Thanks for the nice reviews! There is an extremely large amount of Seymour-bashing in this chapter, I'm afraid, so if you're a Seymour fan...embrace yourself. Seriously. You're going to need to. And um...yeah. (grins) I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Oh, and Sydon gets three invisible Gil, for being my 100th reviewer!
I think this is one of my favorite chapters so far. (grins more) Enjoy, and please review, because I'm going to need 10 more reviews if you want me to update again.
...kidding.
After much mulling, musing, brooding, wondering, ruminating, cogitating, deliberating, reflecting, considering, pondering, thinking, contemplating—
"GET TO THE POINT!"
Well fine then! -glares- I was merely making things more dramatic. Hmph. Now…starting over.
After much…pondering… (and thinking), Darius and Brynna decided not to tell ANYONE about any of the unsexiness with Jade and Xodian that they had just been through, because it would have threatened to tear the group apart.
But mostly because they were too lazy.
"Besides," Darius mumbled to himself, "that Seer was probably lying about The Son anyway, or my name isn't…Bob."
"But your name ISN'T Bob," Brynna reminded him.
But still, even though the Seer might have been lying about The Son, she still couldn't have been lying about Xodan being another part of Darius's mind. Therefore, Darius knew he would have to find some way to stop Xodan from taking over his body again.
But for now, he was too lazy to do THAT too. He would have to think more about the situation later.
So he merely kept walking with the group in silence, moving steadily away from Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel and toward Mushroom Rock, and hoping Xodan didn't turn up again.
And, although they didn't know it, Kimahri, who had eavesdropped on Darius's conversation with Seer Jade last night, decided not to let anyone know about what he'd learned; Darius would have to tell Yuna and the rest of the group about The Son when he was ready.
Auron, however, was acting all weird. Perhaps I say this because, oh I dunno…, there was smoke fuming out of his ears? Yes, SMOKE fuming out of his ears. As in, like a kettle?
"I'll be talking the lead from now on," Auron declared between clenched teeth, and shoved past everyone to lead the way to Mushroom Rock Road.
"B-but sir Auron!" Yuna shrieked uncomfortably. "Kimahri was leading us! I don't know if you should take over—"
"Yuna right," Kimahri agreed.
Darius narrowed his eyes. "You mean Yuna IS right. Use good grammar, damn it!"
"THIS IS BESIDE THE POINT. If Sir Auron would like to take the lead from now on, we shall gladly let him!" Lulu folded her arms irritably. "We do not need to know his thoughts; let him do what he wants!"
"Thank you," Auron spat crossly, but he didn't sound grateful at all.
"…what's wrong with him?" Darius whispered, leaning over to Brynna.
"Who CARES! He's hot!"
Auron abruptly broke into a fit of coughs after hearing this comment. He purposely began walking waaaaay, WAAAAAAAY ahead of the group, to stay as far away from Brynna as was humanly possible.
"WAIT! COME BAAAACK!"
She went scrambling ahead and before you could say "What the hell…", she and Auron were engaged in a battle of Let's-Chase-Auron-Up-And-Down-The-Highroad-Frantically-And-Annoyingly. Before long, they were both out of sight and everyone sighed with relief.
"Uh, Lu?" Wakka said, scratching the back of his neck uneasily.
"Yeeeees?"
"Uh…how far are we from Mushroom Rock Road?"
"It's just up ahead."
"…HEY, it IS!" Darius said, pointing ahead, where a group of people were standing anxiously in a circle. "Let's go!"
And so they all pranced over there, while Dora The Explorer music played cheerily in the background. However, when Swiper the Fox popped out of nowhere and tried to steal all of their Gil and they all had to scream "SWIPER NO SWIPING!" to get him to go away, things were going too far. The background music was suddenly cut off, and they decided to proceed like normal people.
"That stupid fox always pisses me off…" Tidus declared.
"WOAH! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?" Darius shouted, startled, for Tidus had literally exploded in the last chapter. Remember? "I thought you blew up!"
Yuna stared at the blonde guardian. "Um…wait! We left you in the motel, didn't we? Oh, I'm so sorry! We forgot!" She hopped on top of Tidus in an attempt to hug him, but it appeared to be much nastier than that, so she was forced to get off. The other guardians merely stared at Tidus incredulously.
"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever," Tidus snorted. "As you can SEE, I DID blow up, but I was able to gain enough strength to still live and participate in this here pilgrimage. No thanks to any of YOU."
