Xander met her at the mall. "Given up on the slutwear?" he asked.
"Yup. Got it here, in the bag," she held up the bag to show him.
"That's not much of a bag."
"It's not much of a dress."
"They've given me larger bags for a toothbrush at the drug store."
"Toothbrush was probably bigger."
"Damn. Too bad you're returning it. I wanted to see that."
"Sure you would, Xan-man," said Faith as she stealthily appeared behind them. "He's always thinking with his penis."
"What's she doing here?!" Willow shouted.
"Awww... It sounds like you don't want me here. I'm hurt," Faith replied, with mock puppy-dog eyes. "Let's see the dress," she said - after she roughly swiped the bag from Willow's hands. She's polite that way. "Nice. Where's the rest of it? B have a freak when she saw you in this?"
Inwardly, Willow groaned. She was still a wee bit personally horrified that she was in love with Buffy herself, and she sure as hell didn't want this - any of this - getting out while it was in such a hopelessly mired stage. "Xander! You told her!" Yes, she made it sound like it wasn't bad enough that he had told somebody, but that it had to be Faith of all people. "I thought I could trust you, my oldest and dearest friend, to keep a secret." Men. They're all bastards.
"Willow, before you evicerate me I have to explain that there's method to my madness - this time." Willow tried to snatch the bag back from Faith but Faith's reflexes were too fast - even when she was devoting most of her effort to holding the flimsy top out in front of her body and whistling catcalls at herself. She's weird that way. "When I thought of your attempts to seduce Buffy, I instantly thought of Faith. Then, after I took a very long, very cold shower, I gave her a call. She's the perfect person to teach you the fine art of the pick up. Who can teach you more about how to act sexy, how to dress sexy, how to be sexy, than the master herself." He presented Faith in the fine, armwaving fashion of Barker's Beauties. Faith took a bow. It made Willow's stomach churn.
"That's great, Xander, it really is. But don't you think you should have asked me ahead of time whether I wanted to be embarrased to death?"
"Honestly it didn't cross my mind."
"Relax, Red," a widely smiling Faith comforted in a not at all comforting way. "By this time next week you'll have to beat her off with a stick, or you'll have to have to use a pole to defend yourself from her advances. Either way I offer one-hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed," she said with a wink.
"Faith, sometimes you make me sick. I mean it. Violently, physically ill."
"Really?" said Xander. "You make me feel something else entirely."
"Awww... Thanks, Xan-man. But I already knew that." Faith patted his bottom playfully.
"Yeah, well..." he said. "Can I see the bag for a sec?" He held Willow's shopping bag in front of himself. He has to cover up a lot, being surrounded daily with attractive, athletic, nubile young women, while not actually getting any.
Willow rolled her eyes at him. She was considering telling them to get lost but, when faced with Xander's pleading eyes and Faith's Cheshire Cat grin, she caved. "Fine. Faith, you can help me be sexier."
"You'll never regret this, Red."
"I'm sure I will," Willow mumbled to herself. Of course, Faith heard (and gave her the finger).
"First rule," she said, "Don't do that in front of Buffy. Or anyone else you know except guys. We can all hear you." Faith turned to Xander. "Geez, I thought she was the smart one."
"Sometimes she forgets that she is," he replied. "By the way, you can have your bag back now. I'm good."
Faith smirked at him. "That's not how I remember it." Sometimes Willow was sure Faith was still evil.
Xander crossed his arms, incensed. "I'll have you know," he replied, with a haughty tone of voice, "That my skills have improved by may orders of magnitude since then, thank you very much."
"Really? I'd like to give that a try, then."
"Guys?" said Willow, "back to my problem, if you please?"
"Well, then, your wish is my command, m'lady." Xander was talking to Faith.
Faith actually giggled at that. "You're so funny, Xander." And she meant it.
He turned on the charm. "You like to come back to my hotel? We can be as funny... or as serious... as you want me to be."
"Umm... Xander? Faith? Remember the reason why we're here in the first place? My problem? Guys?"
"When you put it that way, how can I refuse?" flirted Faith.
"Xander!" Willow yelled.
Xander's eyes went wild. Was she at last getting through to him? "Oh. I finally got the stick thing. Can I have the bag back?"
"You won't need that bag after I'm through with you."
"Oh, I like the sound of that. Let's go." Faith took his outstretched arm, and he lead her away from the mall.
Willow stood dumbfounded as the two lovebirds just left. "But! Guys! You're supposed to be helping me! Come back! Faith! Unhand Xander!" But she didn't. She's slutty that way.
"Wait! I need my bag back!" They were already out of earshot (they had been out of earshot not three feet away). She slumped. "Everyone sucks."