disclaimer: all in the first...

It's funny how you wish a five minute song would last forever. And you wish it with all your might that you don't want the moment to end. I know I have these feelings for her, but tonight just made stronger. My heart is overflowing with emotions that I feel like crying. Because how much longer can I keep up with loving Catherine Willows?
"Sara."

"Hmmm..."

"Sara. Sara, honey..."

"Wha...?"

"You can let go of me, baby. They're finished with the song. They're going for a thirty minute break."

"Oh. I... I'm sorry, Catherine. I..."

"It's okay. This is your first dance."

"I... Catherine..."

"Hey. Are you okay? What's the matter, Sara?"

"Nothing."

How can you tell her that you don't want to let go of someone you've been secretly holding on to for six years? How can she not feel it?

Why me?

I follow Catherine back to where the group was. Warrick was at the bar ordering more beers, Greg was talking to a blond near the entrance. Nick was staring open mouthed at us as we approached.

"Better close your mouth, Nicky boy." Catherine laughed as she slid into the seat. How can she not feel it?

"Damn, Cath. You and Sara, that was some hot dance there. If I didn't know you guys I'd think you two were lovers or something." Nick was shaking his head complete with a wide grin on his face. Catherine continued to giggle as she took another swig of her beer. "Yeah, right, Nicky," she laughs some more. At least she's having a good time.

How can she not feel it? How can she sit there and laugh about it?

Warrick approaches and places more beer on the table. I grab one and gulped it down. Hell, I need to get out of here.

"Whoa, Sara. Slow down. Slow down, honey." Nicky reaches for my hand and he looks at me with a concerned look. "Looks like you need some air, Sara. Come on, I'll go with you." He stands up and takes my hand. I nod in silence and stand up next to him.

"Are you okay, Sara?" Warrick looks at me worriedly. They all know my history with drinking, and downing a bottle of beer in one gulp is a sure sign of trouble. I look at him and smile, "I'm okay, War. I'm fine. The dance got me tired." From the corner of my eye I see Catherine staring at me. Why should she care?

I grab Nick's arm as he leads me out into the parking lot. He just stood there watching me pace back and forth.

"Sara."

"Don't, Nicky. Don't."

"Sara."

"Please, Nick. Don't say anything."

"I can't shut up and watch you go through this."

I stop my pacing. Stood in front of him. What does he know? "What are you talking about, Nick?"

"You, Sara..."

"What about me?"

"You and Catherine."

"There's nothing going on between us."

"That's it."

"What?"

"That there's nothing going on."

"That's what I said, Nick."

"I know you, Sara. I know you."

"I don't follow..."

"You, Sara. Catherine doesn't know?"

"I..."

"We've been friends for so long. Like I said, I know you, Sara. And I really care what happens to you."

"Nicky..."

"Tell her."

"I can't. It scares me."

Catherine scares me. Hell, she does. It scare me what she'll think of me. It scares me what she'll do to me. It scares me to think of her not being in my life. The thought of being rejected scares me. The thought of the humiliation afterwards scares me. Will she look at me the same way?

Nick reaches out and takes me in his arms. "I don't need your pity, Nick." I say as tears start to run down. I tried to pull away from him but he held on.

"Sara," he whispers slowly, "don't loose hope, honey. Don't."

"How much longer can I keep on, Nick? It hurts like hell!" He strokes my hair as he holds me tight. He continues to whispers in my ear that everything will be okay. I wish I could believe him.

"Hey, what's going on?" Catherine approaches us slowly. She looks at me with a concerned look. Nick lets go of me. He starts to say something but nothing comes out.

"Sara?" She comes up to me and lifts my chin up with her hand, "were you crying?" God, I hate it when she looks at me like that. Nicky puts both of his hands in his pocket and mumbles about something that he forgot inside. He gives me one last assuring look before he left me and Catherine alone.

I take a step back. She lets go of my face. "I'm okay, Catherine. Thanks for the concern." I started to walk away before she stops me. But it was too late. She grabs my arm and I spun around facing her again. "Sara, talk to me." She looks at me with her blue eyes. I can't help but stare at her once again. Then I remember another reason why I love her. Her determination, she just won't let it go.

"It's just been a long night, Catherine. Come on, let's go back in." I give her my number one smile. Maybe if I fake it she'll leave me alone.

She sighs and nods her head, "okay." But before I take another step, she holds my arm, "but don't think this isn't over, Sara. Because it isn't."

I stand there with my mouth open. She smiles as she walks past me.

Damn, what a predicament I'm in.

I know it's a bit serious, I'm such in a bad mood. Must be weather related and the library. I'll be good next chapter.