Taryn went to meet Toby in the barn, having called him and asked him to meet her. He said he would. He sounded casual, but he always did.
Toby was the guitarist for a rock band, the Dissenters. Sometimes, the band rehearsed in this old barn.
Tonight, Taryn got there first. She waited, relaxing, sitting on a bale of hay.
When Toby came in he didn't look right at her. He had his guitar slung over his shoulder. He put it down.
"What's wrong?" she said, her radar detecting that something was indeed wrong.
"Well, Taryn," he said. "I don't know what to say. I guess you are wanting me here to tell me something."
"No," she said, wide eyed and innocent. "I just invited you to be here with me, that's all. Come here and sit down," she added, patting the bale of hay next to where she sat.
He sat down, eyeing her suspiciously. "You weren't going to break up with me?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Oh, maybe someone else is in your life."
"No - no," she said.
"Chad saw you. Kissing Clay. You're going out with Clay now, so what's that all about?"
"No, I'm not going out with Clay now," she said, realizing that the worst had happened. After all these months she had gotten away with it and it seemed impossible that just now, Toby should figure it out. Damn his snooping and tattling brother Chad!
"You were kissing Clay this very evening!"
"That was because - because," Taryn was stuck.
"How does this work, Taryn? Kissing Clay and not dating him? You don't want to break up with me?"
"I - I was dating both of you," she finally said.
"Huh?"
"Yeah, all along I was dating both of you, but I broke it off with Clay tonight."
He looked confused. This only made him look more attractive. Taryn tried again, "It was Jeremy and the whole dating more than one person thing. I thought I should do it too. But then I realized - Clay was dating someone else, too, and so I realized the reason I broke up with Jeremy was I didn't want to date two people, and Clay was dating someone else too, he told me, and -"
"This has been going on like this for how long?"
"I don't know. Does it matter?"
"I never realized it. I feel like a stupid fool."
"You're not a stupid fool. I was just assuming so many dumb things. I had to get over it. I mean, now I finally understand. I'm over it. See, I don't have to date more than one person at a time just because Jeremy says that's how everyone is."
"So you were dating me just to have a second person because you thought that's the way it is?"
"No, really, you were the first person. Clay was the second – well it doesn't matter. It happened all about the same time. I - "
"How did you even have time for all this, Taryn? With your parents getting divorced, too."
"My grades aren't very good. It has been hard to concentrate on school. You're busy with rehearsals and school."
"Not that busy."
He looked like he was thinking. Believing she was getting somewhere with him, Taryn tried to put her arm around him.
He looked so desirable just now.
But her flung her arm off.
"Come on, Toby," she said. "You don't look like a fool. Clay knew so he helped keep the secret. I mean, he could see you and I dancing and not think anything was wrong."
"Clay knew?"
Taryn could see that she had just made things worse.
"Only, because, only because he was being that way too."
"What way?"
"Thinking of dating two people. You don't think that's right and neither do it. It just took me this time to figure it out."
"It's not that," he said. "Somehow I just thought you wouldn't want to. I just never thought we were that casual I guess."
"We aren't that casual!" Taryn said. "I just didn't want to be more serious than you were. That's how Jeremy made me feel. I felt like a fool for being so in love with him I was disappointed he wanted to date other girls. And so I thought well, I won't fall that way again. But you can't stop it, just because you want to be cool doesn't mean you can be."
"So you still want to go out?" he said.
"Yes," she said.
"I'll have to think about it," he said.
"I'm not going to see Clay or anyone else," Taryn said, feeling surer now. She wanted to hug him but had the thought that it would be better if he would do it. "We can talk about it, baby," she went on. Shut up, she told herself.
It was almost unbearable to watch him without trying to say something new to make her case. But she could see how she could unmake it, too.
"I guess it is tough to trust a guy with your father walking out like he did," Toby said. "I know when my mother left my father, it gave me this insecure feeling."
"You're so able to see things," Taryn said. "That's what I like about you."
"Let me think about it for awhile," he picked up his guitar. "I'll see you later, Taryn."
Taryn had an urge to run after him, but forced herself to stay put. The last thought he'd had, that might get him to see what she had done in the most forgiving light.
Taryn took a deep breath. She needed someone to talk to. Clay was the best one, ironically.
But she knew she couldn't do that.