I still can't believe that this is chapter NINE!
Good god.
I've never been able to pass, like, chapter five.
Oh also, this has nothing to do with the story, but I had a dream about vampires last night. There were two of them being held hostage in my bathtub (not by me, by some evil bald dude) and they were newly transformed, and I was jealous that they got to be vampires and I didn't. I cried. And seriously, if that happened (sans bald dude) I would cry.
No I'm not obsessed. What makes you think that?
Anyways, applause for me, read now.
After my episode as I called it, I went into a manic depression for almost a month, only coming out of my room once to go hunting with Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. I couldn't stop thinking that I would never be able to see my family or my friends from New York ever again. Sure I had said that I wanted to be a vampire before, but I didn't realize all of this, would be a part of it. Because of this fact I went through extreme mood swings. I went from sobbing sans tears, to screaming and tearing things up. Once I even almost broke the grand piano of Edward's in the living room, but before I got the chance to do any real damage, Carlisle held me back and wouldn't let me move until I was more calm, the calm was Jasper's doing, and shaking with dry sobs again.
After that I went back to braking things in my room.
Finally one day Rosalie came into my room. It was her turn. They took shifts.
I was sitting in the middle of ripped up pages out of books that I had brutally massacred. Rosalie walked over and cleared a place next to me and sat down.
"You know, I remember how I felt when I was changed. I felt exactly like you do now."
"And let me guess, it gets better, after a while things will start to look up, you just have to look at things positively. Is that it?" I sneered, the sarcasm rolling off me like a tidal wave.
"Actually, no. Well, some of it is true, but in essence, no. I felt horrible. I tried to be positive, but I couldn't, I just couldn't do it, I missed my life too much. Carlisle told me that I could never see my family or friends again and I almost ripped him to shreds right then and there. It will never go away, until you've forgotten it. I don't know which is worse though, forgetting it all together or the pain remembering causes, but eventually, you will get used to it. In some ways, I pity Alice, not remembering anything of her human life. She has to learn about her own life from papers, but in other ways, she is lucky; she never had to go through what the rest of us had to, and in your case, have to. The only thing that kept me from going to the Volturi was the fact that if it weren't for Carlilse, I would be dead anyway, and they wouldn't be able to se me again either. All I can say is that I am sorry. I am sorry for what you are going through, and what you are going to have to go through, and I'm sorry for the fact that the one you loved the most in the world did this to you. I am truly sorry."
I could tell she meant this. She leaned over and put her arms around me, and I put mine around her. We stayed that way for a long time. It was comforting.
"It sucks not being able to cry." I said following the silence.
Rosalie straightened up and smiled sorrowfully. "Why don't we get you some food? You look thirsty"
"How can you tell?"
"Your eyes are very black." she laughed.
"Oh. Right." I laughed too, the first time since... a long time.
We got Edward and Emmet to come with us, and soon enough we were back home.
"Kids!" Esme spoke. Normally, you would say yelled, but we were not exactly normal with our eating habits and ability to hear Esme as if she yelled, though she had only spoken a decibel louder than a whisper. I still found it amusing that she called them –us, I corrected myself- kids; most of them were older than her.
We were all in the dinning room in a heartbeat, if any of out hearts beat at all anyway besides Bella's. I had come to realize that the dinning room was like a meeting room to the Cullens. I corrected my thoughts. It was like a meeting room to us.
Carlisle was, as usual, sitting at the head of the table, and looking in charge, also as usual. "We have some serious business to attend to here. As most of you know, we can no longer stay here. It would be too risky. Now I know that the only problem with this solution, is Bella. Edward, what do you want to do?"
"You know what I think we should do, Carlisle" Edward said quietly, staring at the floor.
"I said what do you want to do, Edward. There is a difference."
"You know that, too." he growled.
"Tell them. We need to take everything into consideration."
Edward seemed undecided unto what he wanted to do; tell us, or not.
"Edward, what is he talking about?" Bella asked quietly. I used Edward's mind reading on him, and I gasped at what I heard.
"Bella, I- you shouldn't, come with us." Edward's face was pained.
"Edward you can't do this to her. Not a second time." Alice said sternly with a hint of a growl.
I quickly used Alice's power to try to see if Bella would come with us. I couldn't see, no matter how hard I tried. It was completely undecided.
