Chapter 5: The Black Parade

"When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band

He said, "Son, when you grow up

Would you be the savior of the broken,

The beaten, and the damned?"

He said, "Will you defeat them, your demons,

And all the nonbelievers,

The plans that they have made?"

My Chemical Romance, "Welcome to the Black Parade"

late afternoon

"Wow, Flash, don't you look happy today," Mary Jane nodded approvingly. The football star had been a bit depressed lately, but now he was all smiles as he trotted down the hall with girlfriend Elizabeth Allen.

"That's because I am happy, babe," Flash held up his copy of The Daily Bugle. "Spider-Woman is back and swinging—literally!"

Liz folded her arms across her chest, annoyed. "And just why do you have such a vested interest in her?"

He has a crush on Spider-Woman! Mary Jane suddenly realized. Good Lord forbid he finds out who she really is! She decided to use her great acting skills to play the devil's advocate.

"Yeah, Flash. Are you into bad girls?" she asked him. "The Bugle says she's a—" She read the editorial aloud. "'a sociopathic narcissist who seeks thrills and fame from a superhero-loving but gullible public, but unwilling to take responsibility for her actions.'"

"That's crap. Spidey's a hero and old man Jameson can't tell a real hero if she poked her head out from the grass and bit him in the ass. He's just talking smack about her to sell papers."

"Still," insisted Liz, "it says here that shortly before she disappeared, Spider-Woman totally trashed First Central Bank during a battle, and not only that—" Liz's voice dropped. "She's suspected of killing Peter Parker."

Flash snorted his derision. "Honestly, do you women believe everything the media spoon-feeds you? You might as well believe the Weekly World News and all their stories about alien abductions. Listen, Spider-Woman was at that bank because Doctor Octopus was robbing it. She was trying to stop him. Doc Ock took Puny Parker as a hostage and Spidey tried to save him. Why aren't they trying to find Octavius? Why aren't they offering a reward for his head? He's the one who really killed Parker!"

For a moment, Mary Jane forgot that Peter's spirit wasn't talking to her anymore; she'd half-expected him to contradict Flash's version of events. But still, he's taking her—my—side!

Flash continued to orate on his hero's virtues. "Spidey's every bit a superhero, even more than the Fantastic Four. She's not wearing a mask because she's a criminal, she's wearing a mask because she wants to help people anonymously. She doesn't want to get perks and fame for her superhero work."

"And the fact that she's hot has absolutely nothing to do with why you think she's so great," Liz sarcastically cut in.

"Of course not. I am going to found my own fan club, the Webheads, to get out the word that the Bugle won't. I'm going to tell everyone I can about why we should support Spider-Woman's efforts."

Liz rolled her eyes.

Seeing his girlfriend's disdain, Flash snapped, "You only wish you were as brave, beautiful, and buff as Spider-Woman!"

At this comment, Mary Jane's face was a human exclamation point. Liz Allen's face looked like someone highlighted it and selected bold print. She snatched the paper out of his hand. "You can leave me out of your freaky fantasies. I'm looking for news about what happened to Harry."

Mary Jane shrugged and opened her locker, retrieved her cell phone, checked her text messages. There was one.

I'm home MJ.

after school

"Missed the bus again," Mary Jane thought. She shrugged. Might as well take the web-line express.

Father's either at work or drinking. Mother's sleeping over at Aunt Anna's and drinking. No one will notice if I come home late because there was a mugging or something on the way.

She could just imagine Peter's voice chiding her for using her powers for something so mundane as after-school transportation. Of course, she could only imagine it now. Too bad; she was starting to miss his company.

She was also feeling up to fighting a supervillain again. Namely, the Green Goblin, the kidnapper and suspected murderer of her Harry.

Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it, she thought, because her spidey-sense was going off. The world around her slowed to a crawl, except her and the source of mortal danger, which was coming toward her at lightning speed, swerving to snap the web-line she'd been swinging on.

It was Mary Jane Watson whose heart leapt to her throat as she fell. But it was the Amazing Spider-Woman who fired off another web and frantically caught herself.

Her attacker swerved towards her in midair, cutting the second web-line. Spidey had to catch herself again. He was insanely cackling with delight at her predicament. The third time he cut her spider-web, she deftly landed on her feet on the rooftop.

"So, this is the 'amazing' Spider-Woman." Her assailant leered down at her from his perch on a crescent-shaped silver glider. He was dressed all in green armor, and the yellow-eyed mask clearly suggested why the Bugle had christened him "Green Goblin."

"I don't believe we've met, Green Goblin. Now that we've introduced ourselves, what next? Dinner and a movie?"

"You always have something smart-ass to say. Less talkie, more fightie." He leapt to her, threw the first punch.

Spidey had never been hit like that before in her life, and she was including all her father's drunken rages and both her battles with Doctor Octopus. She reeled back, stood up while Goblin wound up for his second punch. Now she knew what to expect. If Peter had ever taught her anything, and he had, he'd taught her the value of the power of surprise.

She caught his fist in her hand. "That's nice. Now let's try one of mine on for size." Her right hook sent Goblin spinning!

Like Spidey, he merely shook his head and got up for more. He received not only a right hook, but a kick in an intimate and private area. "Don't you know it's not nice to hit a girl?"

