This Ain't the Golden Years
Chapter 24
December 15, 2058
Today was pretty boring. I called Ollie and we're going to go Christmas shopping together tomorrow. We're going to use this as an opportunity to plot our New Year's Eve prank.
I don't know what to get Linda. I always ask her to make a wish list for me and she always tells me that she wants to be surprised.
We've been doing this for almost fifty years and I still don't understand it.
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The Great Shopping Adventure
Location: Gotham City
Date: December 16, 2058
Ollie: So why are we shopping in Gotham again? Why didn't we just go to Keystone?
Wally: Because the Starbucks in Gotham taste better than the ones in Keystone.
Ollie: No they don't. They taste the same.
Wally: They do too!
Ollie: Do not.
Wally: Do…
Ollie: Not. Do!
Wally: Do not!
Wally: What the…hey! You bastard!
Ollie: You're too easy Wally.
Wally: (grumbles)
Ollie: So what're you getting Linda?
Wally: What're you getting Dinah?
Ollie:…
Wally: Hah!
Ollie: (sighs) Women are too complicated.
Unspecified Joker: (Points a gun): Hand over your credits old geezers.
Wally: Is he talking to us?
Jokerz Leader: I said hand them over!
Ollie: No really, are you talking to us?
Joker#2: You crazy old man! (Holds out a knife) Who the hell does it look like we're talking to?
Wally: You're actually trying to rob us?
Joker #3: Shut up Old Coot!
Wally: Hey, I'm an Old Coot now.
Ollie: I'm a crazy old man.
Joker#2r: Give us your money!
Wally and Ollie: (Start laughing)
Jokerz Leader: Get them!
A second later:
Jokerz Gang: #&$?
Ollie: Nice touch, tying their shoelaces together.
Wally: That's what they get for not wearing laceless boots.
Ollie: You're not wearing laceless boots.
Wally: Geez, do you have to be so technical?
Ollie: Hey, let's take their money and give it to some charity. It is the Christmas season after all. It's our civic duty to be giving.
Jokerz Leader: You can't!
Ollie: Oops! What do you know…I just did!
Joker#3: You're dead Old Man!
Ollie: Give me a few more years son, hopefully another decade or two.
Wally: I've got an idea! Let's strip their clothes and tie them to that lamppost with them!
Ollie: That's great!
Jokerz Gang: NOO!
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Location: Gotham City Police Station
Date: December 16, 2058
Specific Location: Commissioner Barbara Gordon's Office
Unidentified police officer: Er…Ma'am?
Commissioner Gordon: What?
Unidentified police officer: Uh…I have an interesting report for you concerning a group of Jokerz.
Commissioner Gordon: Interesting? That pathetic gang of wannabe crooks?
Unidentified police officer (smirks): Here.
Commissioner Gordon:…
Commissioner Gordon: What the…?
Unidentified police officer: The two old men apparently told the Jokerz that they belonged to some secret left-wing organization called the GAS. Perhaps we should check into…
Commissioner Gordon: (Starts laughing)
Unidentified police officer: Ma'am?
Commissioner Gordon: Er…nothing. Investigate further.
Unidentified police officer leaves:
Commissioner Gordon: (Hits a speed dial on her cell phone.)
Commissioner Gordon: Hello Bruce…
………………………………………………………………………………………..
Location: Gotham City, still
Date: December 16, 2058
Wally: This sucks.
Ollie: You want to try that perfume store?
Enter perfume store:
Ollie: Gah, this is an estrogen nightmare.
Wally: (Sniffs a random perfume sample)
Wally: (Sneezes)
Ollie: Hey look. It's Terry!
Wally: Huh? Terry!
Terry: What're you two doing here?
Ollie: Probably the same as you. We're shopping for our women.
Wally: Unless Bruce has started to wear perfume.
Ollie: Oh good Lord.
Terry (dryly): Yeah, I'll buy him some thongs while I'm at it.
Wally: Bad mental image.
Ollie: Don't you have classes?
Terry: I'm off for winter break until second semester starts in January.
Wally: Any luck shopping for Dana?
Terry: ….
Ollie: I guess not.
Wally: (Starts laughing)
Ollie: Now what?
Terry: What twisted idea have you thought up now?
Wally: Let's go find a Starbucks and I'll tell you.
To be continued: