GWNL: Yay! You all really do like me!
Tsuki: You know most people just reviewed out of pity.
GWNL: Yes, and I'm okay with that.
Oh, and to answer cactus cat's question. No, none of them noticed. Hakkai was too worried and Gojyo was suffering from blood lost.(They're all soooo clueless! But that makes it more fun!)
And to answer Yunni's question, she wears heavy clothes, and always makes sure she's alone before she bathes and ties her chest up reeeeally tight, which is one of the many reasons she's always angry.
Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything?
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
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"Wow, coool!" said Goku as they entered the next town. "Lookit all the people!"
"It's been awhile since we've been to a such a busy town." said Gojyo.
"Mm." was all Sanzo said.
"This place seems mostly unaffected by Youkai problem." said Hakkai.
"Sanzo! I want those!" said Goku as he pointed at a beef bun stand.
"No." said Sanzo flatly.
"Waaah! Mean ol' priest! Droopy- eyes! Baldy!" cried Goku like a baby.
"I hear nothing. And who are you calling bald?" growled Sanzo.
"Now, now." said Hakkai as he comforted Goku. "What's wrong with buying them one beef bun?"
"Spoiled children develops bad habits, Hakkai." said Sanzo simply.
"Spoken like a true mommy." said Gojyo as he patted Sanzo's shoulder.
"Do you have a death wish?" asked Sanzo.
'This town is active, all right. Unsettlingly so.' Sanzo thought as she pulled out a cigarette. 'We shouldn't stay here long.'
"Hello, hello. You sirs. Over there." said a voice suddenly. It was a fortune teller with blue hair and squinting eyes. "You are travelers, yes? Chin Yisou will tell the future of your journey."
"Feh. No thanks, pal." said Gojyo.
"Telling fortunes with Mahjong tiles is a crack, thank you." said Sanzo as she also began to walk away.
"How cruel! And here I see... That your faces foretell death. How frightening. Hm, hm!" said the fortune teller.
'What?!' they all thought, suddenly stopping. The fortune teller continued.
"You're all living close to hell, yes? I can tell. Especially... Yes. You." he said as he pointed at Hakkai. "That lovely false smile hides it so nicely. But your eyes, good sir, are those of a sinner. And that scar on your belly. The symbol of your sins. You've committed crimes you can't atone for, yes?"
"Shaddup you gross old crinkly!" yelled Goku.
"Oh, my." said the fortune teller.
"If you wanna fight, let's go!" Goku yelled, slamming his hands on the table.
"I'm just a fortune teller. And not a very reliable one... Yes?" smirked Chin Yisou. He picked up a tile. "See? The tiles tell your destiny. Calamity follows thee. Indeed. And yet, it's up to you whether or not you believe."
"What that supposed ta–!" Goku started. Just then they all heard a scream.
They all turned and saw a giant crab creature destroying the town!
"Huh?! What the hell is that?!" exclaimed Goku.
"Don't tell me that's another one of Gyumaho's assassins?!" yelled Gojyo.
"I don't know about that. The Sanscrit on it's chest signifies a shikigami." said Sanzo.
"A shikigami? That big?" exclaimed Gojyo.
'It's hard to believe a mere fortune teller could pull something like this off. Could he be one of Gyumaoh's assassins...?' Sanzo wondered as she looked at the giant crab. 'Somehow I don't think that's quiet right. But then... What?'
"Ack! This is terrible!" said Goku as he the all the dead bodies, chaos and destruction around them.
"Damn. I don't know who you're working for... But you've got a lot of nerve blowing our day!" Gojyo yelled as he summoned his weapon. He attacked the crab, but it bounced off it.
"...Ah, shit." he cursed as the chain came back. "I didn't even scratch it! That ain't no ordinary shikigami!"
"What is it made of?!" exclaimed Sanzo. Suddenly the crab destroyed a building and some pieces came raining towards the Sanzo party.
"Everyone... Watch out!" yelled Hakkai. They all dodged.
"AAAGH! That was too close!" exclaimed Goku. "I thought I was gonna die!"
"Heh, heh. Whatever it is, it's big and it's hard, and purple... But then, that wouldn't remind you of anything, would it, priesty?" said Gojyo.
"How can you squeeze in vulgar jokes at a time like this?" asked Sanzo with a sweat drop.
"Sanzo, try the Maten Sutra!" Hakkai said to Sanzo.
"I suppose I have to. Goku! Go distract it." she said.
"On it!" said Goku happily as he summoned his Nyoi- bo. "Come and get some, alien crab!" He charged towards the crab when suddenly he stopped. A kitty was rubbing up against his leg.
"Goku, watch ou–!" Hakkai started to yell. Just then a girl appeared and punched the crab down, defeating it.
The girl bent down picked up the kitty.
"Kitty better be more careful next time." she said to it. The kitty started to lick her face. "Nya, ha, ha! That tickles, meowsie!"
