Author's Note- Sorry for the delay, everyone, but FFXII came out and I couldn't resist. XD I'm trying to update with chapter 14 before Christmas, so please be on the lookout! Thanks for all the reviews, and remember:
EATING SMALL CHILDREN IS BAD! (…without A1 steak sauce.) Please read, and do enjoy!
(Introduction)
"FOLLOW THAT AIRSHIP!"
The group of crazed idiots all sped out of Djose, anxious to retrieve the hard-earned cash that Brynna had taken with her when she'd been kidnapped. Of course, Darius knew, the second they found her they'd probably take back their Gil and leave her with the kidnappers to be violently raped, molested, done 'The Nasty' to, and humped.
Of course, she might actually enjoy that… Darius thought sinisterly, smirking.
"Where do you think she's been taken to?" Lulu huffed between pants, not daring to slow down or stop running.
Auron shook his head. "It depends on who it was that ordered her to be kidnapped." He looked at her, Wakka, and Kimahri, and said, "Did you manage to see—?"
"Nope," Wakka panted, "we didn't see they're faces…"
"Aw…poor Brynna…" Tidus sighed. "…she's going to be molested by a bunch of anonymous bastards… I mean, it would be different if they were good-looking, but…" He shook his head with pity. Then, a thought seemed to have come to mind: "…wait, who the hell would want to do her?! She's…"
Darius could swear Kimahri had just muttered the word, "flat," under his breath to complete Tidus's sentence, but no one else seemed to hear this, so he regarded it as merely his imagination.
"Isn't it a bit rude that we're all talking about my guardian behind her back?" Yuna asked. "After all…" Yuna suddenly sprouted angelic wings and a halo materialized above her head. "…she is a gorgeous, strong-hearted ray of sunshine from Heaven with a pure, beautiful soul, and it is truly a blessing for her to be with us."
Everyone stared in horror at her, surprised that she was such a damn goody-goody.
"HEY!" The real Yuna came stomping out of the bushes, where she had been tied up all this time, and slapped the bitch across the face. "WHO ARE YOU?"
"Um…" Fake-Yuna smiled sheepishly. "A mirrorr image?"
Real-Yuna blinked. "…you didn't spell that right. You're lying." And with no further delay, the true Yuna, who, of course, would never go as far as calling Brynna "angelic", catapulted the OOC Yuna into the air, where she exploded into a mass of fireworks.
How long does it take them to realize they're getting sidetracked so easily? Dar shrugged, and said, "Come on, we're going to lose them at this rate!"
Lulu nodded. The group stopped conversing and continued to sprint desperately, in order to keep track of where the airship was heading.
Then, after a good five minutes, everyone froze in midair and gaped, for they had all just realized that after all this time, they had not been running after the airship: they had been running in circles.
" WAKKA! YOU IDIOT!" Lulu bellowed, taking off her shoe and beating it repetitively down on Wakka's head. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LEADING US! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US WE WERE BEING STUPID?"
"And OOC!" Darius added, assisting Lulu with the frantic whippings and beatings. Unfortunately for him, the redhead blitzer had many shoeprints engraved into his skin by the time they had finished.
Wakka, after having recovered, was just about to point out that they had been stupid and OOC ever since the first paragraph of Chapter Two, but he did not have the time, for Tidus (and even Yuna) had decided to jump into the fun, taking off his shoes (although Tidus was, of course, forced to keep his socks on, lest horrible odors take place and cause a forest fire) and smack the poor guardian to death.
Kimahri and Auron exchanged glances.
…you know, these idiots HAVE been stupid and OOC ever since Chapter Two, Darius thought hypocritically.
Evidently, they had all been too busy activating "Idiotic" nodes and "Strange Sense of Humor" nodes (not to mention the enormous pile of "Mary Sue" nodes) on the Sphere Grid, when they SHOULD have been activating IMPORTANT ones, such as HP Nodes and Sexy Nodes and whatnot.
Because God knows not ONE of them was attractive.