Edward whipped his head up to meet Alice's eyes, "Who are you to tell me what I can or cannot do." he snarled.
"Edward?" Bella gasped. Her face was completely white. She started hyperventilating and I could see tears gather at the corners of her eyes.
"Bella, you can't." Edward pleaded.
"But you said... after we got married... that you would... Edward! No!" she paused to gasp between words, and by the end of the sentence I could tell she could barely breath.
"It's too dangerous." Edward whispered.
"Not if you changed me!" Bella screamed.
"Bella... please..." Edward begged, and I knew by the look on his face that if he could have, he would have been crying right there too.
Alice ran to her side and tried to get her breathing back to normal, all the while shooting the angriest looks at him that I have ever seen, and clenching and unclenching her jaw, a trait that must have rubbed off Edward onto Alice. Even I found it to be quite helpful when I was angry or upset. Soothing, almost. But the looks she gave him were deadly.
If looks could kill. I thought.
"Edward, don't you think that you have put this girl through enough already? Just change her and everything will be perfect." Alice whispered.
"That's why I have to do this. I can't put her through any more danger!" Edward yelled, jumping up from his chair.
"It wouldn't be dangerous if she were like us."
"Alice, you don't understand." he whispered, barely audible, even to me, one of the vampires.
"Yes, I do understand. I understand that you love this girl more than anything and she loves you just as much, and the two of you belong together. You think any of us want to see you without her? Think about that. Think of us, your family. We need you to be happy, and the only way for you to be happy is with Bella."
"I can't think about myself. I have to think of what's best for her."
"Damnnit, Edward! You are what's best for her!"
He chuckled darkly, "Hardly."
Alice shook her head, "I swear to god Edward, if Bella stays, then I stay."
Everyone stopped and stared. Even Bella stopped gasping, trading it in for a different kind of gasp, but soon falling back into her shortly neglected breathing style.
Edward was the first to speak, "Do whatever the damn well you like. I'm leaving, Bella is staying."
Everyone turned to look at Carlisle. He was sitting with his elbows on the table top and he was massaging his temples with his eyes closed. When he finally looked up, his eyes were full of sorrow. I knew by then that Carlisle's word was final, and he was about to deliver the verdict.
"Edward, I believe that you need to talk to Bella. Alone." he revised his statement and looked pointedly at Alice. She squinted her eyes at him and he took it as a 'yes'.
"Okay." Edward got up and tried to take Bella by her arm but she yanked her arm out of his grasp, and though her power against his was nothing, it didn't seem that he was trying very hard.
"Don't touch me." she whispered, and they walked off, far enough so we couldn't hear. I resisted the urge to listen in to his thoughts. I would have to be happy enough using Alice's ability to try to see the outcome.
"In the meantime," Carlisle said morosely, "until we all know what we are doing, we will stay here. You all may go, but I do ask that none of you try to hear, or see," he glanced at Alice and me, Alice looked down, and if I could have, I would have blushed, "what they are saying or doing, or going to say or do." Everyone dispersed to different locations silently, still shocked at how this meeting had ended.
Carlisle asked Alice, Jasper and I to practice with my skills, but not to but into Edward and Bella's conversation. That was the only rule right now, and it applied to everyone. So much for using Alice's visions to see what was going on.
I was getting better, and by the time I was done, I had made the whole room happy, sad, anxious, angry, confused, and loving. Loving was the funniest I have to say, and I knew the outcome of next week's stock exchange, the winning lotto numbers, the winners of said lotto, and who would be on the cover of the next Time magazine. Of course I wasn't allowed to try Edward's right now, but Carlisle said that as soon as things calmed down a bit, we would try with all of us.
Edward came down the stairs a couple of hours later. "She's asleep." he said. It was very hard to act normal with Edward there. Soon enough I was fed up and decided to make him calm, through Jasper. I guess it worked because he soon was including himself into our conversation, and he helped me practice with Alice and Jasper. I didn't dare read his mind though, even though he was calm and not worrying, I didn't want to be nosy.
Oh my god. That was one of the hardest chapters I've had to write. LOTS of emotion. Lots, lots, lots, lots. Wow.
Review PLEASE! k. I'm done. I'll be back next week. Bye till then.