Chapter Twenty-Two: World on Fire

I watch the heavens, but I find no calling
Something I can do to change what's coming
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone
The world's on fire and it's more than I can handle
I'll tap into the water, try and bring my share
I try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table, bring what I am able

Sarah McLachlan

…

"Well, look who decided to crawl out from obscurity," Joe smiled as Meredith, Addison, Cristina, Izzie, and Miranda walked into his bar. "Just like the good ol' days before you all went and settled down. What's the occasion?"

"Just a girls' night out before Addison's big surgery," Meredith answered as they all took a seat.

"In that case, the first round's on me, then," he answered and poured them each their old "usual" from years ago. "You know, I never thought I'd live to see the day where the two of you would walk into here as friends and really mean it," he told Meredith and Addison, and they both smiled.

"Time has a funny way of changing people's minds," Addison replied.

"How're you feeling, Sweetie?" Joe wondered. The answer, however, was pretty obvious. The Addison he'd known all these years was the epitome of glamour and perfection. No matter what, she was always dressed to the nines, make-up flawless. But now, however, it was easy to see that her illness was taking its toll on her; she looked tired and worried, a far cry from the confident and certain person that she had been before.

"I feel like I have cancer," she sighed, and he knew that it was the only way to describe it.

"Now, come on," Miranda began, not missing a beat. "I don't wanna hear any more negativity out of your mouth for the rest of the night. 'Cause tonight, there is no cancer. There's only us and our alcohol. You got that?"

"Here's to the girls, then," Addison smiled, raising her glass as the others followed suit.

"So, where are the guys tonight?" Joe wondered, pouring both Meredith and Cristina another round. "If I know you five, they're at home with the kids. Am I right?"

"They're all at Meredith's house watching the game," Izzie said, then added coyly, "with the kids."

"Speaking of the kids, you already know that I'm gonna ask for pictures next, right?" he laughed, and they were all too eager to pull out the latest portraits of their children.

"I can't believe how fast they're growing up," he remarked, shaking his head as he looked at all the photographs. "Pretty soon, they'll be the regular crew in here like you guys used to be."

Izzie laughed, "Not too soon, I hope. But Sophie… well, I have a feeling that she's gonna take after her dad. I don't even want to imagine what we're gonna see with her. Lydia's more laid-back, though. She's the quiet one. Oh, and they're finally potty-trained. Seriously, I don't know what I would've done with three kids in diapers." After speaking the last sentence, she stopped abruptly; however, everyone else was already staring at her questioningly.

Cristina was the one who finally spoke up. "Um, Izzie? Did you say three kids? And you haven't touched your drink at all…You're pregnant, aren't you?"

When she nodded, the questions came flying from every direction. "I had a feeling that I was pregnant about a week ago… I took a test, and it came back positive. Well, after five positives, I'm convinced," she explained.

"Oh, my God! Iz, this is so great. I didn't even know you guys were trying," Meredith smiled. She knew how much Izzie wanted another baby—she had been talking about it since the twins were born.

"We weren't really, but we've always talked about having more kids, so it's just perfect."

"Alex doesn't know yet, does he?" Miranda remarked. She never would have pegged Alex Karev to be the daddy-type, but her opinion changed completely the day he found out that Izzie was expecting the twins. Within a few minutes, the entirety of Seattle Grace knew as well.

Izzie shook her head. "I've been trying to think of a good way to do it, but I don't know what to do."

"You should tell him that your stomach has been bothering you lately. Have him do an ultrasound," Addison offered, and Izzie's eyes lit up.

"Thanks, Addison. That's perfect!" she grinned, and the talk soon turned to all things baby.

"Have you thought about names yet?" Joe wondered, secretly amused at the conversation. He remembered the old days when the conversations about pregnancy were laced with panic instead of joy, when they talked about their idiotic boyfriends instead of their sweet, responsible—although sometimes slightly annoying—husbands. But despite all that, some things—like the bond they had all inevitably formed—remained the same.

"I don't know… I haven't thought about it much yet," she shrugged. "I guess we'll start picking out names when we find out if it's a boy or a girl." After a brief pause, she grinned and remarked, "Poor Alex if it's another girl. He'll be stuck in a house full of women."

Cristina leaned toward Izzie's stomach and whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear, "Be a girl."

…

The next day, Addison was officially admitted as a surgical patient to Seattle Grace Hospital. The entire time, Elena, who had flat-out refused to go to school that morning, was following her around like a shadow, subconsciously clinging to Addison's shirt sleeve or walking so closely by her that Elena bumped into her when she stopped without warning. In a way, she reminded Addison of a lost puppy, and it was hard to see her that way. After all, if she was like this now, what would she be like if… But she quickly pushed the thought from her mind. She was going to think positively, if not for herself, then for her little girl.