Still, Darius had no more time to contemplate the meaning of life, for an old, nasty man had just ambled up the group, preventing the mad frenzy of guardians—and summoner—from beating down Wakka any further.
"Um… I don't know if you heard," Yuna said politely to him, "but we're in a bit of a crisis and now's not the time to ask for any signed autographs from Auron… You see, one of our guardians has been kidnapped, and we're trying to develop the plotline…"
"Oh I know. And you aren't succeeding," the man replied indifferently. "In fact, I am one of the people who govern the Fanfiction . Net website. I was coming just to let you know…that your story will be taken off the internet within the next update if the seven of you do not pull it together and behave seriously for at least this ONE chapter." He cleared his throat. "Oh. And one more thing—we, the governors of FFN, have noticed that all seven of you seem to behave in a particularly rude manner at times. So—if I hear any of you say ONE more thing that is rated anything higher than PG—the story will be obliterated."
And with that, he Disapparated, leaving naught but seven confused little idiots scratching their heads idiotically in his wake.
Darius made a mental note to himself: Don't say or do anything unsuitable for small children to watch, until he was sure the Governors were no longer around. Or, there would be consequences.
(End of Introduction)
Chapter 13: River of Destiny
"Tell me again, why are we continuing the pilgrimage when Brynna's being kidnapped? Shouldn't we be following her?"
It was Tidus who had asked the question, and he was the one who Lulu scowled at. "That's precisely what we're doing by proceeding with the pilgrimage," she replied, and pursed her lips.
"But, if it is…how do we know—" But as lightning suddenly flashed and thunder crackled in the background due to the ominous look on Lulu's face, he was quick to shut up.
"Actually…" Yuna looked up, opening her mouth to fend for Tidus, who looked pleased. "…he's asking a good question. How do we know where…?"
"Only someone with a significant amount of power would be able to send out an airship of that size to capture a mere girl," Auron said simply. "And the only people of that caliber…" He left the sentence incomplete.
"…live in Bevelle," Kimahri finished quietly. Dar silently took note of what was going on, feeling the necessity to not interfere in the conversation, but to listen to see where it was leading.
After being violently bellowed at by the Governor of Fanfictions, the petite little group had stopped running in circles and proceeded to the Moonflow, which, Lulu had indicated, would lead them to the shoopuf wharf.
There was a pause of silence before anyone spoke up again; it seemed as though Darius was not the only one busy contemplating. There were too many things that had gone wrong in the pilgrimage so far. Too many catastrophes…too much chaos… What ever happened to leading a simple, peaceful journey full of laughter and smiles?
These days, journeys were all filled with death, murder, rape, bloodshed, tea parties, OOCs, sucky Aeons and small children lining up for milk. What ever happened to the good ol' days, Dar wondered dreamily, when bitches were bastards and bastards were bitches-?
But Darius's thought was interrupted as the Governor of Fanfictions irritably Apparated in front of him and screamed, "I heard that! This is your last warning: watch your language!" …and then fled.
Tidus angrily shook his head. "Someone has got to get rid of that bastar-"
He materialized again. "What was that?"
"Nothing!"
"Thought so." And, without saying anything more, the Governor took out his wand, waved it, and with a crack! he disappeared into the night.
Tidus exchanged annoyed glances with the others, but dared say nothing. The group was rounding a corner, proceeding into a lengthy, narrow path leading to the Moonflow. Dar noticed that a clan of huddled bastards and bitch- erm…people- were congregating toward the edge of the path, busy squabbling over some issue. Probably world peace, he guessed, trying to sound PG-rated, so that the Governor would not reappear and smack him with an oversized, long-ass stick.
(And no, my idiots, not THAT kind of "stick". I mean the kind of stick made of WOOD. …damn, why do only perverts read this story?)
