Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……
This Ain't the Golden Years
Chapter 15
Location: Wally West's House
Date: November 22, 2058
Time: 13:30
Event: That Unmentionable Thing (as revealed by Donna Troy)
Wally: Do you have it?
Donna: It's right here.
Linda: Wally are you sure this is okay? You won't get into trouble for this, will you? (Glares.)
Donna: Actually, if anyone gets into trouble, it'll be me.
Roy: Not to mention the rest of us.
"The rest of us": Terry, Max, Kara, and Barbara
Barbara: Are we going to watch this or not?
Kara: Put it on!
Terry: (No comment yet.)
Max: (is absorbed in a bowl of popcorn)
Donna: Alright people, let's go!
Date of video: December 31, 2010
Place: Wayne Mansion, Gotham City
Donna (narrating on the video): This camcorder's awesome; it's got night vision and everything. I've decided to film my own reality show by secretly video taping people. Tonight I have snuck into Wayne Mansion on New Year's Eve to watch our heroic couple…well not really, Bruce is being a prick again and Diana's…er…Anyway…
To make sure that tonight's episode of Donna's Candid Camera is exciting, I have taken the liberty of…uh…ahem…Perhaps I'd better not say in case this footage is found and used against me in court. I'd hate for Bruce to sue me. Let's just say that tonight should be interesting.
Barbara: Where was I when this happened?
Dick: Same here.
Donna: Shhh…
Donna (continuing): Damn, it's been half an hour and still no action. She should have…uh oh…I hope Bruce doesn't drink any of the drinks I spiked. That could be bad…(suddenly gives a sigh of relief) whew…he just told Diana he didn't want to drink, but for her to go ahead and help herself. Hmm…Let's listen to them, shall we?
Diana: Bruce, where did you get this wine? It's slightly familiar.
Bruce: An associate of mine runs a vineyard.
Diana: It tastes a little like Amazonian wine.
Bruce: I've never tasted Amazonian wine, so I don't know. It shouldn't affect you very much since Amazons have a much higher tolerance for our alcohol.
Diana (smirking): How high of a tolerance do you have?
Bruce: You'd like to find out, wouldn't you?
Diana: (smirks seductively)
Bruce:…
Bruce: Nice try.
Diana (whispers to herself): Damn
Twenty minutes later:
Diana: Sho den my shisters and I…hic…we…
Bruce: Diana, you're drunk.
Diana: Hic..No I'm not! Anyway we..hic…what wash I talking about?
Bruce:…
Bruce: I thought Amazons were supposed to have a high tolerance.
Diana: Hic…
Bruce (now slightly amused): It's probably a good thing that I didn't drink that wine.
Bruce:…
Bruce: Diana, would you like another glass?
Diana: Hic..Yesh!
Thirty Minutes later:
Bruce: Uh…Diana?
Diana: (giggles hysterically)
Bruce:…
Diana: Ya know, Ah've always wanted to know…hic…if yours or Clark's wash bigger.
Bruce:…?
Bruce: (A lightbulb clicks.)
Bruce: Diana!
Diana: Hic..shlow who's..hic…is?
Bruce: I think you've had enough to drink.
Bruce: (Vainly attempts to take the wine away.)
Diana: NO!
Bruce: Diana, I think we should…
Diana: I SHAID NO!
Diana: Hic…
Thirty-five Minutes Later:
Bruce (getting a little worried): …Diana?
Diana: (giggles hysterically)
Bruce: Uh…not that I don't appreciate it, but why are you taking off your shirt?
Diana: Hic…caush it's hot in heer Shiwwy. (Translation: Because it's hot in here Silly.)
Bruce:…I'm putting the drinks away now, okay Diana?
Diana: NO!
Bruce:…I seriously hope you don't remember any of this in the morning.
Diana: (Giggles.) Hic…
Bruce (getting very worried): What the hell's in this wine?
Diana: Brushie, will you…hic…take a showwer wish me? (Translation: Brucie, will you take a shower with me?)
Bruce: WHAT?
