Okay, well here it is, finally! Sorry it took so long to update, but the person I'm collaborating on this with was away for a while.

Anyway, as I said, this chapter's main focus is Gaara- though other characters appear a lot too. Don't take offense at the humor made on Gaara's behalf- I mean no offense to fans, and it's meant to just be plain funny.

Anyway, enjoy, and thank you to those who have reviewed! You have already received personalized review replies from me.. Everyone else- please review! Even just a few words! Let me know who you want to see in the story,I'll take requests...

Disclaimer: As I said before, I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters, places, etc. I and my friend own this plot though(I doubt Kishimoto would want to).

Everybody Needs A Sidekick!

Chapter 2

Ding dong "Gaara. That weird friend of yours is here." Temari called out. Gaara walked out of his room and as he passed Temari he said, "It's not Gaara it's Garden Elf Gnome." Temari looked at him strangely as he went out the door and she closed it behind him. "Hmm, maybe I should watch him. The last time he came back home he was wearing a dress and had three bottles of beer, and then he called me 'cow'." Temari stopped and thought for a moment. Then she went into her room, got dressed, and walked out the door.

"I think he was going to the movies with that weirdo. Ugh...there are 2 movie theatres in our village! And I know he'd go to see anything." Temari walked into all the theatres and asked the workers if they had seen the Kazekage come into the theatre. And…they all said no.

"Damn that little boy! Damn him to hell! I bet he's at a bar or something." Temari paused to think. "I know! He's probably shopping at Claire's. He loves that store, and last night he was complaining that he wanted me to take him to the mall because they have these new hair-care products..."

Temari ran to the mall, and then went to Claire's. Yet Gaara wasn't there. Then she looked in Limited Too, and there he was, shopping. Shopping for girls' clothes. Temari walked over to him. "Gaara what are you doing here! If you haven't noticed, this is a girl's store." Gaara paused, a mini-skirt in hand, and looked at her shocked. "You're just trying to ruin my fun, because you're upset that you don't have any friends!" Temari stared at him. "I have friends…" She thought for a second, "I think." Temari's cell phone rang.

"Ugh! Who the hell is calling me now!" Gaara gave her a dirty look. 'First she's trying to ruin my fun, and now she trying to make me jealous by flashing her cell phone at me!' Gaara and Deidara walked out of the store with 10 bags, leaving Temari. "Look, Shikamaru, right now is really the worst time you could ever call me. I'll call you back later. Bye."

Temari ran after Gaara. She followed him and then, Temari froze in total shock. Gaara and Deidara entered…Victoria's Secret. Temari thought in her mind, 'Does he still even remember that he's a guy! Even I won't shop there!' Temari stepped inside. "Ah! My eyes! It burns!" Then she saw Sakura and Ino go in. As Sakura passed by she muttered, "And I thought she was a girl…"

Gaara walked out of the store holding Ino and Deidara's hands. "Yeah, so then what happened?", Ino said to Gaara. Then Deidara stopped. "No! Yeah is my word…yeah!" "Calm down bff…", Gaara said softly to Deidara.

They walked out of the mall, leaving Sakura alone and lost in Victoria's Secret(since it was her first time at the new mall) and Temari frantically following them. They got into Deidara's Corvette and Temari jumped on top of it. They drove super fast and Temari almost fell off the top of the car. Then Deidara heard police car sirens from behind her. "Ah! They're after us! Everybody jump!"

Deidara, Gaara, and Ino jumped out of the car, and it crashed into a tree. Then Gaara screamed, "Eek! I broke a nail!" Ino screamed and quickly started looking through her purse. "Here you go Gaara. A pink nail filer!" Gaara started filing like there was no tomorrow. Temari watched them from behind a bush, and then, her cell phone rang- again. "Ah! Wait I know that ring tone…it's my sister's." Gaara squinted his eyes. "When I say run, just follow me… Oh and if I go slow it's 'cause I don't wanna ruin my new heels. Gaara ran and Ino and Dei followed. Temari ran after them while answering her phone, "Hello? Ah! Shikamaru! I told you I'd call you back later…I don't care if you're bored!"

