Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything?
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
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"Man... I think I'm gettin' hungry again." said Goku as they climbed Kami-sama's stairs.
"What kinda mileage are you running on? We ate right before we left." said Gojyo.
"I want Ramen! I haven had Ramen in forever." continued Goku as he lead.
"Ah, ha, ha. Then when we're finished here, let's treat ourselves." said Hakkai.
"Stop talking about food. You're making me hungry." said Sanzo. She was wearing her usual Sanzo robes now, it seemed Tsuki had another pair. Sanzo was really starting to wonder about him now.
"At your weight, Sanzo, a little nutrition would be well-placed." said Hakkai in his motherly tone. "Even women like you need to eat you know."
"I want chashao noodles an' miso corn broth!" said Goku.
"Nah– It's all about the pork ribs." said Gojyo.
"I've always liked a simple soy sauce on that. And you, Sanzo?" said Hakkai.
"...Salt." Sanzo replied shortly.
"Speaking of Ramen, I'm inclined to dissuade you from trying Gojyo's. It involves him combining everything semi-edible in the refrigerator." laughed Hakkai.
"Blech! Gojyo's so gross." said Goku.
"It's not gross if it tastes good, moron." scoffed Gojyo. "There's nothing wrong with a lot of ingredients."
"I like chashao an' kakuni an' ham an'--"
"That's all meat."
"Mayonnaise." said Sanzo suddenly. The others stared at her. "...That's usually in Ramen, isn't it?"
"Not usually." said Gojyo.
"An' Sanzo likes 'er Ramen stale, yeah?" asked Goku.
"As odd as that is." said Hakkai. "Although I suppose there are people in this world who like soggy cookies and flat soda."
"Like old farts." said Gojyo from behind Sanzo.
"Shut it." growled Sanzo. Just then Kami-sama appeared in front of them.
"...You all came back? You guys must be really curious!" he laughed. "But I thought you understood what I said. Maybe it was too hard. It doesn't matter how hard you try. You can't beat--" Sanzo suddenly shot him as she walked by him. "–Me." he finished as he vanished into beads.
"I thought I told you to shut up." Sanzo said as she continued to walk. Then she came to the doors of Kami-sama's Palace. "I'm taking what's mine."
Gojyo kicked open the doors. The place looked exactly like it did before when the were fighting, but there was no sign of Kami-sama.
"What, did he leave?" asked Goku.
"He's probably expecting us." said Sanzo. "Which would mean--"
"Welcome!" a voice suddenly said. "Beyond this point is a non-smoking area. Please refrain from cigarettes. Also... Those with firearms will not be admitted." The Sanzo party realized the voice was coming from behind a large door. They went to it, standing on each side.
"This must lead to the main building." said Hakkai who was next to Goku.
"Was that an invitation?" asked Gojyo who was next to Sanzo. "If cigarettes and guns are banned, Sanzo's out."
"As if I expected that. And look who's talking." said Sanzo as she opened the door. When she opened it she saw a two headed doll.
"Bienvenue! You've just entered Kami-sama's castle. You're our lucky tour group #48! There's no limit on the main attraction. However... Please keep in mind that once the ride starts, it can't be stopped."
"What's this thing?" asked Goku as he stared at it. "An' where's Kami-sama?"
"If this's an attraction, he's probably at the end." said Gojyo.
"Sir. Please refrain from smoking." said the toy.
"That again? Eat me." said Gojyo. The toy continued.
"You've been informed about the firearms... But pets and children are forbidden."
"That is a problem." said Hakkai as stroked Jeep.
"Wha? I'm no kid, ya stupid freaktoy!" yelled Goku as he grabbed the doll and shook it.
"P-please stop that. Sir! In the event that you cannot abide by the rules..." Suddenly large pillars appeared above them.
"Huh?"
"Beware of repercussions." the doll finished as Goku jumped out of the way of a giant spike coming down.
"HEY!" yelled Goku.
"What the hell was that?!" yelled Gojyo.
"Get up, Goku– The next one's coming!" Hakkai yelled as more pillars came shooting down.
"AAGH! Crappity, crappity, crap!" yelled Goku as he dodged them. "Sanzo! Gojyo! Get ridda th' gun an' th' smokes!"
"Like hell! Why should I have to listen to some– SHIT!" Gojyo yelled as he just barely dodged a pillar.
"Another warm welcome." said Hakkai sarcastically.
"Damn. That nutcase is playing with us." cursed Sanzo. Then she spotted some stairs. "Oi! We're going up!" she yelled as she dashed towards them.
"Hurry, Goku!" Hakkai yelled as he and Gojyo followed her.
"W-Wait up!" Goku yelled after them. "An' you can eat me!" he yelled as he killed a pillar then he followed his friends up the stairs.
"Do you think he's waiting on the highest floor?" asked Hakkai as they climbed the stairs.
"Hn. Smoke and morons rise to high places." Sanzo said.
"Damn. I'm not dropping my stick for that douchebag." cursed Gojyo. Hakkai then saw a sign that said they were only on the 2nd floor of 13.
//Meanwhile//
Tsuki stood outside Kami-sama's palace, staring up at it.