"Wait a minuteee…" Dar eyed him. That's weird…
Wakka noticed the same thing. "If you exploded…shouldn't your atoms and particles be…not intact, brudda?"
Tidus kicked him. "They AREN'T!"
And that's when they all noticed—that Tidus was NOT in the shape of a human, but was merely a pile of previously blown-up molecules. Ew…
Lulu shuddered. "Um…we'll get that fixed…"
"NO! I WANT IT FIXED NOW, IDIOTS!" Tidus's molecules screamed unhappily.
But I'm perfectly FINE with things this way! Darius declared mentally. Crap… "Weeeell…maybe Seymour will be able to fix that," he said, disappointed, pointing ahead at the terribly ugly figure of a blue-haired rapist with long nails, standing at the entrance to Mushroom Rock.
"Oh no… HE'S here?" Tidus whined.
"Yep! And…there's Brynna and Auron..." Darius pointed out.
And, yes, the two of them had grown tired of running around frantically from each other, and so had settled down at the entrance to Mushroom Rock. Damn, we almost got rid of 'em…
But he hadn't realized that it was actually a GOOD thing that Auron hadn't succeeded in running away, because if he HAD, all the fangirls would have gotten pissed off at his absence and would have destroyed the planet.
"Oh well… We could have at least killed off Brynna," Darius mumbled to Tidus, who nodded in agreement.
"I HEARD THAT!"
Darius shrugged and observed the place semi-sexily. All around the area were carts and a weird-looking tunnel thing with people going under them and…gates blocking stuff and…I DON'T KNOW! YOU PLAYED THE GAME, YOU FIGURE IT OUT!
Oh, er… I mean…
Darius shrugged and observed the place semi-sexily. All around the area were various carts being pushed under a tunnel, which led to the actual Mushroom Rock entrance (which, B.T.W., was blocked off…by a gate).
There! Much better!
Yuna tilted her head to the side. "Um…can we please get to a cut-scene, so that we can move the chapter along? I'm missing my soap."
"Good idea," Lulu mumbled. She then cried out, "HEY! ALL YOU BITCHES AND HOES! YUNA AND HER GUARDIANS HAVE ARRIVED! SAY SOMETHING TO HER SO THAT WE CAN START A CUT-SCENE!"
"Oh, that'll work," Tidus's molecules mumbled.
But to everyone's surprise it did work, for right at that moment, Luzzu and Gatta went skippity-skippity-skip all the way over to Yuna, and giggled girlishly.
"Oh, hey guys! It's been so loooong! Hee hee! …(asterisk) 'laughs' (asterisk)…" Gatta shrieked, waving hysterically. Um…NO, Darius returned mentally. "We saw you all at the blitzball tournament! Good job! The score was SO close!"
"The score was two to, like, a million," Wakka corrected dryly.
"Close enough," said Luzzu. "Well, we'll see you all later! Oh, and wait around for us; we'll have Sin beaten in no time!"
"Wait…Sin, beaten?" Darius mumbled to himself. Wait! I remember this from the game! They're going to all try to kill off Sin with some machina, and…BOOM! "Uh-oh."
Auron walked over, a wary look on his face. "Hold it. What do you mean, 'Sin beaten in no time'?"
"Yeah!" Lulu agreed. "Since when have we been able to destroy Sin that easily? What are you planning to do to kill it?"
"Ugh! It's none of your BEESWAX, lady! Why should we tell YOU?"
Lulu ripped off his head.
"…you've made your point," Luzzu muttered, after regenerating another head, which, alas, was uglier than the last. "We're bringing sinspawn from all over Spira here. Sinspawn inevitably draw Sin, right? We're going to lure it into a trap! (Asterisk) 'Giggle' (asterisk)."
"…If you're going to giggle, then GIGGLE," Darius said. "But don't put it in dialogue! That's like…AIM chatspeak!"
"What's that?"
"Uh…nothing…" he replied, his eyes shifting suspiciously.
Silence.
"Rrrrrrright." Lulu blinked and turned back to Luzzu and Gatta, who batted their eyelashes at her patiently, causing her to rip THOSE off as well. As they yelled in pain, she said, "Listen, you two! You can't beat Sin with machina!"
"Why not?" Gatta asked.
"It's bad manners!"
"Oh, and ripping out our eyelashes ISN'T?" Gatta snapped, and with that said, he and Luzzu flipped their hair and stalked off.
"We tried to warn them," Auron said darkly. "They won't be able to destroy Sin like this."
