About an hour later Chandler found himself pacing back and forth in Rachel's room. He didn't fail to notice the irony that the last room he would sleep in before getting married was the one he had spent so much time in as a bachelor. He glanced at his watch and sighed. There was no way he would be getting any sleep any time soon.

Joey was banging around in the room next to him, getting ready to head back out to the set of his new movie, and Chandler knew this was his only chance to slip out undetected. He stepped out into the living room and carefully made his way across the room to the front door, which he quietly closed behind him.

He hesitated at the stairs before making his way up instead of down. Stepping out onto the roof, Chandler breathed in a lungful of fresh air. He wandered over to the edge and glanced down at the city below him, envious of the multitude of normal people wandering along the street below him. At that moment he wished more than anything that he could be normal, that he could be what Monica deserved. He loved her more than anything and wished he could be approaching the following day with excitement and not fear.

Chandler spent the next hour up on the roof, leaning against the edge, trying to settle his thoughts. How could he have come so close to getting married without realizing they would be the Bings? He couldn't be the Bings, he couldn't do that to her, he loved her too much. As much as he wanted to freak out and take off, the small rational area of his brain that was still functioning told him he was going overboard. He needed to calm down to enable himself to think objectively. However, all the hours of therapy and learning to control his breathing and slow his heart rate failed to lower his anxiety to a stable level.

He finally came to the conclusion that there was only one thing that would calm him down. He just hoped she wouldn't be too mad at him; it was after midnight after all.

XXX

Although fast asleep, Monica was aware of noise and another presence in her room. She groggily blinked her eyes, trying to focus on the figure standing in the doorway. Expecting to see Rachel or Phoebe, she was surprised to see her soon-to-be husband's form standing in the doorway, a hand held over his eyes.

"Chandler?"

"Shh," he said quietly as he closed the door behind him, obviously fearful of being caught by Rachel and Phoebe.

"What's wrong with your eyes?"

"It's after midnight," Chandler stated.

Monica almost laughed, "so?"

"I'm not supposed to see you after midnight. So technically, this is okay." He hastily explained, more than a hint of uncertainty in his voice, as if afraid of her response.

This time Monica did laugh at his antics and got up to meet him. "What's going on, Chandler?"

"I, uh, I just needed to talk to you more a minute, I won't be long. I promise." His voice was strained, reminding her of his strange behavior earlier that evening.

She reached up and gently pulled his hand away from his eyes, which he continued to hold tightly shut. "Chandler, open your eyes," she demanded lightly.

He shook his head. "No, I'll ruin it. I can't. It'll give us bad luck. We don't need anymore bad luck."

Monica gently squeezed the hand she was still holding, reassuring him. "Chandler, I'm not going to talk to you with your eyes closed. It's absurd. It's just a silly tradition that Phoebe and Rachel are enacting, and I promise not to tell on you. Nothing bad will happen, I promise. Now please let me see your beautiful eyes."

Chandler sighed and slowly opened his eyes. Monica was taken aback by the sheer emotion behind them. She had never seen him look so lost before. "Chandler, what's going on?" She was now beginning to become concerned. Her heart beat a little faster.

Chandler hesitated before speaking softly. "I need you." He looked away from her eyes and closed his.

Monica's heart went out to him and she gently pulled him to sit next to her on their bed. "I'm right here." She whispered, placing a comforting hand on his back.

He took a deep, shuddery breath before continuing. "I can't be the Bings."

Monica was confused. "What?"

"The Bings," Chandler repeated. "I can't be the Bings. I won't be the Bings. I can't do that to you, to us."

Monica shook her head. "Chandler, sweetie, I don't understand what you're saying."

He looked her in the eye again. "I don't want to hurt you. I want you to be happy." He said, no hint of anything but honesty in voice or eyes.

"I am happy." Monica said. She still didn't know where he was coming from, but she knew him well enough to know he would eventually say enough for her to understand.

He shook his head again. "But you won't be. Not if we become the Bings."

Suddenly Monica was afraid. Her already heightened heart rate intensified and her throat went dry. "Do you not want to marry me?" She asked softly, afraid of his answer.

"No, that's not it. I love you Monica, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't want to be the Bings."

Although reassured by his answer, Monica was even more confused. "What does the last name have to do with it?" She asked as her heart began to settle again.

"Everything." His voice cracked a bit at his words and Monica wrapped her arms tightly around him, not knowing what else to do. She pulled him as close as she could, allowing a small smile as she felt him respond by pulling her in to him, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She felt just enough liquid against her skin to know he was crying. The realization sent tears to her eyes as well. She did her best to comfort him, knowing how hard it was on him just to show this kind of emotion in front of another person, even if that person wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

After a few minutes his breathing slowed somewhat and he pulled away, avoiding her eyes, obviously embarrassed. She was still close enough to feel his rapid heart beat and shuddery breathing. "I'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes.

