Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything?
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀
"Hey! Gojyo! You can't get shot gun!" yelled Goku as the whole Sanzo gang drove in the jeep, also known as Hakuryu. "Your stupid smoke keeps blowin' in my face!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot we had a kid in the back." smirked Gojyo.
"What did you call me?!" roared Goku. Sanzo put a hand to her head.
"God dammit, will you three give it a rest? Or do I need to make you get out and run to India?" she growled. She was so not in the mood for this! Lately she had been getting cramps for some strange reason and she was annoyed! Big time! Hakkai laughed.
"Ah, ha, ha. Now, now. I'm sure we'll reach a town soon. Ha, ha... It'll be nice to under a real roof again."
They all arrived in town later and Goku and Gojyo went to look for a inn, while Sanzo and Hakkai stayed in the Jeep. Sanzo was trying to figure out what was wrong with her. She never had cramps before and she couldn't ask Hakkai, or she might reveal her secret. Damn! It was tough being a woman!
"Sanzo? Is something wrong? You don't look so good." said Hakkai next to her. She gave him a half glare.
"I'm fine." she muttered. She was such a liar. And what was worse was that she suspected Hakkai knew she was hiding something from him, especially she never let him heal her except for her arms and maybe a shoulder. Hakkai looked at her, not really believing her. She began to sweat a little. How did he always seem to know.
She was saved when she saw Gojyo kick some punk's ass.
"Why you son of a--" snarled one of the thugs Gojyo was fighting as he brandished a knife. "You picked the wrong neighborhood, pal!" But before he could attack Gojyo, Goku punched him.
"What the hell?!" exclaimed the thug that Gojyo had apparently stomped down. The girl let out a small squeal as the guy that Goku punched flew back.
"Bingo!" said Goku with a smirk. Sanzo growled, but was glad for the save from Hakkai's interrogations.
"Hey, Goku! Gojyo! I thought I told you to keep a low profile!" she yelled.
"Ha, ha. Now, now." Hakkai laughed. "We stand out fairly well ourselves, Sanzo."
"Yeah. You're 8 and a half times more conspicuous... driving through town in that thing." said Goku.
The girl, who Goku and Gojyo just saved, just stared up at them in shock.
"A jeep...?" she breathed.
'Who are these people?' she wondered. Then Goku picked up an apple from the ground that the girl had dropped.
"Ya dropped this." he said as he held it out to her. "Can you help us out? We've been on the road for ages and we could really use an inn with some good food."
"And a parking lot, if possible." said Hakkai, putting in his two cents.
For some strange reason, Sanzo felt a pang of jealousy when she saw the girl blush. Now Sanzo knew she was ill. She was not jealous over that stupid monkey!
The girl blushed.
"Um... I, uh... my family runs a--"
//Scene change//
"Hey! Why you!! That's my pork! Give it back!!" yelled Goku as he scarfed down his food.
"Chew with your mouth closed, you disgusting little monkey! This ain't a zoo." said Gojyo.
"Look who's talking you 'C-class' perverted kappa!!" Goku yelled.
"Maybe baby monkey will understand the ladies when he reaches puberty!" retorted Gojyo as he flipped Goku the bird. Sanzo then wacked them both with her fan.
"Eat quietly, dammit! Quietly!" she yelled. Her stomach was feeling worse and these two idiots were NOT helping!
"Excuse me! We need more tea." called Hakkai. The girl they had save earlier, giggled.
'What odd people...' she thought. Then a man appeared behind Houmei and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Honored guests!! As my thanks for saving Houmei, please eat all you like." he said happily.
"Daddy!" greeted Houmei.
"We appreciate what you're doing for us, sir." said Hakkai ignoring the others.
"Oh, it's nothing. You are travelers from the east, are you not?" asked Houmei's father as he sat a tea cup down.
"Yeah... That's right." answered Sanzo as she broke two chop sticks apart. Maybe some food would help her.
