This Ain't the Golden Years
Chapter 16
Justice League Medical Lab
Patient: J'onzz, J'onn
Date of Injury: November 28, 2058
Injuries: Patient is dizzy and irritable.
Cause of Injury: Patient claims he is having oreo withdrawal.
Other Comment(s): They never taught us this in medical school.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
The Justice League Daily Service Announcement
Date: November 28, 2058
Fellow Leaguers:
You have two hours to end the oreo blockade. If you do not comply, there will be severe repercussions.
Have a nice day.
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Two hours later:
To: J'onn J'onnz, Administrator
From: The Green Arrow Society
Contents: One oreo cookie
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Four hours later:
Clark: We have a situation here.
J'onn: ...
Shayera: I don't want to be involved.
Clark: Look what they've done to J'onn!
J'onn: ...
John: Don't look at me, I'm not officially involved either. I'm just providing behind the scenes support to Bruce.
Clark: Where's Tornado?
John: He claimed he had the flu.
Clark: Is that possible?
John: (shrugs)
J'onn: ...
Clark: Okay, anyway, who do know that's on our side for sure?
J'onn:...oreos...
John: Bruce and...me (mostly).
Shayera: Uh...
Clark: Shayera!
Shayera: I already told you, I'm staying out of this!
John: Vic's basically on your side. He already tried to infiltrate a GAS meeting.
J'onn:...
Shayera: At least they were merciful enough to send J'onn one oreo.
J'onn:...
Clark: Anyway, we need to do something. This can't keep going on forever. It's getting out of control.
J'onn:...need...oreos...
Clark: Hang in there J'onn. We'll take care of things.
Shayera: I have a bad feeling about this.
………………………………………………………………………………………………
The Justice League Daily Service Announcement
Date: November 28, 2058
Fellow Comrades:
The end is near! The Imperial elitists are weakening! Hold fast and do not back down! The hour of their defeat is near!
Have a nice day.
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The Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement
Date: November 28, 2058
Fellow Leaguers:
You have one hour to desist in your revolutionary activities. If you do not, you will be kicked out of the League.
Have a nice day.
Ten minutes later:
An emergency meeting of the Green Arrow Society.
Kara: Are they serious?
Helena: Clark sounded pretty pissed, so I'd say yeah.
Ollie: It's a trick! It's gotta be a trick!
Wally: Uh...most of us are already retired.
Silence.
Ollie: Oh yeah.
Kara: I'm not.
Terry: Same here.
Unspecified Leaguer: I don't want to get kicked out.
Ollie: We can't stop now! We almost have them!
Dick: Uh...Roy and I are almost ready for our...er...contribution. Maybe you guys want to calm down for a day or two before we strike.
Barbara: Isn't there a glitch in your plans?
Dick: Like what?
Barbara: We have no idea what kind of damage Clark will do once he's drunk.
Dick:...
Helena: Lay off Gordon, the Boyscout needs to get drunk.
Terry: I hear that Lois is helping them.
Barbara: Is that true?
Dick: Er...
Ollie: That woman is evil.
Wally: So what are we going to do?
Kara: I didn't know that Martians could get that addicted to oreo cookies. J'onn's practically a drug addict.
Wally: I have an idea!
Barbara: Uh oh...
Helena: Do I dare ask?
Wally: Drug addicts have to go through rehabilitation, right?
Everyone:...
Barbara: Hasn't J'onn suffered enough?
Terry: Rehabilitation's supposed to help people. We'd be doing him a civil service.
Ollie: I like the way you think Kid. You want to work for me instead of Bruce?
Terry: It's tempting, but no.
Ollie: Oh well.
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From: Clark Kent
To: Bruce Wayne
Date: November 28, 2058
Subject: I finally won a battle!
I finally beat them! They ended the oreo blockade!
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From: Bruce Wayne
To: Clark Kent
Date: November 28, 2058
Subject: No you didn't.
You didn't win Kent. Your threat merely forced them to back off for the time being. They'll be back in full force.
By they way, perhaps J'onn needs some sort of rehabilitation. His oreo dependence disturbs me.
Bruce
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Date: November 30, 2058
Place: Smallville, Kansas; the Kent farm
Clark: What's this?
Clark:...?
Lois: It's a gift from some members of the GAS. They wouldn't name themselves out of fear of retribution from their "comrades". They said it's their way of showing that they're sorry for how they've been acting.
Clark's thought: And Bruce said I didn't win.
Clark: That's thoughtful. You want any of it?
Lois: Uh...no thanks. I'm not thirsty.
Clark: This is pretty good. You sure you don't want any?
Lois: No, I'm sure. I have to go inside and finish the laundry.
Clark: (Takes another long sip)
Clark: What is this stuff?
To be continued: (Cue dramatic music.)