Chapter Eighteen: The City Lights


So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
Feeling so right and things will run
The fever is near
I wish you were here

Umbrellas

…

Elena looked around for a moment in confusion; she had never seen this place before. And although she was alone, she didn't feel afraid… only curious. Wherever she was, it was beautiful. She was in a garden, surrounded by flowers of every color she could have ever imagined and trees with leaves holding dewdrops that made them sparkle like a million tiny diamonds. She didn't know where she was, but she never wanted to leave.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

The little girl turned around and smiled when she found herself looking into Leni's face. In a way, it was like looking in to her own; they had the same dark curls, the same green eyes, and the same smile. Elena knew that Leni had always planned on giving her to Addison and Derek, but she often wished that she had at least gotten to know her. Of course, she understood why Leni had made the choice she had. "Leni," she whispered and ran to wrap her arms around her waist. However, she knew now that it was only a dream.

"We don't have much time, Elle, but there's something very important that I need to tell you," she whispered, and Elena was sure that she was practically glowing.

"Can't I stay here with you for a while, Leni? Please? Just for a little while," she pleaded. "Something isn't right at home, and I feel like I'm in the way." For the past week, she had felt like nothing but a burden; her mother was ill with the stomach flu, so she had been staying with Derek and Meredith. Normally, she wouldn't have given it a second thought. However, her father had been working late almost every night, and Elena could tell that something was on Meredith's mind, although her stepmother never mentioned anything to her.

But Leni just smiled reassuringly and put her hand to Elena's cheek. "They need you, Elle. They might be adults, but they need you there to take care of them. It's why I gave you to them, my love. I know that you don't understand why right now, but in time, you will."

"Can you just tell me now? What's going on?"

"Just remember that no matter what happens, there is a reason for everything, all right? Be strong for them and look after them," she whispered.

"But, Leni…" Elena started to say when everything started to shake and the garden and Leni faded away in a flash. Before she knew it, she was back in her classroom, with her teacher, Ms. Meyer, smiling gently back at her.

"Elle, you don't look like you feel very well. William, would you please walk with Elena to the Nurse's Office?" she requested, and both children nodded and walked out the room.

"Hey, Elle, you should ask if you can come over to my house tonight," William said as they walked along.

But she shook her head. "You know my mommy never lets me stay the night anywhere on a school night."

However, he reminded her, "But you're staying with your dad. I bet if you ask Meredith to ask him to let you come, he'll say yes."

"I'll ask about this weekend," she told him, and he smiled. The truth was that she would have loved to stay at her best friend's house; Aunt Miranda and Uncle Tucker, as she called them, always made her feel so at home. And she loved to listen to all the stories that Dr. Bailey would tell about the early days of everyone at Seattle Grace.

Elena smiled when the arrived at the Nurse's Office and saw that Nurse Olivia was working today. She was definitely the nicest, and Elena liked her the most because she knew her parents and always took special care of her.

"If it isn't my two little peas in a pod," Olivia smiled when she saw Elena and William; at school, the two were practically inseparable. "Elle, are you still feeling bad? Your mother and father and Meredith all called to tell me that you weren't feeling well but insisted on being back at school anyway." Immediately, she put a thermometer in Elena's mouth and shook her head when she read the temperature. "One hundred point four. Not too bad, but I still think you should go home and rest. Who should I call?"

"Izzie," the little girl answered. "Mommy is sick, and Daddy and Meredith are probably in surgery. They said to call Izzie if I wasn't feeling well."

"William, could you please go get Elle's things?" Olivia requested, and he nodded and did as he was asked.

However, as she was looking through Elena's file to find the number, George passed by and noticed his friends' daughter inside. "Is everything okay, Elle?"

"I just have a little fever and three very overprotective parents," she grinned.

"That's good. I hope you feel better soon," he smiled. "Olivia… hi."

"Hey, George," she said simply.

Elena, of course, took note of how painfully awkward the moment was. Fortunately, she was able to keep her giggles inside, but she wondered exactly why they looked at one another in such a strange way. She was sure that Alex would be her best bet at finding out; he loved to tell her embarrassing things about all the others.

"Seriously," she heard Olivia mumble under her breath as George walked away, but she knew better than to say anything.

…

Stage three cancer.

She had seen the test results; she knew that it wasn't just some cruel joke. And yet, it hadn't really begun to sink in yet. Even as the needle pierced her vein—that horrible little needle that delivered the necessary dose of chemotherapy with side effects possibly worse than the cancer itself—it still didn't feel real. Almost, but not quite.

Eventually, she would need surgery; she had decided on a mastectomy because she wanted to fight her cancer full-force. Chemo, to shrink the tumor; then surgery to remove it. After that, a combination of chemo and radiation. Then, they would wait. She knew the routine; yet somehow it still wasn't real. But with every passing moment and every passing thought, it became a little harder to breathe and a little more painful to think.