"Really? That's most unusual." said Houmei. "The eastern desert is quiet dangerous. Not many humans cross it. It's a wonder you made it in one piece. You must be very strong. Especially recently, with that blood thirsty band of Yokai on the loose. They say the four monsters leave mountains of Yokai corpses in their wake. It's as if there's a war going on, yokai against yokai."
"That's weird. Hey, guys... You don't suppose they're talking about--" Goku was cut off when Gojyo pushed his head into the plate.
"Oh, sorry. Fly on your head. Think I got 'em." said Gojyo. "Oh, darn. Got away."
Hakkai chuckled, then turned to Houmei, who was sweating a little.
"Please pay them no mind. They're harmless."
"As long as we're on the topic... Have you noticed any unusual behavior among the Yokai in this area?" asked Sanzo. The inn keeper seemed a little surprised.
"Unusual? That's one way of putting it. Until just a little while ago, they lived peacefully among us as part of the community. But one day they all disappeared without notice... leaving only the remains of the ten humans they had eaten! We have no idea what caused them to go berserk, or where they went." he answered.
'Here too, huh?' thought Sanzo. 'It's just as the Sanbusushin said. Has the minus wave already spread throughout all Shangri-La? The crazed demons instill fear in the humans, upsetting the balance of this world. An evil, vicious cycle...'
"I hate Yokai!" Houmei suddenly yelled.
"Houmei, please." her father started, but she continued.
"They eat humans! They're nothing but monsters! It's impossible for humans and Yokai to live together. Everyone in town says so!"
'And if everyone said that the sky was falling, would you believe them?' Sanzo thought irritably. She saw that Goku looked a little face fallen. Wait. Why did she care? It was official. She was ill.
"I'm sorry. The wound is close to her. One of her friends was among the people killed." explained Houmei's father. Houmei looked really sad.
"Well now. That was delicious." said Hakkai, breaking the silence. "You made all of this, Miss Houmei?"
"Uh.. Yes." replied Houmei.
"No way! Really? You're amazing!! I haven't eaten food this good in ages!" said Goku. "Thanks! You're awsome!" Houmei blushed.
"Oh... Thank you..." she said.
//Later//
While the others were playing a card game, Sanzo was thinking, while trying to ignore her painfully twinging stomach.
'Has it already been ten days since we left Chang' An?' she wondered as she looked thoughtful.
//Flash Back//
"A great disaster is eroding this world. The reason for the sudden frenzy in the Youkai... Is that someone is trying to revive Gyumaoh by using the forbidden practice of combining science and demon magic. The powerful minus energy this incantation brings about is spreading throughout Shangri-La like a wave. Your mission is to find out who is performing this experiment and why. And to Stop them." the Male aspect told Sanzo as she kneeled in front of them. As she listened she remembered the story of Gyumaoh. The male aspect continued. "All of the answers lie in India. Leave now, Genjyo Sanzo. Go to the west!"
"As you command." said Sanzo. Like she really cared. She was just following their orders so she could find her master's scripture.
"There is one other matter..." the female aspect on the left suddenly added. "To carry out Gyumaoh's revival... It would appear that someone is using the Seiten Sutra... The scared scripture of your late master which you've been seeking."
Sanzo was shocked when she heard this.
'My scripture, the Maten Sutra holds the power to break the "Darkness". And the Seiten Sutra of my teacher, Koumyou Sanzo, holds the power to bring forth the "light". What is it doing in the west?' she wondered as she clenched her fist.
//Flash back interruption//
Suddenly Sanzo realized Hakkai was calling her name.
"Sanzo? Are you alright?" Hakkai asked as he set some coffee down in front of her. "Here. Have some coffee."
"Yeah. Thanks." she muttered as she accepted the coffee. Maybe it would cool her stomach down.
"Our chat with the innkeeper really made me realize something. Humans are quite distrusting of Yokai, aren't they? Deep down I mean." said Hakkai suddenly.
