Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything?
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
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"YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?!" Sanzo yelled at the top of her lungs in her girl voice. The others were out shopping and Tsuki had made the most ridiculous ever. Tsuki held her head as it rang. Today she was disguised as a woman with long red hair and brown eyes.
"I think I've lost my hearing. And you heard me. I want you to go out and be the woman you are. You know, go out and mingle like a woman. Wear a dress for the first time in your life." she said.
"NO! N! O! NO! Not gonna happen, ever!" Sanzo yelled. Her? In a dress? In public? Never going to happen! Tsuki grinned mischievously as she pulled out an envelope.
"Oh, what's this I wonder... Oh, it appears to be a envelope full of naked pictures of you that will surely prove you're a woman." she said.
"What! Give me that!" yelled Sanzo as she tried to grab the envelope, but Tsuki yelled it out of her reach.
"Ah, ha! Nope! You don't get this unless you do as I ask and do what I say! Or do you want me to show this to the others?" she teased. Sanzo growled as she clenched her fist.
"Even if I did agree to this, which I don't, I can't. For one thing, I don't have a dress. And another thing, the others would notice that I'm missing and therefore, would look for me. So as you can see, there's no way we can pull this off." she said. She knew it was a weak argument, but it was all she had.
"Sanzo, Sanzo, what part of 'Master of Disguise' do you not understand? Observe." Tsuki said as she went behind a changing rack. Ten seconds later she came out looking exactly like Sanzo! Sanzo stared. Holy shit, she was good! Tsuki winked.
"You're out of excuses now, San-chan! Now, ether you do this, or I reveal your secret to everyone and everything!" said Tsuki. It was strange to hear Tsuki's voice from Sanzo's image. Sanzo glared at her.
"I hate you. And there's another flaw in your plan! There are now two Sanzos! How are you going to fix that?" she asked. Tsuki gave a evil grin.
"Tis not a challenge for me, my dear! Undress!" she said.
"WHAT? You're kidding! No way in hell you pervert!" Sanzo yelled as she instinctively covered her chest.
"Oh, come now. You don't have anything I haven't seen before. And I can't tell if it will work with your robes on. Now we can do this the easy way, or the fun way. Now hold still!" said Tsuki as she jumped on Sanzo and started to remove her robes.
"AAAHH!! Stop it! Pervert!!" Sanzo screamed as she fought with Tsuki who was stronger than she looked.
"Oh, be quiet and take it like the man you pretend to be!" said Tsuki.
"I'M SOO GONNA KILL YOU!!!" Sanzo yelled.
"There! All done!" said Tsuki after she finished Sanzo's transformation. Sanzo looked at herself. She was wearing a long lavender dress, with high heel sandals. She was wearing a wig, so her hair was long and in a ponytail(Like Kozen's!), and her chest was showing. "Well? What do you think?" Tsuki asked.
"..." was all Sanzo said. In truth she liked it, but she wasn't going to say that. But Tsuki seemed to get the message.
"Okay. Now you go out and mingle, and I'll stay here to fool your friends." said Tsuki.
"I'm not going." said Sanzo stubbornly.
"Well, you better because your friends are back, and they're going to be a little more than curious when they see 'you' in here with a woman." said Tsuki as she looked out the window. Sanzo glared at Tsuki. If they saw Sanzo in a room with a woman, Gojyo would never let her hear the end of it.
"I hate you!" she growled just before she quickly left the room. Then she went out the back of the inn so she wouldn't bump into the others.
When she was outside she slowly began to walk down the street. What now? Tsuki wanted her to mingle, but there was no way in hell that was going to happen. Just then someone bumped into her.
"Hey!" she cried.
"Oh. Sorry." said a voice. Sanzo gasped as she looked up. Standing right in front of her... Was Kougaiji! He appeared to be wearing a Yoaki limiter, so right now he looked like a human. Sanzo stared and Kougaiji seemed to be staring at her too. Sanzo didn't know whether to pull out her gun or what. Wait, she couldn't do that, Tsuki took her gun. Damn! Then Sanzo realized that she was staring for too long. She straighten up.
