Rating: R

Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, some Humor, Sap

Warnings: Slash, Het, mention of sex, some blood, swearing, incest (they're cats, there's nothing unnatural about it)

Pairings: Misto/Munku, Tugger/Bomba, mention of Munku/Dem, some Cass/Munku, past Bomba/Munku,

Timeline: two weeks from the Jellicle ball in the movie.

Description: Love cannot exist for a magical cat; in fact, it's fatal if it does.

Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, or any portions thereof. None of the following events took place in the original CATS plotline, and I do not claim that they do.

Songs to Read With: (not mandatory) Take on Me (Ah-Ha), If You Could See What I See (Geoff Moore and the Distance), I Must Be Dreaming (Frou-Frou)

Between Death and Love

Chapter Five

By Edenrising

(Recap from Chapter Four)

Munkustrap never knew what hit him.


Four days later, Mistoffelees could be seen snoozing at his post, and doubly watching the kittens while doing it. Since becoming a sentry, his position in the tribe had moved up a notch, he was now seen not only as a magician, but also as a soldier- which was good for his situation. Dizzy spells were not a problem as Munkustrap, along with others, would visit him constantly throughout the day, often nuzzling him in greeting or putting a friendly hand on his shoulder.

Everyone had heard his fight with Munkustrap; and he had become quite popular in result. With both the queens and the toms; the toms thought he was awesome because he put up such a fight, with swearing nonetheless; and the queens respected him for standing up against a tom that was being 'stupid'. Mistoffelees smiled at the thought of his relationship with Munkustrap, they were fast friends now, ever since he'd put the leader in his place Munkustrap had started treating him more equally; less of someone to protect, and more of a comrade.

He knew his time was running out; it had been 13 days since the bonding had occurred, and getting Munkustrap to think of him anymore than a friend was still far off in the distance. Worse yet, yesterday while on sentry, the silver tabby had come to him with a grin on his face talking about how Cassandra was said to have a liking for him and how he was considering taking the Burmese as his mate again. Mistoffelees had nodded and smiled as a good friend should, but inside his heart was breaking. If Munkustrap so much as kissed the queen this far into their bond, it would possibly hurt or kill him in result.

He sighed, stretching out on his back; he'd might as well enjoy life while he had it, he couldn't very well stop Munkustrap from mating again, could he? No he couldn't, it would be cruel to the silver tabby. And besides, the sun today was really, really nice.

Once he'd finished stretching, he curled up, keeping a watchful eye and ear out for any intruders, he'd also set up magical traps around to stop any cats that meant harm to the tribe.

While curled, he took notice of how fluffy his tail was, he'd surprised himself after cleaning up, and how good he actually looked. He made sure to bathe once a day now and even combed his hair once and a while, every two days to be exact. His previous hero-worshippers (the kittens, who were mourning the loss of Tugger), where now just worshippers in general, and even Bomba had told him how handsome he looked.

He smiled at the thought of Bomba, she was about four weeks along now with Tugger's litter, and to say she was ecstatic was an understatement. Already thinking of names and what the kittens would look like, and making a nursery for the birth that would put even a vet's place to shame, she was the perfect mother.

After the original thought of having kittens himself, he'd looked it up. There was a way to create kittens without a female, involving potions and a box made of bronze, why bronze? He didn't know, but at least it was possible. Allowing his imagination to run away with him, he imagined his and Munkustrap's kittens. They would be perfect, just like their father, all tabbies because of the dominant gene, and their dispositions would be sweet and cunning. He sighed, it was obvious he adored kittens, but for a magic cat, it was so hard to have children… it just didn't happen, and for all he knew; he'd be dead by the end of the month.

He brought out of his thoughts by a sultry voice calling his name, Misto sat up, looking around. He spotted Tugger climbing the pile he was on, and watched as the handsome coon nimbly made his way to where the magician was situated.

"Hey Misto." The other cat greeted, sitting beside him.

"Tugger. What are you doing here?" Mistoffelees sighed; anything that involved Tugger usually involved a headache.

"Whoa. No need to get snappy, man." The Tugger chuckled, "I'm just giving you the word on the party Alonzo's having at his place tomorrow."

"Party?" Misto wondered, "What party? Why is he having one?"

The Tugger gave him a mischievous look, "His kid, Tumblebrutus just turned full Tom two days ago, and Pouncival about a week ago." He shrugged, main fluffing, "We wanted to give them a, you know, coming of age thing." Then he looked at the magician, grinning widely, "We're going to get them so nipped, they won't know what's hit them! Guarantees a good time man, and were all going to take watch different hours so the posts aren't neglected."