Still wondering why the group of people was bickering so loudly, Tidus furrowed his brow questioningly, Dar raised his brow questioningly, Yuna tilted her brow questioningly, Lulu ripped of Wakka's brow questioningly, Wakka munched on his brow questioningly, Kimahri charbroiled his brow questioningly, and Auron wondered why the hell everyone was so busy playing with their brows.
As the clan of arguing "people" up ahead loomed closer, so did the words of their conversation:
"Clasko! How many times have I told you? The chocobos are for training and riding on, NOT eating!"
"Awww, but…they taste so good! Besides, it's only a chocobo leg; it can still run on its three remaining legs! Besides—KFC is really inexpensive if you get the #7 Combo Meal!"
"…Clasko, at least remove the feathers before you eat it. And what does KFC stand for, anyway? Kilikan Fried Chocobo? We're not even in Kilika anymore! So what are you going to call it now, Moonflow Fried Chocobo?"
"Actually, Elma, I was considering that."
Wakka leaned in toward Darius, and whispered, "Clasko's a bit…different, ya?"
"They're…The Chocobo Knights!"Darius exclaimed, leaping into the air and breaking into song, performing interpretive dance and ripping off his shirt. "We're…saaaaaved—!"
"…Don't do that." Auron grabbed the idiot by the leg and pulled him to the ground, where he collided into a three-legged chocobo, who angrily shouted, "Kweh!" and slashed him with one of his claws.
Lucil, Clasko, and Elma all paused from their intense verbal battle, and turned to face them. "Ah, it's nice to see you again, Lady Summoner!" Lucil greeted, grinning. "How is the pilgrimage going?"
Clasko walked over to Darius, who was sprawled out on the floor, probably unconscious. The Junior Chocobo Knight had a look of utmost concern on his face as he said, "Darius! Oh heavens, have you died?" He came up with an idea. "I know! I'll revive you…by ripping off my clothes and wrapping them around your body to protect you from the cold!" And just as he was about to do so—
Dar immediately bounced to his feet, brushed the dust of his shoulders, and said, "That will not be necessary, Clasko," before taking an immense step away from him.
As it seemed that no one was going to bother answering Lucil's question, she continued, "Well, we, the Chocobo Knights, are off to the north to search for more chocobos…to replace those who have died. And been eaten," she added ominously, throwing a glare Clasko's way.
"That's very nice," Yuna said, smiling.
"Not really," Clasko put in, narrowly avoiding an enormous chainsaw being swung his way, which had come from Elma.
As she put away her weapon of mass (or little) destruction, Elma gasped as a thought suddenly occurred to her. "Say, would you all like to rent a chocobo or two? You can ride them into the Moonflow; it will be much faster than walking. Normally we don't do this…but for a summoner and her guardians, we're willing to support." She beamed.
"That'd be wonderful!" the summoner replied, performing a Yevonite bow to show her appreciation. "Which one can we take?"
Elma grinned evilly and pointed directly at Clasko. "That one."
Moments later, after the group had taken turns getting piggy-back rides from Clasko (interestingly, Kimahri seemed to have enjoyed it the most, as was shown when he was seen cheerfully whipping Clasko like a horse on the behind with his lance), everyone met back at the entrance to the Shoopuf Wharf.
Auron glanced at Wakka, Yuna, Lulu, Darius, Kimahri, and Tidus, who all glanced back. When he felt like he had everyone's attention, he said, "Ready to continue?"
But Yuna had shrieked excitedly as she turned around and, for the first time, noticed the Moonflow River flowing behind her. Its scenic, dark blue, glistening color caused her eyes to sparkle with glee as she stared in awe at its beauty. "It's…" She smiled, cupping her hand to her mouth. "…beautiful!"
The black mage took a look, and smiled. "Oh yes, this is what the Moonflow is known for." Glowing pyreflies glided just above the glistening water, as if attracted to it, making the scene even more unique.
"It's…something I've never seen before…" Yuna murmured, seeming to be in a trance. "They say clouds of pyreflies gather here when night falls…but I've…never seen it for myself."
