Okay, everyone! Here's the next one!
Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything?
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀
"We'll let you two die a happy pair! Genjyo Sanzo... and Sha Gojyo!"
Sanzo stared at them boredly and 'Shut up' was written on her face. How dare he talk about them like they were a couple? The demon's continued.
"And, hey, we've brought along twice as many as usual today. With only two of you here, this'll be like taking candy from a baby!" Gojyo sweat dropped.
"Man, today sucks for Scorpios. My horoscope probably says not to leave the house. It's gotta." he said.
"How should I know?" growled Sanzo. "Damn. This is excessively annoying."
"Sanzo..." said Gojyo. "'Excessively' gotten old already."
"And you have a better adverb in mind?"
"Yeah. Abrasively annoying!" yelled Gojyo as the demons attacked.
"...What the hell is that?" Sanzo asked.
"Let's just eat and run. We don't have time for cannon fodder!" They fought the demons that came at them, then came back to back.
"...Hey." said Sanzo. "You're the one with the bad luck. The rest of these are yours." Gojyo mocked a gasp.
"Is the mighty Sanzo down already? You really are old." he said. Sanzo shot at him. "Shit!" he cursed as he dodged. "Goddamn! Stop shooting at me, ya damn priest!"
"I shoot what's in the way, you filthy cockroach."
Within ten minutes they had killed all the demons, except one.
"H-how could you... rrgh!" the demon said. Sanzo aimed her gun at the back of his head.
"So you're the last, are you? That was 10 minutes of my busy life I'm never getting back. It's gonna cost you." she said her eyes flaring a little.
"You reeeally underestimated us, punker." said Gojyo smugly. "I know you were all excited to see only two of us... But we're more than enough to kick your collective ass."
"Hn. You've no right to be smug." mocked Sanzo. "I killed more than you did."
"Where do you get off sayin' that?!" snarled Gojyo. "You shoot without moving! Firing that gun makes you lazy!"
"With you crashing about, I couldn't hear myself think." retorted Sanzo.
"Sorry my goddamn footsteps are loud! What the hell is wrong with you?!" yelled Gojyo. Sanzo was about to reply, when suddenly a demon tackled her right off a cliff!
'Damn!'
"Hya, ha, ha, ha! I'll take you with me if I have to!" the demon laughed as they fell.
"SANZO!!" yelled Gojyo, eyes wide. In a desperate attempt to catch her, Gojyo used his sakugyo to wrap around Sanzo's arm, so now she was limply hanging over the 50ft cliff with the demon hugging her thin waist.
"Stupid... Shit!" Gojyo cursed as he tried to pull her up. The chain dug into the edge. "Goddammit!!" The Yokai laughed.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Fall! Fall! C'mon and--" Sanzo aimed her gun at his head..
"Fall." she growled. Then she blew his head off and he let her go. The force of the gun shot though made her hit the cliff wall.
"OY!" Gojyo yelled as the chain dug into his arms. Sanzo placed a foot on the wall to steady herself.
"Hold on, you good for nothing!" she yelled.
"Your fighting's making me lose my grip! Don't make me drop your holy ass!" yelled Gojyo. Finally he managed to pull Sanzo up and they both collapsed on the ground, panting.
"That... sucked... lots." panted Gojyo.
"You're... Telling... me." panted Sanzo.
"You're heavier than you look, exalted one." Gojyo lied. Truth was, she was so light it actually worried him, but he wanted to annoy her so he lied.
"Screw you." growled Sanzo. "And I don't remember asking for help."
"I didn't help you because I wanted to." scoffed Gojyo.
"Yeah? Then why?" asked Sanzo as she raised a eyebrow.
"I like pickin' things up when they fall." replied Gojyo.
"How hobo of you." Sanzo said flatly.
"Ah, get bent." said Gojyo. Then Sanzo noticed his arm and many bruises from the chain. "What now?" he asked her. She was silent, then lit the unlit cigarette in his mouth. He was surprised, then in his usual tone he said,
"Thank yooou." Sanzo didn't look at him. Then she stood and kicked him in the head.
"Now up, you damn Kappa.." she told him. Then she started to walk away.
"That hurt, asswipe! What's wrong with you?!" Gojyo yelled after her.
