engine starting. Closing his eyes he sank down on to the sofa, burying his face in his hands.
Just the thought of that day made Grissom feel sick to the stomach. He hadn't seen Sara for three days after that. She'd come back to the townhouse while he was at work that night and packed a bag, taking what was necessary and renting a room at a motel.
She'd returned to the townhouse a few days later and told him that there was something important that they needed to discuss.
And I feel just like I'm living
Someone else's life
Like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
Terrified that she would leave him, he'd blurted out his news about the job offer at Williams. He rambled on at ninety miles per hour about how the break would help him get back on track and how he would do anything to avoid ever making her feel afraid of him again. And she had once again smiled at him, hugged him, and told him she loved him. He didn't know whether that made him feel grateful or even more ashamed.
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me
And so he had packed his things and flown half way across the country. Away from her. It had almost killed him to say goodbye. It had torn him apart when he told her he'd miss her and she didn't reply.
But he knew he had to leave.
Another winter day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Williams College was a beautiful place and he had to admit he enjoyed teaching again. It made him feel like there was more to life than death, like life was worth living. He hadn't felt that way in a long time.
Let me go home
But as happy as teaching made him and as free as he felt, there was something missing. He was surrounded by a million people on a daily basis, but none of them were the one person he wanted to see. His heart yearned for her, his arms ached to hold her and his eyes seemed to search out her beautiful face everywhere he went.
And I'm surrounded by
A million people, I
Still feel alone
Let me go home
Oh I miss you, you know
A weight had lifted from his shoulders, but the weight around his heart remained in place. That was a weight that could only be lifted by one person. His Sara. Without her by his side, nowhere could ever be home.
Let me go home
I've had my run
And baby I'm done
I wanna come home
He also knew that deep down he did love his job. He just needed to take a break every once in a while. And he vowed that if it meant avoiding another episode like the one that had caused him to come out here, he would make damn sure he take it. After all, he had something to go home to now. He wanted to go home.
Let me go home
It'll all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home