Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything? Well, I own Tsuki I guess, but that's it.
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Thanks to al who reviewed! You have no idea how much it means to me!
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
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"Hey, Sanzo! Can I have that?" asked Goku. After helping Shunrei, they all came to a town and decided to eat at restaurant, well actually it's a bar.
"Order whatever you want. Just leave me alone." she sighed irritably. Her period had started up again, and she was not happy at all. But she didn't want to have to move unless she really had to. Then they all heard a scream.
"What are you doing?!" a waitress yelled.
"Wha? It's not like you're gonna lose it. Can I order somethin' else?" said a Drunkard.
"What a bastard." muttered Goku.
"Che. Scum." said Gojyo. He picked up the ash tray and threw it at the guy. It hit the guy and he started cursing. The Sanzo party acted like nothing happened and went back to trying to figure out what to order.
"I want two beers." said Gojyo.
"Fine. And you?" Hakkai asked Goku.
"Motsuyaki! Mm, yeah!" said Goku.
"Eat some vegetables." Sanzo told him.
"Heeeeeey! Miss, is it okay ta order now?" Goku called the waitress.
"Oh! Of course!" said the waitress. She went over to them, and Goku ordered practically everything. "Will that be all?" she asked when she had written everything down.
"Oh, one last thing. We need an ash tray." said Gojyo. She looked surprised, as she looked at the tables.
"Something wrong?" Sanzo asked.
"Oh...! No, nothing. I'll be back with your order." the waitress said.
"So what do you think?" asked Sanzo when the waitress had gone into the kitchen.
"About what?" asked Gojyo boredly.
"It's been a month since we've left Chang' An. We've killed a lot of Yokai. Most of them were obviously Kougaiji's assassins." said Sanzo, her fingers knitted together in thought. "I know Kougaiji is Gyumaoh's son... But Yokai aren't known for following orders. Why are his men willing to die for him?"
It's been pretty quiet for a while. There'll probably be another attack soon." Gojyo said, looking serious.
"We still don't know anything. The reason for Gyumaho's revival experiment... and who's executing it are still mysteries." said Hakkai.
"Excuse me." said Yaone as she came back with the food. "Your food is ready."
"Hooray!" cheered Goku. Everyone else at the table sweat dropped.
"Well, we can't fight on a empty stomach." said Gojyo.
"You're right in that." said Hakkai.
"Let's dig in." said Goku. Goku was about to take a bite when suddenly the all heard a scream.
"Huh?" said Goku as he and the others turned. They saw the drunkard that Gojyo had whacked earlier with the ash tray was grabbing at the waitress again.
"Hey, I'm not gonna hutcha. Have a drink with me." he said to her.
"You again? Let me go!" she yelled as she struggled. Then Gojyo interrupted.
"Aw, man. You've got a lot to learn about handling women." he said.
"You talkin' to me? For your sake, I hope you wasn't talkin' to me!" the Drunkard yelled at Gojyo.
"You want another ash tray to the head?" asked Gojyo. "Ka-Kong. Like that."
"That was you?!" yelled the drunkard. Then he kicked the table over, knocking all the food over.
"What have you done?!" the waitress yelled.
"M-My food! How could you?! You Monster!" yelled Goku, fury burning in his eyes. "I'll never forgive you!!!" He and Gojyo started attacking the drunkard and his friends.
"Ugh! What are they doing? We don't have time to fight humans." Sanzo growled. She was so not in the mood for this!(Then again, she never was.).
"They're quiet energetic." said Hakkai.
"Mr. Fei-san, please stop! You're ruining my bar!" said the manager, trying to stop them.
"Shaddup, you!" yelled the drunkard.
"If you want to challenge them, please do it the accepted way!" The manager tried to reason.
"Accepted way?" questioned Gojyo. "What's that? Mahjong? Quick draw?"
"Hmph. You're in a bar, buddy. Obviously it's a drinking contest. Let's see how you hold your booze." the drunkard said as he slammed a bottle of booze on the table. Goku, Gojyo, and Sanzo had faces of 'You've gotta be kidding', and Gojyo's headband read : No way!
"Wha? Ain't got the balls for it?" taunted the drunkard.