"So it seems." replied Sanzo. "The average human doesn't know the reason for this disaster. They assume that the demons are showing their true colors."
"So I guess telling them to get a clue won't work?" said Gojyo.
"Never mind Gojyo's half blood... If Goku and I didn't wear these demon power limiters, we wouldn't be able to walk down the street." said Hakkai as he fingered his limiters. Sanzo didn't reply, but went into deep thought.
//Continue Flash Back//
"Your companions were chosen by the divine Kanzeon Bosatsu herself. As you know those three are both human and Youkai. It is those opposites...which allows them to resist the minus wave's influence and retain their identity," the male aspect explained to Sanzo. "They alone have the strength to combat this evil. For Shangri-La. No... For the answers you yourselves seek...hurry to the West!"
//End Flashback//
'Can we really do this?' she wondered as she watched Goku and Gojyo fight. Her stomach gave another throb. Damn! Why was she hurting so bad? Suddenly Goku's voice pulled her back to reality.
"Nn? Oh, yeah. They said there was a big group staying here tonight. A group of Gypsies or something. Look at 'em." he said as he and Gojyo looked at the travelers that were outside the window.
"Oh, yeah! Believe me, I'm looking! Those dancing girls are hot. Wonder if I could get them to dance on my bed...?" said Gojyo, smiling widely, and pervertedly. Suddenly Hakkai blew a whistle.
"Educational Guidance!" he interrupted. Suddenly Sanzo caught the eyes of one of the travelers. He smiled strangely at her.
'...? What was that about?' she wondered to herself.
"Hey, Sanzo. We have a problem." said Goku suddenly. "Houmei said that caravan had reserved all their larger rooms. They only have singles left." Sanzo was quiet at first, then she said,
"...Yeah. You never know when we might get attacked by Yokai. It's a good idea to stay as close as possible...That's what I should say. But on the other hand..." He stood. "I'm sick of looking at your sorry faces, so screw it! Dismissed!"
'Not to mention I'll be able to find out what the heck is wrong with me.' she added to herself as she, Goku, and Gojyo left the room.
"My, my! Everyone's so honest tonight. Goodnight!" Hakkai called after them.
//Later//
Each of the Sanzo ikkou slept in their own rooms. During the night a demon crept into Sanzo's room and licked his lips as he held a knife above her. But before the demon could stab her, she caught the demon's wrist and made him drop the knife.
"Shit!" the demon cursed in surprise.
"Bstard." said Sanzo as she glared up at him coldly. She couldn't fall asleep because of her stomach, so now she was pi$$ed. She pinned demon down. Then the demon pulled loose and swiped at her with her claws.
"DIE!" it yelled. Sanzo just stepped back to avoid the claws. Then she brought her leg down upon his head.
"Pansy." she scoffed. The demon growled in anger.
"Why you... I'll kill you!!" he yelled only to meet the barrel of Sanzo's gun.
"Who's killing who?" she asked coldly. The demon fell to the ground in shock. "That's what I thought. You look a little nervous, buddy," Sanzo thought as she looked him over.
'Pointy ears. Intricate birth mark. He's a Youkai, all right.' she thought.
"Who sent you?" she asked as she clicked her gun. "Your boss's rule breaking has created quiet a mess for me to clean up."
'And... I need to find out who has my master's sutra.' she silently added.
"Start talking. You have ten seconds." she demanded.
"Shit, man–!" the demon stared.
"Too late!" Sanzo interrupted as she shot a bullet near his ear.
"What?! That was only two seconds!" exclaimed the demon. "I– I don't know who's behind everything. We're only following Lord Kougaiji's orders!"
'Kougaiji? The only son of Gyumaoh and the she-demon Rasetsunyo. They say he excels at Martial arts and Youkai magic.' Sanzo thought, remembering what she heard about him. 'Still, I doubt even he possesses the power to revive his father... At least, not on his own."