"But Sir Auron!" Wakka protested. "We have to stop this, then!"
Yuna shook her head. "No, don't say that... We have to have hope... For without it, we definitely won't defeat Sin."
"Alright, alright, on to Seymour then," Darius sighed. He had hoped he would be able to avoid doing that, but…oh well… Besides, being in a conversation with Seymour couldn't be THAT bad… (Cough.) "I'll lead the way!" he said.
Brynna, after standing alone for some time by herself for some reason, joined in. "What-cha doooin'?"
"We're going to see Seymour!" Wakka cheered. After hearing those words Brynna immediately tried to get away, but did no succeed, for Lulu grabbed her by the collar and dragged her along.
"OHHHHHH, YUUUUUNAAAAAAAAA!" some creepy guy called out, beckoning her to approach him. Unfortunately this creepy guy was indeed…Seymour. Greeaaat…, Darius thought, mentally drowning himself.
"So you have finally come, Yuna!" Seymour exclaimed uglyly. "I have been waiting…" He then waved at all of the guardians. "And greetings to the rest of you!"
"It is a pleasure!" Lulu gasped.
"Oh, Maester Seymour, in person!" Wakka chimed in.
Kimahri nodded in agreement and almost—just almost—cracked a smile. "Maester Seymour. Kimahri honored."
But however honored everyone else might be, Brynna tapped her foot impatiently, Tidus rolled his eyes, and Darius snorted.
"Oh, hello Maester Seymour!" Yuna greeted, bowing. Darius squinted and could've sworn he saw Seymour attempting to peer down Yuna's blouse while she bowed. However, no one else noticed this and it would have been slightly awkward for Dar to randomly rip out Seymour's liver and eat it raw, if no one understood why. Besides, he lacked much of the needed strength. For this reason, he kept quiet…momentarily.
Seymour grinned. "You must want to get through to the command center, which we have blocked off, correct?" Yuna nodded. "Very well."
He turned to the guards, who were standing at the gate blocking the entrance to Mushroom Rock Road. "Unlock the gate, and allow Lady Yuna and her guardians into the command center," he told them.
"But sir, we can't!" they protested as one.
"Why ever not?"
"We lost the key!" they said, still speaking at the same time.
"WHAT?"
They cowered in fear, and still as one, said, "Please! We're sorry! Don't kill us!"
"Then stop speaking in unison, you freaks!" Darius burst out, unable to control himself.
"That's okay, Maester," Yuna said, noticing the Maester's growing anger. "I know another way we can get through." She held up her staff, and immediately Ifrit, her Aeon, materialized from nowhere. "IFRIT! METEOR STRIKE!"
Ifrit, instead of performing the "Meteor Strike" attack, lazily opened its mouth and—exhaled. Its horrible breath caused the gate to melt away into pyreflies, who pinched their noses and hurriedly fled. "Good booooy!" Yuna exclaimed, petting Ifrit's back.
"Someone give that thing a toothbrush," Tidus's molecules muttered. "And, preferably, some Scope."
Then, as everyone stared accordingly, Yuna un-summoned the Aeon and everyone skipped merrily ahead. Apparently the two guards had also melted into oblivion at the whiff of the Aeon's horrid breath. Oh well. More oxygen for the rest of us!
The group continued walking, now accompanied by Seymour, until Clasko called out from nowhere, "Halt! You all are going the wrong way; the command center is to the west, not north."
"Clasko?" Brynna asked, poking him. "How would you know where the command center is? You can hardly even ride a chocobo!"
"I…uh…well, these two have agreed to help me correctly direct people to the command center…" He gestured to two people standing behind him.
"Oh, Lady Yuna! And Maester Seymour!" the female one cried out, bowing to both of them. "It is an honor to meet you! I am She-linda, a disciple of Yevon. I have, unfortunately, been forced to help this terrible cause… I can't believe they're going to use machina to destroy Sin! It's wrong, unethical…and not very polite, might I add."
"That's what I said!" exclaimed Lulu.
Darius shook his head pityingly. "And, uh…who's that guy next to you?"
"Oh, why hello there!" the male one said excitedly. "I am He-linda, the brother of She-linda; both of our parent's names were Linda. It is, I suppose, an honor to meet all of you."
"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiight."
"Listen," Yuna said, "could any of you tell us more about the Crusader's plans to lure and trap Sin? It is urgent that we know."