"For what?"

"For ruining your night. Your wedding is tomorrow and here you are up late trying to reason with the idiot who can't keep himself under control."

Monica's heart went out to him. She hated it when he put himself down, but she understood why he did it. She was immensely grateful that he had the courage to come to her when he was feeling this way. The thought of him alone and afraid the night before their wedding brought tears to her eyes.

"Stop." She told him gently, forcing him to look at her. He seemed calm enough to explain. "No time spent with you is wasted time. And it's our wedding tomorrow, not just mine. And you're not an idiot." She added with a smile, wiping the remaining moisture off his face. "Please tell me what happened. You were doing so well yesterday afternoon. What changed?"

Chandler sighed, looking away again. "I heard the message, on the phone, and you said Mr. and Mrs. Bing."

Monica cringed as she realized what he was talking about. "Oh, Chandler, I'm sorry. I was excited the other day. I shouldn't have done it."

Chandler shook his head. "No, that's not the problem. I should have heard that message and been happy, been fine with it. Not freaked out and nearly had a panic attack. Every time someone said the word Bing this evening I started freaking out again. I kept picturing my parents, and my grandparents, and I can't stand the thought of us being like that. I love you so much, Mon, so much and just thinking about us being like that hurts. I don't ever want to hurt you…" He trailed off, as his eyes welled up with tears.

Monica closed her arms around him again and closed her eyes, actually feeling some of the pain he was going through. She had heard many of the stories from his childhood and could completely comprehend his fears and doubts. She rested her forehead against the side of his head that he had turned away from her and for a few moments as she struggled with what to tell him. She knew his fears about being the Bings were irrational, but she also knew that he probably knew that too. She finally decided just to be honest.

She pulled back a bit, keeping her hands on his shoulders, and gently coaxing his face back to her. She gazed into the bright blue eyes that conveyed just how confused and worried he was. She offered a small smile and squeezed his shoulders, pleasantly surprised when he lifted a hand to meet one of hers. He wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed back, his head tilting towards them.

"Chandler," Monica started, allowing him to gently lower their joined hands in-between them, but leaving her left hand up on his shoulder. "I know what happened to you growing up, I know about your parents, and even your grandparents." She gave him a moment and searched his eyes, making sure he knew she understood. "But, sweetie, you're not them. I know you're not."

"But what if I become them?" He whispered.

Monica shook her head. "You won't," she said forcefully. "Chandler I've know you since I was seventeen, and even though I wasn't exactly your biggest fan at first…" She trailed off as she heard him laugh slightly at the comment, a response she hoped to achieve. "Even if I haven't always loved you as much as I love you now, I always knew you were nothing like your parents. Chandler, you are so different from them. You care about others so much, and you always put other people first." Monica smiled and moved her left hand from his shoulder to cup his cheek. "You are such a good man, Chandler Bing, such a good man. And I love you so much."

Chandler turned his face away from her gaze, unable to accept the compliments. Monica slid her left hand back down to his shoulder and used her right to squeeze the hand that was still holding hers. She waited patiently and after a minute he turned his gaze back to her. His eyes were no longer showing high levels of panic, now they seemed if anything to be even deeper, allowing her to see layers upon layers of emotion. Her eyes welled for the umpteenth time that night at the realization that this was as vulnerable as he had ever let her see. He had dropped all the walls, inviting her in without any obstruction.

She now hesitated in her words, knowing it was up to her and her alone to help him. Drawing a deep breath, Monica decided to change her tactics.

"Chandler, it doesn't matter what everybody else calls us, it only matters who we are. And we're good, sweetie, we work together, we fit. And you know you know this." She smiled when he closed his eyes for a moment, taking in her words. He was staying calm, so she continued. "Marriage is a big step for most people, but not us. We know we're not making a leap. We've been together for three years, and they've been the happiest years of my life." She was tearing up again, but she continued. "Do you think adding the words Mr. and Mrs. Bing is really going to change that?" She paused, waiting to see if he would answer.

Chandler hesitated and tilted his head. "It might. It doesn't really have the greatest track record."

"And you're going to be the one to change that." Monica said confidently. "We're going to be the ones to change that."

Chandler shook his head. "How?"

"Just by being us. We're going to be okay. Remember, I'm Monica, I don't lose, and there is no way I'm ever going to lose you. Ever."

Chandler hesitated as if about to say something but remained silent.

"Hey," Monica said gently, prompting him.

Chandler looked down. "I don't even know how to be in a marriage. I don't know how to be a good husband."

"So, ask Ross, he's got a lot of experience," Monica said, trying to elicit a smile.

She was rewarded when the corners of his mouth twitched. "I said good husband." He said. "I already know to always say the right name and never tell you we're not married when we still are."