Dar glanced at the river, and a suddenly grave and relevant realization edged its way into his mind:
None of them had taken a shower or even used the bathroom in the past four days.
Yes. Highly relevant, and not random at all! Darius felt so proud for coming up with something relevant to the situation that he broke out in song again, ripping off his shirt and causing multiple females in the vicinity to immediately swoon.
("More like, faint in horror," the Governor of FFN corrected, materializing again and stapling Darius's shirt back onto his torso. "Now, rip your shirt off again, and I'm deleting your existence from the planet." Saying no more, the man left, and the scene resumed.)
Tidus joined Yuna and lay his hand on her shoulder, staring out into the scenic river.
"Do you know what it reminds me of?" she said quietly.
"…Yuna?" Darius declined his head and sat at the edge of the river, immersing his feet into it. Lulu joined him and gently dipped her hands into the flowing river, allowing a small amount of its waters to settle in her cupped hand; Auron gazed at the water, smiling, as if remembering the last time he had been here during Braska's pilgrimage. "What is it?" Dar asked the summoner.
There was a long pause before she responded. "It…reminds me of…a destiny."
Dar looked up. A destiny…
As everyone stared pensively out into the body of glistening stream water, some sitting, some standing, but all silent, Yuna listened to the voice of the winds.
Her multicolored eyes continued gazing in the direction of the water, and she smiled dreamily.
"The direction a stream flows…is always away from its source, and toward its mouth. And when a fork looms into the view, the streams splits and proceeds in two different directions… It may go east, or it may deter and go west…. Its water may either flow slowly, calmly, toward its final destination…or it may surge forward, rushing to get there…. But either way…whether at a slow pace, or a fast pace… whether it goes north, or south… whether a boulder hinders its way, or whether it simply overcomes all obstacles…" She slowly sat down, watching passively as the stream displayed its charm, glistening in the darkening sky.
"…it never stops flowing."
In the morning (Yuna had asked everyone if it was alright if they spent the night at Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel, which was close by; it was getting dark, and Tidus wasn't so keen to ride a shoopuf at night anyway), Darius waited for the others to turn up at the passenger loading zone of the shoopuf wharf.
Tidus and Kimahri were the first to show up. This is just great, Dar thought, mentally smacking his forehead and anticipating to idiocy that would ensue…
…but miraculously, the only thing Tidus said was, "…what…the hell…is THAT?!" as he pointed up at the shoopuf.
Well, actually, that wasn't too miraculous, seeing as Lulu had already explained to him seventeen times now that they were going to be riding a "shoopuf", or a halfway aquatic elephant, to the other end of the Moonflow.
Of course, when Tidus had replied with, "What's an 'elephant?' " everyone had gotten pissed, and Dar explained as calmly as possible that an elephant was "an obese creature with a trunk for a nose."
And when Tidus had replied with, "What's an 'obese creature with a trunk for a nose?' " everyone had gotten even MORE pissed, and Dar exclaimed as calmly as possible that an obese creature with a trunk for a nose…was "someone like THAT woman." He had pointed to a rather large female who somewhat resembled Dumbo.
And, unfortunately for our sad excuse for a main character, She-Dumbo overheard him, cried, "SICK 'EM, BOYS!", and before anyone knew what was happening, seven dwarves, one creepy princess, and a poisonous apple, were all chasing Dar around the town.
And, even more unfortunate, the leading dwarf tripped on a boobah and spontaneously combusted, at which point the Governor of Fanfictions vehemently materialized again, ripped out the idiotic dwarves' souls, and forced them to all sit down and listen merrily to an illegally downloaded CD of—no, not the Spice Girls—the Spice Boys.
And, thus, the problem had been solved.
"…are you going to answer my question?" the blonde Zanarkandian asked, after two minutes had passed and still no answer. "What IS that thing?"
"Tidus? It's a shoopuf, man."
"Oh… You mean, a puff of shoes?"
The Ronso produced an unnaturally loud cough that sounded suspiciously like the words "dumb blonde." Before anyone could realize this, however, he said, "Kimahri think Tidus should stop while he is behind."