She hung up and then made duplicates of herself to chase after Gaara, Ino, and Dei. They ran all the way to a cell phone shop, hurrying inside. Temari went after them, when it suddenly dawned on her that Gaara was going to buy a phone. He pulled out Temari's wallet, and inside was $1000.00. She screamed in horror, "Gaara! You bastard give me my wallet right now, or I'll kill you!" "Don't make me go Garden Elf Gnome on you sister!" Ino ran over to look at the Pink Phat cell phones and Deidara went outside to mug people for money so she could get another cell phone.

Temari and Gaara continued fighting over Temari's wallet, which he had somehow stolen before leaving home earlier. Then…Gaara turned into the Garden Elf Gnome! The whole store was destroyed and all the cell phones were crushed. Temari pulled out her fan and used Kirikiri Mai and then the K-mart next door was destroyed too. Gaara grabbed Ino out of a pile of rubble, and threw her at Temari. Ino screamed so loud that even a hobo in New York heard her. Temari opened her fan and Ino landed safely on it. Then Temari gently slid her off onto the ground.

Thinking quickly of how to get her money back without dying, Temari made a call and Naruto rushed to the scene. He managed to lecture and beat up Garden Elf Gnome, then left to go get some ramen. All seemed right in the world, finally, but before Temari got a chance to grab Gaara, or her wallet from his hands, he shakily got up and ran off to another cell phone store.

He didn't waste any time, and just as Temari ran in the shop's door after him, purchased a new Pink Phat cell phone, for $300. "YES! I FINALLY GOT ONE!", he shouted as he left the store, ramming his way past Temari in his glee, and knocking her over.

Temari snapped out of her shock pretty fast, and went over to where Gaara was standing, showing off all of the phone's new features to Deidara and Ino. She hit him on the head with her fan, and angrily dragged him home. Ino followed them, and Deidara returned to Akatsuki, not wanting to get involved in anything with Gaara's scary sister.

When they got back to Temari, Gaara, and Kankurou's house, Temari went to her room and Gaara and Ino went to Gaara's room to gossip. Temari walked to her room to put her fan away and hide Gaara's new phone, sighing frustratedly.

As she reached for the door handle she heard something very disturbing coming from Gaara's room. Temari froze, with her hand halfway to the doorknob, in shocked silence. "Like, oh. My. God. Like today I found this cute little skirt and this adorable hot pink tank top, and just had to buy them! And then I found this like fashionable designer purse, that went perfect with them, but I couldn't get it 'cause it didn't have a cell phone holder. I mean c'mon, like, really! Eh, so like I couldn't buy it… and it was so cheap too, only seven hundred dollars…" The voice sounded like a perky Beverly Hills school girl. And this really wouldn't have been so disturbing either, if it had been Ino talking.

Temari stepped closer to the door. There was total silence. And then she heard faint footsteps. Gaara slammed his door open and popped out at Temari extremely fast saying, "Oh! My! Gosh! Stop listening to my conversations! I need some privacy too ya know, bitch!"

Temari fell when Gaara popped out, and she quickly got up and ran into her room slamming the door shut behind her.

"Where were you?.." Sasori was sitting in his rocking chair watching 60 Minutes, all traces of his gangsta get-up and the rap video gone. "I, um…" Sasori just stared at Deidara and muted the TV, waiting for an answer. "I.. I was out scouting for jinchuurikis…yeah! Yeah, that's right.." Itachi passed by the room, heading for his bedroom, and said indifferently, "She was out with Garden Elf Gnome." Deidara looked from Sasori to Itachi, and back again nervously, then said, "No, yeah! I was scouting for jinchuuriki, yeah, really! That Kazekage kid from Suna is one, so I was gaining his trust!" "Hmph, good. Because we'll be going on our mission to catch him soon. Now shut up so I can watch my show- they have a special on tonight about Alzheimer's disease!"

Sasori looked back at the TV, "Oh! Goodie! There's a special tonight about hair loss…and it's on!" Deidara looked at him like he was high or something, and walked off into her room.

Later on that evening, as Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori were watching 'America's Most Wanted', and laughing their heads off at the stupidity of some criminals, the doorbell rang.

