Chapter Five:

That night was a cold one. The sky was dark and lit up with each thunderous lightening strike as the rain poured down on me. The dirt ground had turned into mud, and I had lain there for many hours without much movement, except for when I had unconsciously curled up into fetal position and hugged my arms close to my chest. Selphie was right; it did feel like winter.

The weather could be quite deceptive. In the afternoon, it was lovely, and I was happy. But never had I thought that in just a few hours when night fell, things would turn to become so dark and sinister. It was like humans. One moment they were wonderful beings, and the next, they revealed their hideous faces that they kept hidden in the shadows where you couldn't see them. It made me realize just how beautiful and ugly the world could be.

My left side felt like it was sinking deeper and deeper into the mud, while my right felt the downpour of raindrops soaking into my already damp skin. Was I shivering because I was cold? Or was I shaking because I was in shock? I refused to answer those questions, not until Selphie answered them for me. A voice of interrogation kept echoing in my head, and my heart was beating a mile a minute. Though I was cold, my blood was boiling in confusion and betrayal, in anger and frustration, in grief and denial. This was out of my control, and as hard as I tried to grasp onto the hows and the whys, it all came back to me screaming "What the hell is going on?"

The more tears fell from my eyes, the more rain fell from the sky, and soon, I couldn't tell which was which anymore. I finally climbed onto my knees, ignoring the mud stuck on my body, and leaned on the wall that separated Selphie's jail cell from mine. It was like the first day we met, when I had leaned my forehead against it as she told me of my fate. And now that I knew the truth, I found myself sitting there in the same position. I started banging on the wall with the palms of my hands.

"Selphie? Are you there?"

I knew very well where she was.

"Selphie? Why aren't you answering me?"

I knew very well why she wouldn't.

"Is it because you ran out of stories to tell? You can tell me any story! Any story is fine. How about the story about your knight in shining armor? You know, the one where you both ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? In peace, love, and happiness!"

I was answered with silence.

"Damn it, Selphie! Just say something!" I shrieked. But when she would not answer, I sunk back onto the ground. "Have you become like Siren now? Did you fall and… and die? Is that why I can't hear you speak to me anymore?"

All I could hear was the rain.

"Selphie?" I whispered.

"Selphie!" I screamed.

I kept on crying out her name until my voice had gone from me. I knew it was in vain, because no matter how loudly or how softly I called out to her, I knew that she would never hear me again.

There was a moment of silence that clung in the air within the walls of D-District Prison. The rain had stopped, but the night grew colder and darker, and a light mist drifted above the grounds. It sounded like almost everyone was asleep, but perhaps they were waiting out the stillness of the night to keep the nightmares at bay, like me. Exhaustion crept up my spine, and indeed, I was tired, but every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing what had happened earlier that night play over and over in my head, and so many voices kept deafening my ears. Selphie had always told me I should never go to sleep angry, but in this case, I didn't want to go to sleep afraid. Maybe it was best if I did sleep. Perhaps, when I wake up in the morning, this would all turn out to be nothing more than a bad dream and Selphie would laugh at me and tell me that if she were to die, she would die in the arms of her lover, or some dramatic love scene of the sort. She'd say that she'd never go out the way she did… the way that I watched her did.

Remembering that night's events made me cringe in disgust and I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the visions from taking over again. But then I remembered something else. Selphie had once said that I always ignored the negative emotions I felt instead of feeling them when they happened. Was that what I was doing just now? Instead of dealing with… with Selphie's death, was I was running away? I scolded myself for being weak again and desperately wished that Selphie would lend me her strength, but I knew I could do no such thing. She had survived many hardships in her life and built her own strength from within. It must have taken a lot of time and effort to be as strong as she was on her own. And I had no right to ask for that. I had no right to be given and receive such a precious gift, and I was ashamed that I did not even try to find my own strength inside me. Instead, this was what I'd become. I was a leech, feeding off the blood that ran through her veins, and I felt disgusted with myself.

