Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……

This Ain't the Golden Years

Chapter 6

October 7, 2058

Stupid Bruce. He sent me a box full of prune juice.

Being the curious person that I am, I secretly tried a sip. It was disgusting.

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October 8, 2058

Bruce has somehow blocked me from emailing Terry. That's okay, I have other ways to talk to him. I may be in my seventies, but I'm still the Fastest Man Alive.

By the way, some young punk called me an old geezer today. Stupid kid. I tied his shoes together when he wasn't looking.

That damn cat is staring at me again. Go! Shoo! Maybe I should send him to Bruce.

On second thought, maybe not. Linda would kill me.

By the way, Ollie called me today. He heard about what's been going on. (And he thinks that the whole duct taping incident was funny too. So I sent him some pictures. ) Anyway, he gave me some ideas for pranking Bruce. I'm still trying to decide if I'll use them or not. Bruce just might actually kill me if I do any of them.

Hmm, maybe I should include a little note saying that it was all Ollie's idea. He might be a little more forgiving…

Who am I kidding? Bruce is going to kill me anyway. I might as well go all out.

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Sent:October 9, 2058
To: Bruce Wayne
Contents:

25 pairs of women's bras
25 pairs of women's thongs
15 assorted pairs of women's lingerie
2 bottles of Viagra

Attached Note:

It was all Green Arrow's idea. He supplied half the money.

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Date: October 9, 2058
Excerpt from Bruce Wayne's Telephone Conversation with Oliver Queen

Bruce: Ollie…

Ollie: Yeessss?

Bruce: Do you have a death wish?

Ollie: I'm a bored old man Bruce, what am I supposed to do in my free time? Pick flowers?

Bruce: (incoherent muttering)

Ollie: What was that?

Bruce: Click.

Ollie: Bruce? Huh. He hung up on me. Can't imagine why.

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October 10, 2058

I haven't really gotten a response from Bruce yet on the women's underwear thing. That's bad. That means he's planning something. I did hear that he sent Ollie the same computer virus that he gave to me.

By the way, Terry called me today from Max's cell phone. I think Bruce forgot that he'll use his friends' cell phones if necessary. He's trying to think of a way to get back at Clark for putting him on probation. I told Terry to wait a few weeks first. That way he can do it when the boyscout least expects it.

And that way he'll have been off probation for a few weeks. See, I'm not totally irresponsible. I did raise two kids you know.

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October 11, 2058

Bruce sent his best assassin after me today. Dick Grayson AKA Nightwing AKA Man With a Death Wish pulled a sneak attack on me and ambushed me. He claimed that he was trying to collect a bounty from Bruce. Somehow I think that Bats blackmailed him into it.

I was walking out to our mailbox this afternoon, minding my own business, when Man With a Death Wish snuck up behind me and pegged me with two waterballoons. One was conveniently filled with some kind of rank perfume. I still can't get the smell off.

Anyway, as I was saying. Waterballoons? In OCTOBER? How juvenile can you get? I think maybe I'll go teepee his car later.

I ended up chasing him down the street after that. Linda pretended not to know us.

Stupid Grayson. He's supposed to be on my side.

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From: Bruce Wayne
Sent: Friday, October 11, 2058 9:57 PM
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: Wally's "Ambush"

You ambushed Wally? I didn't tell you to do that. Wally called me a few minutes ago. He thinks that it was all my idea. As if I'd do anything that crass.

The perfume was a nice touch though. Good thinking.

Bruce

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From: Dick Grayson
Sent: Saturday, October 12, 2058 7:43 AM
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: Wally's "Ambush"

Yeah, the perfume was a nice touch. He was mad though. He teepeed my car last night. Our neighbors (mine and Wally's) must think we're all crazy.

I know you didn't tell me to do that. I just did it because I thought it'd be funny.

Dick

You ambushed Wally? I didn't tell you to do that. Wally called me a few minutes ago. He thinks that it was all my idea. As if I'd do anything that crass.

The perfume was a nice touch though. Good thinking.

Bruce