(Mary's POV)
The alarm buzzed steadily, but I silenced it with one good hit. I smiled to myself smugly, then slowly climbed out of bed. After walking wearily into the bathroom, I examined myself in the spotless mirror.
How can someone look so perfect just ten seconds after waking up?
The mystery of it all baffled me, but I shrugged it off and brushed my teeth. After finishing my morning routine, I went in the kitchen to get my oh-so important coffee.
As I poured myself a cup, the silence of the apartment started to get to me. As I sipped the hot beverage, I grabbed my remote control and switched on the television.
The news was on…Nothing interesting, but it was nice to have someone else's voice reverberate off of the walls besides my own. I sat on the couch and watched the all-too perky newswoman report on things that I couldn't be less interested in.
Suddenly, the camera focused on the anchorman. He clutched crisp papers in his hand and wore an obviously practiced expression of sincerity on his face.
As he spoke, I became more and more riveted by every word. A man named Max Payne…All the unspeakable acts he had committed. My heart was even aflutter before they showed his picture.
In a small square to the right of the anchorman's head held the picture of the legend known as Max Payne. I gasped aloud as my laid my eyes upon those dark eyes…that look of determination.
He was lovely…and knowing what he had done made him all the more lovely. It was as if I was looking into a gender confused mirror. Max Payne was my reflection bathed in unbridled spontaneity. This was a man that had no restraint when I was constantly tied down in restraint.
On the coffee table, my watch beeped.
"Pill Time"
I looked from the watch to the bottle of pills on the dining table. I looked from the pills to the smug expression on my soul mate's face. I had to meet this man. I had to see what it felt like to have no obligations towards self-control.
No…I already knew what that felt like…I already felt that…Before the damn pills, before the meetings with the shrink…
Before I hung up that beautiful dress…
I continued to stare at the beautiful man and my watch continued to beep, becoming the background noise of my fantasy.
Suddenly, the face of my beloved was ripped from me as the anchorman informed me he would be right back after this short commercial break.
I didn't want to see him after the commercial break!
I wanted to see him now, dammit!
The watch continued to beep and without the fantasy running through my mind, I realized how truly annoying the sound was.
"Shut the Hell up!" I screamed as I threw the watch against the wall.
It must have broken, for I couldn't hear the beeping anymore.
I looked over at the pills on the table.
Damn the pills.
Damn the shrink.
Damn these restraints that society had put on me.
I walked slowly to my closet and opened up the right side, where only one garment was special enough to occupy.
The rusty scent of blood greeted me, bringing a smile to my face. I didn't even take it off the hanger, I just let my fingers linger over the delicate lace. I closed my eyes and memories came flooding back to me.
I heard the news come back on in the living room, so I ran back to the television, hoping to catch another glimpse of Max Payne's face.
That's when I heard that he was dead…
That's when my heart sank lower than it ever had before…
Perhaps there was a reason I was on this medication. What if I ended up just like Max? Was it work being carefree? Was it worth paying the life I have now just to taste the life I used to?
I walked over to the table and opened the bottle of pills. I swallowed two of them with a mouthful of coffee. I sat on the couch and looked at the television, but the face of the lost haunted me.
I switched off the television and sat in silence.
Eventually, the blinding rage subsided and I went back to my room and closed that closet door with the garment that always seemed to beckon to me.
I lay back in bed…Maybe I could just stay here for a while.
Maybe there was a reason I was on this medication.
Maybe they weren't restraints, as I had thought them to be…
Maybe they were the only things keeping me alive…
Little blue life preservers…
I drifted off, almost happy for the first time about being on my medication.
As I slept, I dreamt of meeting Max Payne.