"'Morning!" Yuna cried, running over.
"Hey, Yuna!" Tidus called out.
Halfway there, she tripped.
"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off. She continued running toward them.
Then tripped.
"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off again. She continued running toward them.
Then tripped.
"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off again. She continued running toward them.
Then tripped.
"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off again. She continued running toward them.
Trip.
"Oops!"
Trip.
"Oops!"
Trip.
"Oops!"
"Dammit, stop stumbling!" everyone cried in unison (ignoring the fact that the Governor of Fanfictions was now screaming at them for utilizing profanity), and Kimahri was quick to pick Yuna up and carry her to the passenger loading zone.
Surprised that there were only three guardians waiting for her, she said, "Where are the others?" And when Dar and Tidus shrugged, Kimahri replied, "Other guardians forced to leave on first shoopuf; not enough room on this one."
"Oh…" Yuna sighed, and when the Hypello before her cried out, "RIDE ZE SHOOPUF?" she merely gave him a frightened look and tripped her way inside.
"Erm… Yuna? You might wanna tie your shoes…" Tidus suggested.
"Ohhhh…" she said quietly, as if just now realizing it. When she had finished, she gazed dreamily into the sea, while Tidus gazed dreamily at her, and Darius began playing with his brow again. Kimahri the Ronso stared at everyone, as if contemplating how many ways he could skin them all in their sleep without alerting any potential witnesses.
"Yuna?"
"Yes?"
Tidus looked out into the sea. "Why are we resorting to riding an aquatic elephant, when we could easily skip to all the temples by using an airship?"
She smiled in response. "A thousand years ago there was a war between Bevelle and Zanarkand, Tidus," she said patiently. "Both cities used machina as weapons to battle each other…and our punishment for disobeying Yevon—was Sin. It destroyed Zanarkand's machina, allowing Bevelle to easily obliterate the rest of the city… And, thus…" She held up her hands helplessly. "…summoners do not use machina. We can't use an airship, simply because…it is against Yevon's will."
"…creepy."
Darius nodded in complete agreement, beginning to realize that there were MANY things in this world that were creepy. And as Yuna and Tidus continued their conversation, he continued eavesdropping.
"Tidus?"
He smiled, not having to avert his gaze, since Yuna had been the one who call. "Yeah?"
She looked at the ground. "What…would you do, if another guardian or I ever got lost?"
"I…" He frowned, as if wondering why she wanted to know. "…would probably run around, calling their name and whistling until someone threw me into the sea." When Yuna laughed and Darius rolled his eyes and Kimahri coughed loudly again, he said, "Why?"
"Because…" Her smile faded slightly. "…if something were to happen to me…I want to know what to listen for." There was a pause. "You said…a whistle? Of what kind?"
He grinned and held two fingers to his mouth, before making such a disturbingly loud whistle that small children in the back went deaf.
Dar, who had, so far, not interrupted, due to the fact that Tidus and Yuna were conversing flirtatiously again, couldn't stop himself from muttering, "And if you whistle any louder she'll be too deaf to hear it!"
Having not heard this comment, Tidus grinned and said, "Now you try!"
Yuna tried, but alas, what she had thought to have been a whistle actually turned out to be a bird call from ancient times; therefore, a flock of pissed chocobo chicks flew on the shoopuf and clawed at everyone's eyes.
Pleasant!
When everything had settled, the only people who had not leapt out of the shoopuf to save themselves from further torture and destruction from the birds were Dar, Tidus, Yuna, Kimahri, and an elderly couple making out in the back. Regretfully, the summoner pulled out her rod and cast Cura on everyone, which helped things somewhat—but Darius was still feeling quite displeased with all the moans that were coming from the wrinkly hags in the back seat. I mean really, what 100 year-old people DO that?
In public?
On the floor?
With extension cords protruding from-
"TOO NASTY! Not suitable for small children!" Fanfiction Governor bellowed, literally and physically booting the old couple's rotting asses out into the ocean, where marine chocobos gulped them down.