No, I could not be weak. I could not give in to the temptation of denying myself the burden of accepting the truth. I could not pretend that tonight had not happened. For Selphie, for myself… I could not. Closing my eyes, I cleared my mind and took a deep breath. Upon opening them, I pushed myself off the ground and stood up. Yes, the truth I would face, no matter how painful it was, I was sure that I would not run away.

I stepped closer to the wall that separated Selphie's cell from my own and placed the palm of my left hand on it. Just hours ago, she was just on the other side. She was so close that I could almost touch her with my hand. We were just inches apart, yet I could not see her.

The door to her cell had slammed open. At the time, I wasn't able to tell how many people stood before her, but I had recognized the voice of Cid. I had heard Cid's footsteps approach Selphie while he chuckled with malevolence, that egotistical bastard. I could almost imagine his fat belly jiggling with every laugh. How he was able to even laugh at someone that was about to receive their death sentence was beyond my comprehension. But he did.

"Selphie, my Selphie, oh my dear Selphie," Cid had taunted her with a sugar-coated voice. "It feels like just yesterday that you showed up at my door. But it's been longer, much longer, don't you agree?"

"And you've grown much shorter and balder and fatter since I got here, don't you agree?" Selphie had shot back at him.

I had heard Edea give a short laugh before hearing a hand come to contact with skin. Cid had slapped her hard and started laughing himself. "Now that is something worth laughing about, filthy wench." He had turned his attention back to Selphie. "Well, Selphie my dear, you've always been such a knowledgeable smart ass since the day you've got here. So tell me, do you know what day it is?"

"Of course," Selphie had replied.

"Oh?" he had said a matter-of-factly. "Then I assume you know how we celebrate on such an occasion."

"Absolutely," she had simply stated.

Cid had grunted arrogantly before turning to leave.

"Does that mean…" Selphie had begun to ask in a voice that trailed off. It was the first time since I had arrived D-District Prison that I ever heard Selphie show vulnerability. "…They're not coming?"

"Who's not coming?" I had asked her.

But my question was ignored by Cid's obnoxious voice. "Nobody's coming for you. Nobody did before, and nobody will now. I've kept you for a year, and what do I get? Nothing! Do you know why?" Selphie didn't answer. "Cause that's what you're worth. Nothing!"

When I had heard this, I was fuming.

"She's not worthless!" I had screamed. "The only worthless person here is you!"

This time, it had been my door that slammed open, and there stood Edea, as vicious as ever. "Someone needs to learn her place!" she had spat as she lunged at me with her long nails and clenched fists. "The only things worthless here are you and your stupid friend!"

Cid had ordered Seifer to forcefully stop Edea from attacking me, but I was still angry. "At least I have a friend instead of sleeping with some guy to make me feel better about myself!"

Seifer and Edea had frozen in their tracks. I had hit them where it hurt. It was glorious. But now, it was Cid's turn to be furious. "What? What did you say? Who? Who is sleeping with who?" Even though he was asking Seifer and Edea those questions, I had known that he didn't need anyone to answer them.

"You know damn well what I mean," I had retorted. I had been speaking to Cid, but I was looking right at Edea. "What? The boss not good enough for you that you have to get some ass from his employees?"

"You bitch!" she had shrieked while struggling to get free from Seifer's hold. "The only fucking whore here is you!"

"Oh? How could I be? I was locked up in a cell. All alone," I had smirked.

Edea had screamed in such anger that I felt a shiver down my spine. But she had stopped when she received yet another hard blow to the face, but this time, with a fist and not a hand.

"Maybe Suspect 496 is right," Cid had said in a harsh whisper while unclenching his fist. "Maybe that's what I need to do to keep you 'all alone'." Edea had begun to slowly shake her head in protest. "Maybe that's what I need to do to keep your fucking legs closed, you goddamn whore! I should send you right back to where you came from!"

"No!" Edea had cried. "You can't do that to me! I am your wife!"