"Don't get so smug, priest." said the Demon.
"What?" said Sanzo. She had forgotten about the demon for a second.
"There are assassins in every room. Right about now, your friends--" the demon started, but Sanzo interrupted with a smug look on her face.
"Hn. What about them?" she asked. "I hate to tell you, but... I'm not the type to worry about--" She was then cut off as a sticky thread suddenly wrapped around her arms, making her drop her gun.
"Shit!" she cursed.
"That's right, boy. You needn't worry about the others." said a voice. Sanzo looked up and saw...
'A spider demon?!'
"After all, you have plenty to worry about right here." she said. Then Sanzo noticed that the spider demon was holding Houmei! She appeared to be unconscious.
"A spider demon with a hostage. Even better." she growled. The spider licked her lips.
"No one escapes the web of the Dark Spider tribe," she said. "The precious little girl wandered into my web. Quiet a catch. Heh heh." Sanzo struggled against the web.
'There's a dimensional warp in the ceiling. A Youkai illusion...? I was careless.' she thought as she continued to struggle.
"There's no point in struggling. Or do you want me to eat this girl?" the Spider demon taunted.
"Watch it, lady," Sanzo growled. "I will kill you." The Spider demon just smirked.
"It looks like your jourey west ends here. The only direction you're going is down. To the underworld. Don't worry. You're friends will be joining you shortly." she said.
Sanzo frowned.
She spat up a little blood later as the demon who tried to assassinate her beated on her.
"That's enough." said the spider woman. The demon, who was holding Sanzo by her hair, regrettably threw him aside. Sanzo fell to the ground with a thud.
"You have good eyes. Too good for a human." drawled the Spider demon as Sanzo glared up at her. Women trying to hit on her was so not her thing! Especially when the women were so ugly. "You know... They say eating the flesh of a virtuous priest can lengthen one's life. It's just a legend among demons. Maybe nothing more. But I wonder. Devouring the highest of priest, the one they call 'Sanzo'... would that make me immortal?" She grabbed Sanzo up by the chin and lifted her up. "Still, I think you might prove delicious, boy. Up close your face is quiet pretty." Sanzo glared at her in disgust and replied,
"...Up close, you look like a shriveled old hag." The spider demon slammed her face into the floor in anger.
"I've decided how I'm going to eat you. I'll mince you!" she yelled. "I'll tear you to pieces so small no one will know what you were."
Just then Gojyo Sakugyo came between them, cutting the threads that bound Sanzo in the process.
"Trust me lady. You don't really want to eat him," said Gojyo as the blade returned. "He's too tough to chew."
"No matter how you cook him, there's no helping it." added Hakkai.
"I don't need your help." said Sanzo as she stood and pulled up his top part of his robes. He clothes had gotten a little torn, and she didn't want anyone finding out she was a woman. "Don't expect any thanks from me."
"I wouldn't want them anyway." said Gojyo. "But you do repay your debts, right?"
"Of course." said Sanzo as she finished pulling on her robes.
"Quit the tough guy act!" yelled the demon holding Houmei. "As long as we have this hostage, you can't touch us!"
"Then I suppose I should remedy that." said Hakkai suddenly appearing behind her. Before she could react, Hakkai flipped her and grabbed Houmei. "There. Hostage safely recovered! A game's no fun if the board isn't even." The spider demon cursed.
"Damn!!" she whistled and suddenly more demons appeared. "Kill them! I want them all dead!!" The demons charged at the Sanzo gang.
"Endangering an innocent person is bad enough, but taking our cook hostage--" yelled Goku, pissed. Gojyo stared at him and twitched a little and Sanzo sweat dropped.
"Always thinking with your stomach... Dumb animal." she said. Just then Goku's staff became nun-chuck like.
"Nyoi-San-Sekkon!!" yelled Goku. He beat a couple of the demons surrounding him.