Yuna chuckled and shook her head at the chaos that had just ensued. "Why does this always have to happen?! I've always just wanted…a laughter-filled pilgrimage… Fun, and peaceful."
"Yuna…" Darius shook his head sadly. "You should know…that's not going to happen. Your pilgrimage won't be peaceful, because its purpose is to end chaos. And the only way to do that," he added, "is to fight chaos…with chaos."
She nodded understandingly. "I know. This is why…I want to thank you—for joining me on the pilgrimage; there's something about you two… Something tells me…that in the end, you two, and perhaps Brynna, will be crucial in the fight against Sin. You're my guardians…and my dear friends. Thank you."
She thought a little while, then added, "I also think Auron may help a lot…"
"Aur-on… Whore-ron… They rhyme," Tidus pointed out.
…He was whacked.
"Kimahri think shoopuf has arrived," the Ronso stated with clenched teeth, eyeballing the three of them in such a manner that indicated quite bluntly that he didn't approve of the apparent relationship between Yuna and Tidus/Dar.
"Oh, it is?" Dar walked off the shoopuf, expecting to land on ground—but ended up falling 50 feet through the air, and going SPLAT! when he belly-flopped against the sea.
Yuna and Tidus exchanged glances and winced, eyeing the gory bits of red liquid that were seeping out of Darius and mixing into the sea. Kimahri, as expected, mentally shouted with glee and cackled maniacally.
"Took you long enough," Lulu snapped. "We thought you all had fallen to your doom or something."
"Yeah, brudda! We were worried, ya?" Auron said.
Oh.
No, that was Wakka, not Auron, who said that, fangirls. No need to get angry at that. (cough itreallywasAuronthough cough)
"You were worried?" Darius asked, rising his eyebrows interestedly. "About whom?"
"…all four of you," Lulu spat. "Although I see we should've been hoping you died."
"ITEMS! WEAPONS! GET YOUR ITEMS AND WEAPONS AT O'AKA'S!" A desperate-looking lad came sprinting over to Yuna and her guardians. "Hey, you're the good people that donated that 1 Gil to me, aren't ya? Well, in that case, BUY FROM ME! HUMUNGOUS DISCOUT! Buy, buy, buy! Sell, sell, sell! It's very important that you…"
He said all this like they should care.
But his voice could be heard gradually less and less as the entire group quickly dug a whole underground and emerged again at the exit of the Moonflow, far away from the desperate merchant. "Sorry, O'aka," Tidus muttered, "but our broke asses can't afford to pay—"
Of course, he was abruptly interrupted by the Fanfiction Governor, who immediately materialized, took off his belt, and whipped Tidus three times on the buttox for using profanity.
Darius frowned and leaned toward Wakka. "You know, that Fanfiction Governor bastard is really—a wonderful gift from Yevon with all the good looks in the world!" he quickly added, for the Fanfiction Governor was now menacingly edging closer.
"I agree! I think we should all hail him and his godliness!" Tidus lied.
"Oh, well, thank you!" the Governor grinned, patting them both on the back and handing them his business card. "I have always— Hubba HUBBA!"
The man was gazing not at Darius or Tidus any longer (thank god), but instead at a young blonde girl taking a warm, relaxing swim in the river with little to no clothes on.
"I haven't 'gotten some' in YEARS!" the man bellowed, shoving everyone out of the way; they all stared in horror as he frantically scrambled to glomp the young woman. That is, until—
"And you STILL WON'T!"
The girl leapt up, slapped clothes on her body, pulled her hair into a high ponytail, walked forward, slapped the man six times across the face, ripped out his hair, clawed out his eyes, and sent him a flying kick to the balls.
He went flying into outer space, where he became the star known as the Little Dipper…because, well, let's face it: After THAT hard a kick, his "dipper" could NOT have been big at all.