"You lost that privilege when you started sleeping with him!" Cid had pulled out his gun and pointed it right at Seifer's forehead. For the first time, Seifer's cold expression had melted into one like that of a deer in headlights. "And you…" the old man had started chuckling in what sounded like sarcasm and disbelief. "I trusted you. But you put those filthy hands on my woman. Is this what I get? Huh? For taking you in, bringing you off the streets from that goddamn fucked up life of yours, making you my second-in-command? Is this the fucking thanks I get for wasting my time on a piece of shit like you?" Cid had unlocked the safety on his pistol and shoved the barrel right onto Seifer's forehead. Everyone had been in shock, even I had been. Was he going to pull the trigger? We all thought.

But then, the old man had started laughing. "No," he had said. "Oh, no, no, no, you don't deserve such a quick death, my loyal servant. No, you deserve one much, much slower. It makes it that much sweeter." With one more chuckle, he had pointed the gun upward and fired. The whole prison had gone silent. "Who else has been sleeping with this whore?" he had asked as he dragged Edea by the arm and threw her down in front of his feet. "Hm? Who else? Don't be such wusses, come on, I know a couple of you did." But no one had the courage to admit it. "I see… so you all ain't gonna fess up to it. Well, today's your lucky day!"

Cid had summoned a few more of his guards and ordered them to take both Edea and Seifer to their own cells. "That slut is no longer my wife. She's just a prison guard whore. So whoever wants a piece of that ass, go ahead and get it. And if this mother fucker's ever pissed you off, feel free to take it out on this chump. Whatever you want. But… don't kill 'em. Leave that to me."

The guards had gotten a hold of Seifer who went without struggle. Before they could lead him away, he had turned and looked at me with the coldest eyes I'd ever seen. It wasn't the same look that people back home used to give me when they'd pass me by. It was a look that told me I would regret what I said that day. But even more so, Edea was more expressive of her feelings.

"You bitch!" she shrieked. "You'll pay for this! I swear it! I'll make sure your fucking ass rots in this hell hole if it's the last thing I do!" She kicked and screamed as she threw a tantrum while the guards tried to drag her away. Annoyed, Cid had knocked her out so she would be taken away in silence.

Before he left, he had told his guards to take Selphie to the truck.

"Let go of me!" Selphie had ordered them. "You're not taking me to that place! There's no way in hell that I'm going there!"

"Where is he taking you?" I had asked Selphie.

"Very well," I had heard Cid say. "Then you can die here."

And that was when it happened. He turned around. He aimed his pistol at her. When the guards saw this, they jumped out of the way. And before neither Selphie nor I could react, Cid pulled the trigger.

I wondered which was more painful, the bullet that had pierced through Selphie's heart or the grief that had pierced through mine. Cid just turned and walked away while the guards started getting up onto their feet. When reality hit me, I had finally been able to move my body and pushed through the guards to go into Selphie's cell.

"Selphie!" I had cried as I leaned on her doorway.

My tears had blurred my vision, but even if my eyes were dry, I couldn't see her well within the darkness of the night. All that I was able to make out was the still shadow of a girl lying on the ground. Hurriedly, I had rushed to her side only to find that I had kneeled in my dearest friend's pool of blood. The blood was seeping into the dirt, slowly clotting the ground with a strong scent of iron and something else that I didn't have time to figure out. It soaked through my clothes and I could feel a warm, sticky substance on my skin. The smell was so strong that I could almost taste it. Never had I felt so sick in my life than to know the smell of Selphie's blood. Never was there so much that I could drown in it.

"Selphie?" I had called out her name hesitantly. Seeing that she had twitched in response to my voice, my hands had begun wandering her body. It was difficult to find the entry of the bullet wound when blood was pouring all over her limbs. But I had found it, in between her breasts, right where her heart lies. I had quickly placed my hands over the bullet wound and heavily applied pressure in attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Selphie, it's gonna be ok," I had said, trying to sound confident and reassuring, but my own voice had failed to convince even myself of such truth. I had turned to the guards. "Hey, don't just stand there! Do something! Go get a doctor, an ambulance, anything! Come on, we need to get her to a hospital!" I looked frantically from one guard to the next, each unwilling to offer any aid and walking away from me. "You bastards! You sons of bitches! Come back here, damn it!"

