Author Notes: In which I plagiarize myself. The second half of this is a parody of the second half of my other story, The Terminal or Leaving the Old Death, part two "It's nice to be back in Rome".

13:40 Hours CEST. Grand Hotel Palatino, Rome. Mission debriefing of Willow Rosenberg.

"I even tried that stretching out in front of her thing like you said."

Faith listened as Willow broke down her failed attempts at seducing Buffy, asking questions to clarify anything that could be ambiguous. "This one?" asked Faith, as she liesurely elongated her spine and bent over tantilizingly. "Did you remember to sigh while doing it?"

"Yes. I did it exactly like this." Willow repeated the long, slow, catlike movement, taking the time to pause in the middle to emit a perfect, girlish, phone-sex sigh.

"Damn, that's hot. She must be blind. I don't know how she keeps resisting you."

"You think I'm hot?"

Faith had a hard time believing Willow's insecurity. It's supposedly a common girly problem, but Faith wouldn't know - she is, always has been, and always will be da bomb. "Dammit, Red, I know you're hot. I mean look at you! You've got a killer body, an angelic face, and a wicked sexy 'tude. In fact, I'd like to get a piece of that right now."

"Please don't say things like that to me! It's driving me nuts!" Willow yelped nervously. "I haven't had sex in three months - yeah, Kenny and I were going through some real fun times at the end there. I know you're only trying to be supportive, but I just can't take being teased like that right now."

Faith approached Willow slowly and grasped her gently by the shoulders. "Who said I was teasing?" Willow gulped.

"I thought you weren't gay."

"I'm not gay. I'm just horny."

18:30 Hours CEST. Grand Hotel Palatino, Rome. Xander POV.

Xander knocked on the door. God, his knees were shaking so hard. How was it so uncomplicated to have sex with this woman, yet so frightening to have a relationship?

He remembered back to his last failed relationship, his fears, his mistakes. Wondered if he was ready after his loss. He wondered if she would appear any different to his eye now that they were starting something, and there was some emotion invested in them. But Willow had supported him, told him to go for it, and that was good enough to ease any of his misgivings.

The door swung open and she was there, in front of him, wrapped in a blanket and looking a little dopey, and sweaty from the warm Roman air, and still just beautiful.

"Xander!" she said, glossy eyes suddenly wide open. "My God, I forgot you were coming over. And I'm kinda naked!"

He tried to look meek. "Yeah, looks good on you. Though I was thinking that if you would take a shower and put on some nice clothes I'd take you out for dinner and a night on the town."

Staring into her eye for what was really the first time, everything just felt right. Still, the nagging thought haunted him. "Unless you're not ready for a relationship right now, in which case I'll show myself out." Not that he'd actually stepped in yet.

"No, Robin is far enough in the past."

Xander's heart leapt for joy! He and Faith could be together the way he had hoped for! Just as he was about to open his mouth to sweep Faith off her feet with some romantic exposition, another voice pierced through the quiet late afternoon.

"Faith! Come back to bed!"

Faith flushed deep red - more so than before. She looked torn with muddled thought for a second or two (but only a second or two). "Um... Bye!"

And she shut the door in his face.

"Huh."

What was that? Faith and Willow? He wanted to search his memory for any indication of sexual tension between the two. He wanted to barge in there and ask them what the hell was going on. He wanted to fly into a violent rage at the unfairness that was his life. He wanted get very drunk. Instead he just stood there thinking. And the thought was 'gah?!'

Suddenly the door swung open again. "What was I thinking?" an apologetic Faith moaned. "You come too." She roughly clutched him around his hips and manhandled him into the room.

SCORE!!!