"Ah, man. I wish I could help. But I'm already breaking a lot of rules as it is." he said as he rubbed the back of his head. Just then his arm gave a painful twinge. He flinched as he clutched it. It was vanishing. "Damn! No... Not now. Not yet. I can't disappear, not yet!" he cried as he clutched it tightly. It slowly became solid again. He fell to his knees panting. "I won't be able to keep this form for very long, Sanzo." he began to shake violently. "I... I won't be able to be near you anymore... I won't be able to even see you. This... This is penance I know... But I at least want... I want to make sure you'll be all right after I'm gone." he said, almost crying. "Please... Father! Give me more time! Please! Just a little more time!"
//Back to Sanzo//
"Gra! That stupid trap on th' fifth floor scorched my cape!" Goku whined as he looked at his cape.
"Really? The maze on the 7th floor was my personal favorite." said Hakkai, almost wickedly.
"Nuh-uh. Defiantly the goddamn tiger on floor ten." groaned Gojyo. "Are we there yet? I wanna find the pisslick who designed this place."'
"You'll get your chance soon enough." Sanzo growled from ahead of them. Then they finally made it to the top.
"This is the top floor." she said as they came to another giant door.
"My. 'Kami-sama' did a pretty good job of breaking our pace, I'd say." said Hakkai drily.
"I think we're gonna need to start seeing other people." said Gojyo as they opened the door.
"Congratulations! You've reached the top floor in record time!" said the toy they had met downstairs.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" yelled Gojyo.
"I took the elevator." said the toy. "Oh. And here's a souvenir." he added as he handed Hakkai something.
"Ah. Thank you." said Hakkai as he took it.
"Hang on a sec! Where's th' ugly nutbar?" asked Goku as he and Gojyo looked around the room.
"I believe you're referring to my master. He's on the first floor." said the toy as the floor vanished underneath the Sanzo party.
"Huh?" they all said. Then they all began to scream as they started to fall.
"All right– Who was said he was on the top floor?!" Sanzo yelled as she fell.
"Let's just pray we don't land on spikes, Sanzo." said Hakkai as they fell.
"NYOI-BOU!" Goku yelled as he summoned his weapon. He extended it to the walls to try to slow the fall, but it just slid down. "...We're still falling!" he yelled stating the obvious. They all yelled at they grabbed his staff.
"The floor! We're going to crash!" yelled Hakkai. Then they all hit the ground, but it seemed a little cushioned. Sanzo opened her eye and saw they were surrounded by dolls!
"Is everyone alive?" asked Hakkai.
"My butt! Ow, wow, wow, wow!" moaned Goku.
"That son of a–... Huh?" Gojyo started. Then they realized they were on a bunch of toys. Then they heard Kami-sama's laugh. They all looked up and saw Kami-sama!
"Oh, wow– That was so cool! Nobody's ever made it up here so fast!" Kami-sama laughed. "In fact... You're the first guests to make it to my toy chest at all. The Sanzo party glared at him.
"We started to miss you 'Kami-sama.'" said Hakkai.
"Really? That's sweet." laughed Kami-sama.
"We came for some fun, big guy." said Gojyo. Then he kicked up some toys. "So let's get this party started!" Kami-sama just laughed as Sanzo brought up her gun and shot at him, but he vanished.
"Is that all you know how to do, pretty lady?" Kami-sama purred as he brushed his finger against Sanzo's bare shoulder. Just then Goku attacked between them, making Kami-sama jump back away from Sanzo. "Oh! I didn't see you there." Kami-sama said. Just then Gojyo appeared behind him and tried to kick him, but he dodged. "Hey! That's not--" he started. Just then Hakkai did a chi blast, which he used his arms to block."Hey! What's going on?!"
"You get close when you want to attack. When you get scared, you run away. When you get angry, you lash out. It's easy to predict the action of a child." said Hakkai."I have plenty of experience in Juvenile behavior." Kami-sama glared at him angrily.
"Nngh! Take this! I wish you'd just die!" Kami-sama yelled as his beads attacked Hakkai. They started to wrap around his neck, but Sanzo shot them, shattering them. Kami-sama then saw he was surrounded. The Sanzo party was glaring at him wickedly. "Don't you look at me like that. You're weak, do you hear me? WEAK!" Then he shot a few beads at Sanzo, hurting her a little. Then Goku attacked Kami-sama, who barely managed to dodge.
"Quit your whinin' asshole!" he growled. "We're not losin' this time. We're never gonna lose ta you again!" Then Goku slashed through his beads.
"What... NO!" Kami-sama yelled as he kicked Goku in the face. Then Hakkai and Gojyo charged towards him. Kami-sama looked really scared. "J-Just give up already!" Then he summoned his thingamabob(Again, if you've read the book, you know what it is.). Beads shot at the Sanzo party making them fall forward. Panting, Kami-sama yelled,
"I'm not having fun anymore! Why won't you just surrender?!"
"...You're still n-not getting it." said Sanzo as she pushed herself up. "Listen to me, you psychotic Shitmouth. Maybe you think this life and death stuff is all just a game. But I've got news for you... We're gambling here. And we're not doing it with our lives."
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Okay, I know this is short and my stories have been less than my best lately, but I've been sick, so I have an excuse! Plus I'm not a big fan of the fight with Kami-sama(Don't ask why.) I going to prewrite the next few chapters before I post them, so it may be a few weeks before I get the next chapter out. In the mean time, feel free to entertain yourself with my other stories.
Polls:
Goku-20
Hakkai-16
Gojyo- 18
Kougaiji-6
Tsuki- 8
The polls are still open, so keep voting!