"No... It's just... I mean..." Gojyo trailed off.
"Just admit ya can't do it. What with that those little kids...and a dirt poor priest." the drunkard taunted. Sanzo twitched.
"...Manager." she said.
"Yes?" said the manager nervously. Sanzo pulled out the card of the 3 aspects.
"Bring me all the liquor you have." she ordered. She had a 'He's going to die' look.
"Y-yes, sir!" stuttered the manager. Hakkai laughed.
"You already have a drunken man's glare. Though I guess you always do."
"Yaay! Alcohol!❤" cheered Goku, who was under age.
"All right, 4 on 4! The first side with all sleepers loses." said the Drunkard.
"Yeah!" agreed Gojyo.
And so the drinking contest began. The drunkard's friends were already asleep.
"S-so you're not all talk." hiccuped the drunkard.
"Ah, we're just getting started. Na, Goku?" said Gojyo. But Goku was fast asleep. Sanzo twitched.
"Wake. The. Hell. Up. You. Damn. Monkey!" she growled as she grinded Goku's head into the table. But it was no use. Goku was out cold.
"Heh, heh. Looks like the brat's retired." slurred the drunkard.
"Look who's talking. All yer friends're already out." slurred Gojyo, who was a little red.
"I hate to break it to you... But I've never lost a drinking game in these parts." the drunkard replied with a smirk.
"In that case, may we have something stronger?" asked a perfectly normal Hakkai. The drunkard stared at him in disbelief.
"...Come to think of it, I've never seen Hakkai drunk." said Gojyo as he stared at him.
"And you won't." said Sanzo, a little red from drinking so much.
"Wassa matter, priest?" taunted the drunkard. "Yer hands are shakin'. Had enough? With tat femmy face o' yers, ya'd be better off servin'."
Sanzo gave a evil chuckle.
"Brainless twit. You have a lot of nerve to mock me." she said in deathly low voice.
"Um, Sanzo?" said Hakkai nervously. Then Sanzo started chanting the sutra.
"Makai Ten–mmph." she started before Hakkai clapped his hand over her mouth.
"Waaah! Please don't use holy magic on civilians." he said frantically.
'This man is more drunk than he looks.' he thought.
"Then let's quit this dumb game! We'll just pound you to the ground!!" the drunkard yelled.
"That's just what I wanted to hear, asshole. Let's get it on!" yelled Gojyo.
"Aaaah! Please, not again!" cried the manager.
"Relax. We'll pay for the damages." said Sanzo. She had a drunken gleam in her eye.
"Now, now. We can talk this--" Hakkai started. Just then a strange smelling fog filled the air.
"Wassat weird smellin' fog?" exclaimed the drunkard.
"D-Damn! My head..." moaned Gojyo.
"I... can't... stay awake..." Sanzo groaned.
'That smells like a drug!' Hakkai realized.
"Everyone, don't breath in the air!" he yelled. But he was too late. Everyone was already passing out.
"Gojyo! Hey!" Hakkai yelled as Gojyo fell into his arms. "Sanzo... Goku!"
'I get it. Everyone was drunk so the drug took affect faster.' he thought.
"Gojyo...! You can't let it get to you!" Hakkai yelled frantically. Then he realized something. "Wait a minute... He's breathing normally."
"There's no need to worry." said the waitress as she sprinkled some powder from her palm. "I've just put them all to sleep. I can't let innocents get involved." Hakkai turned towards her.
"Then... You did this?" he asked.
"The drug. It didn't effect you." she said sadly.
"...Who are you?" asked Hakkai. She only removed her Yokai power limiter and returned to her true form. Then she threw her waitress dress at him, and attacked him with his spear, but she only managed to scratch his cheek. "I see." Hakkai said as he touched the scratch. "So you work for Kougaiji."
"Cho Hakkai of Priest Sanzo's Holy Team. My name is Yaone." Yaone told him as she got into a fighting position. "For the sake of My lord Kougaiji... I will full fill my mission. I'm afraid you 5 must die."
//Meanwhile//
Tsuki sat in a tree watching them with binoculars. Today he was a man with green hair and green eyes.