"Rinoa?"

I had heard a voice. It was a very soft voice. It used to be strong and assertive, but now it was weak and crackled with sputtering blood. I had looked down at the shadow of a girl before me, just barely able to see her eyes fluttering open. She tried to swallow, but instead she coughed up blood. She tried to sit up, but I stopped her. "Hey, don't try to move right now."

"Rinoa?" I could almost see her mouth moving as she called out to me again. It was one thing to hear her voice say my name on the other side of a wall, but to actually see it come from her lips, I had felt like I was Aki seeing Siren for the first time.

Selphie was so small, so fragile, I was afraid I'd break her just holding her in my arms. I could tell that she was shorter and much thinner than me, probably from being locked up in this place for so long. They never fed us much, just enough to keep us alive. She told me she'd take hospital food over any of the crap they gave us any day.

"Selphie, I need you to wait right here for me, ok?" I had told her.

"No!" she had cried. "Don't leave me here. Don't leave me alone. I can't… I just can't…"

"Shh," I had whispered and held her tighter. "Don't worry, I won't be gone long. You need a doctor, Selphie."

"No, I don't."

I had ignored her. "I have to get you to a hospital, and then, we can eat all the hospital food you want, ok? Just like you wanted—

"Rinoa!" she had interrupted me. "I'm not stupid. I think I know my body better than you do. I'm… I'm not gonna make it. I just… I just know, ok? So don't leave me here."

"Don't say that," I had shaken my head in denial. "There's always time! There's always hope! You can make it, just give me a chance and let me help you!"

But she had shaken her head right back at me. "I don't want to make it, Rinoa."

"What?" I had said while feeling my brows furrow in confusion. "What are you talking about, Selphie?"

She blinked. Hard. When she opened her eyes again, they were calm and sad, but accepting. I couldn't tell what color they were, but I could see them. How could she look like that? While there was a bullet in her chest? While her life was bleeding all over her body? How?

"I don't wanna die. Not here, not this way," she had said in a small voice. "But I can't do this anymore."

"Do what, Selphie?"

"Live!" she had exclaimed. "I'm tired, Rinoa. If I don't die today, I'd die tomorrow. There's nothing left for me in this place."

"What about me?" I had said through gritted teeth. "What about our friendship? Does it mean nothing to you? I may have come here alone, but I am not leaving here alone. You're gonna make it through this. We will make it through this."

Selphie had shaken her head ever so gently. "You don't get it, Rinoa. There's no such thing as serving your time here."

"Of course there is, it's a prison!"

"No, it's not. And it's about time somebody told you the truth."

"The truth?" I had repeated. "What truth? Selphie, what is going on?"

And then, it happened. Again. I heard it again. That same sound when Selphie was shot. It had been so loud that it paralyzed me. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. My eyes were shut tight. Why do I feel something wet dripping down my face? What was on my face?

I had slowly opened my eyes and screamed.

"Oh my god," I had said shakily at first. "Oh my god," I said again. "Oh my god!" I had screamed. "Selphie? Selphie!" I had unwrapped my arms from her body and shook her from the shoulders. "Selphie, wake up! Look at me!" But she wouldn't look at me. No, her eyes were looking at me. They were open and looking at me. But her spirit was not there.

I had wiped the blood off her face, but more poured out from her forehead where another bullet was lodged. "Why… why did you do that? Why did you kill her? Why!" I didn't have to look to see who it was that stood there with an empty pistol. I knew it was Cid. I was furious. I was outraged. I was out of control. And I wanted to kill him.

I scrambled up onto my feet and lunged myself at him. I had managed to punch him square in the face and scratch his arm before he overpowered me and shoved me onto the ground. He pointed his pistol at me, and for a moment, I had frozen. But somewhere deep within me, my courage had overcome my fear. I would not stand down to that man. Not ever.