Mistoffelees thought something wasn't quite right with that plan; if they were taking turns after they'd taken nip… wouldn't that mean they'd be high while on post, and in reality was that any better than not being on post at all. Grumbling, Misto inwardly decided to double the magic guards around the junkyard, just in case.

"Sure, I'll come. Are all the toms going?" Misto sighed, what could it hurt, going to a party? Besides, it would make Pouncival's day for him to be there, and it would be a chance for him and Munkustrap to increase their friendship.

"Yeah! No queens coming at all, it's going to be so wild. Just the guys, y'know?" The Tugger thumped him on the back, almost knocking Misto off the pile. "Sure to be a blast! Glad you can come, I'll go tell Alonzo. See ya later, Misto!" and then the Tugger simply slipped of the pile, landing gracefully, and heading to the fields behind the junkyard to get more flowers for Bomba.

'My first party,' Misto thought with a smile, he'd never been invited before. Perhaps the whole bonding mess was worth it just to be given the chance to socialize for the first time in his life. With a grin, he went back to snoozily keeping guard on his post.

The time before the party was calm and good, Mistoffelees spent the better part of the morning guarding his post, before being relieved midday by Asparagus, who couldn't stay for the party himself; he had a vet appointment that evening. He visited Bomba and Demeter, who had seemed fairly happy, and then gone home, just as it was getting dark. He was glad the party was soon, he was starting to feel the absence of Munkustrap in his blood again, and the world was taking on a hazy cover. Not for the first time, he cursed the lack of stability in the bond and hoped it would become better to handle soon.

The hour before he had to leave was filled with grooming and trying to look as good as possible, and he made sure to leave for the party a few minutes late, just to be tom-ish. Misto slinked out of his den into the cool night air, stretching in pleasure at the breeze which ruffled his fur. He waved his paw and immediately felt the traps around the junkyard answer to his prodding, a satisfied smile reached his lips and he sighed in content, smoothing his fur and lumbering to Alonso's den. The junkyard was safe, and that set his stomach at ease a bit.

At the door to Alonzo's den, a large metal box, he was met up by Plato, who literally towered over him, white face in a grin. The other cat gracefully put an arm around Mistoffelees shoulder, in what seemed a friendly matter and said hello to the magician.

"Erm… high Plato." Mistoffelees said, he was slightly uncomfortable. He didn't know Plato well, but the taller tom had a reputation of hitting on anything that was fairly pretty and had a tail. This included his sister Vicky, who had been quite angered at Platos' behavior after the ball, (when he'd attempted to 'take her home') hadn't talked to the tom since and that was something considering how much Vicky liked to talk.

Then, true to myth, Plato began to rub Mistoffelees' shoulder in an attempt to catch the smaller cat's attention, but stopped immediately when Alonzo appeared to welcome them in. The magician was secretly thankful that the black and white cat had arrived, and shrugged off Plato's arm in annoyance, entering the den.

Inside were all the other guys except for the Tugger, who would be late in coming, as he was on patrol for the first hour, Alonzo explained. Mistoffelees was then told he'd be on patrol last, and was pushed into a chair beside Pouncival, who was staring at him in idolization. Mistoffelees chuckled nervously, and shifted on his seat. Then, after a few silent moments, someone brought out the cards and the games began, beginning with a friendly game of poker for the first hour. However once Admetus replaced Tugger at his post, and Tugger arrived, the game became more… daring.

They began to play with bags of cat nip.

Tumblebrutus and Pouncival were staring at the fresh green leaves in their bags as if looking at forbidden fruit, this was the stuff Jenny and Jelly had told them to stay away from, and obviously, they couldn't wait to try some. The other toms watched the youngsters with random chuckles and grins; they looked so astonished and excited. Mistoffelees himself was a bit surprised, fresh cat nip was hard to come by, and was rare enough as it was than to give each cat their own bag of eight leaves. And then, with a word from Alonzo, they dealt the cards and started playing again.

"Ready to become real toms, guys?" Tugger said to Pounce and Brutus, "Were going to play nip poker, now listen closely…" The maniacal grin on the coon's face, promised a night of fun.