"Kisame, get the door." Itachi said, eyes never even moving from the screen.(Sasori was dozing in his rocking chair, oblivious to everything). "What! Why me? Why not get Sasori to get the door?.." A glance at the sleeping puppet, and he quickly added, "Or.. or Zetsu! He's right in the kitchen, jus' sittin' there, an' loves to answer the door!.."

Itachi finally tore his eyes away from the screen, and glared at Kisame as though he were explaining something to a 5 year old- a very stupid 5 year old. "Zetsu has eaten three mailmen already this week, and the post office is threatening to stop delivery. I am waiting for an important package, as well as a cell phone rebate, and therefore Zetsu may not answer the door."

Itachi gave one final death glare, and turned back to 'America's Most Wanted', entranced by how the serial killer had chosen his victims because of their brand of cell phone.

Kisame grumpily got up. "Fine I'll get the damn door…" When he was safely out of earshot of Itachi, he added under his breath, "Damn cell phone obsessed freak.."

When Kisame answered the door, he found a little red-haired boy standing there, glaring up at him with a look to rival Itachi's. 'Oh God, not another one..', he thought. "Listen kid, whoever the hell ya are, we don't wanna buy any." Kisame started closing the door again, when suddenly, the kid spoke, in a deep and serious voice, "I'm Garden Elf Gnome, and I'm here for Deidara." Kisame didn't know whether to burst out laughing, or run away in fear and call a mental hospital on this kid- he couldn't be serious…

As Kisame stood there, mouth hanging open, trying to think of something- anything- to say to this weirdo, Gaara just walked right past the confused sharkman and into Akatsuki Headquarters.

As he walked around the backs of the living room chairs and into the hall, Itachi called out, still not daring to tear his eyes from the TV for even a moment, "Kisame, who was at the door? Was it my new shipment of 'supplies'?" When no answer came, Itachi waited, anger at Kisame and his insolence growing, until the commercial break when Itachi finally got up.

"I asked who was at the door. I expect an answer. Also, what are you still doing standing here?", Itachi asked, anger lacing his voice when he finally found Kisame at the door. "I.. Uh.." Kisame shook his head, trying to get rid of the horrible mental images. "There was this kid… Kinda looked like Sasori, an' he said his name was 'Garden Elf Gnome' or somethin'. An' after that…. I don't know. It was so horrible though…" Itachi stared at him for a moment, then said humorlessly, "Did he look like a real garden elf gnome?" "What the hell!... That's it, I'm goin' out for a drink- you people are all nutcases."

Meanwhile, Gaara had found his way to Deidara's room, and was knocking on her door. "Shut up, yeah! I'm trying to sleep!.." Deidara muttered from inside. "Deidara, open up, it's me Garden Elf Gnome." Gaara said quietly.

Movement could suddenly be heard from inside, and a moment later, Deidara threw open the door. Gaara walked into Deidara's room and they talked, for hours and hours and hours and hours.

Finally Gaara was leaving the room. "Yeah, so tomorrow we're gonna go to the mall, movies, theme park, ramen shop, flower shop, Ino's house, then go get manicures, and then sleep over at my house. I think I'm gonna call Temari right now and tell her to pick up some candy and movies." Deidara's eyes filled with joy, "Ok Garden Elf Gnome, I'll call you later then." Gaara realized something and he reached into his pocket, "Oh, and here is the invitation to my Sweet 16! It's next month, and the theme is rainbows and pink ponies!" Gaara gave her the invitation, then added, "Oh, and I'm having Usher come to sing!" Deidara jumped with glee. "I'll definitely be there!..Yeah!"

Gaara skipped happily out of Dei's room. Deidara followed him, trying to make sure that none of the other Akatsuki members noticed him, as he went out the door.

Well, that's it. The next chapter will focus on Gaara again- sorry!- because I couldn't fit everything I wanted to into this chapter. After that, focus will move more to Naruto and friends(Sakura and Sasuke). And of course Itachi is always involved, since he has to steal all the cell phones in the land. He didn't have much action at all this chapter though, I know. Sorry 'bout that too, but he'll get more action next chapter. Hope you enjoyed! And please review:)