"A little girl?" said Gojyo. "She seems familiar..."
"She wrecked that crab like nothing." said Hakkai. Finally the girl turned her attention to the boys and Sanzo.
"Ah-ha! The Sanzo gang! There you are!" she yelled as she pointed at them.
"Huh?" said Goku.
"My name is Lirin!" she continued. "I came to beat you up for Kougaiji onii-chan!"
"'Onii-chan?' Oh boy." said Hakkai.
"You're Kougaiji's little sister?!" exclaimed Gojyo. Lirin giggled.
"Time to die! Nya ha!" she said.
//Meanwhile//
Tsuki stared at the partly destroyed town.
"...Just for the record, this is not my fault this time. I had nothing to do with it." he said. This time he was a man with long brown hair and brown eyes. "Or did I? Huh. I forgot. Oh, well. What's done is done. But I think I should chill here for now. I'll bug Sanzo tomorrow. By the way... am I here again? I could have sworn I need to give Sanzo something important..."
//Back to the Sanzo Party//
"Without further ado...! Bring it on however you want!" challenged Lirin. The boys and Sanzo sweat dropped at her.
"She's got to be kidding." said Gojyo.
"Well, I'm stumped." said Hakkai.
"You makin' fun of me 'cause I'm little?" frowned Lirin. "Fine. Lirin goes first!" She leaped towards them. She punched the ground right next to where Gojyo was standing.
"Holy Shit!" he exclaimed.
"Erk." said Goku as he looked at the spot where he had punched.
"Goku, go get 'er! You're closest in size." said Gojyo.
"Why me?! Hakkai's better with kids!" exclaimed Goku.
"But Gojyo's better with women." said Hakkai.
"That is not a woman." said Gojyo. Lirin cracked her knuckles. Then charged at them.
"Deya!" she yelled.
"Agh! Wait a second!" exclaimed Goku.
"Waiting's for sucker! And I want to kick baddie ass!" said Lirin.
Sudden Sanzo grabbed her by the back of her shirt.
"Capture complete." she said.
"Lemme go, droopy eyes! Baldy!" yelled Lirin. Sanzo twitched.
"...The child must die." she growled.
"That's our Sanzo!" said Gojyo.
"He certainly is good with small animals!" said Hakkai as he clapped.
"That a joke?" growled Goku.
"All right, now I'm mad! Lirin won't forget this!" Lirin yelled as she glared up at Sanzo.
"Want some?" asked Sanzo as she held up a meat bun.
"Yes, please!" said Lirin, suddenly very sweet.
"Ah. Look at how he handles her. He's a pro." said Hakkai.
"That's enough." someone yelled suddenly. They all turned and saw the Kougaiji crew. "So we meet again, Sanzo party. I'm here for my sister. Hand her over."
"Kougaiji!" they exclaimed.
"Look, you! Don't talk to us like we're kidnappers! She came to us! She did!" yelled Goku. "And quit showing up on toppa buildings!"
"Sister, huh? You did a pretty shitty job of raising the brat." said Gojyo.
"She's like a female Goku– It's quite remarkable." said Hakkai. "Though she doesn't seem to like us much."
"Hard to argue with that." said Dokugaku.
"Hiya, onii-chan!" called Lirin.
"Don't 'Hiya' me, moron!" yelled Kougaiji.
"You can have her back– Enjoy." said Sanzo as she dropped her.
"Mya!" Lirin cried.
"Hey! Kougaiji!" Goku yelled to get his attention. "You're not ditching us again, are you? I've been itchin' to pay you back for last time!" Kou stared at him then replied,
"...Hn. As you wish. If after losing to me four on one... You think you can win four on four."
"Yay! Time to fightie!" Lirin cheered as she attacked Sanzo, who blocked her attack with ease and annoyance. "Take that, droopy eyes! That's for grabbing me!" Sanzo growled to herself.
"...That's it." she said. "Do I look like a zookeeper to you?" she yelled as she punched Lirin square in the gut.
"Ow! Waaah! Lirin's gonna die!" Lirin whined as she held her stomach. Sanzo glared at her.
"Please. Cut the crap, kid. You're a shitty actress." she sneered.
"...Ya caught me." said Lirin as she stuck her tongue out.
(A/N: Okay, I'm gonna be lazy and skip the fights. If you've read the books, you know how they went.)
//Meanwhile//
The Fortune teller watched them all fight with amusement.
"My, my. That looks like fun." he said. "But I'm a firm believer that parties should be flashy. I suppose I could help with that. Cho Gonou." he said as he literally ripped a earing out of his ear. "From Chin Yisou with love."
//Back to the Sanzo Party//
As Sanzo fought Lirin she felt something rise behind her. She turned and saw the giant crab!
"Goku!" she yelled in warning to Goku. "Behind you!"