The rules were simple, if you lost; you ate the nip, if you lost your entire stash of nip you'd be so high you couldn't play anymore, and had to stop. Of course, as the game progressed, certain people ate more nip then others, and quite a few (among them Tumblebrutus and Pouncival) were giggling with rosy cheeks and would eventually fall to the floor in varying reactions. Tugger, as he became high, went silent and stared at a wall whispering something about a dragon and a net. Munkustrap was barely affected, except for that he giggled a bit and had very little balance. And Pouncival got very, very hyper as the leaves in his bag disappeared.

Since Mistoffelees was somewhat telepathic, he was having a very easy time not getting nipped, and was taking in the other's reactions to the drug with amusement; even when Tumblebrutus thought his ear was a mouse and he had to trick the tom into thinking a black pillow was the magician. He found himself having a great time, it was more fun than anything he'd ever seen, and he had so much nip for personal use now. He watched vaguely as Munkustrap left to go on sentry, wobbling slightly with a grin on his face, almost tripping over a barely conscious Mungojerrie, and went back to having fun laughing at his friend's expenses.

Soon, the hour arrived when it was Mistoffelees' turn to be on post, and he left the dazed and unconscious cats to lie in Alonzo's den, playing an extremely slow game of poker. Mistoffelees breathed in the night air, making his way to the post he took in the full moon and noted how romantic it was, hanging right over the pile where he would have to sit. Mistoffelees couldn't help but think what it would be like to make love under this moon; it would be so perfect, and romantic. He quickly climbed the tower of junk to the sentry post, and found Munkustrap lying peacefully on top, completely asleep.

Chuckling, he moved to rouse the sleeping tabby, shaking his shoulder softly. "Munku? Munkustrap? You gotta get up, buddy." Munkustrap moaned, opening his eyes to look at the magician.

"… Wha?" he croaked.

"It's time for you to go back inside, it my turn to watch." Mistoffelees explained, a smile adorning his face, if the tabby moaned again, he didn't know what he'd do.

Munkustrap blinked a few times before sitting up, he groaned, not noticing the magician stiffen beside him, and rubbed his eyes. He stretched a bit and leaned back on his hands, "The other guys still playing with the nip?" he was completely sober, cat nip had never had much lasting affect on him.

Mistoffelees nodded, "Yeah they're all still pretty hung up." He moved into a more comfortable position beside the silver tabby, "You going to go back?" he asked.

Munkustrap considered a bit before answering, "No, I don't think so. I'd feel out of place with all of them being high, and me sitting there clean." He chuckled, "Awesome party though, eh? I think we've officially welcomed Pouncival and Brutus' into tom-hood." He looked at the magician, taking in the way the moon highlighted the black in his fur.

"I suppose so," said an even quieter than usual Mistoffelees, "They seemed to be having a good time." In his thoughts he was unaware of the silver tabby looking him over.

Having Munkustrap talk about the party like it was a usual occurrence was making him feel lonely; everyone else had been given coming-of-age parties but him. He remembered as a child waiting for his, but it never came, and he'd spent the few months after becoming a tom in silence, not even speaking to his sister Victoria. His silence had bothered Jenny and Jelly, and they had become very close to him, eventually getting the young tom to begin talking again.

Munkustrap wondered what was bothering the other tom, "What's wrong Misto? Are you okay?" he put a hand on the magician's shoulder, gently rubbing in a comforting manner.

The magic cat looked up in surprise at the warmth entering his shoulder, and caught Munkustrap's gaze with his own, a blush entered his cheeks and he looked away, stuttering, "I- uh…. Well I'm… erm; I'm just a little sh–shaken… ah, Plato was being quite the pervert tonight." He lied smoothly, hoping the other cat would stop asking him.

"Plato hit on you?" Munkustrap said, he felt himself become angry. That young tom didn't know when to quit, and now he had upset a friend of his. Mistoffelees didn't need the stress, he was sick enough as it was with his dizzy spells, broken paw, and recent blood loss. "That idiot, he knows you've barely recovered, he shouldn't have been making moves." He drew the other tom into his arms, hugging him.

Mistoffelees didn't know how to react; Munkustrap's closeness was beginning to affect him, but he most certainly didn't want the tabby to let go. He shakily brought his arms up and around the other tom, receiving the hug as best he could without giving away his… problem.

In the meantime, Munkustrap was thinking. Mistoffelees was nervous with him, why? He meant the other tom no harm, and Mistoffelees knew that, so again, why? It was only a friendly hug, nothing more, but perhaps the encounter with Plato had shaken him up more than he was letting on. Munkustrap then let the other tom go, nuzzling the other once before sitting back again.