"Want a list? We don't have time for you to nap. And we don't have time for slacking." she replied as she looked back. "You know what you need? More manual labor like that." Gojyo stared after her, then smirked.
"...Heh. It's true– You're not even a little adorable." he said as he started walking
"Don't you dare even think I'm--" just the tentacle things that sucked out Goku and Hakkai's souls grabbed Sanzo and held her in the air.
"San...!" Gojyo started.
"Why did you come here?" a voice suddenly asked. Gojyo turned. "Why, mister?"
"Kin..kaku?" breathed Gojyo.
"Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're a bad person too." said Kinkaku. Gojyo gritted his teeth.
"...You..."
"Dammit." Sanzo cursed as she struggled, but it was no use.
"You little piece of--" growled Gojyo. "What the hell are you trying to do?! Stop fooling around or you're gonna get hurt!"
"Stay back!" Kinkaku yelled. Suddenly one of the tentacles wrapped around Sanzo's neck and choked her.
"Sanzo!" yelled Gojyo worriedly.
"See?" the kid sneered. "The bad man is going to die." Gojyo gritted his teeth.
"I went easier on you earlier because you're a kid. Don't push your luck, pixie!" he said as he summoned his weapon. "You should know what I can do to you!" He tried to attack him, but the tentacles caught the blade.
"Wha?!" exclaimed both Sanzo and Gojyo.
"Don't bother." Kinkaku told them. "You can't beat me. Kami-sama gave me this." Gojyo stared at him like he was crazy.
"Y-You're outta your mind." he said. "You think that thing came from god? You're one sicko cult, kid!"
"That's not true! Kami-sama really is a god! He has to be! I just wanna help Ginkaku. I just wanna save my brother!" Kinkaku yelled. "If you die, Ginkaku will change back! Kami-sama told me so!"
"Snap out of whatever reverie you're in. Listen to me, snot nose." said Sanzo suddenly. "What do you really believe in? That guy you call god? I thought you believed in your bother and yourself. Tell me exactly when your brother... asked you to be a murder." Her eyes were so cold and piercing... they scared Kinkaku.
"Shut up!!" he yelled. Sanzo was about to slam into a tree, but Gojyo jumped in front of it, so instead she slammed into him.
"Gojyo!" yelled Sanzo. Gojyo coughed.
"H-hell. I'm not into guys on toppa me." he coughed.
'Although he feels kinda nice.' he silently added.
"Stow the wise cracks, jackass. Get my gun!" she yelled. Gojyo grabbed her gun and shot a few shots near the kid, making him drop the gourd.
"No!" he yelled.
"We have to get that gourd." Sanzo told Gojyo. "It might be what we need for Hakkai and Go--"
Just then Gojyo accidently shot the gourd and destroyed it. Gojyo sweat dropped as Sanzo's eyes shadowed.
"...Oops." blinked Gojyo.
"You shit for brains kappa!" yelled Sanzo angrily after the tentacles had released her. "What the hell do you think we came here for?!"
"Shut your damn hole! Maybe that just saved the others, huh?! Maybe I just kick ass! Think abot it!" yelled Gojyo.
"And give me my gun back." said Sanzo as she snatched her gun back. "I don't want your idiocy getting all over it."
"You're the one who asked me to take it!" Gojyo yelled back.
"...What'll I do?" Kinkaku suddenly said as he bent over the gourd. "It'd b-broken! Kami-sama gave that to me! What'll I... He's gonna get mad."
"Hey. Kid." Gojyo said as he walked over to him. "You look like you're gonna piss your pants. What're you so afraid of? That Kami-sama guy? Lemme guess– You don't wanna doubt him and get left behind." The kid stared up at him.
"N-no... You're wrong. You're wrong and Kami-sama's right. Kami-sama's right!" he yelled. Just then the monster appeared behind them. It punched the spot in between him and Sanzo.
"What the hell?!" yelled Sanzo.
"Ginkaku!" Kingaku yelled. The monster roared.
"Damn." cursed Sanzo.
"Well, shit." said Gojyo. "I forgot about that puppy." Suddenly the beast slammed him into the ground. "C-crud." he cursed.
"Hey! What's wrong with you, moron?" yelled Sanzo. She went to shoot the beast, but suddenly Kinkaku grabbed her arm. "What?! I'm not gonna say this more than once, kid. Move or get shot!" she growled.
