Chapter Thirteen: All I Need

The tears are coming down
They're mixing with the rain
I know I love you, if that's all we can take
A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground
We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down
The TV's playing it all out of town
We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown

Mat Kearney

…

"Alex!" Izzie gasped, covering her mouth when she saw him standing there.

However, Alex couldn't even speak; he felt as though someone had just punched him in the stomach and had knocked all the air out of his lungs. Had he heard her right? Had Izzie really just said that the girls… weren't his? He always saw Izzie in them, of course, but there had to be something of himself in them too. Didn't there?

All he knew at that moment was that he had to get away. He needed a minute, and just then, he didn't want an answer. So, without a word, he walked out of the kitchen, past the living room, and out the front door.

Everyone else was still busy chattering away, laughing and carrying on as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Only Meredith, it seemed, took particular notice of the hurried way Alex left.

However, to her surprise, Lydia stood still for a moment and stared at the place where her father had walked moments before. The two-year-old then approached Meredith and looked up at her with frightened eyes as she asked, "Mommy and Daddy?" Her question, of course, caught her sister's attention, and almost instantaneously, Sophie was wearing the same questioning look.

"They'll be right back, okay?" she said, putting on her best smile. "I'll go get your mommy and daddy. It's okay."

But when she walked into the kitchen and saw Izzie in tears and George standing in silent comfort, she knew that everything wasn't okay. "What happened? Alex just left without saying anything and—"

"He heard something he wasn't supposed to hear," she replied but wouldn't say anything more.

"Okay, the ambiguity thing isn't gonna work. Seriously, what did he hear? What did you do, Iz?" she questioned in concern. Izzie just didn't get this way; she was the bright, cheerful, optimistic one. She wasn't the one to hold her emotions in, and she certainly wasn't the one to just let her husband walk away after a misunderstanding. "Well?"

Her tear-filled confession broke Meredith's heart. Izzie absolutely adored the twins, and she knew how difficult it must have been for her to go through life knowing that she had another daughter out there somewhere that she couldn't be with. And Meredith also knew from experience that keeping secrets—particularly of a magnitude such as this—wore down on a person over time.

"Izzie, you need to go talk to him," Meredith urged.

"What do I tell him?"

"Everything," she smiled and added, "Alex will understand, but only if you talk to him. You need to go clear this up. We'll… um, open presents or something to stall. Then, once you two have made up—which you will because you're Alex and Izzie—we'll sit down to Christmas dinner like one, big, happy family."

A hint of a smile crossed Izzie's face as she quipped, "Optimism so isn't your thing, Mer. But thanks all the same."

"Okay, change of plans," Meredith announced as she and George re-entered the living room while Izzie went outside to find her husband. "Looks like dinner isn't quite ready yet, so we're going to open presents instead," she said and, of course, all the children were more than eager to oblige. "Everyone gets to open two tonight."

"What's going on?" Cristina questioned, but Izzie and Alex's absences were obvious by then. "Oh."

Meanwhile, the children were busy ripping apart the wrapping paper, eager to discover what their newest gifts would be. Everyone except Elena, who also took notice that something was very wrong. After making sure that Lydia and Sophie were occupied with opening their gifts instead of their parents' absences, she walked over to Meredith and asked in a whisper, "What's wrong with them? Is everything okay?"

Before she could answer, Derek called out from across the room, "Hey, Elle, you haven't opened any presents yet, Princess. I bet there's some stuff you'll like."

"They'll be fine," Meredith assured her, and Elena smiled halfheartedly and went to pick out two gifts for herself.

She decided on the same ones that she did every year. The one from Bill—the man who had been Leni's biological father—was always a check for her college fund. And she knew that the one from Addison, Derek, and Meredith would be amazing; it was every year.

First, she opened the one from her parents and was delighted to find what was inside. "You got me painting stuff," she said with a huge grin as she delicately examined a paintbrush from the set. "Thank you for remembering."

"Can't wait to see what you'll come up with, Princess," Derek smiled. "Is that other box from Bill? It doesn't look like it usually does."

Elena realized that he was right. Usually, Bill sent the check in a small box, sometimes with a note or a card. However, this year, the gift was definitely larger and much heavier than it usually was. This, of course, piqued Elena's curiosity, and she eagerly tore open the paper.

Attached to the top of what seemed to be a scrapbook of some sort was a letter, which she read aloud. "'I came across this a few weeks ago when I was packing up some things, and I thought you might like it. Merry Christmas. Bill.'" Addison and Derek watched as their daughter's eyes grew wide upon opening the very first page. "It's… Leni," she whispered in mixed excitement and disbelief; she had only ever seen one photograph of her biological mother, but she would have recognized her anywhere. "Look!" she said, handing the album to her parents as she sat down between them on the couch.

Tears began to form in Addison's eyes as she saw the image on the very first page; there was a photograph of a three-year-old Leni, all smiles as she stood bundled up in a heavy winter jacket, surrounded by fresh white snow. Each page held a multitude of memories, some that Addison and Derek remembered themselves.

"Look, Mommy. There you are," Elena pointed out cheerfully. "Is this in a hospital?"

"That was during our residency at Manhattan General," Derek answered, smiling at the memory. "Leni was probably just about your age in this picture, Elle. Addie, wasn't this when we were monitoring her seizures?"