"I'm planning to ask Cassandra to be my mate tomorrow." Munkustrap said, by way of conversation, hoping to make Mistoffelees more comfortable by talking. But it seemed to only make it worse, and the black cat stiffened and seemed to be distancing himself from the silver tabby. "She seems interested."

Mistoffelees could feel his heart breaking, but of course, Munkustrap wouldn't know that.

"… I'm sure you'll be happy with her, good luck." Mistoffelees tried to say without being too obviously upset, but was foiled when a sniffle erupted from him, attracting the attention of the protector.

'My heart is breaking…'

Munkustrap felt torn, his friend was hurting, and wouldn't tell him why. He, for the second time that night, gathered the smaller tom into his arms, wrapping around him as best he could and whispering in his ear. This was too much for Mistoffelees who began to cry, against his will, and tried in vain to stop the tears going down his cheeks, making tracks in the white fur.

'I'm going to die,' the magician thought, 'I'm going to die without ever being loved by him.' his efforts had been in vain, Munkustrap would never love him, and he would never know the comfort of being held in these arms night after night. Tonight was all he had with the silver tabby, and his magic would be forever unfulfilled in the den of the Everlasting Cat.

There were a few moments when neither spoke, and Munkustrap continued to look down on the magician below him with concern. He was deeply worried over this cat's health, not necessarily physically, but more emotionally. He seemed to be greatly scarred by certain events, but tried not to show it, hiding behind his tricks and silence. Frowning, the older tom tried to think back on any instances where the magician might have been hurt as a kitten, and was startled when he realized that he had no memories of Mistoffelees as a kitten. In fact, he had no memories of Mistoffelees in any part of his life, except for the time when he'd saved Old Deuteronomy and within the past few weeks.

After coming to this realization, Munkustrap felt both saddened and angry at himself and the other toms. They'd never once bothered to get to know the little tom, assuming him to only want to be with the queens and practice his magic. He should have known better, he was the head tom, he shouldn't have let this little one go unnoticed for so long.

Mistoffelees was fragile, had always been fragile. It was part of the reason Munkustrap didn't want the tom on post, he wanted to protect the smaller cat like he would a queen or kitten because of his size and disposition. He felt as though the magician was important to him, and that he was special compared to most other toms and queens in the tribe, not only because of his magic, but also because of his sweetness and intelligence. Mistoffelees was someone he wanted as a constant in his life; he was a positive influence on him and his outlooks, and was-

"Why are you holding me like this?" came a small voice that quivered with nervousness.

This brought Munkustrap's attention to the way he and Misto had unconsciously shifted in the last few moment. The magician's hands were around his waist, and his head was resting on his chest. The smaller tom was in between Munkustrap's legs, and the silver tabby's arms linked around the black cat's back, purring. Munkustrap felt his breathing still, and his mind numb.

He was holding Mistoffelees the same way he'd hold a mate.

Munkustrap's heart beat wildly; this wasn't a natural reaction for him. He wasn't one to go after toms; usually he was a queen's man. But he couldn't deny that he hadn't… experimented sexually when he was younger. There had been a nice, chocolate coloured tom that lived next door to his sometimes-family that he had indulged himself in once or twice, but he'd never considered taking a tom as a mate. Though he was considering it now, he realized. He was seriously considering taking Mistoffelees to his den and keeping him there. Which was odd… Because while he hadn't been attracted to the black tom before, he certainly was now and it sure wasn't because of the cat nip.

"I… don't know…" he muttered in reply to the smaller tom, who remained silent.

'That isn't so bad,' he thought, 'Mistoffelees is very pretty, and small, and very powerful. And we get along well. Not to mention that he's clever.' He concluded, but there was also the issue of kittens, he loved kids, he wanted more. He was like his Dad in many ways, and wanting a big family was one of them… but perhaps not the size of the Jellicle tribe.

Besides, there was no guarantee that it would last even more than a day; there were lots of chances for him to have children in the future. After all, he wasn't old, and had only reached his fourth birthday a month before the Jellicle ball. He could indulge in some pleasure, for a time at least, and who knew? Maybe he and Mistoffelees could go their separate ways after a few months if it came to that.

Then, with a split-decision, he asked Mistoffelees, "Misto?... How about we head over to my den?" he was met with silence, the small magician looking at him with his white face, confusion written over it, "I mean, the freezer part." He hastily added. He watched the other's eyes widen at the suggestion, and quickly added, "If you want to that is, you can say no."