"Urgh. Perverts these days," she muttered under her breath, and then she looked up to gaze wonderingly at the seven people gazing wonderingly at her. "Um…hi!"
Wakka had turned to whisper a comment on the girl's looks to Auron, but Lulu anticipated this and threw him into a tree.
There was a pause, as Darius looked closer. Tidus did the same, as if they were both seeing if they recognized this person. "RIKKU?!" they cried, eyes bulged.
"Eh?!" The girl quirked a brow. "How do you- Oh! Tidus! Dar!" She dashed forward and hugged the both of them.
"What happened to you?" the blitzer asked, amazed, for he apparently had thought he'd seen the last of her. "I thought I saw Sin munching on your corpse!"
"Oh, well, he was going to…but I munched on him first," she replied, leaving both young men in wondrous awe.
"Excuse me, but, who is this?" Lulu said, eyeballing the girl warily with one eye, and eyeballing Wakka (up in the tree) warily with the other. The result was one eye was looking straight, while the other one was rolled back in her head.
"That's Rikku," Dar explained. "We, er, met her earlier… She was the one who helped us before we got washed up on Besaid!"
"You got washed up on Besaid?" Wakka called down to them, attempting to climb down the tree branch.
"Obviously," Lulu returned, rolling her eyes. Yuna nodded, and whispered something in Lulu's ear. After hearing it, Lulu nodded and said, "Uh, all men…take a step forward."
Every male except Wakka did, for he was still stuck.
"Good. Now…go away," Rikku said cheerily. "We females must gossip!"
Auron looked at Darius, who looked at Tidus, who looked at Wakka, who looked at Auron—and minutes later, the females of the group emerged, and Yuna cried, "Everyone! I have news! I would like Rikku to join us!"
Auron marched forward, as the Al Bhed quickly looked the other way.
"Show me your face," he demanded, and Darius gasped, thinking he was going to make out with her and confirm all those Aurikku stories he had heard. When she showed him her face and Auron did nothing, he sighed in relief. Auron muttered, "Just as I thought."
"What? You think I'm hot? You're going to rape me like that nasty ol' man did back there? YOU FIFTY YEAR OLD BASTARD!"
There was a silence.
Suddenly, an angry mob of Auron's fangirls (and one fanboy), which was led by two pissed girls with chainsaws—and no, not the Ring girl (she was in the back of the mob)—whose names were "Auron's Fan" and "Anasazi Darkmoon," all sprinted forward and mauled Rikku, screaming things like:
"HE'S ONLY 35!", "HE'S NOT A BASTARD!", and "WELL, HE'S CERTAINLY HOTTER THAN YOU!"
Rikku screamed and fled to the entrance of Guadosalam, followed by Yuna and all her other main characters…except Dar, who was far too busy grinning and waving at the ladies.
Unfortunately, not one of them paid him any mind, as was indicated when they all stampeded over his body.
"BRYYYYNNNAAAAA!" Tidus bellowed, "WE'RE COMING TO SAAAVEEE YOUUU!!" He paused. "…right after I get some of those fangirls' phone numbers…"
Wakka shook his head with pity, still entangled in the tree, watching as the chaotic fangirls (and fanboy) all chased Auron into Guadosalam.
….maybe I really should stay up here…, he mused.
For their sake, Guadosalam had better be a quieter place than any of the others. But, Darius realized, the fact that Seymour Guado lived there, told him right from the get-go that "quiet" would be the last thing they would be experiencing.
And of course the fact that the blue-streaked moon in the sky had, strangely enough, been looming closer and closer every night for the past two days, did not do much to help the matter.
Author's Note- This is NOT how I normally write. XD In the next chapter I'll be giving shout-outs to those who've been keeping up with the story. Oh, and um...there are no fights in the next chapter, but there's plenty of unexpected twists. I know because...I finished writing it today. XD Please review; I'll try to have the chapter up and running in a couple of days, and I'm planning on updating with the 15th chapter on Christmas day. Happy holidays to everyone on FFN!
-S