Addison nodded. Strangely, it was slightly painful to look at that photograph. She remembered the moment perfectly; she had just finished her shift, so she had gone up to Leni's room to read her a bedtime story. Derek had suddenly shown up and decided that it was a picture perfect moment, although to this day she still wasn't sure where he'd gotten a camera. They had been so happy then; it wasn't to say that they weren't happy now, but things were different. Then, of course, change is always inevitable anyway.

"Oh, my God, Addie! You're practically a preschooler in this picture!" Kathleen, another of Derek's sisters, gasped as she looked over Addison's shoulder at the album. "And little Leni… it's a shame that Bill refused to let you guys adopt her, but I guess in the end, she had the final say in the matter anyway," she continued, smiling as she affectionately touched Elena's cheek.

"It's Addie and Elle," Hayden remarked as he looked at the photograph, his brand new toys in tow.

Meredith smiled and corrected, "No, Sweetheart. That's Addie and Leni. She was Elle's other mommy."

He paused for a moment, contemplating what he'd just been told. Finally, he questioned, "Two mommies?" When Meredith nodded, he asked, "Where is Leni?"

As Elena traced the image of Leni's face with her finger, she smiled and replied, "She's in Heaven and in my heart."

…

It wasn't long before Izzie found Alex sitting outside on the hood of the car, just staring out into nothingness; she was relieved that he hadn't left before she go the chance to explain. "Alex…" she began but again found herself at a loss for words. So instead, she simply handed him his coat and took a seat beside him. "What are you thinking?"

"Before we say anything else, just answer one question for me. If the girls aren't mine, then whose are they?" he demanded, looking as though he was about to burst into tears at any moment.

The question brought Izzie an overwhelming sense of relief; he hadn't even heard her story yet, and his anger wasn't about the revelation of Hannah at all. "Oh, God. Is that what you've been thinking? Alex, Lydia and Sophie are definitely yours. I swear, when they're pouting or upset, they look exactly like you do right now. And they have your smile, too, not to mention a million other little things that remind me of you when I look at them. I've never cheated on you, Alex, and I never will because you're the only one I could ever want to be with."

For the first time in the past ten minutes, he was able to take a deep breath. His girls were still his girls; of course, he knew in his heart that biological relation or no, they would have been his daughters anyway. "Then what were you talking to George about?"

"Do you remember that phone call I got a few weeks ago from a young woman named Hannah Neilson?" she asked, and he nodded. She then took a deep breath and told him everything that she had been keeping inside for so long.

"You could've told me that, Izzie," he said when she had finished her story. "What made you feel like you couldn't tell me? I thought I was the kind of husband you could come to with your problems or worries or whatever. When did that change? Or have you never seen me that way at all?"

But she shook her head fervently and tightly wrapped her hand around his. "No, it's not that. I just… couldn't, okay? I didn't tell anyone about it until tonight."

"And still, you didn't tell me first."

"Alex, I—"

But he just stood up, letting go of her hand. "You know what? Just forget it for now. It's Christmas, and we've got two little girls in there who are probably wondering where the hell their parents are. So, let's just go back inside and we can deal with this later."

"You're still upset," she said as he started to walk back toward the house.

"What else am I supposed to be?"

…

When Alex and Izzie finally went back inside, everyone was already taking their seats at the dinner table. "Hey, you guys are just in time," Lexie smiled as she proceeded to chase after Molly's mischievous seven-year-old son, Mickey. "I'm not kidding, Michael Eric Thompson; I will sedate you if you don't get back here right now," she threatened, and even Izzie and Alex couldn't hold in their smiles.

In order to accommodate so many people, there was a sort of makeshift arrangement of tables and chairs everywhere. There was no particular order to things and, truth be told, it was a little bit chaotic. However, despite that fact, there was nothing more perfect than this kind of Christmas.

"Alex, Izzie! Come see what Bill sent me," Elena waved them over. "It's a photo album of Leni. There are pictures of my mom and dad, too. Oh, and I think this might be my biological father here in this picture; I look a little like him, don't you think? And Mommy said this is Grandma Elena. Wasn't she beautiful?"

"She was gorgeous, Elle," Izzie smiled, and Alex seconded.

Lydia and Sophie were happily poking a slice of turkey with their forks when they noticed their parents had returned.

"Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy," Sophie said with a cheerful smile.

Alex smiled as he knelt beside his daughters and gave them each a kiss on the top of their head. "I love you two so much," he whispered.

"Love you, too, Daddy!" they both said simultaneously, warming his heart.

"Hey, you guys. You better in here before the food's all gone," Meredith called from the kitchen as she handed a plate to Molly. "Is everything okay?" she whispered so that only Izzie could hear. "Did you two sort everything out?"

But Izzie's expression was answer enough.

…

"Lizzie and Kathleen, you guys should sit on the couch beside Nancy and Amy," Meredith instructed some time later as she attempted to arrange everyone for the traditional Christmas photograph. "Kaitlyn and Lainey, each take a step toward your dad. And Charlie, can you hold Caleb because I can't see him behind everyone else. Brenna, why don't you go sit by Grandma, okay? And Daddy, why don't you hold Mia and Mickey?" She sighed, hoping she had everything perfect… or as perfect as you could get with that many people in one picture.

She set the timer and hurried to her position beside her husband, taking Hayden onto her lap. And, as the camera light began to blink rapidly, indicating seconds before the picture was taken, they all put on their best Christmas smiles.

In years to come when they would look at that photograph, they would remember many things. But most of all, they would recall that it was the last Christmas before everything changed.