Goblin staggered up again, growling, "It's getting increasingly hard to tell. And the kick—that's a standard female tactic." Let's try a different approach.

"Proven effective."

"Nice outfit—low cleavage, bare midriff, only partial mask—"

Just as much as a perv as Octopus, she thought. "It usually takes a perp's eyes off my fists."

"—but honey, you've got to learn to accessorize!" Goblin, seemingly out of nowhere, pulled out four silver things that looked like boomerangs. Unlike regular boomerangs, these were razor sharp. She'd be cut to pieces if her spidey-sense hadn't slowed them down in her mind, showed her what to do.

Spidey ducked, swerved, then leapt, catapulted and spun over them, but gasped as one succeeded in slashing her right forearm. "Now let's turn to the judging table." The she stepped towards him, and aimed a powerful right jab to his throat. All this time with the Goblin, her spidey-sense was going back and forth, frequencies wavering, Be careful. It was never acting like this.

While she tried to figure this out, Goblin leapt to his feet, elbowed her in the stomach, pressed a button on his left forearm. Spidey felt herself getting oddly tired as a misty green gas enveloped her like a fleece security blanket.

"Sleep, little spider, sleep," she heard him crooning, and then she obliged.

night

She seemed taller, somehow, Goblin thought, looking down at her. She was all-powerful in that battle, everywhere at once. But here, lying limply at his side on a unsuspecting rooftop, she just looked—pathetic. A little girl. Strip off the suit, and the mighty Spider-Woman deflated from a hellacious virago into what she was underneath it—a little girl.

He worked a finger into her mask to see the little girl underneath, and thought better of it. His father had told him that the world was full of illusions—but he wanted to keep up this particular illusion for a while longer. His superhuman healing powers had restored him by now, but his groin still ached and her fists had felt like battering rams even through his armor.

Spidey sat up, shaking her head to clear the fog. But she somehow couldn't coordinate herself. Goblin knew why.

"I always wanted spend a romantic evening with my girlfriend under the stars," he said conversationally. "Don't worry about how you feel. My hallucinogen gas has only slowed your nervous system to a crawl. Just for a few minutes, while we have a little chat."

Spidey reflexively slapped her hand to her face, comforted that she still felt fabric underneath it.

"I didn't remove it, Spidey—can I call you Spidey?—because I respect your privacy. And I respect you."

"Who are you?" Gee, Mary Jane, you sound like you're talking with your mouth stuffed with cotton and shot up with Novocain at the dentist's office.

"A kindred spirit, Spidey. A fellow freak, if you will. I'd like to be your friend, and I'd like to be more than a friend."

Spidey tried to manage a single-finger salute, but only succeeded in curling a couple of fingers. She was one of those girls who look so cute when they're angry.

"I'm not like you. I'm not at all like you. You're a murderer, I know it."

"Let's switch gears, Spidey. We all choose our own path in life. You chose the path of a hero. People like heroes. But what people like more than seeing heroes…is seeing heroes fail at their task, die trying to succeed at it, or falling to the dark side on the way. Why do you think people love tragedies. Think about it. Four hundred years and plays like Hamlet and Macbeth still resonate."

Spidey—or more precisely, the young actress underneath her—could understand the point. Hamlet "died trying", and Macbeth "fell to the dark side."

"Face it! People have a love-hate relationship with heroes. On the one hand, they, well, they're heroes. On the other hand, they set an example that no mere mortal can follow. In spite of all you've done for them, they will turn on you. The pendulum is already swinging from love to hate. Look at the headlines!" Goblin dangled today's late edition Bugle in front of her. The headline stated: Spider-Woman: It's Time For a Bug-Free City.

"Why do you waste your power on these fools when you can use them for yourself, to get what you want out of life?"

Because I tried that, and it wasn't working out for me. "Because it's right."

"Like any average female, you go by your emotions, your empathy, rather than logic and reason. Think of it this way, and read Darwin's The Origin of Species. Life is a ruthless battle, the strong survive, the weak perish, and the species is improved. Are you going to claim your piece of the pie?"

She merely shook her head. Was it a rejection or just clearing the mental fog?

"Imagine what we could accomplish together, what we could create together. We would be as Zeus and Hera over this world of concrete, steel, and smog, if we only joined together."

She sighed. "You're not the first supervillain to make a move on me. If you like me that way, you'd better work it out with Doc Ock."

"Don't question our attraction, Spider-Woman. Just think about it, hero."

early morning

She unlocked the door to her house. Unoccupied as usual. Father's at work, Mother's sleeping over at Aunt Anna's.

Unoccupied until she walked into her room…and Harry Osborn, missing for three days and feared dead, stumbled toward her, bruised slightly and his clothes in shreds.

Why is my spidey-sense going off at my boyfriend?

"Hold me," he said. "I think he's coming to get me again."

Then he collapsed into her arms, nearly fainting. "You're stronger than I thought. Almost as strong as—" His tone was demanding now. "What's that cut from?"

"I tripped over a kitchen knife in Home Economics," she lied.

Harry started to look at her as if he'd never seen her before. Then he got up and left, shutting doors behind him.

Why the hell is my spidey-sense going off at my boyfriend?