This Ain't the Golden Years

Chapter 17

The Smallville Police Department
November 30, 2058
09:23
Police Dispatch

We have spotted an unusual figure flying around the town. We have been unable to confirm an identity as he is apparently garbed only in red boxer shorts and what appears to be a white bed sheet tied around his neck as a cape. Said figure is wearing a fake Zorro mask.

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The 256th National Guard Unit; Lawrence, KS
November 30, 2058
10:00
Email to all National Guard members

The Governor of Kansas has declared a state of emergency. A mysterious figure has been plaguing various towns and cities across the state. You have been activated for temporary duty. Please report to your unit by 11:15 this morning.

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The Metropolitan Daily Planet
November 30, 2058

12:43

The Kansas National Guard has been engaged with a crazed metahuman dressed only in boxer shorts, a homemade cape, and a Zorro mask. He has been seen all over the state as well as sections of Colorado, Missouri, and Nebraska. This menace has not apparently wounded anyone except for several bystanders. He is guilty of having destroyed public property, including the Kansas State University football stadium.

We have as of yet had no comment from the Justice League about this strange occurrence. There have, however, been sightings of several League members in pursuit of this strange man, including War Hawk, Static Shock, and Superwoman.

According to some new information that we have just received, this man has now been sighted in Paris and Munich, as well as some small towns in eastern Ukraine. We will update you when new information has been received.

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Emergency Meeting of the Justice League
November 30, 2058
13:12

Bruce: YOU DID WHAT?

Dick: Uh...

Roy: Um...

Bruce: Of all the stupid, foolish...

Diana: This is a disaster!

Shayera: Let's hope he doesn't strip naked.

John: I think he already did that in Greece.

Diana: Hera.

Wally: Just for the record, I had nothing to do with this.

Oliver: I'm with Wally.

Roy: Traitors

J'onn: They were involved?

Wally: Of course not! Would I do such a thing?

Everyone:...Yes.

Dick: They knew about it, but didn't help.

Roy: Yeah, most of the GAS knew.

Bruce: Terry...

Terry: Uh oh.

Bruce: (Glares.)

Bruce: I'm docking your pay McGinnis.

Terry: Damn.

J'onn: We need to stop him.

Bruce: I have a piece of Kryptonite we can use.

John: I have a feeling we'll need it.

Shayera: You two are going to help.

Dick: Who? Us?

Diana: You two started this mess. You're going to clean it up.

Roy: What the hell do you want us to do, fire sling shots at him?

J'onn: If that's what it takes.

Roy: This is your fault Grayson.

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The Justice League Emergency Com
November 30, 2058
14:02

War Hawk: We need back up!

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The Gotham City Police Office
November 30, 2058
14:32

Police Commissioner Barbara Gordon: The strange figure has been sighted by the downtown area. All units please respond.

Barbara's inner thought: This is the last time that I listen to those idiots.

Unspecified Police Officer: Ma'am, the suspect has taken off his mask. It's Superman.

Barbara:...

Barbara: I'm going to kill them.

Unspecified Police Officer: Ma'am?

Barbara: Uh...contact the Justice League. It could be a clone.

Barbara's inner thought: That's lame. Who's going to buy that?

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The San Francisco branch of the Daily Planet
November 30, 2058
15:12

Reporter: Is it true that this maniac is in fact your cousin?

Superwoman: Uh...

Reporter: Do you yet know the reason for his mental breakdown?

Superwoman: Now hold on! He's not...

Reporter: Is he drunk?

Superwoman:...no...

Reporter:...I see, well then...

Superman (J'onn in disguise): I'm right here. It's an imposter that looks like me.

Reporter: An imposter?

Superwoman:...Uh...Yeah! He's a clone!

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The Justice League Emergency Com
November 30, 2058
16:56

Dick: We have managed to stop Superman.

Batman: Yeah, the Kryptonite came in handy.

Cyborg: He was dancing at a nudist colony.

Roy: That was disturbing.

Aqua Girl: I think we need a raise.

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The Justice League Watchtower
December 1, 2058

Terry: Would you like to donate to a worthwhile charity?

Kara: Is it the Get a Psychiatrist for Question fund?

Terry: No, you have your choice between the Rehab for J'onn fund or the Get a Therapist for the Council fund.

Kara: After what they went through, it's the least we can do. Here's ten credits for J'onn and thirty credits for the League.