Chapter 2 of Harry Potter and the Deadly Halitosis
Snape wiped his forehead and examined the bodies. Their skin had turned green and their dead eyes bulged in frozen terror. He helped himself to their wallets which were stuffed with cash. Next he transfigured the 2 bodies into Big Mac containers and tossed them into a trash can.
"I must learn her secrets" he said to himself as he found himself a nice room for the night. Poor Snape spent most of the night sitting on the nice toilet and holding a bucket to throw up in. He carefully took samples to examine when he felt better. At 2am he took a shower and crawled off to bed and dreamed of revenge. At 8am he got up, dressed in his frock coat and walked to Rabid's studio, glaring at the other freaks on the way.
His first job of the day was to cut up vegetables. They scoffed when he washed his hands. The Rabid brand knives were blunt and cheap and filthy. When no one was looking he got out a his big potions knife from his coat and precisely diced everything into quarter inch squares. He noticed a creepy man, known as Brokeback, staring at him so he glared back menacingly. The man blushed and smiled.
"Impertinence !"thought Snape as he continued dicing his way through a mound of vegetables, and wondering what evil concoction Rachael Rabid would prepare today.
An hour later Snape
went to the Men's Room and was blissfully taking a pee. The door
creaked open and Brokeback stood next to him. Close. Snape moved to
his right. So did the man...
"Careful Sir I might splash your
boots if you stand so close"
Brokeback replies "Oh but I
want you to, Stud !"
Snape lost his temper and screamed a tirade "Why you filthy, degenerate pond scum.!!!! How dare you address me, you lowlife.!!!" He rapidly fumbled doing up the 27 buttons on his fly while continuing his tirade.
Unfortunately as Snape got more and more agitated, spittle formed in his mouth, and flew everywhere, hitting Brokeback in the face. Brokeback , a spit-ho ,was in ecstasy and asked. "Sir, are you a Master"
"Of course I am a Master, you twit !!! A Potions Master ! "
Brokeback started peeling off his clothes "Whip me ! Beat me ! Call me Susan ! "
Snape got his wand out and yelled "Petrificus Totalis!" Brokeback froze and pitched forward, but Snape yanked him backwards as he finally realized that the idiot would actually have enjoyed falling into a Urinal. He stood over Brokeback and cast another spell. "You will remember nothing of this. You will get all your wife's secret parchments of her wicked recipes and give them to me!"
He walked towards the door and cast "Ennervate", leaving a bewildered and half naked Brokeback sitting in a daze. As this was his normal state, nobody noticed….