"Looks like fun. Mind if I cut in?" said Gojyo as he swung his blade, slicing up a couple demons. "Heads up."
A demon attacked Hakkai, but he blocked.
"They're persistent little buggers, aren't they?" he said as he began chanting. Then when his arm looked like it was on fire, he swiped at the demons and killed them.
"Useless fools!" yelled the spider woman. "Can't you do anything right?!" Suddenly Sanzo punch her hard, making her fall back.
"Payback from earlier. Interest's a bitch." she said, fist still clenched.
"Don't underestimate me, Baggy-eyed priest." the spider woman hissed. Just then he body began to shift and change.
"Impossible... A metamorphosis!!" exclaimed Hakkai wide eyed.
"What the–?!" exclaimed Gojyo. The spider woman had transformed into a giant spider.
"Ew! I bet that thing tastes gross!" said Goku.
"It must be nice thinking the way you two do." said Gojyo. Suddenly the giant spider shot a sticky web, that trapped the Sanzo party.
"Hey! I can't cut the web this time! ERRGH!!" yelled Goku in frustration as he struggled against the webs.
"The transformation's made her much stronger." growled Sanzo as she too, struggled.
'Dammit! Not again!' she thought angrily. Then suddenly Houmei woke up. What a bad time!
"Oh, did we wake you up?" asked Hakkai. "I apologize for getting you involved in this."
"Huh?" said Houmei.
"Things are a bit sticky right now, but if you just hang back--" Hakkai started, but then Houmei saw the giant spider.
"Ee...YAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
They struggled against the web, but it did no good. Then the spider shot out more webs. Hakkai shielded Houmei as Goku yelled,
"Not again!" The web wrapped it's self around Hakkai's neck and began to strangle him!
"Oh, no! Hakkai-san!!" screamed Houmei. Suddenly bullet shot was heard and something hit the giant spider. The spider let out a shrill shriek as the webs broke.
"It broke?" said Goku as Sanzo and Gojyo turned. They turned towards the door and saw Houmei's father, leaning against the door way, blood dripping down his head as he held Sanzo's gun.
"Da...daddy?!" Houmei exclaimed.
"You!" exclaimed Sanzo. Who was he again?
"Are you alright, Houmei?!" Houmei's father asked.
"Daddy!" cried Houmei happily as she hugged her father.
"Houmei!" said her father as he hugged her.
"Wasn't that your gun, Sanzo?" asked Gojyo when he noticed the gun Houmei's father was holding.
"I guess he gets a cuts." she said simply. The spider demon looked at them all in disgust.
"How dare you!" yelled the spider woman suddenly. "Acting like humans!" Then she grabbed one of her henchmen and... began to eat him.
"No," Sanzo breathed. If Houmei saw... "Don't look, Houmei!" she yelled. But it was too late. She saw the spider devour one of her own men.
"She... ate her own guy?!" exclaimed Goku.
"She used his Yokai energy to heal her wounds." observed Hakkai.
"A man eater, huh? She's a black widow in every way." said Gojyo. Houmei meanwhile, started to shake violently.
"I'm sorry Houmei." she remembered someone telling her. "Your friend was among those eaten by Yokai."
"NOOOOO!!" she screamed as she covered her ears. "I hate them! I hate them! The Yokai are evil! I wish they'd all just die!!" Just then one of the spider demon's legs came towards Goku, who didn't dodge in time. He was knock into the floor.
"Goku!" yelled Hakkai. Even Sanzo looked a little concerned. Then the spider wacked Gojyo, but he got up right away with a curse.
"Shit!"
Houmei's father shielded Houmei as the spider suddenly lashed at them. Just then it's leg became disembodied and Goku stood between the spider and Houmei and her father, his Nyoi-bo drawn.
"Goku-san!!" exclaimed Houmei. Goku wiped some of the blood that dripped down his face.