Monica laughed. "See, you already know more than Ross."

They were silent for a few moments, Chandler trying to amass his confidence and Monica trying to organize her thoughts.

"Chandler, I don't know how to be in a marriage either, or how to be a good wife. It's something that we have to learn together."

He shook his head. "No, you already know. You're a woman, and you're Monica, things like this just come natural for you."

Monica smiled. "Not always," she admitted. "When we first moved in together, I found it hard. Like I hated your chair, and some of your stuff drove me crazy, but now I can't imagine living any other way. It's not your life and my life anymore, it hasn't been for a long time. It's our life."

"But still…" Chandler trailed off.

Monica was struck by the realization of just what was worrying him. "How do you think things will differ when we come back home on sunday?"

Chandler shook his head. "I have no idea. And that's what scares me."

Monica smiled inwardly. "Well I know. We're going to come home with a piece of paper that says we're married and a whole truckload full of gifts. And that's it. We're going to be the Bings, but not in the way you're thinking. We're going to be happy and we're going to go on with our lives, not fight constantly."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Chandler do you realize we've been living together for two years?" He nodded. "We know we love living together and we already share everything and call when we're going to be late. All that the piece of paper and the titles of Mr. and Mrs. Bing do is confirm that we're going to keep doing this stuff for the rest of our lives."

"And nothing else is going to change?"

"Not right away. And not between us. We both want to move into a house some day, start a family." Monica said lightly, knowing she had to be honest with him, but hoping it would freak him out. To her happiness, her words didn't appear to phase him.

"As long as we don't change. I can just imagine myself in ten years looking back at this being the last day we were happy before I screwed everything up."

Monica offered him a smile. He was fast regaining control of his emotions and confidence. The walls were coming back up, but they were good walls, the type not designed to keep her out. "You're not going to screw this up, Chandler. You're going to screw up and make mistakes, but so am I. Neither one of us is perfect."

Chandler raised an eyebrow. "You're actually admitting to that?"

Monica laughed. "Just don't tell anyone." With that she moved away from him before pulling him down onto the bed beside him, leaving them both lying of their backs, fingers linked between them.

After a few minutes Chandler sighed. "I can't believe I did that," he stated. "I must drive you crazy."

Monica laughed. "You keep me on my toes, but that's part of the reason I love you."

"Really?"

Monica propped herself up on her elbow so she was facing him. "Really." She leaned in to kiss him before settling her head on his shoulder, her left hand drawing figures on his chest. He wrapped his left arm around her frame and caught her left hand with his right, securely linking their fingers together. They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Hey Chandler," Monica started. "Do you remember when we almost got married in Vegas?"

Chandler laughed at the memory. "Of course."

"And we didn't cause we didn't think we were ready? It's funny cause instead of getting married, we moved in together. And marriage did seem like a big step at that point, but it doesn't anymore, especially when we already live together."

Chandler nodded. "I think I know what you mean."

"Really?" She asked, propping her head up to look him in the eye.

He offered her a reassuring smile and nodded. "Really."

Monica felt a wave of emotion go through her. She could barely comprehend just how much she loved this man. "It's funny, cause when I was younger I couldn't wait to be married, but now, with you, I feel like we're already, I don't know, emotionally married."

"Me too," Chandler said truthfully, then to her unsure look. "It was more the functional aspects that scared me. If I knew what you told me tonight back in Vegas, I would have dragged you back into one of those wedding chapels."

Monica's heart swelled at his words and her eyes misted, at the same time laughing at his comment. And as she gazed into his honest eyes, she had never been more sure of any of her life decisions. She smiled and lay back, pulling him on top of her and guided his mouth to hers.

Chandler was very receptive to her movements, deepening the kiss almost immediately, playing at the hem of her nightshirt as he felt her hands slide under his. As she was pulling his shirt up his back, he pulled away, breathing hard.

She gave him a questioning gaze.

"You do realize that Rachel and Phoebe will kill me if they find out I'm in here, do this. We may have had an out if I was freaking out, but there's no way they're going to approve if they walk in and I'm on top of you."

At this Monica laughed fully, her laughter intensifying at Chandler's attempts to keep her quiet. And as he attempted to clamp a hand over her mouth, Chandler started to laugh as well.

Monica finally collected herself. "Don't worry about them, if they find out and have a problem, we'll kick them out," she joked. "We'll just have to be quiet." Then off of Chandler's look she rolled her eyes, "fine, I'll just have to be quiet. I just- I need this right now."

Chandler lowered himself onto her, his face right above hers, his lips only millimeters away. "Me too," he whispered before capturing her lips with his.

AN: So thats chapter 2, does anyone still read Mondler stuff, anyway? Hope its okay, chapter 3 on its way.