'...Holy Team? If we're holy then what, pray tell, is unholy?' he thought as he sighed.
"I should probably help them, I know. But... This is more entertaining!" he said as he ate popcorn.
//Back to the fight//
"Prepare yourself!" Yaone yelled as she attacked Hakkai.
"Wait a min--" he started to yell. He blocked with his arm and was thrown into the door and outside. He skidded outside and flipped over Yaone as she attacked him with his spear again. He then grabbed it from behind her.
"H-ey! Aaah!" Yaone yelled as he yanked it away from her. She fell to the ground.
"Please don't do this." Hakkai asked kindly. Yaone just rolled some bombs towards him. They exploded. "Explosives, too?!" Hakkai exclaimed.
"Please just die!" Yaone begged as she threw more bombs at him. Hakkai blocked them with a chi barrier.
'That's a chi barrier!' Yaone thought with a gasp.
"I don't want to hurt you." said Hakkai.
//Meanwhile inside the bar//
Goku sat up with a moan.
"N...Naah?" then he saw Sanzo and Gojyo's unconscious bodies. "Hey, Sanzo! Gojyo, wake up!!" he yelled. Both of them sat up, clutching their heads.
"Ow. D-damn that hurts." groaned Gojyo. Then Sanzo noticed something.
"Hey... What the hell is going on around here?" she asked. Suddenly Gojyo looked shocked.
"Wha? Hey, check it out. Why's Hakkai fighting the waitress?!" he exclaimed.
//Back to the fight//
"Hmph. I'm afraid I'll have to use my last resort." Yaone said as she pulled out a button. "I really didn't want to resort to this kind of destruction... But I've planted large explosives in the bar. I just need to push this switch..." She pushed it, but nothing happened. "Huh?" she said as she clicked it over and over. Still nothing happened.
"Excuse me. Do you mean these?" Hakkai interrupted as he held up some bombs. "I'm sorry, I found the earlier and thought they were dangerous. So I removed them. Yaone stiffened then she fell to her knees.
'I've failed. I'm such a fool! I underestimated the enemy even when I know what they're capable of!' she thought. Hakkai knelt in front of her.
"...Hey. I'm sorry." he said surprising her. "I fought back pretty hard. You're not hurt, are you?" He reached his hand out towards her, but she smacked it away, hard.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled. Hakkai held the arm she hit.
"Miss Yaone..." he said sympathetically as she began to cry.
"Not only do I fail, but the enemy pities me. I'm not fit to crawl back to Lord Kougaiji!" she cried. Then suddenly she unsheathed a dagger and held it to her neck. "I've shamed this life. I no longer want it!"
"Wai--" Hakkai started.
"Stay back!" she yelled.
'Farewell my lord. I'm sorry to have been so useless until the very end.' she thought sadly as she thought of Kougaiji.
"Idiot! He said stop!" Goku yelled. Suddenly a memory came to Hakkai's mind.
"Gonou? Gonou, listen. Inside of me... is the child of that monster. That's why..." he remembered a woman saying.
'Kanan!'
"No! Sto...!" Hakkai started to yelled as Yaone was about to stab herself. Suddenly the wind picked up and blocked everything from sight. When the wind stopped A man with long red hair and purple eyes was holding Yaone and the knife as he jumped in the air.
"L...Lord Kougaiji!" Yaone exclaimed in surprise.
'Kougaiji?!' the Sanzo party thought as they looked at him.
He landed on the roof, still holding her.
"You must be the Sanzo cohort." he addressed them all.
'So that's him!!'
"I've come for my subordinate. I'm not here for you." he told them. "...Since I'm sure we'll meet again. Until then... Live your lives while you can." he finished.
"Hang on a sec." said Goku as he summoned his Nyoi-bo. "You took the trouble of coming all the way here... So stick around and play awhile!" He charged at Kougaiji, with a crazy look on his face. Kougaiji held his hand in front of him and chanted,
"Kai." then a red wind appeared and threw Goku back into the ground.
"Goku...!" yelled Hakkai. Gojyo made his weapon appear.
"Screw this." he yelled as he made the moon blade attack Kougaiji. Kougaiji caught it with ease.