Bruce's inner thought: I want to, but then I don't, I want to, but then I don't…Damn…I can't take advantage of a drunk woman.
Bruce: Damn guilty conscience.
Diana: Hic..wat wash dat Bruushie? (Translation: What was that Brucie?)
Bruce: Nothing, I…Diana! (Sputters incoherently.)
Bruce(A for once speechless Bruce.):…
Bruce:…
Bruce:…
Diana: Wheeee!
A dumbstruck Bruce:…
Donna: Wow, I didn't think Diana would strip naked.
Bruce:…
Bruce:…Wow…I mean…Diana!
Diana: (Laughs hysterically as she jumps on top of the table.)
Bruce: DIANA!
Donna: Wow, I didn't think Diana would table dance for Bruce.
Bruce: (speechless)
Diana: I'm..hic..Herwa, Queen o'da Amashons! (Translation: I'm Hera, Queen of the Amazons!)
Bruce's inner thought: Wow, I need to get her drunk more often.
Bruce: Diana, I think you need to go to bed.
Diana: Hic…wherez…hic..your..hic…bed?
Bruce:…It's up…no! Bad inner thoughts!
Donna: Wow, Bruce is losing his composure.
Bruce: I…DIANA!
Donna: Wow, Diana's lap dancing for Bruce. I think I'm going to be traumatized for life after seeing all of this.
CRASH!
Donna:…
Donna:…Diana just knocked over the table and is chasing Bruce.
Donna: Whoa…
Donna:…
Donna:…Should I be laughing or running away?
CRASH!
Donna:…
Sudden Silence.
Donna: It looks like Bruce managed to tranquilize Diana. I'd better get out of here before I'm caught.
End film.
Roy:…
Wally:…
Dick:…
Barbara:…
Terry: Whoa.
Linda…
Max…
Max's inner thought: You people are strange.
Donna: Well?
Dick: That was…
Barbara: Very disturbing…
Wally:…yet very funny.
Dick: Does Diana remember any of that?
Donna: Umm…most of it…
Terry: What did Bruce do with the left over wine?
Donna: I think he dumped it. Anyway, you can't tell anyone about this or Bruce and Diana will kill me.
Max: It's been almost fifty years.
Barbara: Diana has a long memory.
Terry: So does Bruce.
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Date: November 23, 2058
Thanksgiving Day. Nothing extraordinary happened.
Date: November 24, 2058
Something very bad happened.
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November 24, 2058
Uh oh, Diana found out. J'onn was conducting the League's new mandatory telepathic scan on Kara (despite the threat of Oreo extermination) when he came across a certain memory. Since J'onn had been ordered to report any and all unusual activities regarding yours truly, he told Clark.
Clark couldn't keep his mouth shut.
Hopefully Diana won't be too mad, right?
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WANTED
Dead or Alive
Donna Troy
Cash Reward: 50 Credits
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November 25, 2058
Roy: Did you see the Wanted poster that Diana put up?
Dick: Yeah, I'm trying to stay away from the Watchtower for the next few days.
Roy: Are we still going to do Operation Get Clark Drunk?
Dick: We have to, our honor is at stake. Besides, Lois already said she'd help.
Roy: So when are we…
Dick: In four days, hopefully. I have a plan.
………………………………………………………………………………………………
WANTED
Dead or Alive
Donna Troy
Cash Reward: 100 Credits
Five hours later:
WANTED
Dead or Alive
Donna Troy
Cash Reward: 125 Credits
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Date: November 26, 2058
Unspecified Leaguer: I found her!
Donna: I'm going to kill you!
Diana: DONNA!
Donna: AHHHHHHHH!
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Justice League Medical Lab
Patient: Troy, Donna
Date of Injury: November 26, 2058
Injuries: Broken bones, bruises, a black eye
Cause of Injury: Wonder Woman
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The Justice League Daily Service Announcement
Date: November 27, 2058
Fellow Leaguers:
Do to a certain disturbance in the seventh Hangar, that area will temporarily be off limits until it can be repaired.
Also, the current Oreo blockade will not be tolerated.
Have a nice day.
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