"Ahem Well, just watch where you're going in the future." she said cooly. Kougaiji seemed to snap back to reality.
"Uh, right. Sorry." he said again. Just then an out of control carriage came charging toward them. "Look out!" he yelled as he tackled Sanzo out of the way. The landed on the curb, Kougaiji on top of Sanzo, very close to her face. Kougaiji turned a little red as he got off of her.
"Sorry." he muttered again. Sanzo sat up, a little red as well. Who would have thought the demon prince could be such a school boy? But then who would have thought Sanzo could be so speechless around the demon prince?
"You just saved me from getting hit by a carriage! You don't have to apologize for that, moron." she said as she tried to get up. Just then her ankle gave a painful twinge. Shit! She must have injured it when Kou tackled her! Damn it all to hell! She could have gotten out of the way without injuring herself if that stupid pretty boy didn't push her out of the way. Damn!
"You're hurt!" said Kougaiji, seeing her flinch a little.
"I'm fine!" she snapped as she gave him her famous cold glare. Her ankle still hurt, but she managed to stand. Kougaiji, seeing the look, sighed and stood.
"Alright. I'm sorry for troubling you." he said. He started to walk away. Towards the inn where the Sanzo party were staying in fact.
"Wait!" she called after him. He stopped and looked at her. "You... You did save me, so the least I should do is buy you a drink." she said, arms folded and not really looking at him.
"You don't have to." said Kougaiji.
"Look, if I don't do this, I'm gonna feel like I owe you. And I always pay my debts." Sanzo said, not looking at him. For some reason she had a small blush. Kougaiji looked at her smiled a little. Well, he did come here to relax...
"Alright. I would like that." he said as he walked towards her and away from the inn.
//Meanwhile//
"Sanzo! We're back!" said Goku as he and the others entered the room.
"Did you get my smokes?" Tsuki asked in Sanzo's male voice as she gave them the cold look.
"Hai, hai." said Hakkai as he tossed her Sanzo's usual marlboro brand.
"I don't see why Sanzo can't do his own shopping for once. Ch. Lazy monk." mumbled Gojyo as he pulled up a chair. A bullet suddenly came zooming past his head. "WHOA!" Gojyo exclaimed as he fell back.
"So sorry. The safety on my gun 'accidently' came off." said Tsuki as she tucked Sanzo's gun away.
"Like hell it did!!" yelled Gojyo, steamed. Goku stared at Sanzo. There was something different about him... Tsuki saw Goku staring at her.
"What?" she snapped.
"Uh... Nothing." said Goku, but continued to stare.
"Then stop staring already, dammit." she growled as she lit a smoke. Oh yeah! She was so good at pretending to be Sanzo! She should get a award. Or maybe she should consider acting...
"Was there any problems while we were gone?" asked Hakkai.
"No, why?" asked Tsuki as she raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, no reason." said Hakkai. Then he spotted something. "Sanzo, why are all these bandages stuffed under a pillow?"
"They're the bandages from my wound. I changed them while you were gone." lied Tsuki. Dammit! She should have found a better hiding place for those! She made a mental note to find something better to hide Sanzo's breasts later.
"That's weird. They don't have any blood." said Hakkai as he looked at them.
"That's because my wound is healed now. And what's with the police interrogation?" Tsuki asked in a annoyed voice. Shoot! Could they have figured her out already?
"I'm not interrogating you, Sanzo. I'm just curious why you would hide clean bandages under a pillow." said Hakkai.
"None of your business."
"What? Is it some kind of big secret?" teased Gojyo.
"Yes, it is. Now go away." said Tsuki as she picked up the paper. What did she do to give herself away? She thought she was acting just like Sanzo. It was those bandages, dammit! She hoped Sanzo was having more fun than she was.