"Cut it out, Spider Lady!" he yelled. "These people have nothing to do with our fight!"
"Why do you care? Why do you risk you life to protect those filthy humans?!" yelled the spider woman. "After all, you and your companions are no different from us. You are Yokai!" Houmei stared in shock.
'What? I must not have heard right. Goku-san and his friends... Yokai? No! That can't be true!' she thought.
"Get off it lady." said Goku. "Human or Yokai, it makes no difference. We live by our own rules, and by what others of our race say we should do. I like this girl's food. That's reason enough!"
"And so it once more comes to eating in the end." chuckled Hakkai.
"Animal instincts. They're all he's got." sighed Sanzo. Why did she travel with him again?
"You disgusting traitors!" snarled the spider woman. "I'll devour you all!" Sanzo gave a frustrated sigh. She had had enough.
"Hakkai, take care of Houmei and her father. Goku, Gojyo, buy me some time," Sanzo said as she pulled the Maten scripture off her shoulders. It turned into a small scroll. "I'm going to seal this bitches movement."
"All right!" said Goku as he and Gojyo sprinted off in opposite directions.
"Yo, spider lady! Over here!" called Gojyo. The spider cut off his stride by slapping her leg in front of him, but he jumped back. "What do they say? 'Have women but don't let them have you'. Or is that sake?"
Sanzo began chanting the sutra.
"Makkai Tennjyo!!" she yelled. The sutra surrounded the spider, stopping it momentarily.
"Think you can finish the job, Goku?" asked Gojyo.
"Can I?!" asked Goku eagerly.
"Nyoi-bo, go!" he yelled. Then the rod extended and stabbed right through the spider. In a blast of light the spider disappeared.
//Next day//
"You're leaving already?" asked Houmei's father the next day. He was all bandaged up now, and seemed to be better.
"I'm afraid so. We're on a rather tight schedule." said Hakkai, who was sitting in the driver's seat.
"Sorry for the trouble, old man." said Gojyo, who was right behind Hakkai.
"It's alright. I can rebuild. What's important is that we're safe." said Houmei's dad.
"May I ask you something? You didn't seem upset when you learned that we're Yokai." said Hakkai. "Did you know all along?"
"I suppose I did." Houmei's father replied. "Your chi gave you away. An old friend of mine is a yokai.Well... He was an old friend. If anyone can fix what's wrong with this world, it's you five. That's what my heart tells me. Am I wrong?"
Sanzo grabbed her crown.
"Don't worry. I believe in repaying my debts." she said as she placed it on. Just the Houmei came out.
"Houmei!" said Goku.
"I made this for you. It's only lunch, but please take it." she said as she held out a boxed lunch. "If you w-want... It's for all of you."
"Thanks Houmei! You're the best!" said Goku with a thumbs up.
Houmei blushed, and looked like she was about to say something, but Hakkai interrupted.
"We must be off."
"Take it easy, 'kay?" Gojyo said to Houmei's father.
"I will." he replied.
//Later//
"So they're sending assassins after us. Great." said Sanzo. "First Gyumaoh's resurrection. And now Kougaiji. The mystery deepens."
"It seems we bit off than we knew." said Hakkai.
"So it would seem." said Sanzo. "But before we try to solve it..."
"That's my cabbage roll! Mine!"
"You punk! Gimme that meat!
"Hey, you're the one who--"
"Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!"
"Nympo Kappa! Nympo! Nympo! Nympo! Nympo!" Goku and Gjyo fought over the food like animals.
"...Can you please do something to shut up those idiots in the back?!" growled Sanzo. Hakkai laughed.
"I know how you feel."
"Confiscation! Hand it over." said Sanzo as she took the food. Her stomach cramps hadn't gone away at all! And for some reason she was very hungry.
"My neopolitan!!" cried Goku.
"Damn, Sanzo! Don't hog all the dessert!" yelled Gojyo.
"This food is quiet good." said Hakkai.