Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……
Important Author's Note: I had some questions about the Johnny Cash thing. I wasn't trying to put down the Ultimate Man in Black, he happens to be one of my favorite singers. ("A Boy Named Sue" and the "Ballad of Ira Hayes" are two personal favorites.)
Please don't misinterpret the things I write. Just because I write that some of the Leaguers don't like Johnny Cash or if some of the League's Service Announcements have proto-Communist hints (as a joke), doesn't mean that I myself express these views. I am merely only trying to write how I think the characters would act/react. Clark would like Johnny Cash, Terry and Wally wouldn't.
So please remember above all else that this is a humor fic, so don't take things too seriously. I try to create humorous situations in how I think they might occur, even if they do get a little off the wall.
This Ain't the Golden Years
Chapter 13
The Green Arrow Society
Meeting Transcript
Date: November 12, 2058
High Chancellor Oliver Queen (our illustrious leader): I call this meeting to order. What's on the agenda for today?
High Secretary Kara Kent: We need to give a position to Roy.
Our Illustrious Leader: Oh yeah.
High Lieutenant Terrence McGinnis: Max wants to join.
Our Illustrious Leader: She can be a High Lieutenant too.
Undisclosed Leaguer #1: Roy can be your secret service.
Our Illustrious Leader: That works. Where's the Head of my Propaganda Department?
High Secretary Kara Kent: Virgil had to go save some people.
Undisclosed Leaguer #2: I make a motion that we discuss what to do about the Question. He's been snooping around our territory.
Our Illustrious Leader: Again? He shouldn't have to; I made his wife the Head of the Intelligence Network.
High Secretary Kara Kent: There's someone at the door.
Undisclosed Leaguer #3: I'll check who it….?
Undisclosed Leaguer #3: A girl scout?
Our Illustrious Leader: How'd she get up here?
High Lieutenant Terrence McGinnis: Who are you?
Unspecified Girl Scout: Will you buy some cookies from me?
A very confused Terry:…?
Our Illustrious Leader: Wait a minute, aren't you Vic and Helena's grandkid?
Unspecified Girl Scout: Yeah. Grandpa said you'd buy cookies from me.
Our Illustrious Leader: We've been infiltrated!
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Excerpt from Oliver Queen's Daily Log:
Date: November 12, 2058
Damn him to hell. The audacity of Question never ceases to amaze me. He sent his only granddaughter (in the guise of an innocent Girl Scout) to spy on our fully legitimate activities. Vic even hid a recorder in her hat so that he might discover our secret plans.
Okay, technically we don't really have any secret plans. Clark and Vic just think we do. Our only real mission is to piss off the Council, especially Clark. They just don't need to know that.
Anyway, as I was saying…The audacity, the inhumanity! To send a child into a field of war….
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November 13, 2058
Linda finally let me back on the computer today. She said that she hoped I "learned my lesson" or something like that. I wasn't really listening, I was too busy plotting against Bruce.
I know he's planning his revenge, I just know it.
Anyway, in an interesting new development, Question sent his granddaughter to infiltrate a GAS meeting. Vic's still one sneaky bastard. At least the kid managed to sell about forty boxes. I hear that the chocolate mints were very popular.
Come to think of it, why is she in the Girl Scouts? Question thinks that both the Boy and Girl Scouts are really corrupt government agencies bent on destroying and brainwashing the unsuspecting minds of our youth, or something like that. Either this is Helena's handiwork (which I doubt) or the kid had help from her other grandparents.
I'm still trying to figure out what That Unmentionable Thing is. It's driving me insane. I've managed to find out that it happened about 45 years ago. I'll keep digging.
Oh, and Dick and Roy are up to something, but they won't tell me what. I heard one of them whisper Kryptonian beer, but I have no idea what that means. Dick's called a meeting of the Team formerly known as the Teen Titans, now known unofficially as the Crotchety Old People's Group. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
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The Crotchety Old People's Group (also known as The Titans)
Meeting Transcript:
Date: November 14, 2058
Roy: How come we're the only ones here? Where is everyone?
Wally: How should I know?
Dick: We can't have a meeting of the Titans with only three Titans.
Roy: Let's go hunt down Cyborg. That might be fun.
Dick: Uh…I think he's in space right now.
Wally: That bastard.
Roy: Hey, what about Donna? (Formerly known as Wonder Girl) Did anyone call her?
Dick: How am I supposed to call someone who lives on an island of Amazonian women?
Wally: We can have my granddaughters deliver a message. I had them send a message to Diana for me.
Roy: Aren't you worried that the Amazons will corrupt them?
Wally: Naw, what's the worst they could do?
Roy and Dick: Uh…
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An unspecified time later:
Granddaughter #1: Grandpa, can I have a loincloth for Christmas?
Granddaughter #2: I want a spear!
Granddaughter #1: I want to be just like Wonder Woman when I grow up!
Wally: DIANA!
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An excerpt from Roy Harper's Telephone Conversation with Dick Grayson:
Date: November 14, 2058
Roy: Hey Dick, Donna gave me an idea.
Dick: What?
Roy: We don't need Kryptonian beer. The Amazons brew a very intoxicating brand of wine.
Dick: How intoxicating?
Roy: Enough to get Diana smashed.
Dick: Really? I'd pay to see that!
Roy: Donna assured me that she has it all on video tape.
Dick: We could do so much damage with that.
Roy: Are you kidding? Diana would kill us!
Dick: Hey, it would be Donna's fault for giving it to…yeah, you're right. She'd kill us anyway.
Roy: We could always give it to Wally, he'd be able to pull it off.
Dick: Wally just asked Diana to help him in his War Against Bruce. He's not going to turn around and play a prank on her after she helped him pull one over Bruce. That would be suicide.
Roy: Good point.
Dick: I just had a thought. I'll bet that the Atlanteans have a hard brand of liquor too.
Roy: Would Arthur give us any?
Dick: We could always bribe him.
Roy: BRIBE THE KING OF ATLANTIS? ARE YOU INSANE?
Dick: Er…let me rephrase bribe…
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Receipt from the Swinging Mermaid Tavern in Atlantis City
Date: November 15, 2058
2 Cases of Seaweed Rum: 4 gold pieces
1 Case of Golden Experience: 2 gold pieces
2 Bottles of Royal Sea Shell Original Brand Whiskey: 7 gold pieces
Items purchased from the treasury of His Eminence, the Royal King of Atlantis