"Ooh, ooh, ooh! Let ME do it!" Clasko cried, scrambling forward. Unluckily, he tripped on a marble that just HAPPENED to be on the floor, and fell flat on his face. Ouch...
Hmm... I wonder how that marble got there...
La, la, la, la, la... -hums innocently-
"Nonono, that's...quite alright, Yuna." Seymour smiled. "I shall tell you all I know about the Mi'ihen Operation, as they are calling it, on the way to the command center. I shall guide all of you there... Even...you." He wrinkled his nose at Darius.
Darius's mouth dropped. "Uh...Ti? What did I do?" he whispered to Tidus, who was still in molecule-form.
"You looked at me funny," Seymour grumbled darkly, low enough for only Tidus and Darius to hear. He then turned back to She- and He-linda. "Thank you for your assistance here. Lady Yuna and her guardians shall continue on, and I shall lead them."
"Oh, our pleasure!" they said cheerily, and Clasko groaned, "Yeah...mine too, I guess..."
Seymour nodded. "Then, shall we continue?" he said, extending his hand to Yuna.
Yuna hesitated to take it.
"Yuna! Have some manners!" Lulu said, surprised.
"Um..." Yuna said, faltering.
But Tidus saw what was going on here. "But...she should be able to choose whether she wants accompaniment with the Maester or not, right?" Tidus asked, attempting to hide his obvious anger. Don't even try it, Seymour...
"Yeah... I think we'll be fine by ourselves..." Brynna said, glance sidelong at the Maester. So me and Dar aren't the only ones uncertain about this guy! Tidus thought.
"I had no idea I was so unwanted!" exclaimed Seymour, shocked, clutching at his heart.
Oh, CUT THE ACT! Darius thought, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, lest it turn out unbelievably rude—which it would have.
"Yuna, we're waiting." Auron said this quietly yet, in a way, forcefully, so Yuna knew what to do.
"Sorry..." she said, embarrassed. "But, first, could you please heal Tidus? He...erm...kind of went 'boom' in the last chapter, and—"
"Say no more; I will do anything my Lady Yuna asks." Seymour smiled and took out his rod. The rod began to light up at its end, and Tidus was abruptly normal again.
Well—as normal as he could get.
But at least he was now in human-form, and was no longer merely a pile of talking molecules. Yuna, who was quite satisfied, placed her hand in Seymour's, and—while Tidus glared, fuming—Seymour led her and her guardians to the command center, without letting go of her hand at all.
- - -
"So, Sir Auron," Seymour said, smiling generously. "It is an honor to meet you. It would be interesting to hear about what you've been doing these past ten years."
"I've got nothing to say about it." Then, a thought crossed Auron's mind. "Unless...you have any Gil to offer? Or, preferably, a Tae-Bo tape?"
"No, I am afraid not, for that tape is very expensive. However, I do have Tae Po'."
"Then, no."
Wakka decided to cut in. "Maester Seymour, sir... Erm... could you please give us more information on the Mi'ihen Highroad, your grace...ness?"
"Certainly. And please, speak as you normally would."
"That IS how he normally would," Darius put in, truthfully.
"...please do not interrupt me, or I will have your arms chopped off, grilled, buttered, and served on a steak." Seymour cleared his throat calmly, and Dar stared at him incredulously. "... The Crusaders plan to use Sinspawn to lure Sin to the command center, where they will attack it with plenty of machina."
Wakka gasped. "But then...this operation is against the teachings of Yevon! Shouldn't you stop them?"
"Perhaps he would want to defy Yevon," Darius muttered inaudibly.
But apparently it wasn't inaudible, for Brynna added, "And perhaps he would want to cause mayhem..."
And Tidus added, "And perhaps he would want to stop holding hands with YUNA!"
"Shh!" Lulu...shushed.
"It is quite alright, Lulu," Seymour assured her, gazing disapprovingly at Tidus. "Some people control themselves better than others. But it is true, Wakka, that I should stop them. However, both the Crusaders and the Al Bhed truly wish peace for Spira. This Operation Mi'ihen was born from that wish they share, and although it may be sacrilege to Yevon, their intentions are pure." Then he leaned closer to Wakka and whispered, "...besides, they both gave me a particularly good backrub the other day."
"But...using machina...and giving backrubs...! They're both horribly against Yevon's teachings!"
"Then pretend you don't know," Seymour said.
"Beg your pardon, but that's not something a Maester should say!"
"Then pretend I didn't say it," Seymour said.