"Are you going to kill me, too?" I had asked him. "Go ahead. Shoot me. Shoot me like you did Selphie!"

Cid had stood there for a moment, but then backhanded me in the face. With a grunt, he had put his pistol away and took out a cigarette. "She had it coming to her." Lighting it, he took a long drag before blowing the smoke out through his lips.

"She didn't do anything," I had argued. And then it hit me. "Except… except try to tell me something! You know something, don't you? This 'truth' she's talking about. You know what she wanted to tell me, don't you?"

Cid had smiled smugly. "I don't know what she's talking about."

"Liar," I had spat, trying to get up again, but Cid's pistol beat me to it.

"Uh, uh, uh," he had said shaking his head while pointing the barrel at me again. "The liar is not me, dear, but your lovely friend that has a bullet in her head."

"Selphie isn't a liar. You are!"

"Is that right?" he had nodded with fake consideration. "Well, here's a newsflash for you, Suspect 496. Selphie Tilmitt wasn't who you thought she was. Maybe you think you shouldn't be here, but she belonged here."

"But she's innocent," I had defended my late friend. "She said she didn't do it!"

"Oh, the latter was true, she didn't commit the crime," Cid had explained. "But… that doesn't mean she was innocent either."

"Stop leading me on," I had demanded in frustration. "If there's something you want to say, then just say it!"

Cid suddenly stalked towards me and pulled my face close to his. "Selphie Tilmitt had two younger siblings," his voice had been low and harsh. "Two that probably wouldn't even come up to your waist. You know where working parents put their little children when they can't look after them? A daycare center. And guess who came strolling in one morning with a duffel bag full of explosive devices?"

"No…" I had whispered in disbelief.

"That's right, Suspect 496," Cid smirked. "Your so-called 'friend' is nothing more than a girl who belongs in an asylum. She wasn't sane then, and she wasn't sane when she came here."

"No!" I had said with more power. "She wasn't insane! I spent all this time with her, I think I'd know if she was crazy!"

"Look at her cell!" he had twisted my face towards the cell where her dead body still laid. He unhooked the large flashlight he had hanging on his belt and turned it on. "Does that look like a sane person to you?" He pointed the flashlight towards her cell, and what I could see made my mouth hang open. The walls were covered in what looked like clawed markings rinsed in aged bloodstains. The ground was dug unevenly with what looked like dirt and old vomit. There were big splinters that looked like they were carved or pulled out from the wooden parts of the walls, some with pieces of blood and skin caught in between. The smell was even worse, now that I knew where it was coming from. It had made me sick. But what made me sicker was the human being that lay on the floor in a puddle of blood that soaked into the ground. That was my friend. That was Selphie.

I couldn't answer him, not because I thought he was lying, but because I couldn't deny it. Selphie was kind of strange at times and had moments where I thought she was delusional. The more I had thought about it, the more I realized how much what Cid told me made sense. She did tell me that she worked in a daycare center, and that her reason for being sent to D-District Prison was because she was charged for attempt to bomb one. And now that I thought about it… she never really said that she didn't do it.

"Oh my god," I had said for the hundredth time that day. "That's not possible. It can't be."

And then, it clicked.

Suddenly, Selphie's story about "The First Birthday" had flooded into me, and I had found myself stumbling back to her side. It was a struggle, not because I didn't want to be close to a corpse, but because I feared that Cid might have been telling the truth after all.

I had clenched my eyelids shut as I crouched down beside Selphie's dead body. "Please, don't let it be true," I had silently prayed. "Please…" When I opened my eyes, I couldn't hold back the sharp gasp that rushed into my lungs. "No…" I had whispered.

Under Cid's flashlight, I could see her as light as day. Like her heart and soul, she had wild reddish auburn hair that blazed as brightly as her spirit did. Her eyes were wide and green. She had such gorgeous emerald eyes. I almost wanted to shy away from them because no one had ever looked at me without some kind of disgust in their eyes. I could still see the stains that many streaming tears left on her cheek. Even through all the dirt and grime, the bloody wounds and scars, she was beautiful to me.