"Huh?" said Goku as he and Kougaiji turned. They saw the giant crab. "That thing's–!" he started. Just then the crab stuck out and hit them to the ground.
"Goku!" yelled Hakkai.
"My lord no!" yelled Yaone. The crab lashed to hit them again, but this time Gojyo charged forward.
"I got it!" he yelled as he blocked the crab leg.
"Gojyo." coughed Goku.
"Move it, kid! I can't hold this for long." grunted Gojyo. Then Dokugaku came and sliced the crab's leg of. It vanished when it hit the ground.
"Uh... Thanks. I guess I owe you. Damn, that hurt." said Gojyo as he rubbed his wrist and stood back to back with Dokugaku.
"Forget it." said Dokugaku. "So is this a truce?"
"Wha? Booo! I already beat that thing." whined Lirin as she sat on Sanzo's shoulders. Sanzo twitched.
"Get off." she growled. "Death is forthcoming."
"A shikigami? But it's so big!" said Yaone as she looked at the crab.
"So, it's not yours. We thought as much." said Hakkai.
"That still doesn't explain who the fortune teller is." said Sanzo through clenched teeth. "What does he want from us?"
"Son of a– ow!" Gojyo yelled as he and Dokugaku got thrown back.
"Gojyo! Dokugaku!" yelled Hakkai in concern.
"Screw this!" Gojyo growled as he sat up.
"We're not doing so well." said Dokugaku.
"Cutting off a few legs is useless. We destroy it all at once or not at all." said Sanzo.
"Kougaiji-sama– Look out!" Yaone yelled as a block of rumble came falling towards Kougaiji. She let out a scream of pain as she blocked it.
"Ya... Yaone!" yelled both Hakkai and Kougaiji. Kougaiji held Yaone.
"Dammit." he cursed. Then to Hakkai he said, "Watch her for me." He stood and turned to Goku. "Goku. Can you keep that thing from moving?"
"Huh?" said Goku.
"I can do a summoning with time. I don't know how else to kill it." said Kou. "I only need a few seconds. Keep it still and it'll be dead in a hit. Got that? Just don't get in the way." he said. Goku grinned.
"Sure." he said. "Just don't miss, 'kay?" he said as he started to run towards the crab.
"Shaddup and go!" Kou yelled. Sanzo stared at them.
"Do they not know they're enemies?" she asked flatly with Lirin on her shoulders.
"And what about you two?" asked Gojyo with a smug grin.
"Shut up and die." she growled at him.
"Lirin wants ta help, too!" whined Lirin.
"You can start by getting off me." growled Sanzo at her.
"Nah, they'll be fine." said Gojyo. "I think your bro's got it covered."
Kougaiji started casting a summoning spell while Goku detracted it.
"K-Kougaiji!" he yelled.
"Out of the way, Goku!" Kougaiji yelled as he finished his chanting and summoned a fire demon which destroyed the crab shikigami.
//Meanwhile//
Tsuki dug in her bag and found a small charm.
"Ah! Here it is! Now I remember! I was suppose to give her this! Oh, well. It's not like she's gonna sleep with someone anytime soon. And there's no way I'm going in there now, I'll get blamed. However my Shikigami's are way better than that thing." she mumbled.
//Back to the Sanzo Party//
"Is he dead?" Goku asked as he coughed through the smoke.
"Looks like it." said Gojyo. When the smoke cleared they all saw the Kougaiji party in front of them.
"So what now, Kougaiji?" Goku asked.
"That's it for today. There was too much interference." said Kougaiji. What he said next, surprised Sanzo. "...But I am sorry. I started to doubt the path I'd chosen. It's rude to challenge someone when you're not sure what you believe. But that's over. My goal is too important to be measured in terms of good and evil. Next time I'll risk everything... and you'll be on the floor. I'll win for myself." Goku smiled.
"Hey..." said Goku. "You said you'd pay me double. You still owe me!"
"Put it on my tab. You'll get your due." said Kou.
"Saaanzo! Bye-bye! Lirin wasn't bored at all!" Lirin said as she jumped on Kou's head."Next time we'll play more, yeah?"
"Don't get any ideas, damn brat!" growled Sanzo as she flipped the bird at Lirin. "And never come back." One monkey, was enough to deal with!
"I wanna a present next time." said Gojyo.
"So long as you make the tea." said Dokugaku.
"Do see to those wounds." said Hakkai to Yaone.
"I will. And all of you take care." she said. Then the Kougaiji crew vanished in whirl of wind.
"Didja hear that? She said ta take care." teased Goku. Hakkai just laughed as Hakuryu came out of hiding and landed on his shoulder.
"What a group to have as enemies." said Gojyo as he lit himself a smoke.
"They're only pawns... if I had to guess." said Sanzo suddenly. "The chaos in the world... Is due to whatever idiot's planning the revival. That's who's behind Kougaiji. And that's who we have to get at." she explained.