"And beg your pardon again, but that's not the way a Maester should look, either!"
"Then pretend I didn't look it," Seymour said.
"And that's not the way a Maester should feeeeeeel!"
"Then pretend I didn't feeeeel it," Seymour said.
"And that's not the skin tone a Maester should have!"
"Then pretend I didn't skin tone it," Seymour said.
"And that's not nostril size a Maester should have!"
"Then pretend I didn't nostril size it," Seymour said.
"And I'm pretty sure a Maester should DEFINITELY not have such a teeeeny weeeeny little di—"
"THEN, DAMMIT, PRETEND I'M A FEMALE!" Seymour screamed, and ran off.
Auron grunted. "Yuna, we must pick up the pace," he said. "They may be already starting the Operation."
"The man's right, Yuna!" Lulu nodded fiercely. "What do you suggest, Sir Auron?"
Brynna held up a finger. "I have an idea! Yuna cast Haste on everyone! Then we can get there much faster!"
"Kimahri agree. Lady Yuna must hurry, if guardians are to make it on time."
Wow...he really DOES talk... Darius thought, shrugging. "Yeah, alright, let's get this over with, before they blow up the place with the machina."
"Alright!" She nodded, waved her staff, and muttered, "Haste." She repeated this seven more times, until everyone was appropriately...Hasted.
And with that Haste spell, Darius and the others were able to arrive at the command center within three minutes. Dar was very surprised that there were no fiends in this area, but...did NOT jinx it. They passed Luzzu and Gatta, who were dawdling just outside the area, babbling on about "the true meaning of being a Crusader" or some crap like that. Oh well, Darius thought, remembering FFX. One of you is going to die during this Operation anyway...
But which one?
Well, unlike in FFX, they were now both extremely annoying and a bit nauseating to associate with for long periods of time. So it didn't really matter which one exploded, as this point.
And Wakka, who apparently hated machina, decided to go on a machina-kicking rampage, and so he kicked every machina he came across on the way to the center. Of course the machina, pissed off at being kicked, bitchslapped him... But Darius was able to stop Wakka from kicking any more machina until they actually GOT to the destination.
Which is...right...over...THERE! Darius shouted mentally, pointing at an area with people walking anxiously around. "We made it alive!"
"Barely," Tidus remarked, side-glancing at Wakka's various bruises.
The command center was small yet big, sexy yet ugly, annoying yet tolerable, and most of all...sad yet happy. For Darius knew what was to become of 70 percent of the people here: death, molestation, and rapism. Well...something like that, anyway...
A rather... large man waddled up to the group and grinned. "Well, well, well! Good to see you Auron! Been ten years, hasn't it?"
Lulu bent down to Darius's ear. "That's Wen Kinoc, one of the Four Maesters of Yevon. He leads the warrior monks...commands the crusaders...and, from time to time, enjoys picking flowers in the backyard. He is quite artistic. From day one, his first word was—"
"Lu?" Wakka said, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Do we really need a biography?"
"I'LL GIVE YOU BIOGRAPHY IF I DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT, WAKKA! FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO...DISAGREEABLE! OH YES, AND HOW DARE YOU MAKE THAT COMMENT ON THE SIZE OF SEYMOURS YOU-KNOW-WHAT, WHEN YOU YOURSELF AREN'T EXACTLY KNOWN FOR YOUR OWN SEXUAL ABILITIES! AND ANOTHER THING—!"
"Oh, damn, look at the time!" Wakka fled.
But, thank God, there was an interruption, before Lulu could continue and cause us all to throw up. "All troops ready to move at your command, sir!" Gatta said, giggling into his hand.
"Oh, really? You mean I can command the troops?" Darius asked.
"As...if. I was talking to Maester Kinoc." And with that, Gatta flew off, to the valleys.
Kinoc nodded. "So. Tell me, Auron... Where have you been the last ten years?" But when it looked like Auron wasn't going to reply, he said, "Just tell me one thing: Have you seen Zanarkand?"
Auron snorted.
Kinoc sighed. "You know this Operation won't work, Auron. We'll just...let them dream a little longer," the Maester continued. (Is it me, or do people even LIKE maesters? I mean, really... There's Seymour... Kinoc... Mika... Who's next?) "But Sin won't be happy when he arrives, I'll tell you that. We're in for a serious battle."
Tidus's eyes bulged. "Wait, what? You knew this would—?"
Kinoc whistled innocently and left.