Finally, after filling out mounds of paperwork, Addison and Elena found a moment of refuge in her hospital room. "You're quiet," Addison commented. Elena had hardly spoken a word that day. "Are you all right? Do you want to talk about anything?"

"No, I'm fine," she answered distractedly. But they both knew that neither of them was fine. "Mommy, you and Daddy said it's okay for me to ask questions, right?"

"Of course, Sweetheart. Anything at all," Addison assured her with a gentle smile.

"Are you scared, Mommy?"

Addison wasn't quite sure how to answer that at first. She was terrified, but more so for her daughter than herself. "Yeah, I am a little bit," she admitted.

Elena nodded. "I am, a little bit, too."

"It'll be all right, Baby," Addison whispered, kneeling down so that she was eye-level with her little girl. "I'm sorry you've had to grow up so fast, Elle. I'm sorry you have to go through this so young. Or at all."

The little girl smiled and too her mother's face into her tiny hands. "Don't be sorry, Mommy; this isn't your fault. And I don't mind 'cause I would do anything for you. I love you, so don't be sorry."

"I love you, too, Elena Amélie," Addison smiled, hugging her daughter tightly.

Derek stood in the doorway for a minute, not wanting to cut short their moment. He wanted Elena to have every possible memory with her mother, just in case. It was something that no one wanted to think about or mention, but the truth of the matter is that losing Addison could easily be a reality. But for Elena's sake—and for his own—he hoped that things would turn out for the best.

"Hi, Daddy," Elena said, noticing him before he had to interrupt.

"Hey, Princess," Derek smiled. "I know you really don't feel like leaving Mommy right now, but a bunch of doctors are going to be here in a minute to speak with her, and I think it might worry you to hear all the things they're saying without having someone to explain," he told her softly, although he could see in her eyes that she would only regretfully agree.

"It'll only take a minute," Addison reassured her, and she nodded.

"Okay," she finally agreed, albeit hesitantly.

"Go and find Nurse Debbie. She'll look after you," Derek instructed.

And although Elena nodded, she had no intention of sitting at the Nurses' Station; if she couldn't be with her mother, then she just wanted to be alone. So instead, she wandered around the floor for a few minutes before finding herself in the surgical waiting room.

There were a few other people waiting, but it was alone enough for her. She hated the fact that at this very moment, a bunch of strangers were telling her mother about how they were going to cut parts of her off; even though her father hadn't said it, Elena knew that's what they were going to talk about. She had overheard her parents talking about it a few days earlier.

"Well, look who I've found." Suddenly stirred from her thought, Elena looked up, completely surprised to see Mark Sloan standing before her. "Remember me?"

She nodded and returned the smile.

"Would it be all right with you if I had a seat?"

"Okay." He seemed nice enough, and she really didn't mind his company. In a way, his cheshire cat grin was reassuring.

"So, what's on your mind, Peanut?" he wondered as he took a seat beside her. "You're worried about your mom, aren't you?"

"Yeah. A lot," she admitted, finding herself surprised at how easily she was able to confide in him. She hardly knew him, but something about him made her feel like he could understand. "What are you doing in Seattle?"

"I'm worried about your mom, too."

With a playful grin, Elena remarked, "She doesn't seem to like you very much. She told me that you were a ghost of the past."

"Ouch. Right to the point. You're definitely your mother's daughter," he laughed.

"I'm just saying, she's pretty stubborn, so it's gonna take a lot to get her to change her mind. Roses and candy and all that mushy romance movie stuff won't do it. You'll have to think of something really good."

By this time, of course, Elena had completely enraptured him. He couldn't quite figure it out, but there was something about her that captivated him. "You're helping me?"

"Did you mean what you said? About being in love with my mom, I mean?"

Nodding, he answered, "Yeah, I did."

"Then, yes, I'm helping you. I don't know what happened between you and my mommy, but I do know that she deserves to be loved. And not the friendship kind of love… but the in love kind. Even if it is complicated."

"Somebody was listening at the door," he remarked and had to hold in his laughter as her eyes grew wide with realization. "Don't worry; your secret is safe with me. Pals?" he suggested, offering his hand.

"Okay. Pals," she agreed happily, shaking on it.

At that particular moment, however, Derek walked into the waiting room. As soon as he realized just with whom his daughter was sitting, his blood began to boil. Without hesitation, he hurried in their direction. "Elle, I thought I asked you to wait with Nurse Debbie; it isn't safe for you to be wandering around all alone. And do you remember that talk we had about strangers? I want you to go to the Nurses' Station and wait for me there," her father said, surprisingly stern, as he approached them.

"I just needed some time to think and be by myself. And Daddy, this man isn't a stranger; I know him," she insisted. "His name is Mark. I sort of met him in New York when Mommy and I went back for that surgery with Dr. Milo. He came to see us for a little while."