"I won't let you hurt him!" Kinkaku yelled. Gojyo cursed to himself.
"G-Great. We can't kill this thing?" he growled. Then he slashed the beast's eyes so it would release him. "This pulling punches garbage is a pain in the ass!" The monster roared as it covered it's eyes.
"Ginkaku!" Kinkaku yelled he ran over to him. "Please, Mister! Don't kill Ginkaku! He's not bad. He's really not! I'll do anything! I don't care if you kill me! Just please, don't hurt him!" he begged. Gojyo stared at him then walked towards him and... ruffled his hair.
"You're such a little sap." he told him. "Nothing good will come of killing you." The boy stared up at Gojyo in shock.
"Mister...?" he breathed.
"You're just trying to save your little brother, right? We're kinda like that." Gojyo explained. "We just wanna get our friends back."
"Wait. But didn't you say earlier they're bad?" Kinkaku asked confused. Gojyo laughed.
"Oh. Heh, yeah. They suck pretty bad. If we're talking good and evil, they're defiantly closer to evil. And they're as annoying as hell– There's no denying that." he told him. "But y'know... That's not what it's about. You'll understand someday. You get me? And in the mean time don't throw your life away. That'd really be a nasty waste."
"Mister." said Kinkaku as he looked up at him. Behind him the monster growled. "Ginkaku?! It's okay, Ginkaku– You can stop now. These men aren't really--" Kinkaku started. Just then the beast swatted him away, hard.
"KINKAKU!" yelled Gojyo.
"Get away from him, Gojyo!" Sanzo yelled as she brought up her gun to shoot the beast as it went to attack him.
Just then Goku appeared and swatted him away with his Nyoi-bo.
"Heh, heh! Thanks for waitin' for me." he said as he landed.
"Goku!" yelled Gojyo.
"Are you two all right?" Hakkai asked as he drove up in Jeep.
"You took the words right outta my mouth!" yelled Gojyo. Hakkai laughed.
"Sorry we caused such a fuss."
"But I still need dinner! RRGH!" growled Goku.
"Y'see, Mr. Negative? All's well." said Gojyo as he turned to Sanzo with a thumbs up.
"Let's not get cocky." said Sanzo, although she was a little relieved to see the other two were alright. Hakkai turned to Kinkaku, serious.
"Listen, Kinkaku. I hate to be the one to tell you this... But that creature you're with is not your brother." he told him. "I'm guessing it was an illusion that convinced you Ginkaku transformed. That man you call Kami-sama was likely behind it."
"B-but why? Why would he... You're lying!" Kinkaku yelled, not wanting to believe it. Hakkai continued.
"Ginkaku's soul was sealed in another dimension. We saw him when it happened to us– and he asked us to save you."
"What? Then where's Ginkaku?" Kinkaku asked. Hakkai hesitated.
"...When the way back to earth appeared, all he said was this: 'I can't go. My physical body is already... Gone.'"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kinkaku cried as he covered his ears and tears poured down his face. Just then something blasted through his chest. He coughed up blood as he fell back, his eyes wide.
"Wh-what just..." Goku breathed, wide eyed. Then Sanzo noticed that the thing that had killed Kinkaku were some kind of beads.
"KINKAKU!" yelled Gojyo as he ran over to him.
"Wh...Wh-why?..." Kinkaku coughed.
"Don't try to talk, stupid!" Gojyo told him. "Damit, what just happened?!" Kinkaku ignore him as he seemed to reach for something.
"Why... Kami-sama?" he asked.
"'Why?'" as voice suddenly said. "Because I don't need you anymore." The Sanzo party turned and saw a man with yellow hair and blue eyes. He seemed to have a burn scar over his left eye and he was wearing Sanzo robes.
"Wha?" said Goku as they all stared.
"Th-those robes! But that couldn't mean..." gasped Hakkai.
'He's a Sanzo Priest?!'
The monk laughed as he walked towards Sanzo.
"Ha, ha! Yeah and no, yeah and no." he said as he appeared in front of Sanzo. He appeared to be floating. "And you're a Sanzo too, huh? Sorry! I don't wanna be compared to you. It's just that I'm waaaay stronger than you are. Although you are reeeeally pretty. Really, really pretty." Sanzo glared at him.