Darius exchanged looks with Brynna, who was the only one in the group (other than Auron) who looked like she had seen this coming. But...how would she know? He decided to ask.
"Uh, Brynna?"
"Yeah?"
"How did you—?" But he couldn't finish the sentence, for a loud shrieking noise had cut him off. But it wasn't a normal person's shriek; it was the shriek of a... Sinspawn!
Tidus pointed in the direction of the Sinspawn. Or, rather, Sinspawns. "HOLY MOTHER OF..."
Darius and the others stared as a machina crane lifted about twenty different shrieking Sinspawns at once into one huge crate. This...will be bad... he thought.But then another thought occurred to him: What about Tidus?
Back on the Mi'ihen Highroad, Seer Jade had told Tidus all about his father being Sin. How would Tidus feel about meeting his father like this? ...No, this'll be REALLY bad...
"Ah... Ah... AH... AAACHOO!"
Darius slowly looked over his shoulder, as a random guy disgustingly sneezed all over him. No, this'll be TERRIBLY bad...
Auron grimaced. "The bait has been set; any moment now, Sin will come." He looked meaningfully at Tidus, who stared angrily at the floor, knowing he was about come to face-to-face with his father, who was now Sin.
"But, Sir Auron!" Wakka protested, finally rejoining the group. "Sin might not come! I mean, just because of a few Sinspawn...? I mean, I know Sin usually returns for its spawn, but—"
"No, it will come."
"Oh dear..." Yuna murmured, now realizing what the devastation that would occur.
A man standing by the crate holding all of the Sinspawns used some sort of funky machina thingy to electrocute all of the Sinspawn inside. But unfortunately, he also electrocuted himself in the process, AND one of the Sinspawns broke out.
Auron brought out his broad sword slowly. "Our battle begins now." He broke into a run toward the spawn, and Dar and the others followed, bringing out their own weapons as well.
"TAKE—THIS!" Dar cried, flinging himself forward until he was close enough to attack. Right about now he was wishing he knew how to use his sword, Dyrnsyn, the way Xodan knew how. He remembered how Xodan had used the sword to cause objects to dematerialize or randomly be engulfed in flame... but he, Darius, had no clue of how to do this. But he tried anyway.
Uh...DYRNSYN! Engulf that thing in flame!
The Sinspawn yawned.
Er...Dematerialize it!
The Sinspawn crossed its arms, tapping its foot impatiently.
Um...use Holy magic on it!
The Sinspawn exasperatedly checked its watch for the time.
Oh, F you! Dar thought angrily, about to do things the old-fashioned way. But before his sword could make physical contact with the huge fiend, some random guy electrocuted the Sinspawn again, and it exploded into teeny-weeny-sized Sinspawn babies.
"Oh maaaan! I was just about to attack!" Darius whined.
"Yeah, and I was just about to swing my blades at it!" Brynna moaned.
"And I was just about to breathe on it!" Ifrit complained. Everyone stared at him. "Oh...er... I mean..." He quickly went POOF! and disappeared into thin air.
Auron smirked. "Hmph. You won't be so eager for battle once Sin appears himself."
"We'll see about that..." Darius heard Tidus mutter darkly.
Sin laughed, currently in the middle of a kickball game with his fellow whale friends. He powerfully kicked the ball with his tail, causing it to sail away. "HOOMERUNN!" he cried in whale-language, swimming to first base.
"No it's not, you cheater!" Free Willy accused heatedly, pointing a fin at Sin. "That was an offensive foul!"
"Willy, you idiot, there are no offensive fouls in kickball! Shut the hell up before we exile you again," Sin retorted.
"HMPH."
Sin was past second base when he felt his Tidus Senses tingling. "Oh, I almost forgot about him!" he muttered, slapping his forehead. Then, louder, he yelled, "GUYS? I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" and swam away, to the shore.
Well, DAMN! Has it really been that long since Tidus and I have bonded? he thought. The last time I tried to bond with him was on his way to Kilika! And even THEN, I didn't get the chance to give him a noogie!
Well, he WAS Jecht, Tidus's father, after all. And it WAS true that he hadn't been able to spend much time with his son the last time he visited him. So, therefore, Sin made his decision: It was time for some more bonding!
Of course, the last time he had tried to "bond" with Tidus, he had accidentally destroyed 60 percent of Kilika, almost cut off all their water supply, and destroyed their crops...but whatever. And, of course, the time before THAT, he had killed over a third of the people on the Al Bhed Salvage Ship, and the time before THAT, he had single-handedly destroyed Zanarkand and most of its residents.
