Title: Blood (2/?)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: The italicized words are taken from Sia "Breathe Me". Thanks to those who reviewed the previous part.
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
He opened with a bottle of water—not gin or whiskey or even beer, but water – in his hand, casually leaning against the doorframe, the damn water bottle waving in front of her face.
She was about to say… something, when he stepped aside and mutely invited her in. She guessed that maybe if he didn't say it, it doesn't mean that he's opening up. And really, she shouldn't feel this giddy about being let into Chase's apartment, and once she replaced the giddiness, she was hit with a wave of guilt.
Because she had read the obituary six months ago, and had given her last empathy space to a boy who was clutching his mother's hand instead of the boy who had no one to hold onto. By the time she had gotten to Chase, he had withdrawn into his world of puzzles and a stronger batch of coffee, seemingly oblivious to her as she tries to find a way to say she's sorry. I'm sorry. And the words at the tip of her tongue felt all together familiar and empty. Instead she placed her hand on his shoulder and ruffled his hair as she past by him, a gesture that seems familiar to an onlooker, but in reality, made him stiffen and glanced at her briefly. She gave him a smile as she stirred in more sugar than necessary, and he had given her a brief boyish grin in return and went back to his puzzle.
She was reassured—or had taken it as a reassurance—that he was handling the news fine by the way that he was acting all Chase-like, pen in his mouth, never pencil when doing his puzzles, and brows furrows in concentration. She had taken this normal behavior and reassured herself that he was fine… probably felt indifference toward his father death.
Apathy. That's what he is.
Empathy. That's what she is.
They were staring at each other now, she with her guilt written all over her face unsure if she wanted to say I'm sorry and him, standing there watching her, waiting for the sympathetic Cameron to take over and tries to fix a well scattered broken pieces inside of him. Instead of the words, I'm sorry for your loss, stumbling out of her mouth, his mouth had stumbled upon hers; the sound of water bottle hitting the ground and rolling away muffled her surprised gasp.
She clutched at his shirt's lapels, and quickly loosened the already loose tie and let the offending garment joined the water bottle on the floor. He maneuvered her towards the couch, letting himself fall first and she followed, accidentally biting his lip.
"I'm sorry"
He looked at her, and said, "Don't."
" You're bleeding."
" It's just blood."
And she didn't know if they're still talking about his lip. But she slowly licked the cut, tasting copper and salt and hidden poignant memories. He's already bloodless, no mother or father or siblings, and Chase were the last remaining blood and she wanted to prevent him from losing more. So, she let him hold her, hands slowly tracking their way underneath her blouse, as she probed every crevices of his mouth, painstakingly gentle as the muscles underneath her quiver and accept the six-month news.
He had undressed her hurriedly, similar to her actions a couple of weeks before—hands tugging and pulling articles of clothing, mouth trailing against patches of skins. She remembered that twice leads to complication, but she didn't dare say that as she caught the look of lost in his face and come to understanding. He's lost and angry. Lost without his anger towards his father. Lost when the bow that had wrapped his life's complications died and left him to deal with unresolved problems. As she tore the condom with her teeth, she gave him reassurance that she'd be his momentary complication. He gave her the same boyish smile he gave her six months before, and gave her the best fuck she ever had.
Afterward, she didn't know if she had tasted sweat or tears on his chin as she sandwiched herself between the back of the couch and Chase's body, the feel of expensive afghan draped over her naked body.
" I loved him."
" I know."
And maybe she wanted the momentary complication as well.
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
(Sia "Breathe Me")