"...And your point is...?" she growled. She tried to shoot him, but he disappeared.
"I'm really, really sorry." he laughed as he appeared behind her. "Maybe nobody told you. You can't kill a god."
"Ya crazy weirdo!" yelled Goku. "What th' heck's wrong with you?!"
"...Move Goku." said Gojyo quietly.
"Gojyo! But that guy's--" he started. Then he saw Gojyo's face. Gojyo continued.
"I him to tell me what's so goddamn funny." he said, his voice growling. "What did you want the kids for? What would drive a sick son of a bitch like you... To pick up two naive boys and turn them into murderers?" Kami-sama smirked.
"It's a secret." he said. Gojyo's face was dark. Then he pulled out his weapon to attack Kami-sama, but just then Kami-sama turned into beads!
"Hey!" Goku yelled as he blocked his face.
"Is he setting an illusion?!" exclaimed Hakkai. Then they all heard laughing all around them. Then it vanished.
"Where'd he– RRGH!" growled Goku. "What th' heck's goin' on?!" Gojyo punched the ground. Hard.
"Gojyo..." said Hakkai sympathetically.
//The Next Day//
"Hey! Assface!" yelled Goku. "Th' piece with seafood's mine!"
"Can it and scram. You already inhaled all the pineapple." said Gojyo as he pushed Goku away from him with his foot. "And show some respect! I saved the world while you played nap time, punky!"
"But I'm so hungry, I have rigor mortis!" whined Goku.
"How the hell's that suppose to get you pizza?" yelled Goku. Then Sanzo hit them both with her fan.
"Just shut up and eat! Some of us want to sleep tonight!" she growled. Hakkai laughed, knowing she was cranky from her cramps.
"You're all so spunky today." he said. Then he stared sadly at Gojyo, who was acting completely normal after what had happened.
"Hey." Goku suddenly said as he ate his pizza. "Y'know that stupid crazy guy we met? Who do ya think he really is?"
"Hell if I know. We've no clue as to what he wants or whether or not he's really a Sanzo." replied Sanzo as she stubbed a cigarette. "There are definitely Sanzo Priests othere than me– I've never denied that. But whether he's the real thing or a cosplay nutcase... If he's not with Gyumaoh, he's not our problem."
"Wait a sec." said Goku as he stood. "We're just gonna forget him and keep goin'?"
"Of course we are." said Sanzo simply. "In case you didn't notice, we're fantastic at getting distracted."
"But that guy was--" Goku started.
"We are not defenders of Justice, Goku." she interrupted, a cloud of cigarette smoke around her. "If I say we go, we go." Goku stared at her, frowing.
"Fine." he said as he brushed the smoke away from his face. "Whatever ya say."
"Whoa. Me thinks the monkey's going through a rebellious phase." smirked Gojyo.
"Hm? Are you really one to talk, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked as he looked up at him. Gojyo was quiet then quietly said,
"Sorry." He walked away. "If we're done eating, let's land some sleep. Off your ass, Goku."
"But I don't wanna share a room with you!" whined Goku.
//The next Day//
Hakkai went to wake Goku and Gojyo while Sanzo was talking to Tsuki. Hakkai guessed they were just talking about girl stuff. He chuckled at the thought of Sanzo actually doing girl talk. He knocked on the door.
"Gojyo, Goku? It's almost time to go." he said as he entered. "Please wake up and– Gojyo?" When he entered the room all he saw was Goku, scrawled out on his bed, And Gojyo's bed was neat and tidy.
He was gone.
♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♀♂♀♂♀
GWNL: Okay, like I said before there won't be any romance until after the Kami-sama deal, however... The bachelor poles are now open baby! So it is now time to choose who you want Sanzo to end up with!
Bachelor 1: Goku
Bachelor 2: Hakkai
Bachelor 3: Gojyo
Bachelor 4: Kougaiji
Tsuki: Hey! How come I'm not a bachelor?
GWNL: Tsuki, Tsuki. How can I put this so I don't hurt your feelings...? You're a horrible, horrible, person and nobody likes you. Plus you're a girl half the time!
Tsuki: How mean! Some of the readers like me!
GWNL: Fine. If someone recommends you, then I'll put you on the list. Happy?
Tsuki: A little.