For the first time in her life, she saw a new emotion overcome her father—anger. It wasn't directed at her, she knew, but rather for the man sitting beside her. She didn't understand why her father wouldn't like him; he seemed to be very nice. But she knew that if he didn't like this man—and her mother was also quite bothered by him—then she should leave. However, her curiosity got the best of her, so instead of going to the Nurses' Station like she'd been told, she remained hidden just in earshot of their conversation.

"Who the hell do you think you are talking to my kid?" Derek demanded angrily, although managing to keep his voice at an inconspicuous level.

"Calm down, man; I'm sorry. I didn't know it would upset you that much. I heard that Addie was sick, so I flew out here. And I just happened to see Elena, so I asked her what was going on," he explained. In all honestly, his intent hadn't been to anger his former friend; he was just worried about the woman who, even after all these years, still held his heart in a way that no one else had ever quite been able to do.

"Oh, don't even give me that," Derek fumed. "Just stay away from them. Go back to New York, Mark; we don't need you here."

"You know what, man? You just can't let her be happy, can you?" Mark scoffed, a tiny part of him anticipating a punch in the face. Again.

However, Derek only demanded, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"She's so worried about what you'll think that she doesn't even think about herself anymore. Even your six-year-old kid can see that Addison deserves to have a little bit of happiness—of love—in her life. Let it be about her for once, Derek," he replied point-blankly. Before turning to leave, he added, "I don't wanna make a scene in front of Elena, so I'll go. But I'm coming back tomorrow to see Addison, and if she asks me to leave, then I will. So if you have a problem with it, I suggest you find somewhere else to be."

"Daddy?" Elena questioned timidly as he walked up to her, still a little unnerved by what she had just seen. It wasn't like her father to get that way.

"I'm sorry, Princess. It's just… complicated," he whispered, cupping her cheek in his hand reassuringly.

Elena sighed. "It's always complicated."

…

Long after their conversation, Mark's words were still echoing through his mind. As much as he hated to admit it, his former best friend was right. It was painful to come to the realization, but sometimes the truth just plain hurt. So he had finally made the decision to put the past behind him and let it go. "Good. You're still awake," he said softly as he stood in the doorway of Addison's room.

"What are you still doing here? It's late; go home, workaholic," she laughed, although she was thankful for the company.

"Look who's talking," he laughed, acknowledging the patient's chart that she was looking over. "I will soon."

"Are you okay, Derek? You look like something's wrong."

"No, everything is all right," he answered, a bit too casually for it to be the truth.

"Is Elle okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine," he assured her. "She's staying at Bailey's tonight. She and William have their big project to work on."

"Okay, just tell me what's on your mind," Addison finally demanded in exasperation. "Because there's something bothering you, and if you didn't want to tell me about it, you wouldn't have come in here. So tell me."

Derek sighed as he sat down on the edge of her bed. "I've been really selfish."

Addison couldn't help but laugh; she wasn't quite sure how it was possible to understand him yet be completely bewildered by him at the same time. "Derek, you've been completely unselfish throughout this entire ordeal."

But Derek shook his head. "Not about this. Just… about things. I've been selfish because I've been putting my own happiness first for so long, and it isn't fair to you."

"Where is all this coming from?" she wondered, a little bit confused by his sudden apology.

"I… talked to Mark today."

"Mark as in Mark?" she questioned, and when Derek nodded, she wondered further, "God, what did he want?"

"He said that he heard you were sick."

Addison just shook her head and said jokingly, "I love your sister, Derek, but Nancy has got to learn to mind her own business."

But Derek was set in his seriousness. "I just want you to know that if you still love him—if you want to be with him—I'll do my best to forgive and forget. I won't hold a grudge or freak out that he's in Elle's life. You deserve to be happy and loved, and if it's Mark, then I'll just get over it." Pausing to draw in a sharp breath, he asked, "Do you love him?"

It was such a loaded question, and she didn't really have a direct answer. "It's been a long time. I thought I did once, but… I'm not really sure. But then again, there's not much that I'm sure about lately anyway."

"Maybe you should talk to him," he suggested with a smile.

"You think so? Seriously?" When he nodded in affirmation, she decided, "Okay, then maybe I will. I still can't believe that he called you, though."

"He didn't call."

"Then how did he…" she started to ask but stopped abruptly when she came to a realization. "Don't tell me he's in Seattle."

"He'll be back at the hospital tomorrow morning," Derek reported, and Addison covered her mouth in shock.

"Oh, my God," she managed to whisper.

"Yeah," he replied simply. Then and there, he came to the conclusion that nothing in any of their lives was ever going to be easy. But then again, that was part of the charm and the challenge.