But it was the fact that her hair was red and her eyes were green that alarmed me. Maybe it was a coincidence that she had the same physical features as the daughter in the story… there was only one way to find out. I had extended my arm inch by inch until my hand rested lightly on her chin. I had gently grasped her jaw within my fingers. Her skin was so cold and so pale; it almost frightened me to touch her, but I must. Slowly, I had turned her face to look at her other cheek.

"Oh god," my voice had left me in disbelief.

There on Selphie's other cheek was a birthmark which had deformed her beautiful face. Still unable to believe it, I had searched for her hands. Holding them up, I had turned them over to look at her palms, and as soon as I saw it, I dropped her hands as though they were infectious. One of her palms had been burned and was left with a hideous scar.

And then, I had been hit with another discovery.

"She never mentioned their names," I had whispered to myself. "She always gives her characters a name. But she didn't in this story."

Though slow to consider it, it was then that I had realized that "The First Birthday" was not just another story Selphie had made up as she went along, but was in fact, the story of her life.

"Anything's possible, my dear," Cid had said taking another drag of his cigarette. "Maybe it's time you start believing it."

"But…" I had searched my mind hard. "Wait! Then what about 'The First Birthday' story she told me about? Is that story true? Was I brought here so I could be bid on? Why else would she have said that there is no such thing as serving a sentence here?" Cid had continued smoking. "And where were you planning on taking her? And the others? Where were they going? Is it true that you were going to kill them?" Still, he had continued smoking. "Answer me, damn it! What's going on? Why am I here?"

"You're here because you tried to murder everyone in the Galbadian airport," Cid finally replied.

"But I didn't do it—

"And," Cid had cut me off. "The others are being transferred to another facility. The so-called 'First Birthday' that your friend was talking about is for trial."

"For trial?"

"Yes, for trial," Cid had said. "If she's not found guilty within a year, she will be transferred to another facility where they will prepare her for her last sentence."

"What was her last sentence?"

"Death."

My face had fallen when he said that. "She was sentenced to death? All of those people were sentenced to death? Is that why you killed her?"

"I simply put her out of her misery," Cid had smirked. "She was going to die anyway."

"You son-of-a-bitch!" I had lunged at him again, but this time, he hit me real hard.

I laid on the ground trying to keep consciousness, but everything kept spinning.

I had felt him pick my body up. I tried to free myself, but it had been no use. I felt him throw me back into my cell where my head hit the wall. Soon, I felt his breath against my ear.

"Your friend was crazy," Cid had whispered menacingly. "And you're crazy for believing anything she says."

I had heard him close the door to my cell and locked it up tight before walking away. Soon, the trucks were gone, the guards were back where they belonged, and all had become silent again. And then, it had begun to rain.

I took a deep breath as these images from earlier that night played in my head over and over. I finally did it. I didn't turn my back on something I feared would hurt me, and I faced it, no matter how hard it was to do so. Though it was still difficult to accept the truth, I was dealing with it instead of ignoring it. And I knew that had Selphie been there, she would've been proud.

Soon, the rain stopped, and dawn began to light the sky. It was the color of fire, much like Selphie's hair and her heart. But it was quiet… much too quiet, for a voice in this thick air of silence was missing. No, it wasn't missing. It was taken out of spite. That voice that left me lying alone in my cell had left the body of my dearest friend whose body had lain dead in the cell next door. She was alive just moments ago. And now, I would never hear her voice again.

Maybe Selphie had been crazy. Maybe she really was insane. Cid had told me not to believe a word that she said, and how could I? This whole time, had she been telling me lies? Variations of the truth? What was real and what was just a part of her imagination? As soon as I realized how badly I was doubting Selphie's honesty, I had remembered what she said to me just moments before. She had told me she was sorry. She had told me not to judge her. And she had reasons for doing what she did. But whether or not her sanity was broken when I met her, it didn't matter.

She would always be Selphie to me.