But other than THAT, nothing!
So, YEAH! It was DEFINITELY time for some MORE father-son bonding!
Sin found himself at Mushroom Rock, gazing at hundreds of people as they cried, "SIN! SIN! SIN!"
Sin rolled his eyes. People these days... Do they not have any manners? Ignoring them, Sin spotted his son, Tidus, and stretched his fin out to give him a playful noogie.
Unfortunately, since Sin's fin was approximately three times the size of Montana, this "noogie" resulting in hundreds of random people being smushed and flattened into the ground like pancakes.
Well, I HAVE always liked a good pancake... Sin shrugged and dived at the bodies—but then stopped.
He would need some ketchup! Well, DUH. How stupid of him to have forgotten! If the other whales down in the sea had heard about THIS, they would have doubled over laughing!
Internally chortling, Sin cheerfully used Maester Kinoc as a bottle of ketchup, by violently squeezing the life out of him and squirting his blood all over the dead bodies. He then dived forward and munched and crunched happily on the corpses.
Wait 'til the boys down in the sea hear about THIS one!
Darius leaped on one of its fins and began ferociously swinging Dyrnsyn at the colossal monster, attempting not to fall off while doing so. He knew Auron, Kimahri, Brynna and Wakka were below him striking it there as well, while Lulu shot "level two" spells at it such as Fira and Thundara.
"IFRIT!" Yuna called out, and the Aeon immediately sprang from the ground. "Starting breathing!"
But even its horrible, disgustingly nasty breath could not force Sin to die, implode, blow up, go away, or all of the above. In fact, Sin merely opened its OWN mouth and breathed right back at Ifrit.
The two nasty odors made contact with each other, and as a result, all plant life within a radius of six hundred kilometers immediately ended.
Darius tried again to get Dyrnsyn to do some powerful magic. But this time, he didn't attempt to do any of the magical crap he had seen Xodan do; he tried to develop his own magical crap.
He concentrated on being free, liberated from all boundaries. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the atmosphere, not the earth, and he felt gravity lifting for him. But then the sensation abruptly stopped when he thought, You know, this is so corny...
He opened his eyes... and...
What. The. Hell.
He was now standing on top of Sin's back—no longer on one of his fins. But did that mean he had floated up there, teleported up there, or was he simply insane?
He hastily tried something else. Okay, alright...now, focus... He closed his eyes again, concentrating on the fact that he was supposedly "The Son," as Seer Jade had said. He realized that if she hadn't been lying, it meant that he would create another Sin—and everything Yuna was going through right now would be in vain.
That notion pissed him off. He forced himself to concentrate more on the notion, and when he opened his eyes, Dyrnsyn was glowing with a golden light.
Uhh... Shrugging, he used the now glowing Dyrnsyn to physically attack Sin with. Apparently Dyrnsyn now inflicted much more pain when it was glowing in this manner, so he continued to swipe at Sin's scales, leaving what looked like skid-marks on Sin's exterior.
Syexy... he thought, happy that he had found an efficient means of attacking with Dyrnsyn now.
Tidus glared at the colossal monster. Cannons and such were being fired at it, warriors were directly attacking it, and mages were firing potent magic spells at it, but nothing seemed to damage the thing.
...that evil bastard...
"Let's see how well my dad takes this," he muttered. He sprinted toward "Sin," leaped into the air, and came slashing down hard on the monster's exterior.
Sin blinked, unchallenged, and blew a large amount of snot Tidus's way.
"Oh, so you want to play that way?"
Tidus let full anger surge through him, thinking back to all those years his father, Jecht, had insulted him and ignored him as if he weren't even there. He thought back to how Sin had been the one to take him from his home back in Zanarkand, to...here. He thought back to a million other things, and then, quite literally, stabbed Sin with his sword.
The sword went as far as it could through the monster's exterior, until the only part sticking out of it was the handle. Tidus glared at Sin as it mouthed the words, 'That tickles!'
"NO, DAMN IT!" Even MORE pissed, Tidus snatched the sword back, but before he could lunge at the monster, Seymour pulled him away.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF!"
"You won't hurt it," Seymour said calmly. He turned to Yuna, who was beside him. "Neither one of you will."
"And you can?" Tidus spat.