//Back to Sanzo//
"I didn't get your name. May I ask what it is?" asked Kougaiji. He was Sanzo stared at him the replied,
"...Izumi. You shall call me Izumi." It was all sh could come up with since they were sitting in front of a fountain.
"Izumi, huh? Nice name. I'm... Kaisei." Kougaiji said. Apparently he didn't want to reveal his name ether. But now, Sanzo realized that this was the perfect chance to get some information.
"Well, Kaisei... is there a reason you're here?" she asked.
"Huh?"
"Well, it obvious you're not from around here." said Sanzo as she pulled out a smoke. God knows she needed one. Kougaiji looked away.
"...Let's just say I have family trouble." he said.
"Oh?" said Sanzo. Damn. That wasn't any help. "Maybe I could help." Kougaiji raised a eyebrow.
"Oh, really? You think you can help me?" he asked.
"I said maybe. I'm not making any promises. But you seem like you want to talk about it, and there's no one else here, and hey. What's the worse that could happen?" said Sanzo. Okay, she was sprouting crap now, but this might be her only chance to get information out of him! Kougaiji smiled a little.
"You know, I don't know if it's the martini or the fact you're so beautiful, but I'm going to tell ya." he said as he leaned closer to Sanzo's face. Sanzo cursed herself as she felt herself blush. This guy only had two martini's and he was already drunk! "It's my step mother. She's a real witch and she's driving me insane. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to shut her up permanently. But I can't. Because if she doesn't get what she wants, she'll never free my mother."
"Your mother?" questioned Sanzo. Kougaiji looked sad.
"She... She's trapped. I have to free her... Mother... Mother, I will free you I swear. Just wait. Wait..." he slurred. Sanzo stared at him as he continued. "If I can get the scriptures... That woman will free her. But every time I fight them, I... I can't seem to beat them. Why? I'm fighting for the most important thing in the world to me. So why?" he asked. Sanzo looked at her beer.
"Because that's not a reason to fight." she said as she sipped it.
"What?!" exclaimed Kougaiji angrily.
"You heard me. Your mother, as important as she sounds to you, is not a reason to fight. It's a reason to live."
"Huh?" said Kou.
"A reason to fight and a reason to live are two different things. A reason to live... Means that's why you're here. It's what everybody searches for. A reason to be born... A reason that keeps you here... A reason to exist." Sanzo said as she thought of her master.
'But... It's not that easy.' she thought. 'Because even if you do believe there is a reason... Sometimes you lose that reason.'
"There are many reasons to live. It could be your dreams, your job... or a person. In your case, it's a person. That means no matter what, you're going to do whatever possible to live. But that's not what's going to make you fight at full strength. For that, you have to have some kind of emotion." she explained. "Anger, the thirst for revenge, fear, the desire to become stronger... These are the things that enable a person to fight at their best. You say you fight for your mother, but what about you? When a person goes into battle, they're willing to risk everything. To lose everything. How about you? Are willing to risk everything you have?"
//Meanwhile//
"I win." said Tsuki as she won another game of cards.
"Holy shit! I never thought I'd see it!" gasped Gojyo. "Not only did you beat Hakkai once, but 3 times!" Tsuki chuckled a little.
"What can I say? I'm really in the zone today. Just be glad we're not playing for money." she said. She loved poker. In fact she loved poker so much, she had forgotten that she was suppose to be acting like Sanzo. Goku sweat dropped.
"Gee, Sanzo. I've never seen that look in your eye before when we played cards." he said.
"Who? Oh, right me. Well... What can I say? I've come to appreciate the game of cards." said Tsuki, not really paying attention as she delt out the cards again. "What do say to 3 out of 4?" Hakkai looked suspiciously at Tsuki though the corner of his eye. Then he said,
"Hey, Sanzo... Would you like some coffee?"