She hadn't even considered the possibility of never seeing her baby girl graduate from high school and college and medical school, should she grow up to follow in her parents' footsteps. Or to never see Elena all dressed in white with Derek walking her down the aisle on her wedding day. Never holding her newborn grandchild. She was supposed to be around for all those things. Slowly but surely, the true weight of the situation was creeping up on her.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek wondered.

And Addison smiled. Just like he had promised, he had been there for her through everything. She didn't know how he balanced looking after her and Elena and Meredith and their children. But nonetheless, she was more grateful than she could ever say. "I'm thinking about Elle. I miss her so much, but I don't want her to see me this way. I don't want her to be afraid."

He sighed. He didn't agree with keeping the cancer a secret from everyone, especially his daughter. But it wasn't his illness, and it wasn't his decision. "She's all right; we're taking good care of her, so don't worry."

A moment later, the treatment was done, and Derek helped Addison out the door and into an empty conference room. "We'll just sit in here for a minute until you feel all right, and then I'll call you a cab. Unless you'd rather I drove you home," he offered.

What Addison meant to reply was that she was fine, that she could look after herself. However, instead, the tears began to pour down her cheeks and she started to sob uncontrollably. At that moment, it hit her. "Promise me you'll take good care of her, Derek. Promise me that no matter what, you'll tuck her in every night and always tell her that no dream is too big to chase. And on her wedding day, I want you to tell her—" she started to ramble, almost incoherently between her tears, when Derek interrupted.

"Addison, stop talking like you're dying, okay? It's like you're giving up before you've even started fighting."

"Some people survive this, and some don't, Derek. I need to be sure that if I don't, Elena will still be able to keep all the things that I wanted to tell her along the way. If I'm not around for all those big moments in her life, I want her to know that I was thinking about them anyway," she whispered, sounding very much like a frightened child.

"You'll be here to tell her yourself, Addie. You're a fighter, and this is a fight that we'll win," he assured her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder, just as she had done before.

However, through the window, Alex watched the two of them in perplexity. He knew that they had a secret, and as Derek kissed Addison atop the head and smiled, he wondered just what that secret might be.

…

"Hey, Green Eyes," Alex smiled when he got home that evening and discovered Elena curled up on the sofa watching TV. "Anything good on?" he wondered as he took a seat beside her.

She shrugged. "Just a documentary on the lives of seahorses. It's okay." Then an impish grin overcame her face as she casually said, "Today Nurse Olivia was in charge of the Nurse's Office, and I got sent there 'cause I'm sick. Well, while I was there, George saw me and came to check on me. But when he saw Nurse Olivia, it got really weird and they both kind of… stared at one another like they didn't know what to say. Do you know why?"

Alex couldn't help but laugh. He hadn't known Leni for more than a few months, but he was almost positive that she was just like this as a young child. Elena was such an observant person, and with her observation came endless questions. However, Alex didn't mind answering them for her when no one else would. "Uh… It's probably because they used to date, back when we were interns. It ended weird, you know?"

"I think he still likes her," Elena replied. "He needs to ask her on a date or something. You should tell Izzie to tell him; he'll listen to her."

"I'll mention it," Alex answered laughingly.

"Hey, you're home," Izzie smiled and kissed her husband on the cheek. "Meredith has the girls, so either she'll come drop them off or you can bring Elle," she reported, placing her hand to the little girl's forehead once more. "I think your fever is gone now."

"It would be easier for me to bring Elle than to have Meredith haul four kids here," Alex reasoned as he helped Elena put on one shoe while she took care of the other. He then slung her backpack over his shoulder and took her by the hand. "Be back in a little while," he told Izzie as she walked them to the door.

"It was fun having you today, Elle," Izzie smiled as she buttoned up Elena's coat.

"'Bye, Izzie. Thanks for taking care of me," the little girl returned.

Right as they were walking out the door, Alex turned around as he remembered, "Iz, Elle wants you to tell George to ask Olivia out. Apparently, she saw sparks or something."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," he grinned as they headed for the car.

Ten minutes later, they arrived at Derek and Meredith's house, where Meredith met them at the door with a smile. "Hey, Sweetie, why don't you go inside and get warmed up, okay? Early to bed for you tonight; I'm determined to get you better," she told Elena, and the child nodded obediently. To Alex, she reported, "The girls fell asleep about half an hour ago, so I think they're pretty much out for the night. Oh, and they've had dinner."

"So, all's quiet on the Western Front, then?" he teased as he followed her upstairs to get Lydia and Sophie.

"Yeah… the kids are all asleep, and Derek is working late again tonight, so it's a quiet night," she nodded. "He's been working so much this week that I've hardly seen him… not even at the hospital, really."

Alex sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt one of his dearest friends, but he knew that if he didn't say anything, she would be hurting much worse when the truth came out. "Meredith, you and I are pretty good friends, right? I mean, we're basically family."

"Of course," she agreed, completely unaware just where he was going with this.

"So, we're supposed to tell one another things… even things that might be painful to hear but need to be said. Right?"

"Alex, tell me what's going on."

"I might be wrong about this, all right, but I think you should know," he answered and paused for a moment as she waited breathlessly for his words.