The summoner attempted to blink back her tears, but in the end she gave up, allowing them to flow down her face like water flowing out of a faucet. "But Maester Seymour...! All the people here, being killed..." She gestured to the hundreds of corpses lying about in unnatural positions. "All of the pain, the agony... We have to stop it! There has to be something, anything!"
The Maester shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, Lady Yuna..."
Less than an hour later, Brynna took a look around at the piles of corpses lying everywhere. She didn't say anything, but could only think, Oh my God...
Among them was Luzzu, the companion of Gatta, and one of the Crusaders. She gasped, but then stared up into the sky, shaking her head. She knew she should've been able to put a stop to the deaths...somehow... But it was too late for that, of course. How horrible... she thought. Sin...he'll pay. And Yevon too, for thinking up this situation...
At the sound of approaching footsteps, she whirled around, but relaxed when she saw it was only Dar. The two looked at each other and didn't speak for a while.
Then she couldn't control herself, and hugged him, crying.
Dar, alarmed, awkwardly attempted to make her feel better. The girl was crying more because of the underlying guilt that she could have stopped all the death from occurring, but she didn't explain that.
There was silence for a moment. Then—
"Did—did you know this would happen...?" he whispered gravely, forcing himself to ask it while he had the chance.
"...yes."
...I knew it, he thought triumphantly. "But...how—?" he started to ask—but Tidus showed up. "Oh," Darius said. "Uh...yeah." He was somehow awkward when it came to complete seriousness and truthfulness. "Was...was that really your dad back there?" he decided to ask, even though he, having played FFX, already knew the answer.
Tidus exhaled, disgruntled. "Yes, it was."
"Hey!" Brynna said, more cheerfully than not. "We'll kick his ass LEFT and RIGHT when we get the chance! Don't worry!"
"Uh, I DON'T want to picture Sin having an ass," Tidus muttered.
"Whatever you say," Darius said, hiding the fact that Sin did indeed have an ass. And a very fugly one at that. (Hey, I heard that! You have one too, so shut up!)
Yuna and her other guardians approached. Tidus was first to notice that everyone seemed sad but Yuna, who was grinning like a hyena who had just lost its virginity.
"Um, what's wrong with her, Dar?" Tidus asked.
"Oh, nothing!" Yuna beamed. "Seymour just told me that 'I must be the people's strength now, more than ever. Anyone else would be expected mourn, but I am Spira's hope. I must not relent.' So...I've taken that to heart, and NOW...I'm going to force every single one of you to grin 24/7, so that people will have faith in us!"
Tidus, now pissed off again, began to foam at the mouth.
"And what ELSE did Seymour tell you?" he shouted shrilly, causing various windows to shatter. (...although there were no windows...)
"He...asked me to take him as my 'pillar of strength, as Yunalesca had her Lord Zaon.' Or...something along those lines... Why?" she asked, still grinning like Ronald McDonald.
Brynna coughed a multitude of times. "YOU'RE awful cheerful..."
"She must be, in dark times," Kimahri said quietly. "She must shine bright. Yuna tries hard, because now are dark times." Then he said, too quiet for Yuna to hear, "If we worry, she tries harder. Do not frown; always smile."
"I don't see YOU smiling," Darius remarked.
The Ronso tried to...but...well... he ended up looking more like Chuckie, from The Seed of Chuckie. This was, of course, creepy enough to cause all of the dead bodies lying around to get up and flee like hell, to the hills.
"...Time to go," Auron said hurriedly, before the Ronso could try again.
"But we wouldn't mind leaving you here, Dar, if you'd like to stay—" Wakka grinned.
Lulu frowned and crossed her arms. "No, he is staying! And Tidus and Brynna, too!" Wow...surprising, Darius thought, for he had been sure up until now that Lulu had despised his, Tidus's, and Brynna's guts.
Hmmm... Darius thought.
Maybe this little incident with Sin actually ended up bringing Yuna's guardians closer to each other. Maybe, in a tight situation, the group learned to hold onto one another and survive, so that their "story," as Auron called it, would continue. Maybe, just maybe, someone was watching over them, making sure they lived on to finish their journey in one piece. Could it be ... that deep inside of each and every one of them, they all had love for one another? Maybe it was that very love that watched over them in this tight situation. Love... Maybe love is the strongest emotion that it's possible for a human to have. Maybe... just maybe... there is love in each and everyone one of us, and it is that very love that keeps us strong... That very love that keeps us healthy... And maybe—just maybe—it is that love that governs our very lives.
...And if you believe THAT, you're crazier than you LOOK.