"No, thank you. I'll just take some tea and... oops!" said Tsuki when she realized what she said.
Thank you.
Those two words just gave her away. Sanzo would never say that. She'd ether rudely decline, or she'd hold up a cup and say thanks, but never 'Thank you'. Gojyo stuck a cigarette in his mouth.
"Why don't you drop the act and show us who you really are." he said. Tsuki laughed nervously.
"Gentlemen... Let's not be rash, after all..." she walked backwards towards the window. "A great master of Disguise never reveals his secrets." Then she suddenly jumped out the window and landed on the ground with ease. Then she began to run.
"Hey! Get back here!" Goku yelled as he ran after her.
"Fat chance of that happenin'!" yelled Tsuki as she ran. Just then she jumped 13 feet in the air on top a roof of a building.
"Whoa! How he do that?" wondered Goku. Then he shook his head and jumped up after her. "That was cool, but I can do it too!" he yelled as he chased after on a roof. Tsuki smirked.
"I guess it's no use. No matter how many years pass, you will always be a stupid monkey!" she said as she dropped a few smoke bombs.
//Back to Sanzo//
Sanzo gave a irritated sigh. After she had finished talking, Kougaiji had passed out. This boy really couldn't hold his alcohol! She looked at him irritably. At least it wasn't a total waste. She found out that it was Kougaiji's step mother that was behind the resurrection, and that he was working for her so he could free his mother. She looked at Kougaiji. She had to admit... He did look a little cute.
"Kou!" a voice suddenly yelled. Sanzo turned and saw Dokugaku running towards them. "Ah, man, Kou! What happened?"
"He passed out after two martinis." Sanzo explained. "He should be fine. Except for the hang over he might have tomorrow."
"Ah, I see. Who are you?" he asked.
"Izumi." was all Sanzo said.
"Izumi, eh? Thanks for watching him. Sorry if he caused any trouble."
"Not at all. In fact he helped me a lot." said Sanzo.
"Nice to hear that. We've gotta go now. Thanks for everything." said Dokugaku as he slung Kou over his shoulders. Then he started to walk away and Sanzo walked back towards the hotel.
Just then Tsuki tackled her into a ally.
"Ack! What the hell?!" Sanzo exclaimed.
"I've been discovered! Quick! Change into your robes!" Tsuki said, already undressing her.
"Hey! Wait, goddammit!" Sanzo yelled. In just 15 seconds Sanzo was back in her Sanzo robes looking normal, chest bound and all, and Tsuki was dressed as the woman she dressed as earlier.
"Okay, just come up with something to tell your friends, and I'll meet up with you later, okay? Great! Oh, and before I forget, here's your charm against pregnancy!" she said as she slipped a necklace around Sanzo's neck and tucked in her shirt so others wouldn't see it. "Now, get out there and lie to your friends like you always do!" she said as she shoved Sanzo out of the ally. Sanzo was dizzy at first, but regained herself as the other came running towards her.
"There you are!" Goku gasped as he ran towards her.
"What the hell happened to you?" Sanzo asked in her male voice.
"Eh? Sanzo?" said Goku as he stopped running.
"Who else?" snapped Sanzo.
"B-but you... You weren't... I mean..." Goku was at a lost for words. Sanzo sweatdropped at him.
"What the hell are you going on about?" she asked.
"There was someone who– Oh, never mind!" panted Goku. He would explain it back at the hotel with Gojyo's and Hakkai's help. Right now, he tired from chasing the fake Sanzo. Sanzo sighed.
"Let's go back to the hotel." After everything that had happened, she just wanted to go to bed.
Although she had to admit. Running into Kougaiji did make her feel more like a... Lady.
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Well, here's your romance. It may have been with the Demon Prince, but oh well. And no I haven't revealed Sanzo's secret for two reasons. One: I didn't get enough reviews. Two: I didn't want to. But Review will encourage me to reveal her secret! (Hint! Hint!)