Mistoffelees, felt as though he was on one of those roller coaster things the humans rode, one minute he felt his world falling apart, and the next it was being slammed back together in what seemed to be a magnetic attraction. His magic seemed to be bouncing around in his body, and he could feel his heart beating rapidly.

His throat felt dry and his mind was bubbling, "Do you mean…. Just for tonight? Or- or do you mean for a while?" he couldn't keep his thoughts straight, he was so overjoyed.

Munkustrap felt relief flow in him, he hadn't said no, "I mean for awhile," he laid his chin on the top of the magician's head, "I think this could work out well for both of us… Make us happy." He made a point to gently kiss the top of Mistoffelees' head, he was feeling awkward but he pushed the feeling aside. He had no time to waste on comfort for himself, his mind was stuck on making the smaller tom his mate, there was no other way for him.

Mistoffelees felt himself hesitating once the rush passed over; why the sudden change in the other tabby's feelings? And, even if he did question Munkustrap's reasons, was he in any position to say no to him? Mistoffelees realized what was being presented here; it was a chance at life and a chance to be with the one he desired. Which brought him to another thought, despite all his restless wanting and yearning, did he really love the Jellicle protector at all? Sure, his magic was in love with the other tom, but was he? And just as important, did Munkustrap love him?

A lover who didn't really love him was even more dangerous to a magic cat than never having mated at all. Once mated, Munkustrap (who had admitted to liking Cassandra again) may find his interests looking elsewhere, not because he was a bad person, but that he didn't really love the other tom. Mistoffelees felt his heart fill with worries, if the silver tabby indulged in another when mated to him, there would be no chance of survival, but he couldn't let Munkustrap know. It would obligate the tom, and then there would be hardly any chance of them falling in love, it would be like an arranged marriage.

'But, I also have a duty to the tribe.' Thought the young tom, he had to survive or the fences would go unpatched, and the sick cats wouldn't be healed without a trip to the vet… where they'd be neutered (every cat's nightmare). Most of all, Mistoffelees wasn't ignorant, he knew that he was a major force in the tribe; probably the most powerful weapon they had. If he didn't mate with Munkustrap, then he'd die in a week and a half, leaving the tribe without defense against the worser evils of London.

Without hesitating he drew away from Munkustrap's chest and pushed him to the ground, climbing on top of the silver tabby (who looked very surprised), he placed both hands to either side of the grey head and brought his face closer until their noses touched. A traditional 'yes' for cats agreeing to become another's mate from ancient times, it caused a stir of excitement in Mistoffelees' stomach at the thought of what he was doing and he couldn't have stopped the grin from reaching his face even if he tried.

Munkustrap laughed at the younger cat's display of affection, and placed both paws on the back of the magician's head. This was perfect- he was perfect. If he had doubted the decision before, he certainly didn't now, and he pulled Mistoffelees down into the first kiss the other cat had ever received.

'He is sweet', Mistoffelees mused, emotions of care and chance filling his magic with energy, making him feel more complete than he'd ever felt throughout his 2 ½ years of life. It was like coming home, from a long journey. There was no physical feeling of skin on skin, or the heat from another pressing into him, it was just passions, emotions, and it was driving him wild. Managing to press back more, his legs straddled the silver tabby and his arms linked around Munkustrap's neck.

Munkustrap, not being empathetic as Mistoffelees was, was feeling the physical part of their first expression of matehood quite clearly, in fact it was probably a little too clear. He sat up, groaning when the younger tom broke from his lips and began to kiss, lick and suck his way up and down his neck. His claws dug into the back of the magic cat, and he was unsure at which reaction to run with; his body's, or his heart's? His heart was telling him to take the other tom to his den and stay there for a few days, while his body really didn't care if they mated here with the entire junkyard and Jellicle tribe as witnesses.

But of course, as Munkustrap was a reasonable tom. He silently pushed Mistoffelees away, to the younger's protests, and swept him up into his arms. Going silent, the magician wrapped his arms around the other's neck, and rested his head on the strong shoulder of the tabby. Munkustrap felt satisfied, tilting his own head to rest it on the black cats, and began the long trek back to his den, under the full moon.

Mistoffelees stared at the black stripes on his desired's chest, heat beating in time to the one holding him. He closed his eyes, and let the stride of his steps comfort him.

'Oh, if you only knew…' he thought, 'How much you have my heart.'