Willow sighed, grabbing herself a Moretti from the fridge. She didn't like it, but then again she wasn't in the mood for happy right at the moment. Nothing goes with a bad mood like a generic, bland beer that you hate. Sorry Italian brewers.

"But you don't even like beer," Xander pointed out as she plunked herself gracelessly down on the couch. "We've had some experiences, remember? Beer bad?"

Willow struggled with the cap to no avail, then just blasted it off with a burst of magic. "Beer good," she said, downing half the bottle in one go.

"Umm... Will? Did your eyes go black there for a second?"

"I even tried seducing her again when she came back with the new air conditioner. I used Faith's 'A' material and not so much as a batted eyelash from her." Yeah, Willow was ignoring him entirely. Isn't it fun when you have a conversation entirely with yourself? "All I got was," insert passable Buffy impression here, "Hey Wills! Check out this A/C unit I got. Pretty sweet, huh? 2.8 kilowatts and it only cost 200 Euros. Umm, what's a kilowatt? I may as well be trying to pick up the Pope."

"It is a really nice air conditioner-"

"I mean, how can she be so incredibly blind that she doesn't see me whoring myself out at her? After the 'dress, what dress?' fiasco and this seduction thing aimed DIRECTLY AT HER you think she might notice. I'm beginning to suspect that she might be a little dim."

"Uh... Did you just say you wanted to pick up the Pope?" He succeeded in getting himself hit upside the head. "Fine, I'll ask a sensible question. Where is she now?"

"Oh, she's taking Dawn for a lecture on tasteful style."

"Do we know anyone who has tasteful style?"

"No. But that's never stopped us before. Obviously the hookerwear experiment was a disaster. It ranks right up there with what I normally wear." She finished off the rest of her beer with a forlorn look. "Yes, I suck. Any questions?"

"Just one: Do you have any more of that pizza? I could really go for some pizza right now. I'm starved. All that sex makes me famished."

This caused Willow to sulk. "I envy you just finding someone who's so eager to jump into the sack."

"And not just into the sack, but also while already there. I heartily suggest you try it. Though it is starting to chafe."

"Too much information."

"Yeah, but she'll probably appreciate the advertisement..." Willow looked horrified. "I kid. Just trying to get a rise out of you and, apparently, succeeding. I think it's going really well. I never expected to suddenly fall into an actual real relationship with Faith. I don't think she expected it either. But I guess after her long term four months with Wood she's learned to settle down a bit."

"She tried to kill you."

"Everyone's tried to kill me. Most of them aren't nice enough to do me first."

"Sometimes I crave for you to not talk. You don't really want me to let her know any of what you've been saying when I see her for my post-mortem tomorrow afternoon, do you? She's going to be so thrilled that I've screwed up, yet again." Willow screamed into her hands. "I'm never going to get Buffy."

"How long have you been trying?"

"Three days."

"Then you're not exactly behind schedule, are you?"

"I feel like I'm getting nowhere, though."

"Well," Xander said, "There's the certain problem that you haven't actually told her that you're interested in her, and there's that other certain problem, which some people may say is more important and will be more difficult to overcome, in that she's straight." Willow's suddenly dark eyes burrowed into him. "Maybe, and I realize I'm putting myself out on a limb here, maybe you might be packing the wrong equipment for the job."

"Yeah, great. What am I supposed to do about that?"

Xander shrugged. "You could turn yourself into a man."

"Xander, I'm going to say this in the nicest possible terms because you're my best friend since forever, but FUCK OFF!"