"Child's play." he said as he dropped it.
"D-damn. He's good." said Gojyo.
"Is it my turn?" Kougaiji asked. He threw a wind spell at Hakkai who made a shield, but was struggling to keep it up.
"That'll do, pretty boy." Sanzo said as she stood behind him, gun pointing at the back of the man's head.
"You climbed up here?" Kougaiji asked without turning.
"And tore my robes in process, thank you." Sanzo replied cooly. "That was quiet an introduction. I'm impressed."
"You can't kill me with that." Kougaiji told him.
"True, but it can't be pleasant to have a bullet in your head." she said as she took her gun from his head. "Besides, I figured as much, but that's not what I'm here for. I've got some questions for you, highness."
"I'm afraid that has to wait. If we fight here we'll involve innocents." Kougaiji replied. "I apologize for my lack of courtesy. But...As long as you stand in the way of our plans... You and your companions must be destroyed."
"I'm not very good with people. I'd like to get this over with." Sanzo told him. Kougaiji was quiet as if calculating what to say. Then he said,
"Fair enough." Then he disappeared.
Sanzo stared the spot where Kougaiji was.
'This is the first time I've sensed a desire to kill... That isn't fueled by hatred.' she thought as she jumped off the roof. 'How... interesting.'
"Are you hurt?" he heard Hakkai ask Goku. Goku didn't reply at first.
"...That guy's strong." he said finally.
"Hm?" said Hakkai.
"He's mad strong! Awesomely strong!" he said excitedly.
'This is going to be the best fight ever!' he thought. Sanzo groaned as she put a hand to her head.
"Here we go."
"He looks like a kid who's found a new toy." said Gojyo with a small chuckle.
"At least he's having fun." said Hakkai.
"Heh. If you ask me... This was a big blowout." said Gojyo, changing the subject. "We didn't get anything out of him."
"Maybe not. But I think we did learn one thing." said Hakkai. "Maybe now we know... Why the Yokai are willing to die for their leader."
//Later//
Hakkai stood by the in window in a inn looking at the night sky.
"Pretty cold tonight." said Sanzo, appearing behind him. Tonight she wore her hair in a ponytail.
"Oh. Sanzo." said Hakkai. He leaned on the window's edge. "It's already been three years since we all met, hasn't it?"
"What, only three? It feels like a lot longer. Too long if you ask me." said Sanzo.
"Aha, ha. If you say so." laughed Hakkai. Then he stopped. "I'm starting to remember a lot of things. Not that I'd forgotten, really." he confided.
"Hakkai. If you want to complete your revenge for what happened back then... I won't keep you here." Sanzo told him. "You should follow your own path. Th path you want... or something."
"I guess so. But... I'm here of my own volition." said Hakkai. "Besides..." Suddenly the door slammed open.
"Sanzo! I want to sleep in here!" Goku yelled. "Crap face drew on my leg while I was asleep!"
"Wha? Well you were snoring so loud I couldn't sleep!!" yelled Gojyo.
"I don't wanna stay in Gojyo's room!" whined Goku.
"Fine by me, monkey boy!" yelled Gojyo.
"Don't call me monkey!"
"Okay, how about moron?" Sanzo twitched as her fists cletched.
"SILENCE!! I've had a hang over for two days. You don't want to cross me!" she hissed, looking very scary as he head throbbed.
'Not to mention, I've had to deal with a stalker and these goddamned tampons!' she silently added.
"YEEGH! He's not kidding!" squealed a frightened Goku. Hakkai chuckled.
"It's simpler to raise children." he said with a wink. "Though you make a decent father."
"...For your sake, I do hope you're joking." growled/ groaned Sanzo as she put a hand to her head.
//Meanwhile with the Aspects three days later//
"HEY! What do you mean we only have 860 yen left?!" one aspect yelled as she looked at the bill."Sanzo spent most of it on liquor!"
"My, my. They're quiet the spenders, aren't they?" said another female aspect.
"...Let close the account." said the male aspect.
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GWNL: Hey, do you think I should reveal Sanzo's secret to the others soon, or wait a while... Hmm... decisions, decisions.